I just got my research marks back for the final project on my Sociology program. I feel like a complete failure! although I did pass, teh mark was not impressive. It just seems to stack up on all of the other failures and near-misses I have been piling up in my life.

I have failed at marriage, failed in job search and although I am getting a degree out of this, I failed to get the marks required to move on in my studies. I can't seem to find anything I am good at. Nothing fits my personality in the employment fields. I can't get a job no matter who does the resumes or how many different skills I have, there is always something I stil DON'T have. That is all I hear...."You lack this skill or that skill" "Somebody had more years at it than you." "You lack the expertise." "Your memory is not up to par." "Yes, you have these skills but you were trained on an older version." I AM FED UP WITH THIS LIFE!!! WHAT AM I HERE FOR?!!!? WHAT DO EMPLOYERS WANT??? A Ph.D for minimum wage!!! It seems that all I can ever do is serve coffee. Now I have to pay off $40,000 in student loans with another damn waitressing job?

[RozG]

((((((Ingridave))))))

i'm sorry things are so hard for you just now. i wish i had words of advice for you but all i can give is support. hope things get better for you soon and you find the job you want. and i don't think you're a failure!

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((( Ingridave )))))))))))))

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Ingridave2 said:
A Ph.D for minimum wage!!! It seems that all I can ever do is serve coffee. Now I have to pay off $40,000 in student loans with another damn waitressing job?

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Yup. Welcome to the club.

My only piece of advice is to remember that those of us that pursue higher education tend to be perfectisionist and OCD. As a consequence when we do less than perfect, we perceive ourselves as failures.

A lower than expected grade does not mean you are bad. Sometimes we equate grades with who we are. That is not true.

Another piece of advice. The more degrees you have, the harder it is to find a job. Because you demand more $$ than someone with a lower degree. It is not uncommon to be on the market for a while.

Many PhDs can be found in book stores and starbucks. It's ok. Something will happen. But, it does not mean you are a failure.

Can you volunteer somewhere while working at Starbucks? The volunteer will give you some experience. For example, a friend of mine worked at a battered women's shelter counseling clients for "free." Yes, it was not paid, but she built up her resume and had another recommendation.... to help get the REAL job,

As for student loans.....

the whole concept of paying to goto school to become more eduated to help people is screwed up. I have just come to realize that I will be paying until I die.

Hang in there....

[gimmeice]

(((((((((((Ingridave2))))))))))))

Thank you everybody. The hugs and advice do a lot. I have never thought of the perfectionist part. I can be very self critical. It just gets so frustrating. I just hear these excuses so often it becomes defeating and discouraging. Right now, I am still unemployed even with applications in for the high school level jobs. I just wish sometimes that I could yell out loud "What to you want from us?" and actually get a definite answer. (sigh) Meanwhile, I will keep searching.

[TaintedGoth1]

There are no failures here!!!! A failure is someone who didn't even try in the first place...guess what...you don't fit into that category!!!

I, too, ran into that when I graduated from college: "you don't have enough experience." I hated it...still do.

Hang in there.

[Pseudonym]

Don't forget the intrinsic value of your degree. If you're getting it just to get a job, that's fine, but doing the work, and going through the education is also a good life's goal out of the way. I haven't had a job where I've used my BA, but I think that going to college was a good experience psychologically (if not socially )

*hugs*

TaintedGot1: How do we combat this constant rejection in job search? I know in my mind that there is something I excel in but if I don't get the chance to prove it, we eventually lose the skill especially if it is something related to technology. It becomes outdated so fast.

Pseudonym: I agree that learning new things is always a benefit. I just wish I could have socialized better than I did. I have very few social skills. If I could afford it though...I would be studying forever.

I just have such a social phobia of interviews. I fall apart when rejection comes. I wish I was stronger than this.

[sabby]

((((((((((( Ingrid ))))))))))))))

You may have hit the nail on the head! "I just have such a social phobia of interviews"

Could it be that during the interview, your sending out vibes to the interviewer that are negative in some way? Too shy? Too unsure of yourself? etc etc. Maybe getting with someone who can help beef up your interviewing skills might pay off in the long run for you. Your resume may look great but if your face to face talks go down the drain...the paper means nothing.

