Rumination

Does anyone else here ruminate over something endlessly??

My therapist says this is a component of depression.

My question is, how do you stop yourself from ruminating about an issue all the time??

I find myself doing this frequently, and I cannot let something go... on and on it goes, the endless thoughts about the issue. I have tried to distract myself with activities and I have also tried to direct my mind to other thoughts, but my mind seems to always wander back to the issue I am ruminating on. It's making me nuts!

I do this endlessly. I just can't let it go. The technique I use is what is referred to as "compassionate abiding". Perhaps you're familiar with it? It's not a cure. Nothing is going to make those thoughts go away... at least not in my experience. But it is a way of coping with them since they're going to be there anyway. Here's a link to a description of the practice (in case you're not already familiar):

https://mindsetdoc.wordpress.com/201...e-abiding-101/

And then, also, here are links to some articles, from PsychCentral's archives, on the subject of how to cope with rumination:

https://psychcentral.com/blog/why-ru...d-how-to-stop/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/child...ps-to-stop-it/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/the-re...uce-the-cycle/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/8-tips...op-ruminating/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/5-mind...dium=popular17

https://psychcentral.com/blog/sneaky...dium=popular17

I avoid activities that tend to encourage it. Journalling is the biggest example that comes to mind. I will ruminate endlessly on things. I also stopped my CBT exercises for the same reason.

Skeezyks, thank you for all the links and articles! I will definitely look into compassionate abiding. I need anything really that will help!

justafriend, I journal all the time, and this does seem to feed into my rumination. Then again, journaling is also very therapeutic for me, so I don't want to stop. Hmm...

I'm the opposite when it comes to journaling. I tend to procrastinate on journaling, but when I do it helps to quiet those thoughts a little. They don't go completely away.


Ruminations stinks. I hope you find something that helps.

I was going to post a similar thread today. Typical things like distracting myself and meditation methods don't do it, I just cannot get my mind off of whatever the thing is that is bothering me so much. >.< The only time it subsides is when I've finally worn out those thoughts in my mind and even my brain is like "nope, I'm out yo".

I figured I wasn't alone in this.. so sorry you suffer from this too. ARGH. It's maddening isn't it??

I don't play online games, but thanks so much for the offer! Very sweet of you.

Compassionate abiding is an excellent tool.

I ruminate when I'm manic, apparently. I've been told that I get like a dog with a bone, sink my teeth in, and will not let go for days - or weeks - about the same topic. It's very frustrating and annoying, plus it's embarrassing because I realize it annoys people, but I can't stop.

Indeed, maddening... Even when all I want to do is to stop thinking about it my brain refuses. It's like my soul and my brain are at odds with one another constantly. Brain tends to win out though, even when it's wrong.

And no worries, that's just my signature, so the invite goes wherever I go. I figure while I'm posting I can attempt to be passively social, if that makes any sense...?

Same thing with me! ARGH!!!! It makes me insane!

Oh... lol. I didn't realize that was your signature! That's cool.

OMG, this is exactly what's happening me after the thing I told you about tonight. Sometimes I can let it go when I've somehow gotten it to make sense in my head. I know it's a little bit about how I process things. I have to get it to a place in my head where I can understand it or at least label it, and then I can let it go.

But sometimes it doesn't work and the vicious cycle of rumination continues.

But yes, I totally get you on this.

Seesaw

TY for putting my own process into words! That's exactly how I am. I need to obsess over something over & over until I can put it in its rightful place.

Rumination is like getting on the same train over and over and and always ending back at the point where you got on the trains. Keep on getting on that train and nothing changes.
Dialectical Behaviour Therapy DBT - Put the arms and legs on CBT and gives us practical steps to end the cylce.
https://www.healthline.com/health/ho...top-ruminating

YES, it is. Great way to put it!

I do this also. I’ve especially been doing it a lot lately. I figured it was anxiety but your explanation of rumination makes sense. I guess we have to learn to live with it. Like so many things in life we can’t control. I love to read and that tends to interrupt the ruminating thought process for me. Especially a mystery that really holds my attention. Going for a long walk also helps me. Watching TV or movies doesn’t do a thing for me. Journaling helps somewhat because I go back and read it later and see my thoughts more from an outside perspective. I like to journal advice to myself and when I go back and read it I am surprised how right I was. Lol. My brain and emotions won’t listen to my own better judgment. Thanks for bringing up this topic. It’s a good one to contemplate... not ruminate... just contemplate.

