[Rose76]

Today went much better. Got laundry done. Made a decent dinner. Not depressed today.

[3rd rock]

I've been sleeping less lately, although that's as much a matter of choice as anything else. I haven't been feeling too bad of late, although I'm always a moment away from spiraling. I'm still not feeling very hopeful for the future, however, as I continue to feel like I'm just waiting out the days until I die. There's no real way to win; either I continue to live out my unfulfilling life, or I take a change and it all blows up in my face.

[Buffy01]

I don’t want to get out of bed

[Rose76]

Not a good day today. No ambition.

[Rosi700]

I am feeling down!

[Rose76]

Putting away Christmas decorations. No much energy. Sort of depressed.

[Buffy01]

: I don’t want to get out of

[Gasplessy]

Down again. Second half of january, aging, guilty... i feel so stupid

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Rose76

Putting away Christmas decorations. No much energy. Sort of depressed.

that what we did today

[Rose76]

Very tired. A bit depressed, but mostly just no energy.

[3rd rock]

Lately, I've been feeling okay. Last night I listened to a couple of songs I first heard when I was a teenager and first experiencing severe depression, and listening those songs recalled painful memories of love and loss. This momentarily sent me spiraling down again, to the point of tears. However, I recovered from that fairly quickly.

I'm still working steadily, and doing well at work. The exercise machine I ordered arrived; it took me a few days to assemble it, and since then I've used it for two consecutive days. I'm really out of shape, and I hope this will help me improve my overall physical fitness without having to join a gym. I renewed my passport so I can visit the United States later this year. My writing has been going poorly and I'm really down about that. The 'relationship' I've been cultivating with this woman online has me feeling well, though. We continue to make plans to meet up later this year, potentially as early as June. That might be the earliest time we can both get a week off at the same time.

[Rose76]

Less depressed today. This cold weather is slowing me down.

[Rose76]

I feel kind of sad. I've been depressed for a few days. The kitchen's a mess. I'll feel much better, if I get the place tidied up.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Rosi700

I am feeling down!

me too

[3rd rock]

I'm not feeling too depressed today, at least in terms of acute sadness and emotional pain. I'm still having a difficult time keeping my apartment clean, and it still takes effort to get out of bed. Motivation and energy has always been a major challenge for me, and I'm still searching for the solution to that. I've started exercising recently on a piece of equipment I purchased for home, and so far it makes me realize just how out-of-shape I am. But it's no shame to have to start small and work your way up. I intend to focus mainly on improving cardiovascular health, as I'm not really interested in getting 'ripped.'

I went to the dentist on Friday for the first time in 13 years. My teeth are overall not too bad, all things considered. I have one cavity. I've inquired about whitening treatments, and discovered they're not nearly as expensive as I'd thought; I can easily afford them. I've been thinking about getting it done for a while, in the hopes it'll improve my confidence. One thing of note is that the dentist said there's evidence of teeth grinding on some of my teeth, which is characteristic of people with sleep apnea. By chance, I'm seeing a sleep doctor for evaluation of sleep apnea. The first two home tests were inconclusive, because I kept moving around in my sleep and disconnecting the device used to run the tests, resulting in insufficient data. Now I have to arrange a test at the sleep clinic, which I hope won't be too far off in the future.

The woman I've been developing a relationship with online has sent me a gift, which she describes as an early birthday present. My birthday's not for two months. It's rather unusual because in my limited experience in relationships I'm always the first one to get gifts. It also wasn't a cheap gift, which impresses me. I aim to respond in kind in the near future. We're still on track to potentially meet up in a few months, as soon as we can both get time off work. I continue to look forward to it.

[Rose76]

Depressed.

[Rose76]

Yesterday ended up being a good day. I got a lot of chores done. That stopped the depression. I feel a lot better.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Rose76

I feel kind of sad. I've been depressed for a few days. The kitchen's a mess. I'll feel much better, if I get the place tidied up.

I feel the same

[3rd rock]

So, I had a phone appointment with the sleep doctor on Friday. He said the results of previous tests likely indicate severe sleep apnea. They're going to loan me a CPAP machine for me to use for a month or two to see how I fare with that. If I see significant improvement then we know where the problem lies. On the one hand, I don't need any more medical problems or conditions; I'm struggling just with what I['ve got already. On the other, the lack of a good night's sleep for ~15 years could very well explain everything, including the depression, and finally attaining healthy sleep on a consistent basis could drastically improve all aspects of my life, including depression. I guess I'll just have to see how it goes. Sadly, my benefits don't cover the full cost of a CPAP machine, and I'll likely have to shell out at least $1,000 for one. I guess that's worth it if it genuinely improves my life.

[nonightowl]

Originally Posted by 3rd rock

snip: I guess I'll just have to see how it goes. Sadly, my benefits don't cover the full cost of a CPAP machine, and I'll likely have to shell out at least $1,000 for one. I guess that's worth it if it genuinely improves my life.

Oh Rock, at that price I really hope it helps! A friend used it and called it a CRAP machine.

I am keeping my fingers crossed for you!

———
Sent from my iPhone

[Rose76]

Slept well. Not depressed this morning. Feel pretty good.

[Buffy01]

I have been terrible especially lately due to feeling emotional.

[Rose76]

I'm continuing to feel good. Getting stuff done each day.

Since moving out a month ago, I'm in the best phase of my life, and will be the best version of myself from here on out.

[3rd rock]

I've been doing a little worse. I was involved in a minor accident at work; no one was injured and only minor damage was done to property. However, as per company policy I've been taken off machinery until an investigation is complete, which could take place any day now.

Last night at work wasn't very good. About halfway through my shift, I was beset by some depressive feelings and some very dark thoughts. I lost some time to these thoughts, but eventually found the strength to force my thoughts elsewhere. For a time, I thought I might have a breakdown at work, but I managed to get through it.

Originally Posted by HellsLittleAngel

Since moving out a month ago, I'm in the best phase of my life, and will be the best version of myself from here on out.

So glad you're doing better. Congratulations!