I do hope you are able to find something soon. I do understand how frustrating it is to be turned down for jobs. A couple of years ago I relocated for about a year and tried to find work in 2 different areas that I was really good at. One was working for a newspaper...I had 18 years experience and the willingness to learn etc etc etc...I couldn't even get one newspaper (about 20 of them) to even give me a chance for a face to face interview. I was so mad...but what ya gonna do?? Fight back!


sabby

Thanks Sabby. I will look into this and see if I can get some help. For now, I will change my direction and look for restaurant work.

I have group therapy tomorrow afternoon. I don't feel right about that group. I had a phone call from my T lastnight and she talked about some issues I mentioned in a letter I wrote to her. Perhaps this fear of social rejection is contributing to my fears of interviews. They are moments of social jusdgement. I was bullied tremendously in my youth and it seems that I don't know how to present myself to others without being guarded and suspicious all the time. I guess I am applying that same fear to interviews. My guard is always up and I am too cautious about what I say to others. In a way, I am creating my own problems, I guess. The self-fulfilling prophecy maybe?

Before an interview, I prepare myself for rejection and that is probably what is ruining my communications. How do I change this?

[sabby]

Turn the negatives into positive thinking maybe? Instead of going into the preparation time reminding yourself to be guarded and careful, make a list of all your positives, your abilities, your knowledge.....read through that list often....repeat them to yourself out loud....practice in the mirror saying these positives that you have worked so hard for in school to gain...not to mention life experience too

It's a small step...it will feel awkward and uncomfortable, but keep at it....I know from experience what repeating positives can do for a soul....I'm living proof that it works!

((((((((((((((((((((((( Ingridave ))))))))))))))))))))))))))) Do what you have to do for now to survive...and in the meantime, continue working on those positives!


sabby

[darkpurplesecrets]

((((Ingridave))))

You are never a failure as long as you are out there trying. As long as you are doing your best and giving it your all. No one ever said trying was wrong. The saying goes try and try again. I believe in you. I know it seems frustrating right now, but keep looking and never give up. I agree what the others have told you.

You are not a failure ever. Keep your head up and know you are in my thoughts and prayers. Something will come through.

darkpurplesecrets

[Perna]

I got a degree in sociology in 1972 but only graduated with a 2.0000000043 :-) GPA and was thrown out into the Carter recession with no skills.

It gets better as time goes on. A lot of skills have to be gained, and contacts made by doing rather than just school. Some things take a bit of time.

I went back to school in the last 10 years, got another degree, got into an accredited, recognized grad school that takes one on one's personal merits instead of just grades, etc.

I get tangled up thinking I just have to make a plan, try, and whatever happens is "it", my success or failure when things are really way more complicated than that and there's a future out there that isn't known and where things are guaranteed to be very different and in ways we can't know.

When I graduated in 1972, there were no computers, no PC's and Internet as we know them, and I turned out to be a computer whiz :-) Even so, for many years I was trying to do computer things in areas that weren't areas I was good in and that slowed me down and confused me too.

It took a long time before I learned to work with what i have in front of me, what interests me (usually areas of one's strengths) and to put in the time and effort. I had a heck of a time with interviewing too so at one point in my life; I was able to afford to take part-time jobs for x period and then practice quitting and interviewing for other part-time jobs, over and over for like 10 years! I still don't like interviewing but I can hold my own and manage to impress some of the people some of the time

You can do whatever you really want but it does take time. Make sure you don't compare yourself with anyone else because there's really no way to do that since lives are arranged differently and people might seem to be going toward/doing the same or similar things but it's just not true. I had two girlfriends in high school I still have now and when we went to college and graduated and started work and advanced education, etc. we were really "different" but I was still trying to compare myself with them and feelng like I was the loser as a result. But looking at my life now, 40 years later, it is not like that and never has been; it's just been my thinking it was.

Sabby: I guess teh challenge comes in being able to see positive things in myself. All I see are my failings. Making a list of positives is not going to be easy.....in relation to work adjectives.

Darkpurple: Thank you for the encouragement and support. It helps to keep pushing me. today, I gave up too easily because of rain.

Perna: It is difficult to not compare yourself to others when the whole job selection process is based on comparison to others. But I do see your point. I agree we are not all the same. I know I have SOMETHING to give....I just have to figure out what I have and who wants what I have lol. ;-)