Maybe I will try reading..... a walk would make me ruminate more, even if I am listening to music. Then I am just left with my thoughts. Argh.

Yes, I figured that many people here can relate to this topic....

Sorry to all those who also suffer from this!

This excerpt is from one of PC's archived articles on how to stop rumination:

How To Reduce Rumination

According to Nolen-Hoeksema, there are essentially two steps to stop or minimize rumination.

1. Engage in activities that foster positive thoughts. “You need to engage in activities that can fill your mind with other thoughts, preferably positive thoughts,” she said.

That could be anything from a favorite physical activity to a hobby to meditation to prayer. “The main thing is to get your mind off your ruminations for a time so they die out and don’t have a grip on your mind,” she advised.

2. Problem-solve. People who ruminate not only replay situations in their head, they also focus on abstract questions, such as, “Why do these things happen to me?” and “What’s wrong with me that I can’t cope?” Nolen-Hoeksema said.

Even if they consider solving the situation, they conclude that “there is nothing they can do about it.”

Instead, when you can think clearly, “identify at least one concrete thing you could do to overcome the problem(s) you are ruminating about.” For instance, if you’re uneasy about a situation at work, commit to calling a close friend so you can brainstorm solutions.

Positive Self-Reflection

Nolen-Hoeksema has also studied the opposite of rumination: adaptive self-reflection. When people practice adaptive self-reflection, they focus on the concrete parts of a situation and the improvements they can make.

For instance, a person may wonder, “What exactly did my boss say to me that upset me so much yesterday?” and then come up with, “I could ask my boss to talk with me about how I could get a better performance evaluation,” Nolen-Hoeksema said.

From this article:
https://psychcentral.com/blog/why-ru...d-how-to-stop/

Lol, you and I are similar in that walking and running only gives me time to get more angry or upset. ..lol...

I do find listening to upbeat music and trying to forcibly change my mood can help, and also problem solving helps.

The issue I have is not so much the rumination, but when they are too many stressors and I give up the time I need to do self care and then like now, I'm having a difficulty dealing with perceptions and reality. Yet, I still have to work, and people think I'm normal. Knowing that I'm feeling this way is at least a good step. So I let my friends know bc at least they understand, and then I avoid important meetings or interactions until I feel like I'm grounded again. But it looks like I'm responding normally, people don't realize I've dissociated. Because I can look and act normal, mostly. But then an argument starts or conflict that's just completely nonsensical and they think I'm being unreasonable or confrontational, but what they don't see is that I'm not actually responding to them. It's a ptsd or gad response.

Anyways, the good thing is that at least I caught this one to know it's happening. I am trying to manage myself to get through it. That's one step...a good.step towards being able to stop them at the gate.

I see how I got myself here by allowing people to pile too many things on me and not protecting myself.

Seesaw

Problem solving helps me too.... and yes, changing your mood somehow through whatever means that works best.

From the article:

"Some ruminators may simply have more stress in their lives which preoccupies them.....for others, it may be an issue of cognition. Some people prone to ruminate have basic problems pushing things out of consciousness once they get there."

So, perhaps a key is to reduce stress somehow, too.... and yes, like you said, be careful not to pile too much on at once, and to protect yourself emotionally.

Good to know when you're own responses are PTSD or GAD related.... same here.

Yeah, but it doesn't help control much. Just had an interaction with someone that I probably could have waited to respond on. I don't think I was out of line, and I asked another person and they were like, no, you were fine. But I know this person is a tiny bit upset with me.

They asked me to review something, and I did, and I asked a whole bunch of questions so I could give them feedback. Well, after they answered my questions, before I had actually sent it back with any feedback, they sent it to the higher ups saying I had signed off on it.

To which I had to respond, I'm sorry, to clarify, I have not signed off on this.

She then said I threw her under the bus...and I'm like, well, I sort of feel like you did that to me, saying I had signed off on it, when I hadn't. I had multiple suggestions for how to do this (especially considering it's actually my job not her job, I don't even know why she is writing this letter).

