I need some encouragement.

@unaluna - I'm delighted this thread is helping you, who have been good enough to help me. Yes, consistency is what gets us where we want to go. Inconsistency has been the hallmark of my life lately. I want to commit to some regular physical activity. I feel so much better now, mentally. At the gym, I plan to start with walking on the treadmill and using the stationary bike. That's great that you're seeing improvement. The last 2 months are challenging between the holidays and the winter weather. Yet you've seen results. I'ld love to be able to say that.


My improved mood continues. Laundry beckond. But I have "pink eye" on the left that's gotten worse. I need to get checked out. I'm not sure where to go.

Rose i hope your pink eye gets better soon

Pinkeye you might be able to do on dr over the phone. They dont take a culture, right? Otherwise walk-in care, maybe call first.

A lot of times i think i have pinkeye but lm afraid its just bad hygiene. I just wash the eye and apply red-out.

Where I get my healthcare said I could be seen by an eye doctor next week. I was afraid to wait that long, so I went to an optometrist where I've had my eyes tested for eye glasses. She was able to see me right away today. She diagnosed "episcleritis" of my left eye and ordered me special drops to replace what my primary ordered last week. My eye is really sore, but I trust that I'm getting the right treatment now. Thanks for the posts asking about my eye.

Despite my sore eye, I feel so much better overall. I did go to a multi-generational center and paid the $20 to join. I signed up for a computer course there. I need to see what else they offer. It's going to be great to get out of my apartment and join others for some activities. They have a well-equipped gym, but I'ld like something where I get some direction like yoga or tai chi. I envy @Deejay14's meditation group. I live in a good size city, so I think something like that must be offered somewhere. I'm also going to investigate the university's continuing education programs.

I really feel good, but I must make the most of my new found energy. I must commit to some activities that will get me out, active and around other people. I feel like this surge is going to last for a while. This "depressive episode" has finished. More episodes will come. I don't want the next one to devastate me like this last one did for over 2 months. So I must get into some healthy activities.

I will re-read this thread tomorrow to remind myself of some good suggestions that posters have offered above. I am very greatful to all of you for helping me. It's such a relief to come out of that dark tunnel. Thanks for shining your lights, which helped me see a path, when I was in a grim wilderness. It was the worst episode in 3 years, but it has passed. Blessings on you all.

Thank you for the tranquility. I'm sorry you have trouble sleeping also. I dread the night time.
I'm so glad your dark time is easing. If you like fragrance, lavender is good for relaxation.
I guess I'm just scared about everything going on in the world and in my head. Why is there such evil and cruelty lately?
Take good care and sleep tight.

Rose

For Rose

Thank you @calla_lilly12.

I've heard so often that lavender is a calming fragrance. I hate to sound like a weirdo, but - to me - lavender reminds me of the smell of bug spray. I avoid it. My great love is for vanilla fragrance. My mother used to add vanilla and sugar to my milk when I was very little. I just love to smell vanilla. Also rose. I want to buy some essential oils. Then I can put some in the tub and do other things with fragrance. I burn a scented candle every evening.

I'm already yawning, so I think I'll sleep ok.

You are so right about all the bad news. I listen to news channels a lot. Right now, it's about the shootings in Michigan at the university. This has become a trend. If you're unhappy, go shoot people. Why be unhappy alone? Make others feel miserable too.

What we do here on these forums is a constructive alternative for how to handle being unhappy. Thank you and all posters above for helping me. I'm sorry you dread the night. I hope tonight passes peacefully for you.

The bad stuff in the world scares me too, I think there’s a lot of empathetic people on this thread. The news can be so overwhelming. I once read a wise poster on msf say they were on a news diet, that sounds like a good idea to me.

Indeed. Since retiring, I've kind of gotten addicted to the news. I tell myself that I want to be well informed about what's going on in the world. But, truthfully . . . all this information is not making me a better functioning person. Not at all. I'm getting more and more convinced that this world is just an awful place. It provides more incentive to crawl into bed and pull the covers over my head.

Yes, I'm touched by how much empathy has been expressed above. I think having an empathetic nature is not without it's cost. I think empathic persons sometimes get exploited. My neighbor phoned me recently. I decided not to answer. I figured she was going to ask me to come over for a visit. I like having someone to visit, but this lady exhausts me. She likes to tell me about all the things that she is unhappy about. Her health problems. Her family doesn't pay enough attention to her. The landlady won't do some refurbishing of her apartment. (She wants a new tile floor.) Her doctors aren't ccuring her ailments. Years ago she was a victim of domestic violence. These stories are on a loop . . . endlessly repeated. She's not much into listening. If I talk, she get's bored and looks away. So I'm kind of avoiding her.

