I got a message about one of the payments I made last Saturday that I didn't expect. I paid what I owed online last Saturday and today I got a message saying that payment had been rejected. It turned out that I entered in a wrong number in the process. So I had to do it again and was charged an additional $25. I beat myself up for most of the day because of that. I hope it doesn't happen again. I thought that I did everything correctly. It seems like since I moved into my new place, the money has been gobbling up. I didn't think it would be that bad.

I worked out today and it went well. Nothing much else to report about.

[Deilla]

Taking it easy this morning. I feel calm and hopeful. Just going through my To Do List. Will relax and do yoga later.

[SignOfHope]

Feeling okay. A tad low. Quite anti-social. I just wanna crawl into a shell and have no one speak to me.

[3rd rock]

Second draft done. Beginning rewrites.

[Sunflower123]

Low energy and low motivation this morning. I need to get moving because the depression is right there waiting for me if I don’t.

[Rose76]

I hear you Jennifer. I'm in the same boat.

Another pretty blueish day today. I worked on a new "Work Order" system at work today and I only got it halfway right. The old system was better as it was easier to use. Felt humiliating that I couldn't do that thing correctly. Another day of feeling humiliated and bad about myself.

Slow at work again today but slightly busier. I got very mad at myself when I got home. I had discovered that I bought desert at a store on the way in to work this morning and then forgot to bring it home with me. So after the bike ride I went to the convenience store close by to buy yogurt. It was pricey but it least it was better than nothing.

I feel somewhat better about myself. I may not follow through, but I had the guts to go into a mall and inquire about a job.... it sounds like too much of an expense, but I do think I'll talk to her again about it and see what can be done... i'll need tools likely and building a clientelle isn't that simple. My energy is getting better, I may be able to stand on my feet for part time work.

I have had a bad day today.

pannic attack and lots of chronic pain

and an empty skedule

[Deilla]

I've kept busy today which has helped my mood a lot. I also did some therapeutic painting. I feel like doing more painting. Maybe just a little more. And then I need to do some work on my neuroplasticity class.

[Misery Business]

I am feeling pretty good right now as I had a good therapy session this morning and learned some things that I did not know.

[3rd rock]

Well, I wish I wasn't so tired all the time.

[3rd rock]

It's over 30 degrees in here! Jeez!

The little bits of badness to make me feel down continued for today, and more of it than other days. I got that payment rejected again, so another $25 to pay up on that bill! They said it was an error and not recognized. I figured it out on what went wrong. Now $75 has just been thrown out the window! I'm so mad!

And then this afternoon, I got an email from a friend of mine from college. I was wondering why he hadn't written to me. It's because he fainted and ended up in hospital for a couple of days. He has epilepsy and it was a flare up. I've noticed lately, when talking to him on the phone, that he sounds out of it. Too bad. He's such a great friend. I wished that he was living in my area, but we're 3000 miles away.

At least at work it was pretty busy and the people were nice to talk to. That lifted my spirits a bit. I worked out after work and it went well. Fortunately I had internet radio on and they were playing all good music. It's my favorite site to go to.

[Rose76]

Friday was a decent day. Did the main things I had to do. Haven't felt depressed. A little crying, but that blew over quickly.

I have been feeling okay today with the acception of some anxiety this morning.

I am broken. I don't know how I can move on. I want to die. There is no place for me to go. I have never belonged. I won't ever break free. I signed my fate when I was ten. I am too alone. Maybe that was inevitable.

I finished cleaning my place. I'm feeling like I can't go anywhere for the next few hours because there's a big event going on near where I live. If I went anywhere, then my parking space could be taken. I don't have assigned parking. There's no parking available nearby. Normally I would go shopping today but I can't because of the crowds. I have enough until tomorrow.

[3rd rock]

Doctors keep hectoring me to get more exercise but it's way too hot out to get much exercise.

[Rose76]

Awful tired. Got my days and nights reversed. Fell asleep at 7:30 a.m. woke up a few times . . . finally at 4 p.m. I could fall back asleep now.

This sleep chaos makes it hard to plan a schedule for the day. Worst of all, I think people don't believe this is not under my control. All my life, I've been accused of deliberately staying awake at night and being just lazy in the daytime.

Today had to be the worst Saturday in a long time for me. I felt very out of it. The big event that happened in my neighborhood got me feeling very depressed. Also there's a good chance that I'm going to splitting up with the only friend I have. I don't know what I'm going to do now.

I feel like I'm surrounded by people who are having fun and happy with the company that they have. I'm just feeling very miserable and alone.

I hope that tomorrow will be better. It's too bad that my favorite day of the week was so horrible today.

[Deilla]

Doing well tonight. I found time to play piano. It was so much. I also found a new game to play. So I've just been relaxing. Will work on my class next and do some reading.

[3rd rock]

I exceeded my daily goal for writing. At this pace I'll have the 3rd draft (1st major round of revisions) done on this project by the middle of August. I could have it out on the e-shelves as early as the end of September. It'll be over 200,000 words, the longest work I've produced so far.

I know this sounds silly, but I took out two bags to the dumpster behind my building and washed the dishes. It's the little things that sometimes help. Or not. I don't know.

[Rose76]

Very unmotivated. Feel I have no goal. Wasting hour after hour. Hopeless.

A little bit better day today than yesterday, but still feeling very down. The best part of the day was this morning when I was able to go shopping. I couldn't do it yesterday because of a special event that happened in the neighborhood. As one guy told me, "this neighborhood was in lock-down". How true!

Went on a bike ride for an hour and a half. I was pretty busy in doing domestic stuff today.