[ramonajones]

I'm having a brutal day depression wise. I'm not in danger of trying to kill myself but I sure do wish that I was dead. I can't leave my husband and son behind intentionally but I truly wish that my life would just end. Things seems so hopeless. I have been depressed for three and a half years and tried everything I can think of to get better, and I'm still here in the hole. I'm really losing hope. What do you guys do on days like this to hang on? My husband and son need me and I have to find a way to keep going.

[PurplePanda999]

The only thing that gets me through the really tough times us knowing that everything is temporary. How I feel, the circumstances that are weighing on me, etc. are not forever. They will change and get better. I also have an active fantasy life. 😉

I pretend.

[ramonajones]

Originally Posted by PurplePanda999

The only thing that gets me through the really tough times us knowing that everything is temporary. How I feel, the circumstances that are weighing on me, etc. are not forever. They will change and get better. I also have an active fantasy life. 😉

I've been in this place for years and they haven't gotten better. It's entirely possible that they never will get better. They could even get worse. The only "temporary-ness" I can really believe in is that eventually I will die and this pain will be over then--and that is what I look forward to.

[ramonajones]

Originally Posted by Little Cat

I pretend.

What do you mean?

[PurplePanda999]

Originally Posted by ramonajones

I've been in this place for years and they haven't gotten better. It's entirely possible that they never will get better. They could even get worse. The only "temporary-ness" I can really believe in is that eventually I will die and this pain will be over then--and that is what I look forward to.

Are you on any meds? If they are not working, maybe you need to talk to your Dr. I'm so sorry for your troubles and that I have no advice for you. I hope you find your way. :sad hug:

[Yours_Truly]

Sending you hugs...

By pretending, I mean I actively accept I'm depressed and can't fix it but my family need me to function, so I act like I'm OK when I can with them, but seek alone/ me time when it becomes too draining. I realise this isn't a healthy response but. Don't want to drag them down with me. It's the best compromise I've found for my life.

[ramonajones]

Originally Posted by Little Cat

I pretend.

Originally Posted by PurplePanda999

Are you on any meds? If they are not working, maybe you need to talk to your Dr. I'm so sorry for your troubles and that I have no advice for you. I hope you find your way. :sad hug:

I have tried five different meds. Nothing works.

[Humpty Dumpty]

Originally Posted by ramonajones

I'm having a brutal day depression wise. I'm not in danger of trying to kill myself but I sure do wish that I was dead. I can't leave my husband and son behind intentionally but I truly wish that my life would just end. Things seems so hopeless. I have been depressed for three and a half years and tried everything I can think of to get better, and I'm still here in the hole. I'm really losing hope. What do you guys do on days like this to hang on? My husband and son need me and I have to find a way to keep going.

I'm in a very similar boat. Although I have no kids the thought of leaving my wife behind makes me very sad. Everytime it storms I just wish for a tornado to come, although we don't normally get tornadoes in my city.
Just know you're not alone.

[Aussie sheepdaze]

Originally Posted by ramonajones

I'm having a brutal day depression wise. I'm not in danger of trying to kill myself but I sure do wish that I was dead. I can't leave my husband and son behind intentionally but I truly wish that my life would just end. Things seems so hopeless. I have been depressed for three and a half years and tried everything I can think of to get better, and I'm still here in the hole. I'm really losing hope. What do you guys do on days like this to hang on? My husband and son need me and I have to find a way to keep going.

I could have written this .. so so similar .. it's a dreadful 'feeling'. I was diagnosed last year (after a nervous breakdown with hospitalisation) with Melancholic Depression. Prior to that episode, my diagnosis was a different type of depression which all the usual drugs had little to no effect. I am now taking Nortriptyline (100mg) .. from the Tricyclic antidepressants and Risperidone .. anti-pyschotic (1mg) at night. The Risperidone is a 'kick start' to the Nortriptyline. I am at the maximum dose of Nortriptyline because of heart problems. There is a great site here in Australia called the Black Dog Institute which has very detailed descriptions of different types of depression and what can help .. you may find you have been given antidepressants which don't suit your type of depression, as I was for many years. The combination I take now helps a lot, not every day do I feel positive, but I find life a lot easier and have less anxiety and panic attacks and that awful feeling of total hopelessness. The very warmest of wishes to you.

[ramonajones]

Originally Posted by Aussie sheepdaze

I could have written this .. so so similar .. it's a dreadful 'feeling'. I was diagnosed last year (after a nervous breakdown with hospitalisation) with Melancholic Depression. Prior to that episode, my diagnosis was a different type of depression which all the usual drugs had little to no effect. I am now taking Nortriptyline (100mg) .. from the Tricyclic antidepressants and Risperidone .. anti-pyschotic (1mg) at night. The Risperidone is a 'kick start' to the Nortriptyline. I am at the maximum dose of Nortriptyline because of heart problems. There is a great site here in Australia called the Black Dog Institute which has very detailed descriptions of different types of depression and what can help .. you may find you have been given antidepressants which don't suit your type of depression, as I was for many years. The combination I take now helps a lot, not every day do I feel positive, but I find life a lot easier and have less anxiety and panic attacks and that awful feeling of total hopelessness. The very warmest of wishes to you.

