[MPD-AvPD-BPD]

*** Posible Triggers ****

Having read quite a few of the DID Alters stories, I somewhat feel like might have been misdiagnosed with MPD back in 97... But then there are some that are like .. Hey That's ME...

The T back then said she ID'ed about 6 Persnonality's (My Alters), each one created to cater for a specific social group that i interacted with... However regardless of which personality took over, it was always me. Note: I have blacked out a few times at larger social gatherings, (Always after some Alcohol intake). Woke up the next morning at home in bed, and get told this long elaborate story of what i did the night before. Since i've stopped drinking at social's this has not happened again,(at least that i can recall).

These personality's, I call them my Mask's, It's the Suit i'd put on so that i could manage the situation i'm in.. There's my work Personality, The one i put on just before coming into the office, This Happy go lucky guy that NOTHING can get him down, Even if i've had a screaming fight till 3 AM with the wife the night before, no one would notice a thing.. There's the Home Personality, The DareDevil, the Socialite, and then there's the Terrified little boy.

The biggest problem is in times of hardship, (or even if my mother walks into the room) that Last personality shows up. My wife has witnessed this and questioned me about it a few times..

Personally i could not really tell you what all the differences of these personalities are, however:

The Daredevil has taken some Seriously Dangerous risks in cars and Bikes, Totally wreaking a bike, and almost rolling a car.. I can actually track when this personalty has been driving (My car has Driver Behavior Telematics in the Tracker system), and on days that the Daredevil drives, my daily score drops from 9/10 to 4/10 Average..

My wife met and fell in love with the Socialite: Can sit at the bar for hours on end and have very intellectual conversations with just about anyone on just about any subject (even the boring ones).. The whole time sipping from a Jack's and Cola, that he never has to order. (This is the true story on how we met.)

Each of these Personalities come out to play exactly when needed, as each one over comes one or more of the Social phobia's, or personality disorders that I have..

Well the Terrified little boy is probably the real me as i cant remember...

[monarch_butterfly]

Hmmm if you are questioning your diagnosis you could ask to be tested again
Remember people are going to present their DID symptoms differently and it appears to me at least that even within DID there is a continuom of mild to severe. Plus everyone is on a different place in there journey with it.

Since alchohol was involved in some of your blackouts I would question that as the diagnostic criteria is specific that memory lapsez are not caused by alchohol. I'd say try not to compare yourself to everyone here. Read some journal articles or case studies or books on DID. Actually there is a really good resources sticky at the top of this forum. I reccomend starting there!

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by MPD-AvPD-BPD

*** Posible Triggers ****

Having read quite a few of the DID Alters stories, I somewhat feel like might have been misdiagnosed with MPD back in 97... But then there are some that are like .. Hey That's ME...

The T back then said she ID'ed about 6 Persnonality's (My Alters), each one created to cater for a specific social group that i interacted with... However regardless of which personality took over, it was always me. Note: I have blacked out a few times at larger social gatherings, (Always after some Alcohol intake). Woke up the next morning at home in bed, and get told this long elaborate story of what i did the night before. Since i've stopped drinking at social's this has not happened again,(at least that i can recall).

These personality's, I call them my Mask's, It's the Suit i'd put on so that i could manage the situation i'm in.. There's my work Personality, The one i put on just before coming into the office, This Happy go lucky guy that NOTHING can get him down, Even if i've had a screaming fight till 3 AM with the wife the night before, no one would notice a thing.. There's the Home Personality, The DareDevil, the Socialite, and then there's the Terrified little boy.

The biggest problem is in times of hardship, (or even if my mother walks into the room) that Last personality shows up. My wife has witnessed this and questioned me about it a few times..

Personally i could not really tell you what all the differences of these personalities are, however:

The Daredevil has taken some Seriously Dangerous risks in cars and Bikes, Totally wreaking a bike, and almost rolling a car.. I can actually track when this personalty has been driving (My car has Driver Behavior Telematics in the Tracker system), and on days that the Daredevil drives, my daily score drops from 9/10 to 4/10 Average..

My wife met and fell in love with the Socialite: Can sit at the bar for hours on end and have very intellectual conversations with just about anyone on just about any subject (even the boring ones).. The whole time sipping from a Jack's and Cola, that he never has to order. (This is the true story on how we met.)

Each of these Personalities come out to play exactly when needed, as each one over comes one or more of the Social phobia's, or personality disorders that I have..

Well the Terrified little boy is probably the real me as i cant remember...

