I think I'm done with it all

I'm pretty sure that I'm quitting therapy. I've gone two weeks without it and I'm not better or worse. I haven't changed one way or the other. Kinda leads me to believe I don't need it and proves my point that it has long since quit helping. My insurance still won't cover my meds, so I haven't been taking any; next Thursday I think will be my last psychiatry appointment. What's the point if I'm not on any medication?

None of this means that I think I'm doing really well. In fact, I'm well aware that I'm pretty much a mess. I'm only saying that these things I've been doing that are supposed to help have failed in doing so. Not that my T or pdoc are the ones who failed, but that I did. CBT, DBT, trauma counseling, talk therapy; antipsychotics, antidepressants, anti-anxiety meds... I've failed at it all. Maybe I just need to live with myself or die by myself. "Toughen up buttercup" and all that.

Damn bro, sounds like your very down! Quitting medication and therapy is a terrible idea, you posted this here and I see it as a cry for help like when I attempted suicide. Talk to your psiquiatrist and try to find an agreement on the meds, it's not a the first try that they work. You need to try dosages and get use to it. Now therapy is very important, it saved my life. If you don't like the one you have try another look brother, these are problems that dont solve themselves in a day. Takes a lot of work. Please think about that. Take care

Yes, I can fully relate to what you're saying Só leigheas, but believe me, it's not that you've failed at all, no, you've obviously tried very hard. It's really that the current methods and approaches to treating our kinds of problems aren't guaranteed to work, are hit and miss affairs, and even the doctors, psychologists etc., will tell you that if you ask them. No, don't shoulder all the blame yourself please Só leigheas, and just focus on figuring out ways to adapt and cope with the realities of life. Tell yourself 'bleh, who cares' and see if that works, heh. [j/k]

You're trying your best. That's all you can do.

I absolutely hate the term "toughen up buttercup". That's not advice you're just calling that person a ***** for something they don't know how to handle. Coping skills are your best friend. Let it out. Scream. Shout.

Any chance that you can get your meds from the manufacturer for free/low cost, or from somewhere like Walmart (if they're on their $4 prescription list)?

Maybe, but that would mean.... I shouldn't say it. It all just comes down to the fact that I probably won't even be around by that point.

Whilst I know that feeling, please stay safe.

If you do see your pdoc, ask them if they have any samples for your meds that they could let you have.

So leigheas

I can relate, big time.

I had done all that for about 21 years and have been off meds for about a year and half and with the exception of 6 CBT-I appointments last summer (It worked so well, it is almost 2 AM here ) it has been well over a year since I have seen a pdoc or T. My list of psych meds that I have tried is pretty close to 30!


The results? Like you, the same. No better, no worse, just me and my issues plodding along. Nothing really helped my depression or psychosis. I do have side-effects that will likely never go away and a bigger list of temporary side-effects that ranged from painful to outright dangerous. Sure, I can smother my anxiety in enough benzos but that smothers me also. All that pain for nothing.

Even through the last year which was the worst year for me in easily 20 years. The brain tumor thing last summer, my grandson having severe mental issues(he is in a pediatric psych ward right now and it is breaking my heart), buying a house, the move out and in, the work with the house, etc, it has been a very very stressful year. I just added to it by being stupid and thinking that finding a friend would be a good idea, I am so dumb.


But mentally, I am the same. Now, I am not saying I will never go back to T or back on meds and am not advocating that everyone do that. Psych meds are really f'n dangerous and have painful side-effects, if they aren't helping what exactly is the point? Therapy is painful and in my case I think it makes things worse by talking about them every week, so what exactly is the point?

If the benefits outweigh the pain sure but if they do not? pfft I will take the suck without the added pain thank you.


It is not your fault. Psychiatry has an aversion to science and they don't look under the hood, so to speak. It is the rare pdoc that does blood work or functional brain scans so they are just guessing. When they guess right, yay. Everything pretty much works for the patient and they improve to varying degrees. When they guess wrong there is pain and no gains for the patient.


Please be very careful. Have your fiance keep an extra close eye on you and if you start declining, please be seen!

It is not your fault either, I too believe it.

But I do not think you should bash psychiatry or psychiatrists, They are giving it their 100% and sometimes just the causes, the treatments and/or the mechanisms aren't known. They spend their day and night dealing with patients (remember the long waiting list), and some even do research. It's not their fault.

