I need some encouragement.

I just lost my whole post to you!
Anyway I was saying that I think you're amazing for trying so hard ,even on bad days. I wish I could do that but sometimes I just want to hide under the covers.
I hope today is a good one for you! I might try to go out with my husband to do some shopping. Its so hard to get motivated, though.

Reading this, I almost started to cry. Thank you. Now I am crying.

That is so awful, but easy for me to believe. We hear about the need to get rid of stigma. The place for that to start would be with the staff of psych facilities. They can have so much contempt for their clients. I'm sorry you went through that. Awful.

A psychiatrist at the big place told me I had Narcissistict Personality Disorder. She also told me I was an alcoholic. Since age 17, I've mostly worked in nursing homes, caring for frail elders. They liked me a lot, and I loved them. When depressed, I don't have any interest in drinking.

Staff are never held accountable for the harm they cause.

Thank you. I hate when that happens - losing what I've typed. Try to go out with your husband. Buy yourself a little treat of some kind.

I have to get through the initial bad feeling that morning seems to bring. I'm waiting for my apartment to warm up. My furnace keeps cutting out. I don't want to tell my landlady, until I get my place straightened up. I would be embarrassed for her to see that my Christmas tree is still up.

I won't put the TV on because the news is mostly sad. Once the place warms up, I'll work on the mail - bill paying.

I am telling myself that this will not go on forever . . . that I'll come out the other side. I felt very good for much of last autumn. I should be able to get back to that. It's firstly a matter of putting my home in order. The place isn't too bad. Once I get that tree down, it should go pretty fast.

I took my pain pill (hydrocodone.) I don't have all that much discomfort this morning. I take it because it helps me feel a little better mentally. It just kicked in. My back relaxes, and I feel some of the weight on my mind lifted off.

I want to be able to post something good in a few hours. May this day bring some good thing to each of you.

sorry i didnt mean to make anyone cry

Is your tree fake? Put a trash bag over it and put it in whatever place you keep stuff at. Closet or basement. Next year keep your decorations small. You can decorate a lot with small stuff. Table top tree etc Put all your stuff in one box/container. Then put up spring stuff up. Small items. If seasonal decorations are a hassle, keep it more manageable. What you have sounds unmanageable to me. Make your life easier

Don't be sorry. Your words are always comforting. Sometimes I just don't expect to hear things as nice as what you've said. You 've made me feel less in pain. May blessings come your way.

It's a 6&1/2 ft tree. No place to store it inside my apt. I have a storage closet accessible from outside. It will go in tree bag onto a shelf out there. I think I may be less ambitious with Xmas stuff next year. I used to just have my Nativity set, and I was happy with that. Smaller table top trees are nice. I like the ceramic ones you plug in.

This is just a hump I have to get over this year. When my boyfriend was alive, but disabled, he used to love watching me decorate. He bought a lot of the stuff when he was well. I, myself, would be very happy with less.

I need to declutter and streamline. I have used a professional organizer a few times over the past 2 years. Expensive, but was worth every nickle. A 3 room apartment easily becomes too congested with stuff. I used to be a minimalist. Then life happened.

Thanks. Spring comes soon in the Southwest. I'll feel better when I transition to Spring mode.

6 1/2" tree sounds like too much to deal with. I have the same and it was a lot of work getting everything put away.
Do you decorate for Spring ? Maybe just some fresh flowers. ? I did manage to go out but felt awful that I've gained so much weight that I didn't buy any clothes. I bought my dog a sweater since its going to be -34 degrees on Saturday.
I know you'll feel better. Maybe once winter is over,all of us will feel better. The gray weather doesn't help, does it?

@calla lilly12

Wow - winter is sure rough where you are. I'll bet your doggie takes care of business pretty quick when you take him outside. My waistline expanded too. Monday I couldn't believe the electronic scale at the clinic. They put it in kg. Then I have to translate it. Over 10 pounds fairly recently.

We'll all know better days. Winter is mild in the Southwest, yet, in recent years, I really don't like being in the cold. Right now, I have an electric heating pad near my feet. Today, I've felt exhausted.

Hi Rose,
Our Christmas tree wen t up 2 Christmases ago and won't ever come down. It has nice warm white lights and casts a very nice light so after Christmas we take off the decorations and keep the u decorated tree up. Its kinda like a pencil tree so space is not an issue. I have a ceramic tree that I put on my bureau every year. It seems like your a bit better today? Did you get the bills paid? I think the late fees are horrid!

