Overwhelmed...

September Morn: I love that picture you post at teh end of your messages, with the toothless elder. Where could I find that?

Right click on the picture, go down to Properties and copy the URL. You can then upload her to wherever you keep such things. LOL

She's free for the taking.

digesting underway...

Take your time.

You all MUST quit with the rotating heart!

Hu Uh! Nope!

Love you, Perna!

I miss you...

but... digest away.

morning September... that twin issue is re-playing itself... my net went down too...

have it for now... but its sketchy... i'll get back to you... i haven't abandoned you...

well September... one thing that i hope you'll agree on is that we both are brave and courageous... have to say again... catharsis is not easy...

you know.. thinking back... it was that combination of words "inner child" that triggered me in the past... i'm no child... i am a man...

it is perhaps easier for a woman to connect with the child within herself... for a man... we are constantly told to grow up... be a man... no tears.. no emotions.. just hardness... hard work... hard heart... because to feel is considered by "manly men" to be something a woman does..

men can't afford to stop and feel their own pain... if we did... another "manly man" would laugh at us... that hurts more sometimes than an honest punch...

we men are truly complicated beasts... and yet, i have an image in my mind from long ago... perhaps you've seen the commercial with the rather large man holding a small baby in his arms in a hug... i think it was a commercial for diapers...

there is a paternal instinct as well... but it gets buried under the hard choices we have to make each day... the impression we are required it seems to give other men.. that is of being tough.. tougher... tough enough... feelings threaten to destroy that image... that is why we talk about anything other than what we feel...

at work, someone may ask you how you feel... a woman can give several different answers, but for men, only "good" is the correct answer... anything else, and people might think we're having a hard time holding it together...

call myself a child?... shoot me first...

but that doesn't mean i don't like to play... and you can see for yourself how men play... sometimes it gets a little rough.. but as manly men.. we can take it...

the topic of overviews has been on my mind for some time..

the idea of measurments comes to mind...

as i overview this society i attempt to measure our progress and success in some ways...

i see a lot of room for improvement myself, in myself, and in my society...

each day i rise and each day it's the same old story... look where it has led us...

i've done my self work.. so that i could do my part to improve what i see is a downward spiralling community...

i come from a long line of Catholic priests and teachers.. those tendencies are in my genes...

so i just wanted to help...

i'm not finished.. reply if you want.. but before my net crashes, i'm sending this out...

the above should be re: SeptMorn...

continuing... German Catholic.. nay the Roman... but i myself am not Catholic, Christian, Agnostic, or other... i am but what i am...

we drag the demon out when we feel strong enough to face it... may i ask what your sources of strength are?

afterthought:

i presume you've been following the activities in mens forum... you can see for yourself the antics men need to abide from other men.. even when lives are at stake... getting off the soapbox before i crash...

May I ask you to refresh my memory... twin issue?

Yeah... I had a feeling that Inner Child stuff wouldn't go down easy. Don't want to keep hammering that nail, but from what I've learned, all of us, men and women, have what Inner Child in us; a facet of our personalities, if you will. It's the playfull as well as the creative part of us. I'll leave it at that for you to mull over.

No, I don't read the men's forum at all in respect for Mellors. I do know that the men felt bashed by the women and rightfully so. Perhaps I'm not just color blind, I'm gender blind to a certain extent. Both genders have character traits, etc. that are mutual, but... HURRAY for the differences! I do not buy into the macho stuff that's put on men... to the extent that I refused to raise my boys that way, and I have three of them. They are all, ALL man! My oldest son, who is your are, is the most successful in everything he does. He owns a nation-wide company but he refuses to "grow up." His "child" runs rampant quite often. But his hard/macho side is quite evident also. Be that as it may. You have your upbringing, he has his.

"for a man... we are constantly told to grow up... be a man... no tears.. no emotions.. just hardness... hard work... hard heart... because to feel is considered by "manly men" to be something a woman does.. "

Have you considered that maybe this kind of teaching was wrong? It's not used so much anymore. Just consider it... nothing more.

"men can't afford to stop and feel their own pain... if we did... another "manly man" would laugh at us... that hurts more sometimes than an honest punch..."

Don't tell them... don't show them.

"the rather large man holding a small baby in his arms in a hug... "

I remember seeing a picture of a GI in combat uniform holding a small child giving it comfort. Very touching!

"at work, someone may ask you how you feel... "

I never answer truthfully, anyway. NO ONE really wants to hear it. I never ask that unless I really mean it because, for the most part, I don't want to sit and listen to people's "whine" stories. IMO, that's true of most anyone, man or woman.

