I feel so guilty

I just feel so guilty right now. I went out of town to go to a wedding reception and well I'm not going. I can't because one of my perpetraters will be there. My therapist doesn't think I should be around him and if I am then for a small amount of time and that I needed to be prepared to do so. I just feel so guilty for not going, all of my family members will be there.

Which this person is a family member. My family knows about what happened, so it's not unknown. Should I feel so guilty?

I know if I go I will be triggered and possibly dissociate and I don't want that to happen, not there. What should I do?

A therapist once told me that no matter how I was feeling that was ok because my feelings are my feelings and no one can tell me not to feel what I feel when I feel it. She also said regardless of the feeling I still needed to take care of me. I can feel angry, guilty and so on for not attending family reunions and parties but that does not mean I have to ignore or not do what is right for me. She told me to instead of worrying about what will everyone say if I go or not go but instead think about what I want to do. And then based on what I want to do put things in place to make sure I am taken care of if I dont go the what kinds of things I can do just for myself during that time when the family thought I should be with them or if I decided to go what kinds of things can I set up so that during the reunions I was taken care of like setting up with a friend to go with me so that one I wasn't alone and two so if I decided it was time for me to leave I wasn't depedant on a relative who would rather stay longer.

Which ever way you decide the bottom line is you come first and them second. If you don't go plan something special for yourself and if you do go set up whatever you need to ensure your safety and so on.

YOU have the right not to be around this person, so please do not feel guilty - not at all.


LoVe,
Rhapsody - (((( hugs ))))

I agree with Myself and Rhapsody..allot of good heartfelt concern..it must be very hard that you have to suffer on missing out on family functions at times...but the alternative is to force yourself back into the roll of the victim in the prescence of this abuser..its just so unfair that you cant attend events when this abuser is around, but please take care of your own needs right now..if you feel guilty..thats perfectly understandable because you love your family...but on the other hand you need to love yourself too...take care..

I don't know, but would think that if family members know about this, then they should understand.

Thank you to everyone who replied to me. I did end up staying alone in the hotel room. I don't remember most of the time but I think it may have had something to do with being all alone. I'm not used to being all alone. But thank you again for your support and kindness! Hugs to all of you who want one.

Jennifer

This is too bad, but a good decision in self care, imo. It's easy to get angry or caught up in the question as to why, if the family knows, didn't they ask THAT person not to go, rather than you not be able to but families...ah families...

These things happen. It won't be the last time you have to decide for self care first. (((hugs)))

((((((((((( Jennifer ))))))))))))

Do not feel guilty! Why should you want to be around an evil person? I'm sorry you are missing the wedding, but you certainly have justifiable cause to not attend.

I am so glad you are taking care of you. No guilt! Ok?

Hugs,

Jan