I'm considering early 'retirement' due to bullying and stress...

Since I left school in 2002, I've had very few meaningful relationships with people, and I spend practically all my time on the Internet, only I feel it's not as interesting as it was a decade ago.

Years ago, I had a panic attack out of the blue, and now I feel agoraphobic, and avoid all social situations unless I can arrange to be accompanied by someone (which in itself is problematic due to everybody normally doing other things). I've had hassle from support workers, an ex-girlfriend, online trolls, sex workers, general jerk offs, and more. They've made me feel small, and worthless.

I got a diagnosis of PDD-NOS in 2007, but my support ended back in 2014 of my own accord, due to this garbage.

A judge in court says I should give this agency another chance. What are your thoughts? | National Autistic Society

Last year, I briefly had support from two guys from some other agency; I didn't keep them around for very long simply because they were not able to offer flexible support at all, and I felt they were just getting used as stool pigeons for a man who has been monitoring me for ages, because of court orders related to charges brought against me.

I've attempted to contact my social worker's boss to discuss why I feel I need flexible support again with just male workers, and until recently, I was at it for 9 months with no success. Every single time, a receptionist took the call and told me to leave voicemail, yet I was never getting any of my calls returned until just a few days ago. When I was in court due to a breach last month, the sheriff said I should give the company that screwed me over another chance since I'm in a rut here, but the manager recently told my social worker they cannot or don't want to have me as a client again, which is a bit rich, considering they were the ones who betrayed me.

The company that supported me before largely wrecked my life, and they also scammed me to get me out of my flat in their supported accommodation by lying about rent arrears. I've been with my parents since 2014 and also been in jail at times, and I currently bid on normal non-supported council flats, but they previously had me on regular priority, and so it was hopeless. Now I'm on some other list, but it still takes up to a year to receive any offers. I'm eligible to get a flat possibly in the autumn time.

Anyway, I just feel stuck. Many of the other forums out there are as dead as the dinosaurs, and it's not that busy here any more either, it seems. I'm not sure what to do. But it looks as if I'm not going to receive any support. My social worker keeps dictating that they can't watch me act as a film extra because it's a waste of their funding, or whatever he said. But it's my hours and so you would think he had no right to treat me like that. Do other clients or customers get told what to do? No. They usually discuss this with their helpers and work around a schedule. This is just crap.

So you are using one of these support workers as a "safe person" to empower you to pursue employment in film roles , and they object saying it's a waste of there funding , what is there "normal role" , or what did they previously do for you that "was within the scope of there budget" , to me it almost sounds like they object to you seeking work in the open market with them as support , does this same agency have anything to do with a "sheltered employment" that could be were things are mucking up, they could be exploiting You in there workshop and they are not getting to , unfortunately money is the basis of everything some where along the line ?.

Hi Peter,
I don't understand why the support agency has a say on the type of work you have. Support is defined by the need, isn't it?

Trust me: Some of the people who were employed at that company are pure evil, and they probably deserve to die a horrible death. I am also not convinced they even understood autism very well either. Social services seem to think people with disabilities don't deserve to have a normal stress-free life, despite their claim to be assisting their clients.

This post is going to be fairly long, but it should provide a good indication of the kind of hassle I have received from these cretins...

Many years ago, I had a key worker who is old enough to be my mother, who has since retired due to suffering from MS. She was the helpful sort, and my mother really likes her, but I found her to be rather sarcastic. She ended up telling this guy who came to the company (who acted as my secondary support worker for a while) about my major obsession with me relentlessly hunting for my ex-girlfriend, during 2008. This was some scrub I met in the summer of 2005 who was just a user that I had developed strong feelings for regardless of how she conducted herself, and when I found her again years later, she treated me like dirt and had me buying her tons of expensive gifts using manipulative tactics.

Anyway, back then I was eager to find her whereabouts; I kept sticking these ads on a site called Gumtree. They have since cancelled this category, but you used to be able to add posts about seeking out people you lost touch with, and my key worker knew about these ads. So this man started emailing me under a nickname called Bruce Ritchie, taken the biscuit on purpose. His actual name is Patrick though, and he later admitted it was him just trying to 'help' me, and he also sent me emails mocking my taste in music as well (because he knows I like 80's bands). It was very creepy too, because he named her schools and challenged me to one-up him in that field, but I could never obtain info like that anywhere, which suggests he may have known people related to her and was just having fun at my expense.

