Had one of those days with mom today

it was one of those days where she doesnt feel good and i know she wants something done... i could tell by her pained downward expression and the way her voice became inaudible when she talked....

i figured out what she needed and told her i would take the time to take care of it for her... she'd let it go to the last minute again...

early in the day she said she'd 'think about it' ... meaning if she wanted me to do it for her or not.... i still want her to try and do things on her own and she thinks thats good too.... so, i let her choose but let her know i would be glad to help if she needed it....

the day went by... she ate and rested... it was getting late, so interrupted her watching tv in the bedroom and asked if she still needed that errand done?

she inaudibly answered that it was to late now.. angrily.... like i had failed to help her...

that really gets me.. i offered, etc....

it hurt and i wanted to tell her, but that just makes it worse when she's down like this... so i let it go....

its hard building communication with her... some days are much easier than others.... but she is a slide again and i worry she wont come back up.... then sis will drop by with the baby.... that changes the whole world for mom......

but i regularly fall back to black sheep status.... i do everything i can think of and more... and i understand about co-dependency and 'rescuer' behavior...... she just denies wanting help at times i think and attacks the helper i guess...

another day.... they will get better tho i know.... its always just a matter of time.....

thanks for letting me get it 'out there'

(((((nowheretorun)))))))))))))
Being a care giver is one of the hardest things to do.
You are her son. So it pains you more to see her in pain
When I watched my MOm it was the hardest thing I have ever done.
to do what your doing is the greatest honor you can give a parent
DO you know how many kids walk away from that.
Black sheep no I think not
you matter You have made a difference in her life.
I am sorry you are going threw this
Know I care, you are important...............
muffy the sheep

Hey Nowhere, I can Relate...when you said..."its hard building communication with her... some days are much easier than others.... but she is a slide again and i worry she wont come back up.."

It's like that on a day to day basis with my mom to.

I keep my mom doing as much as she can...If I do too much for her
she become's so Dam Dependent on me. I actually have to put up this front where I make beleive I can't or wont do it for her.

I'm sorry you feel Like the "Black sheep" of the family. I Don't
have any siblings coming by for me, so it is only me. That makes
me angry, depressed, Dark, that is falls all on my shoulders.

But this is your post, so I will Pray you have a better day tomorrow...

My mom is up and down and all over the place...She can't decide
from one minute to the next!!

Nowhere I know its not you...so don't let her make you feel like
you have failed her.....Please I do that alot and it makes me feel so angry, so disappointed...hang in there my friend...

Hopefully better days are coming for both of us...???

peace to you and a quiet night...Don't beat your self up!!

thanks Zig! ... thanks (((muffy))))) ... she gets by.... i cant fix everything for her tho i wish to heck i could.... she doesnt seem able to help it at times.. i know you both know.... she hurts and thats why she's this way.... yes... i am doing my most to be the good son... after a life of loss, and being lost... it is someplace to belong.....

thank you both so much for responding (((Friends)))))

(((((nowhere))))))
I admire you for your courage & strength.
Not many people have the capability to care for their parents the way you do, especially when you are attacked for wanting to help!!!
I'm sure that your Mom, even though she may not be about to tell you, is happy knowing you are there for her!!

Flinty

thank you for those kind words Flinty... i'm very appreciative...

((((((((nowheretorun))))))))

I'm sorry you're having such a rough time with your mom. I can only imagine how frustrating that must be for you, especially because you're trying to do the right thing. But all you can do is try, and I'm sure that in your mom's own way she realizes that you are trying to help her. Some people just don't have the communication skills to let you know how important you are to them. And I'm sure that you are important to her. You're such a kind, gentle-hearted man, and I hope that you know that.

Lots of huggie people for you today

(((((((((((((((((((((nowheretorun)))))))))))))))))))))))) You are such a kind person for all you do with your mom. I am sure she appreciates it even though at times she strikes out. I can only imagine how much that hurts. I hope you can find some comfort in what a wonderful son you are.

BB

((((((((((nowheretorun)))))))))))))))

You really are a wonderful son for all you do. I'm sorry she makes you feel that way.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
nowheretorun said:
she inaudibly answered that it was to late now.. angrily.... like i had failed to help her...

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> Oh, nowhere! Why do you take it out on yourself? You're such a good son. I think she was angry at herself and her needs and for not being able to get it done and having to rely on you.

You gave her a choice and she didn't want to see that she could fail; wanted seamlessness, where you'd pick up where she left off and it all would blur together. You can't give her that.

(((Perna))))(((Christina))))))((((BB))))))((((Jacq))))) ... you all matter.... we all do... huggie people....

i saw mom this morning... she didnt say a morning word, like usual.... usually i say good morning to get her going a little.... kinda establish a good safe feeling for her....

today i said nothing... just smiled

nowhere, sorry you're dealing with this. But you're a good son. I'm telepathically sending you supportive thoughts.

Cyran0

thanks captain

getting better all the time...