Is it wrong?

Hi.. just wanting a place to be me. Am I a bad person for wanting them to go away? Wanting to be able to find comfort without the voices inside..wanting to be able to get ANGRY..without hearing them..without them being outside to take care of me when I am SCARED or SAD..I am a big girl..will I ever feel like one..do we ever grow up, when do them start being me? I am sooo tired….need to borrow strength from our friends here.. she is very hurting right now….only echoes….the sky is green and grass is blue.. I hear a pounding..and screams..the closet is so dark.. why is this happening again..go away..

((((((((((((((((evangelista))))))))))))))))))))

i know it's hard. i so know that. it does get better. so much has happened with me that you wouldn't believe. if you'd like to PM, i'll share. it might help.

love,

kd

Hi. Sorry I wasn't here when you posted this. I had a Dr. appointment.

No it isn't wrong to want this. The memory pieces are you just in a differnet way.

Hang in there Evangelista. It does get better I promise. It took time for you to get this way so its going to take some time to set things up so that you are not always getting triggered and rerunning those audio (voice) memory pieces.

I know this is going to sound wierd but take time to hear what the voices are saying. By paying attention to the voices you are taking care of yourself. By listening to the voices you can find the trigger. When you know what the trigger is you can do something about making the voices stop rerunning. Sometimes it means walking into another room, getting something to eat or drink, take a bath, go for a walk, your cold and need a blanket and so on.

Thank you KD & Myself. I am hitting a rough patch with patience with this mechanism. I undersand they why it was created, why they came to be, but I m tired, and I so want to be a real person and not an interchangeble part...like Mr Potatoe head..remember those..OMG showing my age there..are they still around even..its 2:30 am here, have not been sleeping well.waking up every couple of hrs with nightmares..been happening to much of late..but thank you both.

(((((((((evangelista)))))))))))))

It will get better. I know that it can be hard to believe, especially when we're hurting. You can and will continue to feel better as you work toward being whole, and you are working toward it. Give yourself permission to be patient and gentle with yourself.
Safe hugs, Anne

LOL yup mr potato head is still around AND they also have Mrs. potato head and Sister potato head and Brother Potato head. Waiting to see if they come out with dog and cat. LOL

Its 4:18am here. I haven't been to bed yet. But getting there.

Know the feeling. Some days it seems like all Im doing is rapid switching from one memory piece to another. Today has been one of those days. Woke up this morning on time. got dressed and even remembered getting dressed then I don't know what happend suddenly its time to catch a bus. I know what triggered it but sometimes that just doesn't make it easier. knowing the trigger didn't get me away from the fact that I might miss that bus. It was just by sheer luck this morning that I got to my appointment on time and then the reason I made it there was because somehow I wrote the wrong time on the calendar when I had called and made this appointment. So even missing that bus and taking the next one I was 15 minutes early. I actually managed to stay aware....mostly I was floating but not all the way in to la la land. The person I had to see today knows Im DID and she has a sister who is DID so she was great, wrote down the info that I needed. I think what irritates me the most is with all the work I have done this STILL happens. You would think with everything I do I would be able to control this EVERY time I encounter a trigger. Its frustrating and maddening. The one advantage that I have is I have three months before I encounter this same trigger - going to this specific type of appointment so I know I have three months to make some plans to prepare better for it.

Part of my not sleeping nights is nightmares also. Last night I ended up sleeping with lights on. The other part is that I know if I wake up in nightmare panic I can come on line so I end up staying up after the nightmare and then sleeping in til all hours in the morning.

We will get there ((((((((((((Evangelista))))))))))).

I don't dissociate so much out in public anymore because I know alot of my triggers and can do things like listening to music, writing and so on when I get triggered in public and when Im home alone I allow time for just floating in la la land. I also practice floating off and pulling myself back out of it. It took me about a year to be able to do that. I can't always pull out of it like today but the more I practice doing it the easier it gets. The way I practice doing that is by doing relaxation exercises. basically teaching myself how to relax But stay aware at the same time. Nancy J Napiers book recreating yourself has quite a few visualization relaxation activities. She also has relaxation activities on her website. She calls them meditations.

Benedryl is kicking in so Im off to bed. night.