He left in 2010 because I suspect his bosses were concerned about his drinking habits, and we met up once to play pool. I'm not exactly what you would call bright, and I'm often too forgiving of other people who have massively mistreated me, just because I grew to like these traitors as people once, and my world is so small. The thing is, this guy was like the devil in disguise, because in person, he was never, ever like this at all. You would think he was ordinary enough. I'm aware that he had problems with his own partner, but it's no excuse for behaving like an imbecile. He was in a position of responsibility, too.

In recent years, I got screwed over by two former support workers, who are both female. Around the time I was getting harassed by my ex, I just happened to get a bit headstrong and ask a support worker to date me. By then, I was so desperate and not thinking straight. Despite the boundaries being disrespected, I really feel the way this Joanna acted was a major exaggeration, because we could have talked it over. We got one shift months later only because it was in a group setting and I just wanted to go out to get juice, but she acted odd like she felt uncomfortable leaving the premises with me, and then the people who did up the rota for my shifts claimed I would get more shifts with her, but they lied to spare me from the truth. Then one time I got angry and talked about her on Facebook, so they used that as the "reason" we were not working together anymore.

Then they did the same thing with my key worker; I had this pretty looking Hispanic lady for a key worker, and she was so nice when she first worked with me. She had been at the agency for ages before we actually started working together. Once people like other support workers and even this annoying service user told her things about me which alarmed her, it somehow caused her to turn against me. At first, she just acted sort of moody, but it was neither here nor there. Then it increased because she lied about going to South America (because she is in a relationship with a fitness instructor, who has also been a jerk towards me). She finally revealed she knew I liked her after I slipped up by calling her "petal" in a text message, but then she was treating me like crap whenever we had a shift, and she also did sleepovers at my accommodation in the staff flat, and she was starting to act offended, distant, and scared. From their point of view, I can see that they have to stay professional, but I feel like I got betrayed.

The exact same scenario played out again: She was removed like that other woman was, and her bosses lied and acted strange when I constantly confronted them, and they actually said she was still my key worker despite this being false. Eventually, a bit of sadness turned into a lot of sadness, and then into a lot of anger, since they were never going to support me ever again. Staff were then physically attacked and insulted, but during other occasions, they sabotaged me meeting with my former key worker in a coffee shop for example by calling the cops to stop me, then later denying they even knew the police were called, yet the pigs said it was them. There was also a time where the fuzz smashed my bedroom door in to get to me because they claimed to be "concerned" and then threatened to arrest me, yet I had done zero wrong.

After more games and lies, I was finally remanded in jail apparently for stalking the ladies who I was just apologizing to, although I did send a couple of sexually abusive emails only because of my pent up rage, but all the court did was use that to call me a sex offender on official charge papers. They jailed me four times on remand in 2014 and 2015 as well for breaching bail and whatnot, and after much deferring for background reports, they sentenced me to supervision orders, which have also been breached a few times when I merely sent apologetic type letters to these former workers.

It sounds nuts, because it is. A major overreaction occurred, and then before I knew it, my life was turned upside down. It has never been the same since.

No, it does not sound nuts. It sounds they do not have a clear protocol or they have one and they do not use it. For example, they should not lie to you even if you are in a period you cannot put your anger or other reactions under control. Could you get another company, or this is the only one available?

You have ASD , but by the sound of it they are treating you like they expect you to know and understand social cues and boundaries that most clients with ASD have difficulty with , they sound like a bunch of imbeciles as you said , and have blown things way out of proportion , involving police in simple client matters ,let alone it progressing to actual court and jail time, Is beyond daft and never should have happened , I would say if you can get not just away from the people of this agency , but file a restraining order or order of protection from these people , ordinarily I believe that court really solves nothing ( when has adding government and Bure critic bull**** solved anything ? ) but in this case it sounds warranted , you are a disabled or at risk segment of the population who has been seriously violated by these people , have had your good name ruined by legal actions that never should have happened in the first place .

