[Rose76]

Depressed past few days. No energy.

[Buffy01]

I been feeling really bad for making some bad decision so now I am feeling really depressed.

[Rose76]

I've been having a hard time with depression.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Rose76

Not a good day today. No ambition.

I’m

[3rd rock]

I'm not sure how I'm doing. Things are stable but it always feels like everything could collapse all at once.

[Rose76]

I'm a lot better today. Yesterday I worked on straightening out my place that got neglected while I was feeling down. I even scrubbed the kitchen floor. Seeing that I accomplished something gave me a big lift.

[3rd rock]

I feel very inadequate. Oftentimes, I feel my emotions too intensely and I can't help but let this show. The emotions I struggle with are sadness and loneliness. I feel like I'm way too emotional, to the extent that it must be exhausting for people to deal with me. I have learned at great personal expense in my life that very few people want to support me in my difficulty, but almost everyone wants to be supported. I have to be someone others can rely on, because the moment I ask to rely on others, almost all of them simply disappear. I feel neglected and lonely. And I don't know how to fix that.

[nonightowl]

Originally Posted by 3rd rock

snip: …very few people want to support me in my difficulty, but almost everyone wants to be supported. I have to be someone others can rely on, because the moment I ask to rely on others, almost all of them simply disappear. I feel neglected and lonely. And I don't know how to fix that.

People ghost me repeatedly both online and in real life. I’m even expecting it now. I’m at the point where I need support and to be checked on. People want me to support them but won’t do the same, in spite of saying they will. Lip service. A neighbor did that to me; I try to avoid her.

My parents used to criticize me for being too emotional. I still think it’s a good trait to have but people can’t handle it. They are emotionally immature.

———
Sent from my iPhone

[Rose76]

I'm fairly ok today.

[Calla lily12]

I've been in a bad depression .( or maybe its a BPD symptom) I wanted to try Ketamine treatments but the doctors refused me cause sometimes I dissociate .. I felt that was my last hope but.....whatever. I won't do E CT any more because of memory loss. I feel like I'm out of options.

[Calla lily12]

Being emotional is sometimes a good thing. It means you're empathetic . I am also. Its difficult but I'd rather be emotional than seen as cold.

[Rose76]

I was doing pretty good, but now I have to digest a big disappointment. My car needs work costing many thousands, which is more than the car is worth. It's very old. So I sold it to a junk yard. That means I am without transportation, except for bus and Uber. I knew this day would come. Can't say I'm shocked. But I am kind of sad. Having it was a great luxury. I'm telling myself that this is far from the worst thing that could have happened in my life. It is going to be a heck of a big change for me. Now I feel like crying.

[Rose76]

I feel afraid.

[3rd rock]

I don't think I have the emotional resilience for a real relationship. Even just the smallest things can sometimes make me feel deeply sad. All relationships have their ups and downs and if my default response to any minor little annoyance (like her unintentionally falling asleep without saying good night) is to get sad then that means I can't handle real stress. I'd like to have sex (for the first time in many years) but I can't do casual sex since I require an emotional connection to get anything from it. I just feel like I'm going to be alone forever, so when my mother dies I will have nothing and no one in my life, I'll be truly alone. And that realization terrifies me.

[Rose76]

Originally Posted by 3rd rock

I don't think I have the emotional resilience for a real relationship. Even just the smallest things can sometimes make me feel deeply sad. All relationships have their ups and downs and if my default response to any minor little annoyance (like her unintentionally falling asleep without saying good night) is to get sad then that means I can't handle real stress. I'd like to have sex (for the first time in many years) but I can't do casual sex since I require an emotional connection to get anything from it. I just feel like I'm going to be alone forever, so when my mother dies I will have nothing and no one in my life, I'll be truly alone. And that realization terrifies me.

I'm dealing with being alone. It's scaring me, too. Somehow, we have to make connections. I hope you can. I hope I can.

[nonightowl]

Originally Posted by Rose76

I'm dealing with being alone. It's scaring me, too. Somehow, we have to make connections. I hope you can. I hope I can.

This is an ongoing thing for me. It’s exhausting and disheartening. I’m jaded and skeptical about people now.

Lost many people or they ghosted me. I’ve discovered many “connections” I had were strictly transactional. I’m terrified of growing older alone. I have no family or friends left and will have to depend on the paltry social services in this country. And they want to cut those benefits!! How are we supposed to survive, physically and mentally?!

It’s like there’s a denial about aging here. Sick culture. I ask people to check on me and they won’t even though they say sure.

Some people are true loners but I am not. And I don’t want to be.

———
Sent from my iPhone 📱

[Rose76]

I found a little flicker of hope . . . like a little sprout poking up out of the ground. Please don't perish, Little Sprout.

I'm still tearing up easily, but it's not as awful as the last few days, which had me overwhelmed with grief.

[Rose76]

I'm still feeling bad on and off.

[Albatross2008]

Has anyone else ever been in too much pain to cry?

That’s where I am.

[nonightowl]

Originally Posted by Albatross2008

Has anyone else ever been in too much pain to cry?

That’s where I am.

Yes when I had losses a few years ago. I was never able to cry and wish I could have. It would have been a great release and even now I haven’t shed a tear 😢 They also betrayed and lied to me so that complicated things.

———
Sent from my iPhone 📱

[Rose76]

Feeling hopeless.

[Buffy01]

I think that I may be figuring out why I feel so down especially lately.

[Rose76]

I improved mentally. But I just started to feel sick physically.

[nonightowl]

Time change is hard enough then last night I’m reminded again how alone I am. The police arrived suddenly banging on our doors that we have to evacuate NOW. They didn’t say why right away and I later found out someone had bomb making stuff or hazardous stuff abandoned after he moved out.

Even though I have a grab bag for emergencies I completely forgot about it. I just panicked and grabbed my purse, coat and put on shoes. I was in my pjs and bathrobe! It was 8pm, 8am would’ve been more tolerable.

I boldly asked a neighbor I’m acquainted with can I tag along with her as she was starting her car. I can’t drive at night and have nowhere to go. Or anyone to call. This is the second time an emergency happened around here and the first time it was in 2021. 4 years ago and still no real friends or significant people.

———
Sent from my iPhone 📱

[Rose76]

I'm doing much better. I feel optimistic that things are going to work out okay. The black clouds have lifted.