I looked on the Black Dog Institute website but couldn't find the different types of depression and specific treatments for them. Could you be more specific as to where to look?

[PurplePanda999]

Originally Posted by ramonajones

I looked on the Black Dog Institute website but couldn't find the different types of depression and specific treatments for them. Could you be more specific as to where to look?

Could this be the page you are looking for? There are links after each paragraph discussing the type of depression regarding medications.

[PurplePanda999]

Oops, it doesn't really discuss medications.

[Aussie sheepdaze]

Originally Posted by ramonajones

I looked on the Black Dog Institute website but couldn't find the different types of depression and specific treatments for them. Could you be more specific as to where to look?

The website for Black Dog Institute .. Black Dog Institute - Home - Black Dog Institute .. on the home page there is a search box at the top right hand corner .. type in: types of depression and that page gives: Depression explained types, then there's the list of depression descriptions. Hope this helps, it's a bit confusing, apologies, I'm not very computer literate. Best wishes.

[ramonajones]

Originally Posted by Aussie sheepdaze

The website for Black Dog Institute .. Black Dog Institute - Home - Black Dog Institute .. on the home page there is a search box at the top right hand corner .. type in: types of depression and that page gives: Depression explained types, then there's the list of depression descriptions. Hope this helps, it's a bit confusing, apologies, I'm not very computer literate. Best wishes.

Thanks for the resource and your suggestion. It's so hard right now it still blows my mind that I'm in this place.

[Aussie sheepdaze]

I know .. it really is past being 'the pits' .. just have gone into a full on severe anxiety attack this afternoon, my second one in a year since being in hospital. I was doing so well and now I've 'stepped off the planet' again .. arrgghh.

[unhappydaze]

For me it comes down to two thoughts. (And I ruminate about these near constantly, and talk myself out of doing myself in multiple times a day.)

Yeah. Rumination. What I always come back around to is that whatever happens I don't want to increase the total amount of suffering in the world if I can possibly help it. The way I see it, if I had to spend the next 20 or 30 years curled up in the fetal position stoned out of my mind, the total amount of suffering I could experience couldn't possibly approach the suffering that others would feel if I were to take my own life.

That said, I still fight the impulse every day.

[Fuzzybear]

[Yours_Truly]

I think I make it through somehow mostly by distracting myself in any way that I find works, i.e., finding things to watch that keep me interested and aren't depressing, if I can make myself listen to music which for some reason I find difficult to do when depressed, it is always amazing how much it helps, reading, crying and sleeping. Coming on PsychCentral everyday helped me tremendously also. Otherwise, I really don't know how I make it. Oh, getting back to therapy & a med change helped of course.
I hope you're feeling better soon.

[reggiegirl]

I can definitely relate to your pain. I've been depressed for many years and have tried countless meds but nothing has helped. I pray for the day when I can get out of all this pain. I would welcome death over this any day. I know that my grown children and grandchildren need me and would be devastated if I took my own life. I just pray that some day there will be an answer for all of us. Hugs to you all my fellow sufferers. I have nothing but respect and love for all of you.

[DepressedMGEM]

I too can relate all too well. The only thing that keeps me going is my 13 yr old son. My wife is a narcissist, and i dont have the strength or courage to get away from her. I inadvertently offended someone I was in love with, but I lack the courage to apologize to her, as she works for a client of my firm (im an accountant), and im already on "probation" with my firm for telling her I had feelings for her, so if i approach her again I could be fired. Im really in a huge mess that I cant see my way out of, except.... and that is what scares me. 😰

I guess the one thing I have is hope. It amazes me that I have hopes even though for things getting better for me seems very hopeless. Whenever I have a bad day, I always would think that the next day will be better.

Also I have little "tools" that can help me along. The tools are: my bike, keeping busy, working (though the weekends can be hard when not being there), working out, using the pool area, and other things that I can't think of now. But there are times when those tools break down and it sends me in a downward spiral.

As weird as this may sound, before I would kill myself, I would sell my condo and move to a place where I would rather be. I'd like to experience having the cash from the sale, plus living in a better place (I would hope it would be a better place to live!). It could possibly make me feel better since I don't like where I'm living now. Plus I'm having to struggle financially right now.

[Learningtogrow]

I feel the same way many time I'm a bright healthy very nice person that has lost everything even the respect of my children .On days like this I pray and that have help

my friend bethany introduced me to avenue q

if you've ever listened to the soundtrack, you'll know that the very last song on the soundtrack is them all singing together, about everything only being for now. it really helps me knowing that, and listening to that song (I try and listen to it less because i still miss bethany and it brings back memories), but it does help

the other thing that helps me through is emilie autumn's music

sort of calming in a strange way- I think because so much of it is relatable to my life