had a bad night last night. Very vivid flashbacks of a time when I was very upset kept me awake. Today I have felt so tired, and now, this evening, anxiety has hit big time. Not sure why. Just trying to do the self care stuff till ithits. NOt really feeling sad, just anxious. And I have not had attacks of anxiety for some weeks, so it is doubly troubling. Why now? I'm looking orward to a week with less pressures, so why am I feeling so unsettled? I've even resorted to taking some valium tonight - which I haven't done in weeks. Argh!
Caroline

[Gemstone]

{{{{Caroline}}}}}

Take good care of yourself. I'm sorry things are so hard.

I hope you are able to get some good rest tonight.

Maybe you are feeling bad because your week will be less structured without school.

Be kind to yourself. You are very important!!

This happens to me too, Caroline. It's almost as if I don't know how to live without chaos and when I'm faced with peaceful, stressless, quiet days...I panic.

We're all here for you!

Petunia

Thanks, Gem

Yes, the lack of structure may be a factor. I think lack of sleep is probably another.

Here's hoping for a better night tonight.
Caroline

Thanks Petunia - yes, it feels like I can't cope without the stress! VERY frustrating though!
C

[allthegirls6]

be good to you caroline

All the girls

TY allthegirls

I don't know what to do with myself right now. Maybe it's time to go to bed....

[allthegirls6]

caroline, anxiety is an awful thing. I get this too, attacks for what feels like no apparent reason and thats always a worry/ But looking after yourself till it passes is one way to get throught it.

All the girls

yes, allthegirls. Looking after myself is important, I know, but I am finding it hard to do right now. Think it is time to leave the computer and watch some TV maybe...
The valium has taken the edge off the anxiety, but now I just feel really really down.
I have made the decision not to go to church tomorrow evening. It's a baptismal service and I am not sure I am up to the emotion or the number of people. I just wish I didn't feel so outside it all.

[allthegirls6]

I remember someone once said to me that I wasnt outside anything, it was only that I felt outside. I know you are close to some people in church, could you tell them how you feel? But hey Caroline, not going to church will not do you any harm. You have had a crazy few weeks and here you are on holiday. Maybe your mind is still going at 100 miles and hour but your body isnt and thats where the anxious feeling is coming from.

All the girls

[kimmydawn]

(((((((((((((((((((caroline))))))))))))))))))))))))

i usually react after the events are over...when things are calmer is when i react. possibly that's going on here as well?

whatever the reason, i sure hope you feel better soon!

kd

Hi kimmy

That could be the case, for sure. I have been holding things in for a long time. Maybe this is reaction. But I havebeen letting things out too, with ruth and dr. I dunno. It's all a mess, isn't it?
thanks for caring
Caroline

Yeah, I know, maybe I only feel outside and really am inside. I dunno. The feeling is convincing right now tho.

I could try to tell a couple of folk at church how I feel, but I feel guilty bothering them, you know?

I know it is OK not to go to church. The problem I have is that part of me wants to go and part of me is too scared to. I'm also scared that if I miss a week I will stop going again; it's taken me a long time to start going...
I think you may be right aobbut my mind going at a different speed to the speed of my body tho. That makes a lot of sense. Gonna slow my mind down with some chemicals (legal ones!) now and try to sleep.

Thank you for the positive thoughts
C

[kimmydawn]

i think, caroline, that even tho we may release some at the time, we have to move so quickly from one thing to the next that much still gets "bottled up". it's great that you recognize this is what's happnening. knowing that eases it some for me. it took me years to realize that i did this and would freak worse because i didn't know why i was feeling that way. does that make any type of sense? lol.

i think you're doing great!

kd