Judging

I feel I need to say something...

I live with DID. I've been quite judged in my life on many levels. I don't deal with "judgments" well today, and try with everything I have not to judge others, or their experience. If I can believe my own experiences, certainly I can believe that others can have just as "different and wild" an experience...if not the same. My truths aren't necessarily the same as others... I try to relate, and pick out any relation...not further separate my own experience. That's a lonely place to be in.

It makes me sad that survivors of abuse have their realities questioned and continue to have to fight for validation. Where, and when, does it end? It should end here...in this forum. This should be a place of no judgment, or response to judgment; a place of acceptance. Survival, in the ways that we had to, is very creative and individualized.

Let's please remember to be accepting. If we feel that we can't be, then don't respond, and please don't judge what you don't experience or understand. It doesn't mean it's not real for the person posting. It really can be that simple.

Let's rise above and share the wonderment of survival against all odds. Let's please stick with posting that brings us together, not further separates. We've dealt with too much of that in our lives. Let's concentrate on our similarities and learning more.

With much love and respect to all who survived and did whatever they had to to do it,

KD

lol @ wondermont of survival -- honestly kd where do you come up with this --- i am so grinning right now

but umm yeah -- i sooo hear ya --- i happen to have a pretty good filter meaning by biggest problem isnt saying tooo much --rather its the opposite

i thank you for the reminder because the truth of the matter is that i struggle with this judging you are talking about --- and you are right --- it needs to stop whether written or thought -- it needs to stop

sometimes i wonder if the very times i am most inclined to sit in judgement of others --- well i think it really speaks more about me and where i am --- than ANYTHING about the person i am judging

so the long and the short of it thanks kd --

sometimes i wonder if the very times i am most inclined to sit in judgement of others --- well i think it really speaks more about me and where i am --- than ANYTHING about the person i am judging

so very, very true, zoey. thank you for that. when i find myself judging and bitter, it's usually about something inside. wow! cool.

i appreciate ya, girl.

kd

So very TRUE!!!!!

Thank you kimmy.

Well said. I think some of us are still fighting to understand ourselves and we need to know we are accepted here.

(((kd)))

((((((((kd)))))))
that was said so beautifully. . .
i think so many of us do come here to find the support and validation thats absent in our lives. and this is the last place a person should come to still find themselves judged. i feel safe here because i know that no matter how bad it is at home, with the people i face every day, i can come here and lean and feel supported by people who've been through something like what i've been through and know that sometimes we need to feel just a little less alone in the world, a little less abandoned. thank you for saying it so well.

I think so. Thank you ((((((((((Fuzzy)))))))))))

kd

(((((((((((Caroline)))))))))))))

You got the point. Thank you. It's hard enough for alot of us already...

KD

thank you (((((((((greenfairy)))))))))))

you're right. our lives are so hard. we should be able to come here and "let go" without fear of judgment, etc.

we are safe here, and most of us so desperately need that continued safe place.

kd

If you hear the song I sing
You will understand

You hold the key to love and fear
All in your trembling hand

Just one key unlocks them both
It's there at you command

We are but a moment's sunlight
Fading in the grass

Come on people now
Smile on your brother

Everybody get together
Try to love one another
Right now

The Youngbloods

(((((((((( Petunia ))))))))))

Thank you ((((((((Petunia)))))))))))

kd

kd,

it is very admirable that you have this ideal that we can all be in an accepting "safe" place here.....

please be open to the reality that what is safe for many may be very triggering and unsafe for others.....

glad it has been deemed "safe" here for us to present an alternative view that has remained constant for us since we began posting in this forum.....

going with the same sentiment as Pentunia...

The road is long
With many a winding turn
That leads us to who knows where
Who knows where
But I'm strong
Strong enough to carry him
He ain't heavy, he's just my brother

So on we go
His welfare is my concern
No burden is he to bear
Ahh, were gonna get there
For I know
He won't encumber me at all
He ain't heavy, he's just my brother

If I'm laden at all
I'm laden with sadness
That everybody's heart
Isn't filled with gladness
Of love, Love for one another

Oh, It's a long, long road
From which there is no return
While we're on our way to there
Why don't we share
And the load
Doesn't weigh me down at all
He ain't heavy, he's my brother

He's my brother


"He ain't heavy. He's my brother"

((((((((( kimmy ))))))))))

(sigh)
Fuzzy

I understand what you're saying, zh.

Is there a "perfect" place for survivors, without triggers for any of them, when there are so many possible? I hope for this to be a safe place...as safe as possible in the "house" within which it exists.

