[OliverB]

I have just realized, if I don't mess up too much, in a year I will officially be a pharmacist. I don't know what I will do then

I have to get ride of depression in order to initiate the pharmacy residence to become an hospital pharmacy specialist or enroll in a PhD program. Thinking about it is overwhelming

I don't know how I have reached this point

Had dreaded feelings when I got up. Did the laundry. It went OK except that I goofed at the dryers and it cost me 50 cents to a dollar. I know that's very little money to lose, but I always get upset when I lose some money, even just a couple of cents.

A gloomy day outside with some off-and-on drizzle. I get the feeling I'm just going to do light bike riding today because of the road conditions. I just walked yesterday instead of bike riding because of the wetness.

[Mountaindewed]

I have everything going for me yet I still am not happy or satisfied. I feel like I am being ungrateful and manipulative. I feel really guilty.

The weekend is about over. It was a very dull weekend. There were no interactions with anyone during the whole weekend. Back to work tomorrow, there should be.

Took a two hour bike ride today. It was very cloudy and it drizzled at times. There were certain sections of the road that got wet, much to my surprise. I might have missed some pouring rain before I got there! Well, the bike riding was nice.

[Mountaindewed]

My doctor asked me if I wanted antidepressants today. I told him no I’d rather wait it out. I don’t want a repeat of 2015. My doctor (different one) thought I was depressed and he put me on Zoloft. Of course it was just seasonal. This was also in March. 2 weeks later spring started. 3 months later I got off the Zoloft 30 pounds heavier then I was before. Yup. I will wait it out.

Today was a pretty good day at work, even though the morning started off pretty weird. Took a bike ride after work. For the first time in two weeks, I went to the pool area. I had not been able to go there for the last two weeks because I had skin surgery. Well, the hot tub didn't work, it was cold. Too bad because I was looking forward to it. Especially on a night like this which is nice and cold for me. I hope that they will take care of it by tomorrow.

[OliverB]

I went to college

[Deilla]

Was a little anxious this afternoon. But I'm starting to feel better. Not sure what I will do tonight. Maybe read then go to bed early.

[PsychNitrous]

I'm tired of fighting.

It was a slow day at work today. Got home and felt discouraged. The pool area is still not working. I just hate it that I have to holler to the HOA constantly to get things done and they don't! I wouldn't last very long at my job if I operated that way. I feel discouraged because I can't stand my place where I live at and there's no getting out of it.

Also I got thinking that I don't have much of a family. It seems like they just think of themselves or value me because of what I can do for them, while they wouldn't do anything for me to help out.

I'm feeling like people are getting on my nerves. It seems like the people at work are in bad moods. I guess it's because of the weather. It's been cloudy and rainy a lot in the last month or two. People are telling me that they are really sick of it. I tend to love rain and cold but it's just been going on too long now. I've had to cancel my bike rides and going to the pool area a lot because of it.

I am basically at a standstill, a complete standstill

I don't know what else to say

every day is just groundhog day- going through the motions, eating less than average food, having little to no interaction with people, and then failing to get a good night's sleep

and that all starts again the next day, and the next, and the next, and the next

doesn't help living with 30 or so alters

I guess the positive of this week is that I got to have pancakes with sugar and lemmon on

they were good too, ended up having like 3 of them

but it doesn't solve the emptyness and sadness inside

[Deilla]

I'm doing well today. I had a really good blood sugar number this morning. They've pretty much been good for the past few weeks. I feel good. I slept well and I'm playing my game. Going to relax today.

[PsychNitrous]

I'm feeling very depressed today. I was kind of suicidal last night, some of the thoughts are still hanging on, but I don't feel as much drive to act on them today. Things are going to get better, I have insurance again so I can go back to 2x a month with my therapist, and I just got an appointment with a prescriber for the week after next. But right now it's hard not to focus on the bad. I'm just isolating today and trying to avoid everyone.

[Sunflower123]

I am sad and heart broken today.

