Accepting Alters: How?

My T said that I need to learn to accept the alters for what they are: parts of me that kept me safe during a very difficult time. But I don't need to be so vigilant now and they have served their purpose admirable. They don't feel like "a part of me". They feel very seperate. He said we will work on it together but it will take time.

I've been dissociating a lot lately, despite the medication. Does anyone have any ideas, any quick fixes that I can use to help my days run more smoothly? I have discovered that letting some of them post here has helped. They feel somewhat validated. I'm still fighting with feeling safe, you've all been wonderful in helping me with that, Thank You!
Anne

One thing that helps me at times of great stress is to give my littles time to do what they enjoy. Mostly for them it is looking at children's picture books. That helps me to stay "here" at other times.
Others have made good suggestions here - try searching for "grounding" to see if you can turn them up. (I'd do it myself but I'm about to race otut he door!)

Good to see you here.

I think the key is planning time for those parts of you. They get to know "today" and you get to know them. It all works toward the bigger goal.

Try, every day, to plan alone time for all of you. It can be really, really cool.

kd

Post deleted by January

(((((Place)))))
How do I communicate with them? My awareness of what all those "feelings and thoughts" were is still in it's infancy.
Anne

everybody has to start somewhere. this will take time. use the help of your therapist and any books they might suggest to further communication and continue building awareness.

we're fortunate to have posted online in a couple places over the years that have helped us keep track of awareness of the extent of dissociation and what that has created in our lives.

your post reminded us of when we first started on our journey to awareness and how scary this all seemed. educate yourselves and be kind to all that reveal themselves to you.

do the work and you'll get there. nothing replaces the work but work. iow no way through but through.....after spendnig life looking for a way around or over or anything but the reality of dealing with "the stuff" and going through the hard stuff in order to heal we've learned that the longer we avoid the path that presents itself to us the more arduous our journey becomes.

often the work isn't easy or attractive but the alternatives of remaining confused and stagnant aren't options we're willing to consider any longer.

gl.

I found journalling helped with the older ones. At first it was disjointed and stilted but it got easier and more fluent. Just sit at the computer and let it go (sorry that is so vague a description).
Also in doing the "childlike" activities that fed them, no matter what state I was in to start with. Try some picture books - I used old favourites from when our daughters were little.
Good luck.
Caroline

(((((zh))))
Thank You. I will keep trying. Living the way I am is not living, that's why I went to therapy. Sometimes I need to be reminded of my goals.

Caroline, kimmydawn, Place and Everybody
I will keep trying. Keep the suggestions coming.

Calendars and lists help me alot. The Book Amongst Ourselves by Dr Tracy Alderman and Karen Marshall is a great starting point.

Take IT a day at a time and never rush IT, for there is no quick fix for DID. Honor each and every one of them and let them know that you appreciate and love them for all for what they did for you. They will not be able to leave (integrate back into you) until they know and feel that you can handle this life on your own - let them know this, gently with love and patients.

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

Over the past year this has been a real challenge for us, I remember a time I could not even say that, it sounded weird, but now it's okay, I understand that there are fragments/internals/parts/alters whatever you decide or they except being termed as. Some I found easier to except than others, because I felt some really did not fit who I thought myself to be, I am suppose to be an adult right, then what the heck is going on, nothing made sense about having separate entities/emotions, disembodied voices, and perceptions of figures in my head, part of the struggle I guess. The first thing my T had to get me to do was to start communicating with them and stop running from them. I am sure your T will guide you, but so will your Alters, the best advice I was given was to just let it evolve, it is what it is. Be Gentle with yourselves. We may not be One, but We ar here.

<font color="purple">Hello. I am an alter. I did not know it buuuut now I do. I like to color and send our doctor pictures of happy days and trees and flowers. I do some times tell the doctor when things are not good in our circle. I am 9 years old . The doctor says I keep around be cause every body has some body who likes to play. jj

Gives new meaning to the phrase,"It takes a village", Huh?
For me, coming to terms with being in pieces took finding an attitude, a point of view, from which to look at myself (done while calm and over time), that was ok with everybody.

I landed on, "Sea legs and adventure". If I remain flexible and adventurous, I can get through whatever it is that I have to get through.... sooner or later, anyway.....

I'm my own cheap vacation, Phd course, B movie........ I don't remember being bored by myself.... I just can't live a "normal" American life.

Learning to relax with this truth has taken me a long long time. Like, til now........ and I still have to practice..... remind myself of my "cans" rather than my "can'ts". To not take on the judgement of mean people who don't know me....... or my story.

One of the ways I know who's here is by what they can do. One part of me can actually do math - which blows the rest of us away!! One is a sculptor, one a street kid who can deal with anything, etc....... I never know what I'm gonna be good at on a given day. This has forced me to learn about "being here now" and "staying current", two very helpful life lessons.

We DIDs get to see the dynamics of how us humans work that "normal" people never even notice/know exist...... I think we are freaking special.
And, as we heal, we can share these perspectives, be supportive, and contribute to the circle of life, which is "the point", right?

Hillbunny,
Your post is so special, I printed it to place in my journal It is something I would like to continually strive for. You make it sound not so scarey.
Anne

accept= to regard as truth is one definition. so hard to accept when reality differs from the perception of what life ought to be. but in accepting, then change can occur.

while i do not have any suggestions for you, know that i care and am glad to see the direction of your journey as it leads to growth of self. awareness, acceptance, change, all of these lead to a peaceful life, one that often seems unattainable at times. while there are no quick fixes in life, small changes can greatly affect the outcome of your day. as you find what works for you, life will become easier overall.

best of luck to you as you learn to do what is needed for your safety and well being.

Another question,
Lately, I've had all of these "thoughts" coming at me but I don't know who they are coming from. There's no identity to them. It just confuses me. I've tried drawing, journaling, grounding . . .
Anne

Communication is the best thing you can cultivate at this time... try and be "ok" with having thoughts that have "no" identity... there might be a reason for the hesitancy...

remember, everyone has "parts" of them... just that ppl with DID lack the continuity between theirs... whereas a singleton carries the continuity of thought, and time..from feeling like a silly child such as at a fair...to being the adult who knows they can't eat cotton candy anymore...

someone with DID and non-communication won't have all that... they might remember wanting to go to the fair...and see the torn tickets once back home...

The same experience occurred...but they are "dissociative" for much of it...

Seems to me that you have a good T ... Going slower often helps therapy go faster!

you don't need "names" to do the work for DID, It makes it a little easier but its not necessary. many of my memory pieces came to me this way. What I did was free writing - I sat down with a notebook and something to write with and just wrote the thoughts down as they came. I didn't worry about spelling grammer or connecting the words together to make sense, just wrote what the racing thoughts were. each time this happened and I did this I got more information and then at weekly intervols (sometimes with my therapist sometimes alone) I took the notebook and grouped the thoughts by content - this thought of a smell goes with this thought of an object, this object makes this sound and so on. eventually I had pieced together the whole memory so that I knew what happened to separate these memorys so that they were coming at me mixed up, missing pieces and incoherent. Once I had them all matched up the thoughts no longer replayed by coming at me as racing thoughts because the memory is now together and stored at the conscious level so any time I think about them they are just like a normal memory now.