Peace

KD

which means that when something falls outside the "norms" of what the term "safe" has grown to mean here it will be afforded the same protection and respect as the threads that fall into the widely accepted "norms" of "safe" (re: this forum only)

thanks for understanding and validating that there are those that exist lurking mostly due to lack of feeling "safe" here........expressed in above post.

forcing square pegs into round holes just hurts everyone.....but also insisting that this forum be the safe place of the boards can be scary to some who used to use this forum previously as a mainstay of their support.....fortunately we've seen a couple in other places but we miss their participation here.

thanks for continuing to allow dialogue about different viewpoints on this very hot button topic.

---zh -- umm hi
yeah that is what i mean .... whether the posts are considered judgmental --- or not -- considering one as so -- is judgemental in and of itself

and if for some reason --- i ummm yeah i think in terms of judgement (which admitedly i do)

it isnt so much what has been posted as it is my intepretation of whats been posted

and while i have picked up on some --- i dont know what the word would be ---- i can honestly say i appreciate ALL posts that i read .(after i sort thru whatever adverse reaction i personally have with them)... because each in their own right is not only an expression of the writer but a learning process for those that will take hold of it

--lol -- ummmm yeah i dont really know what i am talking --- i am rather a strange bird

z

Well, I simply meant as safe as possible for an online forum.

It should be a place to share without the fear of judgment by others...judgment being the key word for me in my post. Is that 100% realistic? No. However, I would hope it were 80-90% realistic.

Call me the eternal optomist. I feel it is special and will continue to be such.

I think this forum is 10 different things to all of it's members as we all don't have the same needs. I see it every day. I feel that's a good thing.

The bottom line for me is about support, and I've found so much.

KD

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
z0ey said:
---zh -- umm hi
yeah that is what i mean .... whether the posts are considered judgmental --- or not -- considering one as so -- is judgemental in and of itself

and if for some reason --- i ummm yeah i think in terms of judgement (which admitedly i do)

it isnt so much what has been posted as it is my intepretation of whats been posted

and while i have picked up on some --- i dont know what the word would be ---- i can honestly say i appreciate ALL posts that i read .(after i sort thru whatever adverse reaction i personally have with them)... because each in their own right is not only an expression of the writer but a learning process for those that will take hold of it

--lol -- ummmm yeah i dont really know what i am talking --- i am rather a strange bird

z

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

hey,

we said above to kd something about her admirable ideals and that is exactly what expecting everyone in this forum to get along and have similar to same views would be.................lockstep Stepford style and no one wants that..... edit added....not that we're suggesting anyone has said Stepfordize or else or anything of that sort...

it would be false to say that judgment doesn't exist here. this is a moderated forum so of course every post that is reported to a mod/admin goes under the microscope of the mods/admins judgment. we hope they continue to keep a broad vision of what this forum encompasses and if need be in the future spin off a new forum if there is too much divide over what's what and who's what and who is more knowledgeable than whom and whose doctor can beat up whose therapist. ya know?!

lol

who's doctor can beat up whose therapist???

that is freaking hilarious!!! funniest thing i have heard all day --- thanks

z

oh i see i am sorry you were asking me a question -- sorry i didnt mean to be flippant

ummmm yeah i mean i can see how you are thinking because it is apparent that god forbid you make a umm unpopular statement --- u are gonna hear about it ---lol

but i dont know in general i thought evverybody was just sharing their own views and ideas and not so much saying that is the way everone should be??
but for real dawg ... i am like way out there and am forever not getting out of things what the majority seems to --- i dont know on a good day i see diversity and on a bad day i might think --- why is everybody picking on me --- or why are they being mean --- or whatever

also it is true that it would be false to say judgement does not exist --- of course it does --- i think that is something we try to work thru ---- i guess maybe ppl are saying i guess just to be a little more friendly? or something ? or diplomatic -- or something because while i personally am in here to learn --- i know thats just me --- others are here for "support" --- i personally dont get that --- but that is just me ---- you know??

i dont know dividing sort of sounds like a drastic alternative to if we all kind of just step back and see we are on common ground with different views --lol or something like --- but like i said i dont know
the reason i am posting in the first place is out of sheer procrastination of my real life responsibilites
--- anyways peace out zh
i do like your wording -- i hope i didnt offend with the lol

((((((((zoey)))))))))

you're a dream. you so get it, and i so get you.

kd

lol GOTCHA


oh and i so get the dream thing lol -- am i awake or sleeping? lol

lots of love to you kd my dearest of friends -- og did i just say that?

lol
peace out
z

I'm rubbing off on you!!!! I saw that before you could change it! hehehehe

You're awake...and a dream of a person

KD