We all have issues. I think the individual has to take ownership and be making attempts to overcome difficulties. Some disappointments have to be accepted. The news, however, is impacting me in a negative way. I need to spend more time with something positive. Right now I'm listening to a reporter in Turkey talking to a couple whose "5 children are still buried under the rubble." So sad. I need to turn my attention toward what I can do something about.

Vanilla is a wonderful scent. The smell of roses is very calming. Get an aroma defuser and some essential oil. Oh vanilla and sugar sounds good! I hope all of us here can have peace and comfort.

For all of us.

@Calla_Lily12 - thanks. That group hug feels warm on this cold morning. We got snow during the night.

Outside my bedrrom window, I see two birds on the feeder, fighting for position. They have to stick their heads through a bit of snow to get at the bird seeds. I hope the food helps them warm up.

When my furnace heats up my place, I'll get out of bed. Two doctor appointments today.

Good day everyone. Stay warm.

It was good to have gotten out of that episode. The help I go here meant a lot.

I'm not doing so good with this next phase of getting really well. I'm still staying stuck at home by myself way too much. Home alone - way too much.

I will read over the posts above. There were good suggestions offered. I need to follow through. I don't want to keep looking for hand-holding. But I'm kind of stuck and could use a push.

At my gp visit yesterday, my dr told me to schedule exercise on my phone.

I've never used my phone for setting up a schedule. I'm not proficient in the use of my smart phone. (No kids to teach me.) But I'm fully capable of learning how. So I shall start. Thanks for the suggestion.

I spend a few hundred dollars on joining the gym. It's time I got something for my money.

You could google how to do it. You could ask how to schedule exercise or how to set things up. It tells you step by step how to do literally everything with any electronics. Or you tube. You can find anything. Don’t need the kids for that. Google is better in a sense that it won’t get irritated with you hahah

Yes, I clicked on the calendar icon and put some things for today. It's kind of intuitive. But I'll also Google it. Thanks.

I thought I had concluded this thread. I did come up out of the pit I was in when I started this thread.

I'm not doing good at all. I've fallen into a new tailspin. I've got to get back to how I was in the fall, when I was in good spirits. I'm getting frantic that I can't seem to really get back on my feet. Since yesterday I've been breaking down over and over. I have to get up from this. I'm way too depressed.

I understand if there's not much more anyone can think of saying. I might just keep posting here to keep a record for myself of how this is going.

I have to push myself to do things. Thst was what worked before.

You just came from getting an infusion, which was emotionally trying, plus you must have been getting physically depleted. We dont just bounce right back up.

Msybe im not hard enough on myself now, but i spent most of my life stressed out to the max about meeting deadlines and expectations. Not goals - everything i did was for someone else, not for me. This is a new paradigm. I HAVE started walking around the house saying, "i cant take this anymore."

I dont understand why you wont give yourself some grace. I hate seeing it! Then if you dont like it, you can go back to being a b to yourself, if you must! But its just an additional burden weighing you down, imo.

Please, if anyone has time to just leave a few words. That will help. I hate to be so needy, especially when posters above already gave me so much encouragement. I'm a wreck.

I gotta believe that I will be alright again.

Hang in there @Rose76 I am so sorry that you are not feeling well now, emotionally. Depression can be so soul sucking. I wish for you some moments of peace and tranquility today. HUGS if wanted, Kit

@SlumberKitty - thank you.

I'm sorry to get on anyone's nerves. I was afraid that if I came back to this thread that it would be imposing on people's generosity. I thought of doing some PMs, but I don't think that's fair. On a thread, members can stay or leave with no explanation. Sometimes a person does create their own hell, which makes observers feel like they have to move on. I think I understand that it feels futile to watch someone relapsing instead of making progress.

Youre not getting on my nerves! I just want you to take a page from my lazy book and stop being so hard on yourself.

It took me 70 years to start saying, "i cant take this mess anymore." The person who made the mess is not-me, if you remember the character from The Family Circle by Bil Keane.

You will find the person who is-you - let her come to you.

Sorry if i sounded harsh. I intended hearty!