This makes my blood boil , these people are supposed to help you "navigate" the complex social structure , and what they have really done is fail miserably at there jobs , I believe you are across the pond from me , but in this country and maybe yours , you will need to look into this, but find out if you can or entitled to submit a letter to your records, with your side of the story explaining what has happened and has gone wrong in there treatment of you , before dismissing these morons and getting someone who is more experienced and knowledgeable about ASD ,to me it sounds like transference gone wrong ,with them not understanding that by virtue of you being on the spectrum they handled it totally wrong , as you said the issue could have and should have been a sit down and talk moment , we call it a "teachable moment" .

PS, don't let them know they deserve to die like the dogs they are,that would only complicate things.

Misterpain

You are right, Misterpain. They have no clue. Totally unprepared and unprofessional. I think Peter is protected by the UN CRPD. His country has signed and ratified this Convention. If I don't recall wrongly also it ratified the optional protocol so there are mechanisms for presenting individual complaints. I am not sure about the procedures. I know the Committee of the CRPD is already investigating the U.K. for violations of human rights of disabled people.

I have nothing to add to the replies

Dear Peter,
FYI https://www.equalityhumanrights.com/...es-scotland#h1

Also: https://www.equalityadvisoryservice.com
If you want to present a complain, this seems to be the right contact.
PM me if you need help. I know some people they may have additional information.
Be mindful I use a nick name and I don't reveal my country of origin here.
Hope you can defend your rights and I wish you the best

Yeah I also hang on disabled sanctuary and have learned all about this austerity crap and the completely unfair hearings that the scum of PPL are running , I also get my Aides through them here in the US , our previous Governor fired 7000 Pennsylvanian workers and contracted with PPL in Boston as the intermediary between us and the OLTL ( Office of Long term Living ) thereby giving 8000 Boston workers jobs , he wanted to be remembered and he will be as the first governor in over 300 years to be booted out of office in PA, maybe he will get a job he knows something about? .

Well, I've known my current social worker since 2015. Until I get a social worker to finance the support, the only other method to obtain help would be to pay somebody personally, or pester people I know, and that's very extreme. He knows about my court orders.

Anyway, I even told him when we met that I would be happy just to work with men in order to avoid the same sort of situations from arising in the future, so I have no idea what the hold-up is here. However, these other agencies only really offer generic care, so they don't necessarily know how to deal with autism, but I suppose they're meant to at least understand the condition somewhat. It is very sad, but this profession does not exactly attract the nicest of people. I've also suspected from the beginning that my social worker has told other companies that I'm bad news, so they all ran a mile. Even if there is a lot of figuring out to do behind the scenes, I generally feel as if my support should have presented itself by now.

He keeps saying it's hard to gain flexible support because of the funding cuts, and because this is a female dominated business. I'm not disputing that perhaps this is maybe true to an extent, but I still think it's questionable what he spouts to me. Yet if I cannot arrange shifts for to do anything in order to network and meet people to be friends with, how am I supposed to tackle my anxiety and have a life worth living? There would be no point in even taken on the hours.

Sure, it's not their job to cure my anxiety, because nobody can work miracles, but it would certainly help me a great deal if I had people to attend a film set with me, and he seems to think I want my helpers exclusively for the purpose of me being an extra, when I do not. The way I see it, they get paid the exact same wage no matter what you do with the time they are allocated to their clients, but he keeps saying he cannot justify such a transaction. It boggles my mind, even now.

Some clients like bowling. Some like horse riding. Some do painting. So I like acting, and there is no reason why they could not join in as well. What really is so difficult here? You would think in some way, the social worker should be happy that I've found something positive that I want to do with my time, hence it could potentially stop me obsessing over the BS from the past, since there comes a time when we have to draw our lines.

Everything he comes out with is total rubbish, because while I cannot speak for every care providor out there, Autism Initiatives employs dozens of men and women. It's just that it makes no sense to return to the very company that (in my eyes, at least) screwed me over. However, I tried to get in touch with them after the sheriff suggested giving them another shot, and no-one cares. In fact, the last time I called them recently, the receptionist cut me off.

