Need advice/opinions

I'm having a hard time with what's been going on in therapy. I have the tendancy, as I'm sure most of you do as well, to try and stuff my emotions. But now that "Pandora's Box" has been opened, I can't seem to get those emotions down to a tolerable level.

So, I've been taking some hydrocodone I had left over from a past surgery. I even went so far as having the prescription refilled. Now I find myself drinking (quite a lot, actually) to get more effect from fewer pills - so they'll last longer. They help me feel numb. It isn't like feeling good, but it's far better than the constant ache.

I know this is bad for me. I've thrown them away, only to later sift them out of the trash. I can't bring myself to do anything with them that would make me not be able to get them back or render them un-usable. I'm too ashamed to tell anyone IRL so that they could take the pills and I would have someone to which to be accountable.

I've considered putting them in an envelope with a note and dropping them with the receptionist at my T's office. You know, to ask my T to throw them out. But then I'm afraid she'd call and there'd be a discussion. I'm not sure if I want that either.

gl:
are you being treated with any meds for depression or anything ? things don't sound too good on your end but I don't think that handing them to the receptionist is a good idea or a bad idea. It would be a good idea, if you're seeing a pdoc, to tell him what's going on because if it's to the point where you're drinking and taking pain pills, it's time to let the docs know that you cannot take what's going on in therapy. My heart goes out to you, I know all about the constant ache and hoping these meds I'm on help, if not it's on to something else. Seems endless but there is a light at the end of the tunnel -- the pain being tolerable.

Please consider telling someone about what's going on. You shouldn't have to go through this all by yourself.

Take Care.

I agree wholeheartedly about talking to your therapist about both the drinking and drug use, and about getting onto anti-depressants. Both of your current choices are depressants -- the last thing you need right now.

As for anti-depressants, think of them as added support for you while you work with your therapist to heal the past hurts. They are only a sign that you're doing good work with your therapist, and making a very big effort to recover. That's a good thing, but when it's as hard as what you're experiencing, sometimes that requires help. Sometimes it requires more help than you can get without medications.

You have my very best wishes. Do please talk to your therapist about this, and do please take care of yourself by getting appropriate medication, rather than continuing on with something you already know is not helping you.

I am not taking any other meds. I don't have a pdoc - just my T.

Do you think going to a few meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous might help? It would give you a place to talk about this where you will be anonymous, and I've heard other people talk about pill-booze mixing in meetings.

Wishing all the best grappling with this beast.

You might want to tell your therapist about this. You might also want to get in touch with Alcoholics Anonymous.

I used to binge drink every once in a while to kill my emotions. I did it for years. IT DID NOT HELP!!! I just needed more and more alcohol to achieve the same effect. I realized that if it continued, I would kill myself and I was just starting on narcotics to control physical pain at the time. So I cut the alcohol out of my diet completely.

I know I cannot handle it. It has one purpose, to kill my emotions and I have tools at my disposal that are cheaper and safer on my health. (writing regularly on here, for instance) I only miss the alcohol rarely, but I realize it is no solution.

IT IS NOTHING BUT SLOW SUICIDE, ESPECIALLY WHEN MIXED WITH PILLS....IN FACT, DEATH CAN COME A LOT FASTER WHEN YOU MIX THIS STUFF WITH PILLS THAN YOU'D WANT.

I live with the "constant ache", as do you. But pills and booze to kill my emotions are not the answer. When the hangover wears off, the problems are still there. I live with more on my plate than one can possibly imagine.

Find yourself a good and trusted friend to talk to regularly. Barring that, find a friend on-line or on here or find someone who understands your problem. I have a friend I write to every day and I see a mental health nurse once a week. It has saved my butt, in addition to coming on here.

Please tell somebody about this because it WILL escalate, I promise you. You don't want to see this problem get worse.

Alcohol/Drug Interactions

Keep us informed, okay?

Thanks to everyone. I appreciate your candid, honest responses. I must admit, the AA suggestions hit me like a ton of bricks. In my mind, I'm thinking, "I'm not a big drinker and I've just been doing this for a couple of days." But you are all right. This is a problem and I know it. I have NEVER in the past taken a drink of alcohol b/c I felt like I "needed" it for emotional reasons. I KNOW that is problem drinking. The fact that I gave in to it means I'm pretty deep into the funk.

My T has suggested AD's, but I am hesitant. So that I don't have to go into things I don't really want to talk about it, I'll just say that some of the potential side effects (ok, one in particular) are things that I have had to work hard to overcome and neither my husband nor myself want to have those problems again. I think THAT would make me more depressed than I already am.

Alcohol has led to the downfall of many marriages.

Some anti-depressants are better than others. I came to the stage that anti-depressants were preferable to slowly killing my liver, even if the ADs seemed to work slower. THE RESULTS ARE WORTH IT! I was sleeping 16 hours a day before I put my full trust in antidepressants. I have much more energy now. You have to discover which one is right for you. Discuss your concerns with your T.

Drinking to numb your emotions is very addictive...and dangerous. Also, you may feel you are not "accountable" to anyone now, but there is no way you can keep this sort of thing a secret forever. My two closest friends knew I drank like a fish, but I was very defensive about it...out of guilt and shame. And you are accountable to someone. You are accountable to the man you married. How do you think he would feel if he knew you were drinking? At least one of my friends hit the roof. And I denied I had a problem, at least to my friends, but I couldn't deny it to myself.

I don't know you or your husband, but I speak from experience. You cannot keep this secret forever. Would you rather stop now? Or would you rather he find you unconscious on the floor of your house from an overdose, take you to emergency and find out that way?

I got drunk once and fell out of my wheelchair and my friend had to pick me up off the floor. Accidents will happen, no matter how well you think you are hiding your drinking. Someone will find out eventually.

You are much better off on anti-depressants. If you are having problems coping with your emotions in therapy, then perhaps some sort of support group is in order. There is no shame in it. There are mental health organizations IRL and on-line that have such groups. It is best not to stay isolated when undergoing intensive therapy or a crisis. You need as much support as you can get.

Trust me, relying on the bottle leads only to grief. Antidepressants lead to relief.

Welcome! Well, I DO think you should put the pills in an envelope... because I DO think you want to discuss this with your T. (And btw, I only have a T not a psychiatrist, and this is plenty of support )

Try tossing the pills into the toilet and flush. But if you can just get more... it doesn't solve the problem.

Try and be safe while you are going through this short lived crisis! But I agree, don't go through it alone, let your T in on it, he/she s really cares about you!

ooops I clicked onto the wrong post... must be because I've been thinking about you hamstergirl, good to see you!

Hi downsolong

If the side effect you are referring to is the one I think it is, different ADs have different side effects. Some of them don't have the one you are worried about. If you talk to your T about the possiblity of taking meds just be very clear with him/her about your concerns.

Best to you

Prozac detected in drinking water...?

Eek... people, please... do NOT flush ANY meds down the toilet.

If you want to know more http://my.webmd.com/content/article/92/101794.htm (there's plenty more google-able searches where that came from)

interesting thought... but isn't that where they end up anyway?

I heard about that....but I do not think it is the result of med flushing. I think that some chemicals found in Prozac are naturally found in the environment. The problem is when they rise in large numbers...I think this is a case like that. Cannot be sure though so do not quote me (laugh)

Jessica