Daily Check In, ups and downs #19

Felt very depressed when I woke up this morning. I can't believe it's Christmas. It does not seem like it, even though it's pretty cold outside. No snow!

I'm alone for Christmas, once again. But I have some plans for myself. So far the weather seems good enough to go out and do things.

I don't know what it is???!!!!! Why do I have to be so sad!!!! That I can't read like I need to. I don't feel like doing anything!!!!

I'm feeling down today too. Many hugs to everyone here and wishes for a good new year to come!

Another Christmas Day came and now it's about all over. Just like that! I kept myself fairly busy today. I was alone today but not totally. I climbed a mountain this morning. It's more like a high hill than a mountain. I had not done that in almost two years. I went to visit my friend, who lives nearby. He suggested that we go out for lunch, but I think that every place was closed.

My sister called. It was alright. After she called I tried to take a little "cat nap" but couldn't because there was a lot of noise around me. And then I went on a one hour bike ride. So I was physically active today by myself.

I have tomorrow off from work. I plan to do some stuff around my place. I do like the period between Christmas and New Years. It's just after New Years that I feel the most let down. Also, I'll have a four-day weekend again this week.

I am feeling pretty relieved.

christmas is over for another year, and I now have 5 days to hopefully enjoy before the dreaded new year

I have been having chronic migraines for the past 2 weeks. Missed my sister's Christmas dinner cause I was feeling so lousy.Did go out Christmas eve. More frustrated and pissed off than anything else. I hate not feeling well!

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I don't see how I could possibly trust another therapist after what was done to me. No one else would, I assure you. If that's how therapists treat clients, I think ________me would have been more humane.

I can't, I can't, I can't believe he would treat me so badly. I can't believe former friends and family would treat me so badly. I couldn't treat anyone the way they treated me.

A fairly busy day for me. I did not have to go to work today. I will go in tomorrow and then have Friday and Monday off. I feel like my depression is coming back now. I was feeling pretty good and euphoric earlier this month. Since Christmas Day, the bad feelings have come back. It wasn't much of a Christmas for me, but there's something about the holidays coming to an end that depresses me.

wishing I could run away from everything.

far far away..

I'm very depressed today. Things have just been going wrong. I don't seem to have any control over anything. I just feel hopeless.

i'd probably have a lot more energy today, if it wasn't for the fact that yesterday, I had a really intense flashback which drained me.

but i'm managing. i'm not suicidal

I'm so glad the holidays are over. My dad and brother came to visit and left this morning. and I'm honestly glad they're gone now too. I just don't have the patience to deal with people anymore, especially those like my family who constantly complain for no reason. I don't know if I expect too much of people, or what, but it's infuriating dealing with people who don't respect others' feelings.

I'm sick and it's really affecting my depression today. I feel like I'm enclosed in this little box, shut away from the whole world. I'm sure yesterday didn't help with that, since I stayed home and slept all day. Never even opened the curtains. I'm back at work today, but I still feel like I'm just closed away from the rest of the world. Everything around me feels so dark and heavy, and I just want to curl up and go back to sleep.

I am so pissed off I can't even put it into words. My husband has been working extremely hard at work to fix everything that was wrong when he started because no one there has a clue what they're doing. He keeps telling me stories about how the other employees constantly mess up one thing or another because none of them have been properly trained, and even his boss has no clue. Well, today apparently they had a meeting with him about HIS poor performance. He's completely mindblown and I'm REALLY angry. This whole situation has convinced him that he needs a different job, which means he's probably going to take a pay drop when he gets a different one, meaning that I'm going to have to find a job a lot faster than I thought in order to keep us financially stable. I really did not need all this extra stress. I hope that his work completely falls apart when he quits, they deserve it.

...yep, I want to go home and be alone. The constant reminder that the people I actually have something in common with and can relate to (friends) will always be temporary since I always have to move somewhere, and I always get stuck with relatives, whom I have almost nothing in common with outside of blood. This feeling kind of hurts more than the stuff I've been feeling down about before. I try and try, and they're not bad people, but even the hugs get awkward. All I can do is just monitor myself and make sure I do anything to upset since they believe family should stay close , but I don't think I can last for 3-4 more days. I'm sorry...

I wish my life were different.

I'm so tired. I want to live a better life than I am living, but I feel so stuck and drained of energy.

I had some depression come on which I wasn't expecting. I think it was a mixture of going to sleep in the early morning and then, I don't know, I just didn't feel up to doing anything. Usually I'm OK by myself over the holidays, but I really lost control of my mood this year.

I have a peapod order which will be delivered tomorrow. If my oven keeps working I can heat up an Amy's spinach pizza - love them, they're almost as good as fresh pizza from delivery. And I ordered sour cream and Lipton's powdered onion soup to make dip, and lots of chips. I'll have a bunch of frozen concentrates for making soft drinks... Oh yeah, I ordered a few green smoothies, and assorted other stuff, so I can't blame not having party types of food here.

Hopefully I'll have a much better New Year's than Christmas. If the SyFy channel has its Twilight Zone marathon, everything should be fine.

I had depression on Christmas Day and the day after. Today I feel like I've gotten over it. I feel like my depression mostly comes from dreading the future.

Yesterday I worked out and then my mood lifted. I plan to workout tomorrow and hope that it would continue to do a good job for me.

I'm having my annual post-Christmas sense of loss. I love everything Christmassy. Now it's over.

It felt like magic was in the air. Now it's gone.

The pretty lighted displays and shiny decorations now seem like a brave attempt to make a tiresome, grey, dangerous and unforgiving world seem exciting, beguiling, charming and full of love and goodwill.

This year the stores played the music so low I could hardly hear it. I don't know what that was about.

Will all the "takers" please stand up? Oh, so many empty of heart and mind.

I feel the same. sleep too much and head filled with thoughts.

I feel very much the same way. I went into a depression right at Christmas Day, when the anticipation of Christmas is over. For me it's the time before Christmas that makes me feel good. Then when it comes and goes, my feeling sinks. As of now I'm getting used to Christmas being over. But then I would get that sinking feeling back again when New Years is over. I hate New Years Eve.

I've noticed that I have not heard as much Christmas music this year as in the past. I hardly heard it in the stores and it seemed like the radio stations didn't play Christmas music. I remembered that I used to hear Christmas music on the radio just shortly after Thanksgiving; and then it would go on and on. Not this year.

I am still depressed and now I have to deal with a mouse and my psychopath neighbors. They keep signaling each other by knocking and tapping on the wall.

No doubt they're going to do what they did a year ago again. With the pounding and stamping. I just have to hope that my phone will be able to record it. With recorders constantly designed to noise cancel, it's very hard to pick up the background noise even when it's very loud in here.

Just 2-3 more days, and I can go back to being alone again. I'm not exactly happy to go back to school, but I can at least recharge within the 1st week. Sometimes I forget how exhausting it can be to be around people 24/7.