Our human body is very complex and we cannot do anything about it. That's only the reason as we know it we are the kings of the universe. It'll be another century or two before we finally cure mental illness, if we are lucky.

But that doesn't mean you cannot change doctors and/or therapists. My psych doc doesn't give me therapy either (not to bash him) but it's simply the fact, some conditions cannot be helped. But most should be. There are over 400 drugs available for neurological disorders. But I don't believe there are that many for psychiatric ones.

If nothing is working, it doesn't mean it won't in future either. Your psych doc found out that your body cannot handle any psych medication, that's probably why you aren't on any meds. It's like how anxiety isn't usually treated by anti-anxiety pills.

Best of luck. I am not asking you to waste your money on appointments any further, but if you do get worse (as observed by others) I suggest you not hate your psychiatrist and talk to him about it, as opposed to keeping it a secret.

How are you today?

When did I say I hated my psychiatrist? When did I bash him? And not having meds isn't his fault, as I said it's my insurance company that has the problem. My insurance believes they know better than my pdoc and want me on a list of meds I've already taken, all with no positive outcome.

Can't wait to be alone, honestly. My head isn't leaving me be and I'm just wanting it to stop.

Thank you, my friend. I'm not sure I want anyone close right now, though. I just want to be alone and away from the world. My fiance doesn't need my burden.

I can totally relate. So sick of waiting, hoping that one day I will snap out of it. So sick of the roller coaster emotions, thoughts and paranoia or anxiety. I have moments of clarity, but few and far between. I can cycle between 3-4 states of mind in a day most days. I keep thinking I will bump into the right person who will just give me some answers and tangible, practical solutions that really work.

Sometimes, I just sit and read the Psalms. It helps sometimes, at least when I can focus on it long enough. I think I have finally come to the conclusion that I will always be this way, yet hoping and knowing at the same time that I won't. But, at least I am not setting myself up for further disappointment. It's so hard sometimes, but then I look at you guys' posts and think to myself, what the world am I throwing such a pity party, but at the same time, I cannot control it and can't shut it up.

I don't know. Even though I had an okay day today, I am not as good now. I am just so exhausted from it all. I fear the "when" it will come back, knowing that it will, but hoping it doesn't. I hate myself when I give in, but in order to "process" these, I analyze over every angle. It really kind of sucks.

I formed my opinion on the basis of incomplete information. I am sorry. If there's something we all can agree upon, is that insurance companies are only after the money big pharmas provide them.

You're telling me. I ****ing hate insurance ********. They make it almost completely pointless.

Don't mind the kid, he can be a **** when it comes to give advice.

Um.... this is not nice. Hurt my feelings. I tried my best to help everyone out but just ended up screwing myself. You need a professional tone, wording, mannerism and like to be successful giving advice. It's not like someone invited me "hey give us your advice" but I am in my own world I guess.

Not trying to put you down or anything brother, but you just smacked me with a lot when I posted a incoherent thread and I was psychotic. All I ask of you is to be understanding of the problems you and all of us share. Try to use kinder words. That's all mate. Sorry if I came out wrong

I am so sorry you are feeling this way. Just last week I felt so hopeless after a mixed episode on an AD and thought it would never get better and that I would just give up. I am glad I didn't, though. The world looks a little different outside of that terrible mixed state.

I haven't tried all the things you tried so I cannot imagine how frustrating that is. Not sure what to say about the insurance, that really sucks. Have you mentioned that to the psychiatrist? They would want you to stay on meds and could maybe find a way to help?

Also, there are some places that specialize in treatment resistant depression (example Emory psychiatry in Atlanta, although I realize it's unlikely you happen to be around there) and you haven't tried all options like ECT , right? Of course I am not endorsing anything, just saying I have seen stories of people at the end of their rope who finally got what they needed and are so glad they held out. I hope you find something that works and feel better.

Remember me telling you .. I went thru all the meds they would give me, 15yrs of counseling.. none of it worked?

Research natural things. Get your blood tested (vitamin n mineral counts, etc) .. see if you need any vitamins or mineral supplements... see if there is a holistic doctor in your area

I've got therapy in 14 hours. I'm dreading it so much that I've been living in insomnia land for the past 5 days.

But the way I see it, is EVEN if you only learn one thing, isn't that a step forward?

I hope we both get motivated enough to at least make an effort.

Have a redbull

I too think that even if one thing is learnt, in therapy or elsewhere, it’s a step forward.