I dont see a question in your post so first let me say welcome and thanks for telling us about your internal system of alters..

there is a way for you to become less confused about whether you have DID (your words MPD) ...here in america theres now testing procedures to diagnose whether someone is DID or not. the testing is quite involved because first other mental, medical problems that share the same symptoms of having alters and other symptoms that come along with DID, have to be ruled out, but once the testing is completed most people if they have been completely honest/forthcoming/compliant with the process get accurate diagnosis of whether they have the disorder or not.

not to change your previous diagnosis but to give you a sense of hope if you dont believe you are DID (your words MPD) well...

sometimes someone will get diagnosed with other dissociative disorders if they dont fit the criteria for having DID here in america...for example if you were here where I live and work you may be rediagnosed to being DDNOS because with the way the DID diagnostics are wrote at this time with the presently used diagnostic criteria... the person being tested must have a very special kind of alter for at least two of their alters. these alters must take total control that causes the person to have a special kind of memory problem that goes beyond the normal realm of forgetfulness..since you never lose time and know everything that is going on unless you are drinking alcohol that diagnostic criteria for DID does not fit for you..DDNOS means the person being tested doesnt meet the diagnostic criteria for other dissociative disorders.

but the only way you will know for sure whether you have DID according to todays standards instead of the past diagnostic standards that you were previously diagnosed with is by going through the testing with a treatment provider in your off line locations. we cant do that here on this website.

[MPD-AvPD-BPD]

Like mentioned before, the MPD diagnosis was made way back in 97, and since the diagnosis model has changed, MPD is now DID, and those that don't strictly fall into DID, get reclassified under a host of other disorders...

However since writing this i've spent a goodly time thinking about it, and while it does not happen all to often, I do have total blackout's (with out alcohol). I actually had one last night... As far as i can remember i went to bed early (6pm), and slept through the night, and woke up at 6 this morning...

When i asked my wife what time she joined me in bed, an argument started...

Apparently i got up at 11pm, had a glass of cola, had a few ciggy's, packed the Dishwasher, had a fat conversation with her, made love to her, and who knows what else.. I dont recall any of this, not even as if it were a dream..

On the way to work i sat thinking about it, and realized that quite often it happens, where my wife will talk about something as if we've had a conversation about it before, but i have no idea, and I've always put it down to she spoke to someone else about it, and thought she'd told me too. and i normally don't even question her about it, i simply respond 'oh okay.'

This morning now has left another rift between us, and she's turned it all around to be about her again, I don't listen, I don't care, I'm making her mad.. Like I'm doing this on purpose...

Now could this 'Me' that spent the night with my wife be the DID Alter that my T saw back in 97 ... I did spend a year of twice weekly visit's with her.. Did she perhaps have a visit from him, that i don't know about..

I'm starting to think that perhaps my wife is correct, I need to start Dairying everything i remember about my Life, From child hood to last night...

Sitting thinking about it i realize that there dozens of Little incidents that just don't ad up, and that my Alter might not come out often. Perhaps only when i'm at my emotional weakest, or while i'm asleep????

[Claritytoo]

I think your wife has a good idea. It helps to keep a diary or journal. I started my journal by writing about things I remember from when I was a child. Now I journal about what is on my mind at the time. It helps me to get the thoughts out of my head and allows me to see my mind set at different moments. At the least it's cathartic.

[MPD-AvPD-BPD]

Thanks...

Problem is i just cant find the time to sit and do this right now (unless i take time out of work) ... The wife is offten demanding on my time at home, and the hour long commute to work (and even longer home) knocks me for a six....

I'll have to figure out a nice way to tell the wife, i'm trying to do what she sujested, in 'Her Time'...

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by MPD-AvPD-BPD

Thanks...

Problem is i just cant find the time to sit and do this right now (unless i take time out of work) ... The wife is offten demanding on my time at home, and the hour long commute to work (and even longer home) knocks me for a six....

I'll have to figure out a nice way to tell the wife, i'm trying to do what she sujested, in 'Her Time'...

I had to laugh at myself when I read your statement that you cant find the time to sit and write ....I recently made this comment to my therapist and wife... they smiled and said...."what do you think you are doing every time you get on a computer and visit the support groups like psych central and others? ...you are sitting and writing, answering posts, making threads and posts about your daily life and problems....hellllooo thats what writing a journal is remember?"

their point was..if I have the time and make the time to come here to psych central to read and write posts, threads replies then I definitely do have the time to sit down and write a couple lines on a piece of paper or on my computer journal as to how my day went, or any problems I had that day...

thats when the "I cant" and "I dont have the time" turned into ....i just didnt feel like doing it and maybe I was a bit afraid of what I may discover about myself..

for me the I cant and the I dont have the time is just an excuse...if I can make time to come on psych central to post about myself, and to help others then I do have the time to write in my journal. so now every night before I even come on here and every morning before I come on here I write a couple lines in my daily diary. sometimes its just a line saying I feel good today or its an intention like today I will get this done..