I've been with my parents now for coming up for 3 years. When I was bidding for my own flat at first, I was eventually told during a random conversation with a hub worker that I would wait 100 years at the rate they had me at. My friend has a house, and he thinks they are making this up. Well, I'm on homeless priority now. They make me bid on high-rise properties as well, in areas full of junkies. Nobody likes these venues, you see, so it's all been staged by the crummy council to make people accept any crap.

I hear you. I agree with you. Personal
Care Attendants and Support agents can be a pain in the neck. Unprepared and unprofessional. I know some people that discuss their clients issues at their beauty parlors. They are too medical model, indeed. You are trapped in a system that has a lot of problems, but maybe you can do something about it. Is there any human rights defender agency or NGO you could consult with? Think about it. This is not about your individual traits but it is about your rights as a consumer of mental health services. In fact, the police and court should have never been in the picture. Humbly, I think you need a human rights lawyer, there are agencies that provide them for free. The lawyer should fight for you

I have gotten help from a man who works for a company in Edinburgh called Partners in Advocacy. He has prepared letters before and attended appointments with me. There is not a great deal more he can actually do for my case, though. Although he was present when I saw the guy at the council about my housing situation.

My family's house is very cluttered, overcrowded and stuffy. It is gonna be even more messy soon, because my sister has to move her things out of her flat because she has not been able to pay the rent. Her landlord came to the door a few days ago wanting the keys for the flat when she was out at the time.

When the law took her youngest son off of her due to ongoing custody issues, he was placed with temporary carers until his dad recently got to keep him. My sister started getting less money because when you are no longer caring for a child, you lose that type of benefit. She has not been in her flat staying there for a long time now, and if she cannot pay her due rent arrears, there is only one option left, and that is to give up the tenancy.

My sister suffers from celiac disease, and so she had not been able to do much for a long time because of her low immunity making her feel weak. Currently, she is doing a course so she can get a job as a legal aid assistant. Her former partner and his family have basically stolen her children. My nephews were born in 2008 and 2010 respectively, but she has not had a good time having to type a lot of lengthy reports for her lawyer, and it all seems to be in vain because they keep adding more problems to the huge stack of problems she already must face.

Yeah unfortunately this proffesion gets a lot of people in it who want to sit and play on there phone . I will admit I have spoiled my aide, I bought an Xbox so I could watch him play , always said I was going to buy a disabled modified controller, have I No! Not in the last 10 years but this guy has been really great , he works 7 hours a day for me and has no problem coming at 2 in the morning if I fall and need someone to pick me up , he is 4 years younger than I am , so he is like a brother to me, but when you do get somebody good you have to retain them and keep them from burning out , ordinary aides here get no benefits , we could not even pay them overtime until this past January , so I have always given him sick days , and he is a single father of 4 so I give him family medical leave, I was in emergency services before my disability so I help defuse and de escalate his personal life problems and keep him from pulling his hair out with his kids. But before him I went through a bunch of lazy good for nothing people, some stole property some stole medication , property I can live without but medication makes me crazy, I worry that some body is out there fueling a drug addiction with my meds , this guy has never done any of that and I am grateful for that , "good help is hard to find" is more truth than fiction .

But Peter I strongly suggest you get these people to do there job or get the authorities involved , at best it's neglect at worse it's abuse and you don't deserve or need either . They will try and blame the austerity crap but don't take that , you are either eligible for services or you aren't you obviously are and these people aren't doing there job , so hold there feet to the fire about it , and like I say get an impact statement into your records , resolving the confusion that has happened previously and showing your a smarter "bigger man" then they give you credit for.

I'm glad you get on well with your support worker. Sadly though, there will come the day when they will move on. I don't know if it's the same everywhere, but I think generally when it comes to their strict policy, care workers that leave their post are not allowed to maintain contact with clients, despite no longer being employed.

Personally, I hate that rule, because we're still people who didn't ask to be disabled anyway. Like you said, some can be like a surrogate friend or a brother to you when you are lonely. But the rule is supposed to exist to preserve the important boundaries.

Unfortunately, the authorities are probably on their side. I was put in a cell tons of times. Fortunately, I've never did a 4 day lie down in a police station cell before. The worst day to get arrested is a Friday if Monday is a public holiday. Then your case isn't called until on Tuesday. But I have been in jail a lot. Even a jail cell is more fun. You can open a vent to get air in. You can sort of see outside. The bed is more comfy. You have a TV. You can talk to a person in the same cell who is hopefully helpful and sane. Plus, you get recreation sometimes. It's obviously not a place you want to be, but I'm just saying that it can be tolerable until you get out.