"call myself a child?... shoot me first..."

No, the whole of you is NOT a child. It's only a small part of the whole man. I see my character, my Self, as a cut diamond. The "child" is only one small facet of the whole diamond. A facet, that when the light is right, will flash and glimmer.

I come from a large family of ministers, Protestant. I've shed all the twisted ideas they taught me of what a "good Christian" is. I try as much as I can to pattern myself to Jesus Christ. Period.

It's true that our society worldwide is going to Hell in a handbasket. There's not much I can do about it all but there's a whole lot I can do to improve myself. That is my job, first and foremost. I can understand where you're coming from, though. "Men" are the ones that are supposed to right the wrongs of society while we women keep the homefires burning. I like that idea, but it's no longer popular. I wouldn't give you a rat's rear end what women or people in general think of me on that. If you have a comment on that, go ahead because it's welcome from YOU. I just don't want to hear it from anyone else reading this. I don't care!!

Yes, Darrel, we've both grown in courage over, what, almost three years? We've grown in patience, understanding and allowing each other our own perspectives and our own ideas and beliefs. We're both openminded enough, now, to listen and accept that we don't think alike.

Oh, yes... that demon. We've talked about it before, haven't we?

My source of strength is my own experiences in life, what has proven to be right and what has failed me. My other source is my Faith.

Thank you so much for sharing of yourself. Whether we agree with each other or not, the bond becomes stronger. I'm proud of us, Darrel, I really am! (Not paying attention to Perna. Shes' just jealous! LOL)

Darrel/Nowheretorun and I are taking a break from this thread.

Just wanted everyone that's reading to know that... and that no one has bitten the other's head off. It's just that we work at it daily and it's gotten too intense.

Darrel, again... I'm so proud of us! The proof is in the pudding now! You've endured much!

catharsis can be painful . . . a song by the Velvet Underground says: spittin' into the wind comes back at you twice as hard ...

i've found that true often enough to know when to let the wind calm down ....

i've thought about an overview that may apply to each of us in some way...

an analogy to this struggle we call life...

as a child we are each given a cup. Jf fortunate, the cup is filled with opportunites, love, nourishment, grace and honor...

as we grow we attempt to carry this cup.. filled to the brim of whatever was put there...

along the way we cross obstacles, shoelaces come untied, a rock in the path... and slipping.. we fear spilling some of the contents of the cup...

Our parents wish, in it's altruistic form, is to wish not only that we not spill what lay in the cup, but also that we add to it's contents so that in turn may be passed on to the childrens children and grandchildren and so on...

in its lesser altruistic form... parents allow less pure ingredients to alter the cups contents...

whatever is not spilled is still passed on to what children there are to come...

as we near our later ages... i can measure myself by the contents of that cup...

and i failed to acknowledge your compliment Semptember... this is a much more civil thread than last time... i feel that in you and i feel it in me... i don't really have nightmare memories of it... we closed it on respectable terms for each of us...

i even wrote a poem that reminds me of that thread... in creative titled "Smile"

Smile

Last September
I remember
morning breezes
soft and tender
country road 99
driving on the borderline
That ferris wheel
in full moonlight
at seventeen
we did it right
Our friends all came
there was a dance
someone sang
"let's take a chance"
At rivers' edge
you played along
the speakers played
our favorite song
When morning came
I smiled with you
You looked so glad
I felt it too...

That's beautiful, Darrel! I'm touched!

Oh, to be that innocent again... maybe...

(((((Tomi))))) here is a good place to get it out if you want to... thinking of you...

I don't want to get out, Darrel. If this dance is over, that's fine. But there will be other dances, right?

almost certain, m'Lady

'er, i mean, yes m 'Lady...

You're home!

Another dance...

He called me "m'Lady"!

My night in shining armor!!!!

had a lot to process tonight.. sorry for my delayed reply...

well, Tomi... where does the story lead?

I just re-read one of your posts that says "it's a good place to let it out." I misread it the first time. I read that it was a good time to get out of it, meaning the thread.

What did you mean?

The thread is only important to me if it's important to you. Some things have taken place since it started and some things haven't changed. Maybe we need a new thread, you think? Or should we just let things take their normal course?

Your input?

hmmmmm... well, this is Your thread.. my invitation to "get it out" was in reference to some frustration you felt recently... i imagined you might use this thread (being yours) to "get it out"... i'm sure we'll be bunping into each other again... if nothing else, hopefully we both have healed from any loose ends left in the past... i know it has shown me a new light...

but this is your thread Tomi... i'll follow your lead unless i'm unable...