I find now that I have gotten back into writing my journal I feel much better about myself and my problems.

maybe you can give writing only a line or two right before you come on here a try.

[MPD-AvPD-BPD]

Originally Posted by amandalouise

I had to laugh at myself when I read your statement that you cant find the time to sit and write ....I recently made this comment to my therapist and wife... they smiled and said...."what do you think you are doing every time you get on a computer and visit the support groups like psych central and others? ...you are sitting and writing, answering posts, making threads and posts about your daily life and problems....hellllooo thats what writing a journal is remember?"

their point was..if I have the time and make the time to come here to psych central to read and write posts, threads replies then I definitely do have the time to sit down and write a couple lines on a piece of paper or on my computer journal as to how my day went, or any problems I had that day...

thats when the "I cant" and "I dont have the time" turned into ....i just didnt feel like doing it and maybe I was a bit afraid of what I may discover about myself..

Thanks... I think i needed to hear that...

Thing is i'm already nicking time out of work to post here (and several other forums, including my own)... But i agree... Cut the posting time on forums, and spend that time on the journal..

However where to start is always the problem....

[Claritytoo]

I actually have my journal in my bathroom so when I need to take some time in the bathroom I make a quick entry in my journal. I began this journal almost a year ago. I bought a special book just for to journal. I began by just talking about what I had done that day. It took me quite a few entries to become relax enough to comfortably write about what was in my head. So maybe if you do something similar. Write about your day or things you have coming up in the future. Eventually the others will want to make entries. It's an interesting log of my journey with DID and it helps me to get to know the others. Good luck

[refika]

Originally Posted by MPD-AvPD-BPD

Thanks... I think i needed to hear that...

Thing is i'm already nicking time out of work to post here (and several other forums, including my own)... But i agree... Cut the posting time on forums, and spend that time on the journal..

However where to start is always the problem....

If you have an hour long commute to work, one option may be to tape yourself talking, like an audio journal. I use the voice memo app on my iphone to record notes about my recent therapy sessions, thoughts that come to mind during the day, anything I want to write down and remember when I'm not at my computer.

I found that recording my thoughts as I'm speaking them is a great use of time while driving and leads to more insightful journaling.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by refika

If you have an hour long commute to work, one option may be to tape yourself talking, like an audio journal. I use the voice memo app on my iphone to record notes about my recent therapy sessions, thoughts that come to mind during the day, anything I want to write down and remember when I'm not at my computer.

I found that recording my thoughts as I'm speaking them is a great use of time while driving and leads to more insightful journaling.

great idea but some states are/have banned using portible electronic devices like cellphones, smart phones, IPhones tape recorders, ...while driving. here where I live and work in New York this ban is in affect even for those hands free devices. we get hefty fines for it ranging from $85.00 on up through $200.00 sometimes more if you add in the surcharges/tax and what have you.

[FooZe]

Originally Posted by amandalouise

great idea but some states are/have banned using portible electronic devices like cellphones, smart phones, IPhones tape recorders, ...while driving...

I had to research that last summer when I wanted to get a digital recorder -- not for journaling but for taking notes about the route while driving. "1:37 PM, mile 85. Just passed the last _____ exit. Sign says 'Rest area 5 miles.'" Here in California the law says very specifically that it applies only to cell phones, not to recorders: "A person shall not drive a motor vehicle while using a wireless telephone unless that telephone is specifically designed and configured to allow hands-free listening and talking, and is used in that manner while driving." I found that at the California DMV website. Obviously it'll vary from state to state (and country to country).

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by FooZe

I had to research that last summer when I wanted to get a digital recorder -- not for journaling but for taking notes about the route while driving. "1:37 PM, mile 85. Just passed the last _____ exit. Sign says 'Rest area 5 miles.'" Here in California the law says very specifically that it applies only to cell phones, not to recorders: "A person shall not drive a motor vehicle while using a wireless telephone unless that telephone is specifically designed and configured to allow hands-free listening and talking, and is used in that manner while driving." I found that at the California DMV website. Obviously it'll vary from state to state (and country to country).

in New York its illegal to even use hand free devices. here the only time using a cell phone/iphone/smart phone while driving is allowed is when calling 911 or other police /ambulance service. we cant even use a hands free device like many other states have passed laws for. our law specifically says no hands free devises and no portable electronic devises like cellphones/smart phones/...

[MPD-AvPD-BPD]

Originally Posted by refika

If you have an hour long commute to work, one option may be to tape yourself talking, like an audio journal. I use the voice memo app on my iphone to record notes about my recent therapy sessions, thoughts that come to mind during the day, anything I want to write down and remember when I'm not at my computer.

I found that recording my thoughts as I'm speaking them is a great use of time while driving and leads to more insightful journaling.

This is acctually a very good idea... Must get me self a digital recorder...