[ThePainNeverDies]

To go cold turkey off my meds? I didn't actually mean to, I just kept forgetting to go and pick up the prescription from the pharmacy :-/

But now, Connor's been saying not to go back and get them because... So he says... When I was on the meds and was "happy" it seemed synthetic, not real, like it was just a show or something even if it wasn't. Whereas now, he says I'm not getting frustrated so easily as I was when I was on the meds and I have been happy and it's seemed so real and more often... But yet... I can't sleep!!!!

I didn't sleep for 75 hours at one point, which caused me to have hallucinations, making me cry, be anxious and cut. What use is that?!

I don't know what to do... I know that he doesn't want me going back on the meds and I know that I've felt a little better anyway and that I want to be able to get through all this on my own, but not sleeping makes it all worse... What can I do???

[mlpHolmes]

Dear TPND,

You began taking medicines for a reason. To stop them abruptly is putting your body & your brain into a dangerous shock like condition, you can predict the consequences of that . Not good. Gradually go back on your meds & call your pdoc immediately, it is that important! tell him exactly what has happened.
In addition to mental illness, you do not need additional permanent brain chemistry problems nor permanent hormonal problems.

Best of Luck
Holmes

[ThePainNeverDies]

Aha. I told Connor this and he doesn't believe me... So... I need to go see my dr asap I guess then... Dammit. I knew I shouldn't have done it... I've only stopped taking them for about a week... Does that still mean I need to be put back on the meds gradually?

GAAAAAHHHHHHH!! I KNEW I should've just done what I knew was RIGHT!!! Dammit!

Sigh. I don't need this. I may be on a major high at the moment, but I know that's not going to last long... I mean... I can feel myself slipping down anyway, especially at night. Let's hope I can see my GP early next week. I don't have a pdoc! :-/

I guess we'll see what happens next week... Until then, I'm tempted to just take my meds. Gaaaahhhh I don't want to have to do it behind Connor's back. That's not fair. It's not right. I know I don't agree with being on AD's and all that, but if I need them, I need them. I may even be able to be gradually taken off them and just put on sleeping tablets, not the sleeping tablets and ADs combined. We can only hope.

Today's been a great day. But it never lasts long Later I'll crash again. Just watch this space.

[MichelleNY]

{{{{TPND}}}}

I know this so well... I too forget to take meds for some reason or other..by the time I realize weeks gone by. . I see myself going back into my old patterns way more emotional .more crying.. less patience..etc. People in my life dont think i need the meds.. but I am the only one that knows whats best for me and my well being IMO... I would gradually start meds again...like you did the first time. I did.

goodluck to you.

[Pomegranate]

I agree with mlpHolmes and strongly urge you to do what s/he suggests. Why don't you have a pdoc? I would also suggest you find one and tell him/her what's been going on. Go to a mental health clinic that charges on a sliding scale if you don't have medical coverage to pay for it.

And tell Connor to leave the medical diagnosing to the professionals. You could have very serious consequences abruptly stopping your meds!

[ThePainNeverDies]

Heh. Funnily enough, last night I woke up in a sweat, screaming at the top of my lungs and once I'd finished scream,ing, started hyperventilating, wouldn't let Connor touch me or come near me, was shaking like crazy and yet... I have no idea why... Could this possibly to do with the abrupt stopping of meds? Maybe... I don't know... But anyways, I woke Connor up, luckily didn't wake up the rest of his family *phew* but I just... I was shaking and hyperventilating and squirming to get away from Connor and - I'm not sure - but I think I saw the face of the guy that raped me the first time... I don't know though, I just remember having a flashback after screaming, so I don't know if I felt it was him pinning me down, hence why I wouldn't let Connor touch me. I have nooooo idea at all...

I went to the drs this morning and she said not to worry about it for now, but if it happens again then go back and she'll figure something out for me. She seems quite nice, so... Yeah...I didn't know there was such a thing as sleep restricting, to help with sleep... I've never had that suggested to me before... Maybe it'd be a good idea.

Heh. I'll tell Connor to leave the diagnosing to the professionals, and I'm going to pick up my meds at about 3. Let's hope it all goes well... I have no idea why I don't have a pdoc, guess my GP never thought it was bad enough for me to need one?