No. I must still work on bills. All day yesterday I was sick with gut issues. I was admitted to the hospital twice for diverticulitis in '22. I went septic. Then a 3rd time with bleeding ulcers. Back to the ER in Nov after vomitting blood.

It's nice that you still enjoy the tree and lights. I guess I could feel less guilty.

Today - finish the mail.

Hi Rose
How is your day going? My homemaker came and we plowed through my linen closet. I feel so much better! Told my husband he is not allowed to put anything in the closet without my input. I can't do that mess again ever..it definitely effects my mood. It is brutally cold here extreme!y windy. The house is making noises I haven't heard before and I have been here 30 years. The heat is up to 70 and I am not warm enough. Tomorrow we are planning a very low key day. Monday we are going to the senior center for some help with our fuel assistance application. I really hope we are eligible as our electric bill increased 70% and our gas 23%.

Hope you are feeling a bit better....you CAN get through this Rose. Don't let your brain tell you anything else!

Ooooo - I'm getting shivers hearing what it's like where you are. Now that you got control of that closet, you want to maintain that achievement. Hubby must respect that.

I got thru the mail and bills. I thought they'ld be overdue and I'ld incur late fees. It wasn't that bad. I phoned in all payments. Tomorrow the tree is my project. I feel like I'm starting to turn a corner.

Tired now. Rest well everyone.

Well done Rose in getting those bills sorted!

I can't get warm no matter how much I run the furnace. It was -34 wind chill this morning. My poor little dog had to go out but only lasted a minute.
I used to do the bills but since my husband was layed off years ago, I could do it without major panic. We're better financially now but not much.
Deejay does your city have the circuit breaker credit or other help with bills? If you are over 60 there are many credits you can get. We were very lucky this year that we were able to fill the oil tank. That should last a while.
I usually love winter but this year feels so dismal.
Rose, good job with your bills. You're doing so well! I know it feels overwhelming. Everyone stay warm!

Excellent job Rose! Last I checked it was up to five degrees!! We left the heat up last night to protect the pipes. Enjoying my lazy day. Watching a movie on TCM under the warm blankets. You must feel some relief getting the bills paid. I will be around for support Rose so if you need to write away.

Thank you. Whenever I put off doing a thing, it seems harder and harder. Eventually it seems like climbing Mount Everest. I scare myself so much. The bills didn't amount to as much as I thought they would.

Today I took down the Christmas tree. Another "mountain" I didn't want to tackle. It's in 3 peaces on the floor now. Tomorrow I'll bag it and put it up on a shelf in my outside storage closet.

The depression has eased a good bit. Today I cried just once.

Maybe put an electric heating pad on your lap, or a hot water bottle. I have an electric heating pad on my sofa and at the foot of my bed.

Thanks for encouraging me. I tell myself to just keep putting one foot in front of the other. I take a lot of breaks. Starting any task is the hardest. Once I've been at it for a bit, it gets much easier to hang in there. The day goes by. Then I like getting into my bed. I start off watching videos on my phone. Soon I fall asleep. I'm sleepy now.

Thank you. I'm a fan of TCM also. My tree has over 700 branches. I had so many ornaments to take off. Having the bills done is indeed a relief. I'm sleepy now.

5 degrees. Sounds balmy (not.) Kitchen is picked up. Bird feeders are full. This livingroom needs straightening up bad.

Wow awesome job Rose!!!

My thoughtful sister called today. We had a nice and a long chat. After that, I had trouble focusing on anything. Like my mind got too stimulated.

So I feel like I'm wasting the day. Taking the tree down made a bigger mess than when it was up, but that's part of the process. I'll put it in storage tomorrow.

Right now I feel so unsettled. I think I might just go to the store for groceries. I have to get milk and bread and other basics.

I don't feel well, mentally, but I'm telling myself to just keep trying to go forward.

It will probably be good to get out. I have to get out often or my mood sails downward. My husband is very good about that in general.

I got the groceries, and it is comforting to have what I want in the kiitchen.

Usually I really enjoy any kind of shopping. This evening, I could feel my eyes watering at the store. I felt so bad. I'll eat now. That will help.

I better get things done tomorrow.

I'm in bed. When I go into the living room, I can't face the mess. I come back into the bedroom.

I'm getting worse, instead of better.

I thought of drawing a bath. If I got in the tub, at least I would be out of the bed.

This is awful. This bad feeling is stuck all over me, and I can't scrape it off.