Then she sort of backed off and said she didn't mean it that way and that she would take more feedback from me, of course. And I'm like, I think I was perfectly within normal reactions to clarify that I did not sign off on something yet. All you have to do is say "I misspoke, she is still reviewing but we did discuss her questions." Rather than say I threw her under the bus? It's not like I was blaming her for anything. Just clarifying my stance.

But she wanted to clarify herself that she misspoke rather than me chime up for myself.

Whatever, it's my name. I will speak for it to protect it.

So, anyways, this is part of my issue when I'm like this. I can't calm down from responding to things. I can't take time to process because I'm already on overload. Hence why I would prefer to take time off entirely.

So..at this point, I'm not responding to any emails or communication that's not related to specific deadlines. Everything else will have to wait.

Seesaw

Oh boy, do I hear you on that one.

My therapist taught me that when I am in that state, to pause & wait a few minutes before replying... if it's time sensitive, just taking a few moments to collect myself before responding, and then re-read the response before sending....... which I am sure you did. Or, like you said, just simply putting it on the back burner entirely.

It sounds like you are fine though and responded appropriately to the situation. When someone tells you that you threw them under the bus, you have the right to defend yourself.

Well throwing someone under the bus is blaming your mistake on them. I didn't do that. I just clarified that I did not sign off on the letter she wrote. Pointing out the truth is not throwing someone under the bus.

From Wikipedia:

To throw (someone) under the bus" is an idiomatic phrase in American English meaning to betray a friend or ally for selfish reasons. It is typically used to describe a self-defensive disavowal and severance of a previously-friendly relationship when the relation becomes controversial or unpopular.

I didn't betray her by stating the truth. To betray would have been if we had come to an agreement and then I lied and said I didn't agree with it. But I didn't lie at all. She misrepresented my questions as signing off, and nowhere in the conversation did I say, okay go ahead or anything of that sort. In fact, in the emails, all I do is ask for clarification so I can actually review it. So I had not even reviewed it when she sent it off.

I am not sure why she feels it needs to happen this second after we finished this very stressful even this weekend, but she hasn't given me any kind of timeline, and I said I would review it for her, and that takes more than 5 minutes. Especially when it's not well done.

Ug. I did not throw her under the bus. She's just claiming that because she misrepresented the truth and it got noticed.

You know, she also knows I'm very stressed right now and in a lot of pain because of my back, so I'd think maybe she'd think twice before thinking I was doing anything malicious towards her. My only point was to clarify that I had not given any input on what they were reviewing.

Seesaw

Sorry, I hijacked your thread. LOL.

Back to...ruminating...

Yes, exactly.... you are absolutely in the right on this. You did the right thing and said the right things.

Ugh, it sucks when this kind of thing happens... breathe..... people can say the dumbest things sometimes.

And sorry you are in physical pain -- ARGH.

No problem about the thread..... it's OK.

I think if you really look at what it is you keep ruminating about the main theme has to do with lack of respect in each scenario. You have respected and cared about others and these others did not care and respect you back. Your own father did not really respect you either. Truth is you have wanted to be respected by this same kind of individual all your life only the problem with that is this kind of individual is simply not capable of giving that kind of respect. Doesn't matter if it's a boyfriend, your father, a kind of friend, a boss even in every thing you have vented and shared it was always the same kind of person who only cared about you for what you did for them and never had had the ability to respect the things "you" valued and needed and cared about. You have thought that just because someone loves music and to go to concerts that person will actually care about you, WRONG, all that means is that other person loves to go and listen to music and has fun, IT'S ABOUT WHAT THAT PERSON LIKES, not what you like understand? Like that guy that you said was fun and then you watched him stand in front of the mirror ADORING himself while you just sat alone as he was not adoring you now was he? NO, he wanted you to be a part of his own SELF ADMIRATION. Even that somewhat friend that made a pass at your new boyfriend, NOT A TRUE FRIEND, and never can be either, much too self interested to a point where she will just as soon take over your boyfriend even right in front of you as if you don't exist. Pretty much all your vents revolve around this same kind of person NEVER seeing you or appreciating or RESPECTING you.