In a cop shop, you get brought some food and cups of water or tea. Rank tea. Some officer keeps opening the hatch on the door and asking 'You all right?' seemingly every few minutes so you cannot switch off. It's no fun being in a cell like that at all. And they have to ask you the same boring questions every single time you are arrested, even if you were just arrested like a few days beforehand.

I don't understand why you get in jail while you are being under a mental health service. I thought that this only happened in countries like mine which is undeveloped.

That's exactly what I thought, too. I knew these support workers for years, which meant I felt I trusted them, liked them, and opened up to them. Honestly, I thought they would still be my support outlet for years to come. They secretly thought I was a stalker though, just because I wanted to find my ex, and they knew I used escorts. This social worker I had monitored me for years, likely at their request. It just did not come to mind at the time. He was meant to close my case because he had to do other things, but as soon as Laura returned, they were straight on the phone to him. What does a social worker have to do with a personal relationship? They knew she was just using me, but I guess they were more alarmed over my intensity for a woman who was just a snake. He even told me once she would be able to twist it around and have me look like a stalker, since I was infatuated with her.

Well, okay: I'd not seen her in years and I suppose it was not healthy how I obsessed over her, but I had nobility which is lacking in many people. All she did was scam me. The first thing she did was use emotional blackmail in March of 2012 to have me buy her an iPod on credit, after she came back into my life after nearly 7 long, miserable years of being absent from my life. No, I am not kidding.

The idiot didn't even know how to properly insert a charger cable, and so she ended up messing up the dock for this device, but then she tried to say someone else damaged it. Of course, I was not there when it happened, but I think we know she was lying.

Oh, I could list numerous other ways in which she and her family mistreated me too, but the biggest kick in the balls was when she had me taken out a PS3 from the same shop the following year. The difference was, she was allegedly going to pay half the cost. As soon as it was removed from the box, she threw a wobbly and demanded to take it home. You can probably guess what happened next. Well, I never saw her for over a year. Then she told me to buy her a pizza in a Facebook conversation, and go to some shopping precinct near where she moved to, and she was not there when I arrived. So I went on Facebook to tell her I went there, and she blocked me.

Among other things, she also did all of this to me.

* Laura lied about seeing her sister, when she was visiting some other guy.
* Laura had sex with me and then talked incoherent babble about sex related diseases.
* Her stepfather asked me if I was deaf as well as blind, because I wear glasses.
* She threw a DVD I let her borrow from a high window, then said it was not broken.
* I bought us dinner in a Nando's restaurant, and all she did was play with her phone.
* She constantly was seemingly not at her home, when I arranged to meet her.
* She wanted to break-up with me, and keep me as a friend.
* She threatened to get cops to lift me, then acted nice when I mentioned my money was reinstated.

I could go on and on, but why bother? Her dad died last December, and while I feel bad over her loss, I don't feel bad about her life in general now that she has willingly screwed me over countless times. If I was to feel sorry for every person who wronged me, that would make me a sucker.

Peter,
Would you say that you could learn something from this experience, apart from the support service awfulness? Or everything was just a waste of time for you?

Apart from how it ended, everything else was fine. Some of the workers were not compatible with me, but the majority of them were cool, and it gave me something to do. You just have to remember that they are doing a job. It's a role they play in your life just for so long, and they will leave one day. It's annoying if you grow fond of the workers, but they are just workers.

My social worker introduced me to a man today who might be able to offer flexible support. I've got no idea what race he is, but he's a nice guy. I'm starting my first shift with him on Wednesday next week. I'm not going to be too pushy here. I've still got these court orders running until 23 March, so I don't want to rock the boat, and I have to see my supervisor next week.

I'll get to know him a bit more, then try to arrange shifts for to do my extras work. Even if he is a nice guy, I better choose my words more carefully since whatever you talk about is recorded. I'm gonna need to buy a lot of smart clothes, but I have a feeling this will be a better experience than it was before.

Life should go forward, not backwards.