Abusive Alters

Hi..I just needed a place to chill and talk..hope you don't mind..really rough session today, have a very dark alter who we are working with..he totally blows me away when the deep psychological changes take place in session..the ones where my T has to get really intense to work it thru..talk slowly..grounding..then there comes the processing of it afterwards..so hard, and exhausting. I do better when it is with the littles, but with the big meanies..the scary ones..it scares me so much..so not like me..who I am..nurturer..not destroyer..so it scares me so much..thanks for letting me talk it thru..I think I need a warm bath, and a snuggle from our BoBo Bear..this scares me so much..but I am to tired to keep running from it anymore..

Yea those times exhaust me too. I end up coming home and eating a quick sandwhich popping on the tv, put a comforter over the recliner and wrap myself , my cat and sometimes doll up in it after a relaxing bubble bath and just kind of just be veging out and falling asleep to the tv. Its scarey and exhausting but in the end worth it. ((((((((((((((evangelista)))))))))) hang in there better days will come.

Thanks Myself..I posted a pretty strong writing in the Creative forum..but I checked first..because it is part of the core issues. I was raped as a child by some older teenage boys that tortured and killed animals, and would have done the same to me, had they not been interupted..the alter I talked about..he took on the characteristics of the teenagers..very dark..sociopathic..he aims his most vicious hurtful sounds, hallucinations, prescences at me..one of the reasons I endure a self imposed isolation...if it's aimed at me is one thing..but I would never ever allow him to hurt anyone else...at any cost that wil not be allowed..I care about people to much..the irony..the ultimate system in place to keep people at arms length..I am hoping as Therapy progresses..God Myself...way to serious stuff here time to play..

yea some of the stuff you and I have been through can sometimes be way to serious at times and taking time out to play is giving your brain time to integrate the info you just became aware of. Sometime I hit the local playground just to get on a real world swing and go as fast and high as I can just to leave behind the seriousness of it all. My friend helps in that - she has twin boys and every other weekend me and the twins are off for mcdonalds play area having fun. The twins and I have a great time. As does their mom who gets adult time with significant other. by the end of the weekend filled with literally double fun, games and feeling like a mom again I can focus on what needs to be done during the weekdays. This friend and I have known each other for 11 years and I finally told her I was DID about 5 years ago when I wanted her to join in on what my therapist and I were doing with charting my memory pieces. she has been amazing helping me put the puzzle together and also helping to come up with activities and so on. I was the second person (her mom being the first) she called when going to the hospital to have the twins and those twins are just like my own child to me and her. If I didn't have them to add some childish fun well I would still be going down that slide at mcdonalds if for nothing else but to enjoy the other adults reactions of seeing a grown adult sliding down that slide. In another state where I had lived I was in a group where we would have some serious nights and break it up with such things as bring a toy and wear your PJ's and pop in the peter alsop vidios of childrens songs and workshops. If it wasn't for taking time out in real life to have fun well we would be no good at getting the serious stuff done. So Go on out there and have some fun. Theres plenty of time for work.

<font color="#000088"> Know that we care and are listening. Safe gentle, warm, snuggles, cuddles, and hugs.</font>

<font color="#000088"> Know that we care and are listening. Safe gentle, warm, snuggles, cuddles, and hugs.</font>