I've been feeling alright for most of the day today, so I guess that's good. Early this morning I felt kind of weird. As I got into my car to go to work, I bumped into that man who lives below me as he was walking his dog. He's that same guy who told me a few weeks ago (right around the same time and same spot) to stop working out because it was bothering him. At that time he seemed upset and was about to cry. This morning he was the nicest to me in a long time. That's good except that I feel like he's very nice to me because he got his way. It's been a sacrifice for me to stop working out.

The pool area is now working, so that makes me feel better. I think that the word hasn't gotten out about it working; which is probably why people haven't been coming. That's great, but it's sad to feel happy that people don't come in simply because I haven't met anyone nice.

On Sunday I plan to look at an opening for an apartment. It doesn't sound like what I had really hoped for, but maybe it might do me some good to practice looking for a place.

[Rose76]

I'm not depressed. That's good. I am having trouble keeping up with things. My bf has been sicker. My left heel is hard to walk on at times.

[Deilla]

I might have to surrender my cat. He's been aggressive for a few months now. Just recently attacked me for no reason. I wasn't even petting him. It's a hard decision but I've been to the vet twice and I've tried to work with him. I don't know why he has a mean streak. I feel like I must have been a bad cat mom or something. I tried my best.

Typical Saturday for me. Busy early in the day and not much after that. Another dull Saturday. I feel anticipation that there's going to be some excitement today, but it never happens. Nothing much for tonight, except to watch a movie that I hope I will like.

I am ashamed to be alive

litirally doing nothing with my day- I don't really deserve it

The past few weeks have been really hard.

Woke up feeling dreadful like I always do on Sunday mornings. I don't know why it's like that. And I felt tired getting up. We had the time change last night. I have always hated that time to set the clocks ahead one hour.

Later in the morning I went to look at a place. It was nice, clean, and had been newly remodeled. Though I thought that the designs were kind of homely. Yet it makes, in comparison, my place put to shame. I felt like I wasn't connecting well with the RE Agent, who was renting the place out. Plus the agent didn't know where the rec/exercise room was at the apartment complex. That's weird. The complex is small. So I think that it's not a possibility for me to move there, it looks like. I felt down and defeated, but I'll try to lift my chin up for future possibilities. Also, he's not the same agent that I'm dealing with in potentially selling my place.

[Rose76]

The oncologist said my bf could live another year and a half. I don't believe that. He hardly has the strength to hold his mug of coffee in the morning. I've lately been giving him a spoon to eat with, as he's having trouble using a fork. The cancer treatment is starting to make him sick. I'm losing interest in my life.

Originally Posted by will19

Woke up feeling dreadful like I always do on Sunday mornings. I don't know why it's like that. And I felt tired getting up. We had the time change last night. I have always hated that time to set the clocks ahead one hour.

Later in the morning I went to look at a place. It was nice, clean, and had been newly remodeled. Though I thought that the designs were kind of homely. Yet it makes, in comparison, my place put to shame. I felt like I wasn't connecting well with the RE Agent, who was renting the place out. Plus the agent didn't know where the rec/exercise room was at the apartment complex. That's weird. The complex is small. So I think that it's not a possibility for me to move there, it looks like. I felt down and defeated, but I'll try to lift my chin up for future possibilities. Also, he's not the same agent that I'm dealing with in potentially selling my place.

I got a message from the agent saying that I didn't appear interested in that place. It seemed like that time being there appeared to be weird. I was told that I needed to sell my place first before going out to rent. Well, where am I going to stay if I have to leave my place when it's sold? Anyways, I'm brand new at this game. Perhaps I have stuff to learn on this. There's a woman at my job who was a Realtor. I could talk to her about this. She is trying to help me though this process. I'm feeling very down to have gotten a rejection. But I wasn't too crazy about that place anyways.

[zapatoes]

Sunday is a difficult day always, something about Monday lurking around the corner and sometimes dread the new week. Losing 1 hour does not help, it’s not a big deal, but it is somehow. Another ok weekend, not super motivated, but getting some things done anyway. Can be so productive when properly motivated. This weekend managed to accomplish the necessities with grocery shopping, run errands, laundry, walk the dog, and ate lunch out, watched my favorite shows.