[T4bbyCat]

The height of summer, sunny and blue weather (too few of these days in the US northwest). I wish I could enjoy any of it, but the most I can do is look at footage from the traffic cams across the state to see what I'm missing... at least it does put me there vicariously.

[3rd rock]

I am struggling to breathe. I want to sleep all the time. After years of struggle there is only more struggle ahead. But the urge to live is strong.

[Breaking Dawn]

I'm doing pretty good. Life is difficult, that's for sure. But, at least today, I see where I could be & don't want to be & I am somehow finding a special strength (thank you, God) to keep working on myself & my goals.

[Rose76]

I'm continuing to feel pretty well.

[Mountaindewed]

I wouldn’t say depressed is the right word. Bored and uncertain for sure. But isn’t everyone? I spent the day doing nothing with my hair a mess and not showered and in a white t shirt and light jeans looking like a 40 year old guy from the 1980’s. Complete with the bottle. It was prickly pear soda though.

Not a lot going on today. Typical Sunday. After I got up I did some light things around my place. My sister called. It went alright but it seems like she always have depressing things to talk about.

Took a 2 and a half hour bike ride. It was pretty warm outside, so I felt less energetic. Nothing much after that.

I'm in a messy bed I made for myself, not sure if that's the right saying. I didn't leave when i should have, but now I believe me being forced to face my life alone will strengthen me. Eventually. For now, depression in very real and being alone and reaching for help that isn't quite there yet... I just got to keep looking. I have to find it. I'm often torn with my relationship with my younger son, but tonight, he has good insights..... he said "things will get better, they can get better"..... and that's what depression steals from us.. we think that something is "the end of the world".... but maybe I'll find strength and I will cope better soon.

Very weird and not so nice day today. That issue about the phone came up again and I still cannot download it. I tried a lot to get help and nothing worked. One co-worker of mine told me that someone had helped him, but that guy who helped him doesn't work at the site very often. I contacted him though email, but no help. He might be able to pull off some kind of miracle if he could be with me and see what happens. My co-worker has a real old fashioned phone and I'm surprised he can download anything on it. So we'll see.

Also I got itchy bumps on my arms (1 on my right arm and 2 on my left) and I don't know how they happened. I didn't see any bugs or mosquitoes around me, but it appears I have some bites. I seem to get them at this time of year.

[3rd rock]

I ate very poorly today and now I feel bad. I'll go to bed soon. I have Mondays off now for medical reasons, so tomorrow will be the start of my work week. I hope to get through it without calling in sick once. We'll see what happens.

Did too much cleaning today, so sick of the messes my son makes and he makes excuses "oh yeah I'll get to it", "oh i don't feel well".. whatever, I end up doing it myself. Counting my older son, more than 28 years of cleaning other peoples **** and I'm sick of it. If I don't clean it it just becomes waaayyy too much to handle.

I'm very very nervous of where we are going to live after we leave here. This covid crap has screwed the system up and its clogged.

My doc is useless, I'm in pain and they can't find the reason..... and so I just keep going.
Hugs to everyone here... depression sucks

Just realized you cant say **** here...... so shyte.....

[Breaking Dawn]

Dear @2daffodils, your frustration is easily understood. God bless you! Hang in there.

I still haven't been rescued from not being able to download that app that my company wants me to have. I called the mobile phone company this morning and had a good talk with someone. He told me that someone will call me at my home after work, because I would be more connected with the WiFi. Well, someone called and I got cut off. I called back but was not able to reach anyone. So back to the "drawing board" on this case. Will it ever end?

[Yzen]

I can't seem to get motivated to work on the things I need to do for my own well-being.

Once again not able to download that app from work. I was down to practically my last hope; someone who could help me in-person. No dice. Well, at least he took me there half way maybe.

Other than that, very slow at work and feeling very depressed. I'm feeling like I'm just going through the motions and nothing new happening.

After work, I decided to go for a bike ride instead of working out. I felt guilty about it. I just didn't feel like working out today.

[Breaking Dawn]

Happy Thursday, everybody! Unless it's a different day where you are, then happy that day. ha ha And oh yes, I think I'm fine today, so far.

Right now, I need to be strong and braver than I've ever been. God help me do it. Goodbye my love.

Again, still no download on that app from work. That guy who helped me yesterday showed up today. I didn't expect to see him today. We went over it but not much help. However, I made progress and did it myself. I got somewhere but now the reason I can't get it is because of the stupid "Captia" thing that keeps on rejecting me. It comes up with stupid words and letters that are too close together for me to see that I have to enter in. Despite it, I felt like I entered in the right letters and it still rejected me. WEIRD!

Other than that, it's a slow day at work. Tomorrow I'm supposed to have a phone staff meeting, which I dread. But I'll see how it goes.

Late this morning there was a staff meeting by phone. One of the managers was on the staff call. I told him happened about that app I could not download. He seemed OK with it. It was so hard that we just have to give up on it. Well, it's not that important anyways.

Very slow at work. I worked out after that.

[Breaking Dawn]

Completed a few small goals. I have plans for so many things but I have to take it slow & keep going.

Another typical Saturday. Early this morning I almost hit a bike rider when I was coming home from shopping. I was coming to an intersection that had traffic lights and on my street the light was green. It had been green for a while. The bike rider on the other street just rode through a red light without stopping and even looking. What was he thinking?

Boring afternoon. I called my friend and he sounded very tired. I don't know what from, except it's just old age. He hadn't done anything all day. It was pretty depressing.

[Rose76]

I'm very stiff and very sore. Unfortunately, I used up all my hydrocodone way ahead of schedule, doing all the extra work I have to do for now. So now I can't bear to move.

I guess I'll try some ETOH. It does have analgesic properties.

This is awful. I'm worried sick what my PCP is going to say when I ask for a refill ahead of scedule.

I called the shelter here twice this week, they said I need to call every day as they wont have beds unless someone leaves, and they kind of chuckled at that..... guess no one is in a hurry to get out of there. I was in a shelter in another city years ago, and they had a limit of 2 months stay, but a lot of the women said they had been gone and went back again several times. i believe its the covid crap causing this back up and rise in domestic violence.

I finally got 4 hours sleep yesterday afternoon. Now I'm not sleepy again, oh well what do you do, I cant lay still and stare at the ceiling.

[Breaking Dawn]

I'm off to a good start. I'm hoping to fulfill some back burner goals before this day is done.

[Buffy01]

I been feeling really depressed again. There is no reason why I been feeling down.