[sally_j]

I have a question for the depressed. When you or anyone have a history of depression is it true that depression comes back? Or think about sucide more often than ususal? And can depression be hidden knowing that you have these thoughts but dont want to take any action towards this as far as getting the proper treatmeants? For example: you know your depressed and have sucidal thoughts more often but dont want to accept the fact that your actually depressed but cant seem to reconize it. Here is the thing. I haven't been sleeping well this past 2 day's. I think about sucide alot. But dont want to get the proper help is this normal? I just dont know how long I can hide it anymore. i'm running away from my problems but not ready to face them just yet. I dont want too. any suggestions?

[pegasus]

Mmm... Well we are not depressed all the time, a graph chart would show anyone's mental health naturally goes up and down. You learn coping strategies to get through the rough times. And yes, sometimes we don't ask for or get the proper help we need because that is the nature of depression.

It would be a good idea to find a therapist to help you cope with this and/or find out whether medication would help.

In the meantime, you can post here knowing there are other people going through the same thing who truly understand.

Take care.

[trippinmickey]

I made that mistake .Being you are told to be strong and not to show any weakness or problems .So i did for years I hid my Depression or hid from it .Every year it got harder and harder to snap out of it till one day I just didn't . I didnt leave my basement for 6 months it was hell I would wish every night that i wont get up the next morning I was just tried of living .I did get help but it took making some very bad mistakes where the courts force me to get treatment .
years have gone by and i feel much better but I be leave now that i did alot of damage be forcing myself to normal so i was like everybody else my hole life was spent doing that .This triggers pop up all the time and keep me from doing alot of things most people take for granted .It ok now this is who i am and i don't hate myself for being depress any more .

All i can say to you that the longer you run away from your problems the bigger they are going to become you can not run away from depression >The longer you run from it the longer its going to take fix

[Cyran0]

Depression comes and goes. In your case, the increased thoughts of suicide makes me think that you may be struggling through more than you let on. In any case, it's an alarming symptom and I really encourage you to seek out a therapist of some kind.

A common misconception is that you have to be on the verge of being institutionalized before you should seek a therapist. NO! Therapy can be a great tool for people who are only slightly bothered by depression or are going through some tough external stressors that they need help with. In other words, don't treat it as such a monumental thing. It doesn't need to be. It can be more like visiting the dentist than meeting with a brain surgeon.

Cyran0

[sally_j]

What's really getting to me is that be controlling my anger and when I dont control it i take out my frustrations on the wrong people and I dont want them suspecting that something's going on and it would add more stress like that. I cant control my anger and when I do i go off swearing or cussing for no reason my husband is like what is wrong with you. I end up making excuses and tell him i'm sorry and were okay the next day. but to a point he say's how much longer he's gonna put up with me. i tell him once that i want to see a professional counsler and he tells me that. i thought you were feeling better. you dont need it and that i'm doing fine. how am i suppose to respond to such a thing like this. i'm sick and tierd of having to pretend or act like nothing is wrong. Somtimes I think about taking my car and drive it off a cliff, or drink as much as I can and pass out, or run away and not to be seen anymore. I cant even realize or who i am anymore.

[nowheretorun]

hi sally_j

it sounds to me like husband cares, but doesnt understand.... maybe you've already tried explaining to him that depression comes cycles and waves?

i hope the two of you can work it out and come to understanding... working together would be great for the relationship i believe....

i understand about the swearing fits by the way.... sometimes i just gotta release... at least its not physical, but i always feel toxified somehow... in a way tho, its also cleansing....

so, i think i will start trying something lets me spend that negative built up ball of mixed icky stuff in a better way for me.... like, hard work really helps at times i've noticed... thats for me, i hope you find a solution soon sally...

best wishes

[SeptemberMorn]

I was diagnosed with anxiety/depression over 20 yrs ago. It's the stuff that stays with me all the time. I don't like feeling depressed and not being able to function so I've been on several anit-depressant during those 20+ years. Also went through therapy for over 10 yrs but that's because of other problems. Guess you could say they contributed to my anxiety/depression.

What I have to say to anyone who has depression is that you don't have to live that way! Get help. How it worked for me was to get a therapist to make the diagnosis and then have the T refer you to a pdoc to prescribe the med.

It's really difficult to get up the motivation to do this, especially if you run into waiting for an appointment. Just "put it in neutral" and wait if you have to, but get it done. There's a better life waiting for you!

[Fuzzybear]

[kimmydawn]

(((((((((((((((((( sally j ))))))))))))))))))))))))

Sometimes depression becomes the "norm" or comfortable after living with it for so long. When we've seen the really bad/horrible, we don't often want to address what's not that because we're making it, I think. We're willing to "settle" with much more because of it, even though when we think about it, it doesn't feel "normal".

I really, really, really think you would benefit from therapy, and maybe meds, but certainly therapy...someone to talk to that's all your own...someone to point out those negative thoughts as they are, while pointing out the positive...someone to walk alongside you to your goals...maybe goals you don't even recognize as possible yet.

Therapy recued the quality of my life, and quite possibly saved it. I can't say enough good about it.

You're in my thoughts, and I hope that you're able to make a few phone calls to get the process moving forward.

We're here for you as well.

Welcome.

KD

[Abby]

I think denial can have a positive effect in many ways in that it keeps you moving, going to work etc etc. But it isn't really going to move you forward and utimately, sometimes, it can lead to a crisis point. I think its best to nip things in the bud now maybe??

I'm really confused though - i know if you've had depression before then you are generally more subsetable to getting it again during times of extreme stress etc but treatment does work with like 98% of people right? From replies i'm getting the feeling its a long term illness, but my dr says a yr and i'll be sorted. Depression is temporary isn't it? (with treatment)

[sally_j]

I was seeing a therpist as well and & have been in Psychotherpy as well and she was the one that gave me the medication therpist was there to only talk about my issue's. And the way I heard it from my doctor was that once you have depression it will stay with you and will come back again and that got me scared in the first place so i got off the medication and back off from everything. the medication they prescribed me was Effexor & Ablify and both those medication was getting me worser.

[parsley]

I don't think depression is as temporary as we hope it is. Therapy helped me manage for a while, through changing certain behavioral triggers, but it can be easy to slip back into self-defeating thoughts and behaviors, especially given that the brain chemicals are probably wonky in the first place.

[314159pi]

dear dear sally,
if you are thinking about suicide then you are a threat to yourself. You need someone to help you in real llife not just on this forum. Your husband can't understand how deep the problem is yet so don't just rely on him. I believe you have to see a doctor and start taking your meds again.
Here's the thing: when you are suicidal and off meds it is less dangerous than when you are suicidal and on meds even though you need the meds. It's a complicated thing to understand. You see the meds take a few weeks to work on the depression; it doesn't cure you right away. And that's the dangerous part because most suicidal people are too depressed to act out their ideas but the ones on meds get a shot of energy from the meds that could enable them to kill themselves before meds can lift them out of depression. That's why you need a therapist to listen to you and help you hang on for those two or three weeks when your symptoms become manageable through medication.
This isn't intuitive, I know, but I hope you understand me honey. You are a precious beautiful person and your life matters to a lot of people even if you don't realize that right now.
Yes depression can come back in a few years. But depression can be managed by meds. I know the difference because the meds that help me today weren't available at the time of my diagnosis and they make a big difference in my life. Of course I would rather be healthy but there is still so much out there that is good and enjoyable to do with my limitations. If I can do one thing I wish I can open your eyes, Sally, to the possibility of a healthy and happy life with your husband and give you the incentive to work towards that as best you can. In just a few months it is really possible!
good luck.
pi