[Pomegranate]

Wait a minute, you are a rape victime and your GP does not think you need to go see a psychiatrist?! I'm not a professional, like Connor , but that seems strange to me. Maybe you should push a little harder on your GP, or maybe you aren't talking enough to her about what you are going through, how you are feeling, nightmares, anxiety, depression, etc. etc.?

Maybe you need a new GP? She might be "nice" but if she isn't getting you what you need, or if you feel you aren't being helped enough than "nice" needs to be traded in for competent. I don't know. You know how well you were/weren't doing before you abruptly stopped all your meds. And I don't know if you've already been through therapy and seen a shrink. But if not and you feel it would help, I'd be insisting that the GP refer me to a psychiatrist. Just my unprofessional opinion of course. I think you know what you need, and if you follow your gut instinct you will know what to do.

[justfloating]

I agree with pomegranate, it is probably a good idea for you to seek psychiatric help. Meds are only one part of depression treatment for many people, especially if you've been the victim of something has horrible as rape in the past. Ask your doctor for a referal, and if she doesn't believe that you need that, I would personally see another doctor. There are so many things to be done about depression, and sometimes it takes a combination of treatments -- physical and psychological -- to pull through it.

[turquoisesea]

going off drugs suddenly can do all sorts of crazy things. *echoes everyone's responses* - get to a doctor asap, if you need to bring Connor with you so that he can understand why meds are important

[ThePainNeverDies]

I don't think Connor would understand even if I toook him with me because he thinks that drs think that just by giving me meds, they'll make it "alllll better" that's how he sees it. I'm going to hopefully be moving out of this town, so be joining another drs surgery anyway to try and get some psychiatric help elsewhere, because the services here are SHAMEFUL. They just don't help at all and it makes me sick.

The only decent counsellor I saw was the one at the surgery, but she's not competent enough to be able to help me with all these issues... I'm going to hopefully be seeing a counsellor that specialises in EDs soon anyway, so she'll work through the rapes and abuse with me too... Just wish I didn't have to wait so damn long. I'm on the edge and I can't stand here for much longer without falling off

Today's been pretty awful... I'm ill, tired, weak, bored. I feel useless, not relaxed. My back muscles ache like crazy from rushing around all day, yet I feel lazy. WTF???

I don't want to be here anymore. I don't want to live my life anymore. I don't want to BE anymore. I've only just met my new GP so she doesn't know much. I guess... It's gonna take FOREVER for her to know everything that my old GP did. I may as well just do this by myself. I have so far, even if it kills me. I don't care. I hate my life right now.

[turquoisesea]

is there any way you can get a psychiatrist rather than a GP?

They are specially trained to get through this info as quickly/effeciently as possible, and are better versed in this type of medications - GPs are not.

[ThePainNeverDies]

I have no idea... The only thing close to a psychiatrist I have ever seen is a CPN. She was CRAAAAAP! I wouldn't know how to go about getting a psychiatrust tbh...

I'll give it a go and see what I can find out/do. I guess it's just a matter of trying/testing and seeing what works out for me. I have a banging headache that's turning into a migraine!!! Me thinks I'm gonna need to get some sleep soon... I'm terrified!

[deliquesce]

what meds were you on, if you don't mind me asking?

because it is interesting to me that Connor thinks you seem happier and less irritable now that you are off them. do you agree with his assessment?

if the only problem you are having is to do with sleep, then there are other meds which can help with that, other than anti-depressents/anxiety/psychotics/mood stabilisers etc. also talk therapy is useful in this regard.

i have gone off most of my previous meds cold turkey. there were a few days of adjustment, but i didnt have any bad side effects.

[ThePainNeverDies]

Mirtazepine 45mg.

I don't know... I meawn, he's not with me every night which is when I get most anxious and depressed. I'm better at putting on a front without the meds... He knows how anxious I've been recently... I have been very anxious, to the point that I can hardly go anywhere or do anything alone, not even have a shower.

It's not just the sleep. It's the anxiety, the depression, the s/h, the ED... Lots of things. I don't want to be on the meds but... For now, whilst I can't find a decent therapist, it seems I have no other choice...