what's depressing you at the moment?

Want to date, but it’s seems almost impossible now, and history of disappointments in the past.

The chores I have to do and the pain I'm in.

Boredom. Everyday feels like the same day.

I needed help today. I have limited mobility and I can only do so much. I asked my mom for help yesterday. I thought she would come through for me. I waited and waited. She never showed up. I finally called and she said she was busy. I'm just not important enough. I don't matter. I'm worthless. And no one cares.

I'm incredibly angry about the noise, too. I hate the footsteps of children running next door. What is the reason for this?

That I'm overly sensitive.

Not getting enough sleep

Feeling overwhelmed.

I’m just really tired right now and I can’t tell if I’m super anxious or if I have some type of bug. But I don’t feel very well.

The fact that believing falsehoods is the minimum requirement for being tolerated. People are to eager to believe comforting falsehoods and will reject anyone who refuses to do so. Anyone who prioritizes facts no matter the discomfort is seen as a monster.

That I am tired yet I have chores I have to handle today.

Too much to do and not enough energy.

Something I can't really talk about. I'm triggered. I guess I will just have to cope as best I can.

That most of my family is ignoring me.

The storm that's coming and preventing us from moving on time. 🙄

Not hearing from people I care about.

Just everything, being at home, rainy weather, wanting to socialize more, but not feeling like it, and really can’t since not everyone vaccinated. Regrets about my career choices, feeling guilty about several things, and could go on, but won’t.

Birthday coming up soon, but hitting a new decade milestone. 😐😑🙁☹

Running behind this morning, having a headache and a difficult cat.

Thinking about how nice it is for a day like today for me and then it will be over and back to the things I'm not crazy about for a fairly long haul. Already I'm dreading going to work on Monday; and then not knowing what's going to happen in the future. It's just going to be very slow at work and I feel bad about what happened with the mail situation (posted on Daily Check-In from yesterday).

Also I feel lonesome and don't know what to do about it. I feel like people, in general, are not too crazy about me anyways.

I been thinking a lot about the cyber bullying that took place in 2018 that had continued on throughout 2019. Even though I had changed everything over. I’m still worried.

I'm worried about my future. I have some big decisions I need to make to start moving forward. It's overwhelming and there is just something blocking me from making them. So, I just stay stuck and spinning in worry. I'm grateful that no one is hassling me to make them right now and I am in a good position overall. But I fear not getting things moving soon is going to put me in a bad position. I don't want to feel any more desperate than I already do. Couple all of that with feeling I'm letting people down, though I don't know who exactly, and that I'm not living up to my potential. If I could go back to my old life things would improve dramatically, but temporarily. But I don't want to go back and I don't know what to do instead. I don't feel like I'm good enough. At anything. As always I'm just trying to get through the day.

That I need to get dressed today and go sit on the patio. I don't have the desire to do it but I know it will be good for me. I'm trying to overcome agoraphobia. I need a shower. Is there a name for fear of the shower? I've not found one. But I do know that a lot of people struggle in one way or another.

Edit: I found it! It's called ablutophobia. Exposure therapy works on that too.

I felt depressed when I woke up this morning. I feel a little bit better now, but still depressed. What I felt depressed about early this morning was thinking about what's going to happen at my job and retiring. As far as retiring goes, can I afford it since the rent at where I live is fairly high? And will I like being retired? The reason retiring appeals to me is because I don't have to go to my job that I'm not happy with anymore.

I feel depressed now because of having to go to work tomorrow.

I didn’t want to get out of bed this morning. Most of the time I’m optimistic and work hard to make headway. Some days though, reality steps in and I realize I’ll never have a normal life or go back to where I was before the illness hit.