[WePow]

Hello all. My name is Wendi.
My situation might be a bit unusual... it is not something I have heard about from anyone else. Because this could be a long post and I don't want to take up space, I will be very to the point. The purpose of my posting in this way to to see if anyone else can relate to what I am sharing.

1) I was diagnosed with Borderline Multiple Personality Disorder when I was in my 20's (in the early 90's)

2) I spent my 6 college years working with a professional counsellor on this and the rest of the "stuff" in my life.

3) My background is that I was sexually abused from age 2 1/2 through the age of 10 by "older children" in my neighborhood. No family sexual abuse.

4) At this point in my life, I am a productive citizen. I completed my BS in Interdisciplinary Studies. And I lead a mainly "normal" life.

Now, the situation is this. I was diagnosed with BMPD because for my entire life I have shared my body with a being that is not from Earth. I know, toss me in a padded room and throw away the key. No, I don't do drug, never have and don't want to. No, I don't even drink.

The thing is that I fully remember my past 5 lives. On my last life, I was a soldier and was killed in Vietnam. I was a tunneler. When I died, I was taken to a place where there was Star Beings who were very strange looking to me. They told me that they had beings called "Watchers" who watched our developement on Earth. They said the war I was in when I was killed was being fought by people who were trying to control others. They said my energy was marked and they wanted to know if I would let a Watcher join with me in my body and just observe what I went through in life. I said yes.

Now I will not go into all the details about things, but I have had one very interesting life. I actually was visited at night when I was a child by what I now think was a holographic military projection in combination with telepathic communication to me. I was "trained" by that "man in red" (that is what I called him because he looked like a red glowing person). The training was how to use energy to do "missions" or things they wanted me to do - like "dream walking" missions and such. When I tried to say no to them, I was tormented by them.

Anyway, the Watcher who was inside me was very loving to me and never told me how to think or feel. He would just observe and would talk with me when I had questions or needed to talk. He was my best friend and the only one I trusted.

Two years ago, the Watcher came forward and he did some work for his mission that he said he was here to do. This involved talking about all the things he observed that happened to me with a small group of people who believed that this was more than just stuff in my head.

Then after that event took place, the Watcher told me "goodbye" and left my body. Now he is not with me any more, but sometimes I will "feel" him come to me and check on me or talk to people who believed what we had to share.

Now here is the thing. I knew this Watcher while I was still in the womb. I have memory of the womb experience and memory of him talking with me and sharing in that environment. When I was young and the sexual abuse started, I would actually go to the pool at night and go in the deep end and curl in a fetal position and stay in the water for a very long time like that. I can't explain it now or do it now, but there was a way I was able to breath underwater like in the womb but without breathing. I would freak out my parents in the pool when they would do contests with having us kids hold our breathe and they would think I was going to drown. So I stopped doing that infront of people. Then I forgot how to do it.

Anyway, I honestly believe that somehow I did share my body with a Star Being. The one who said I was BMPD said he was amazed that I had survived the situations I went through in my life and came out at all. He said that this other personality was formed as a way for me to make it.

If that is the case, how did I know that other person before I was even born? Also, his personality was so different from mine and he knew things I did not know. He could see things into the future and be right about it. He predicted an Earthquake once and we make that prediction on a public BB and one lady believed us and it saved her life because she asked for a date (I was 2 days off ) and she was not in bed when a 300 lb mirror fell that would have crushed her.

Also, now I really want to believe that it was just another part of myself because when I went "public" with the Star Being and he was doing what he needed to do, well people really love him and his energy and the way he is with others. There is so much love and wisdom from him. And I really want to say now that it is just another part of me.

And also, I miss him. He called me his little sister.

Ok. I am going out on a limb to toss this one out there... but lets see :-)

[Fuzzybear]

I just want to say welcome!!!!

You've found a good place to share,

Take care,
Fuzzy

[woundedhearts]

Welcome to the forum.

I have Dissocaitive Identity Disorder (otherwise known as Multiple personality disorder before 1994 when the lable was changed to Dissociative Identity Disorder.)

Anyway welcome and you can find my experiences with having DID, my therapy for my DID and my research expriences around this disorder in my blog here at psych central.

To get there click on blogs at the top of the page
click on the words- get your own along the left side
then click on my recent entry. Last night I posted art therapy part 3.

then either click on blog index in blue on the right side of my blog or if you don't see the blue links along the right side click on the letterhead - Me, Myself and I.

Please read my welcome first so that you understand that the blog is my experiences, I don't expect everyone to agree with me. if your experience is different then take what you find that will help you and pass on what doesn't.

And again welcome to psych central.

[Evangelista]

Welcome to PC Wendi....

Thank you for sharing, and hope that you will continue to post. Alters can take all sorts of forms, including Animals, Aliens, etc, according to the Professional writings. Glad to see that you have a therapist who is understanding of the processes and I wish you the best as you continue to grow and learn about dissociative disorders, reaching out and speaking about your journey must have been hard, but know that you are not alone in some of the concepts you have discussed, they are talked about in Professional journal articles that I have come across, i.e. Alien Alters/encounters, past life incidents, etc.

Again Welcome...Wendi



Eva

Hang in there

[WePow]

Thanks to everyone for the warm welcome :-)

Well, it is very hard to explain all of this because it is complex. I would think I was either completely nuts, but now I am more curious than anything.

This was not a possession by an "alien" though. It was actually sharing my body energy space with him. He never "took over" like possession stuff shows. And he was alwasy teaching me how to be a better person and how to help others out. Which is what makes it hard to think that this really was a split of my basic personality.

My T said I was a "text book" case of all the reasons someone would have multiple personality. But he could not understand how we were not split. I don't have any loss of time or any of the other things that go along with that. I did have a lot of PTS from the abuse. But the other being inside me helped me deal with that all in a healthy way in combination with the tools my T gave me.

Now other things that are strange is that I actually have a memory of my parents on a date before they were married and had me. And the being who was with me said he was the one who watched them and picked them out for me.
Well, a few years ago I told my folks all the details about seeing them, the entire setting (which was NOT a standard environment since it involved an empty resteraunt with food prepared in advance). And the things they talked about in private on that night. I also told my mom that I saw her watch me go back up into the sky. And that it was the night she fell in love with my dad.

Every single detail was correct. Also, they had NEVER talked about this date. It was the most private thing they shared.

All in all, it is just a curiousity thing to me at this point. That and curious if anyone else has heard of this! I accept that reality is not defined by my perception of it. I also accept that it is not limited to my expectation of it. If it was a Star Being, I was blessed a million times over to have him as my friend. He would tell me stories that he said the Native American people shared. He said he was a Watcher with them for over 3,000 years. And I have recently found out that the things he taught me are sound teachings from the Red Road. I did not have any other way of learning these things. He taught me respect for others and honor. And he taught me to forgive. He taught me to love myself. And he taught me to enjoy the wonder of a single drop of rain on my brow.

Life is a very curious event :-)

[Mahali]

Those are very good things for that Star Being to teach you. i do like that.

[Evangelista]

Wow Wendi..

I just read your post, it does sound mysterious to have all that knowledge, I would be at a loss to understand or explain away that kind of recall, and this "Watcher" sounds very, dare I say it, yes I dare, "Ethereal"...

Plus the way he co-exists with you, I can see why you would miss that, having someone able to guide and explain so much, after enduring such pain and confusion from abuse. I agree the universe is an awful big place, more than enough room for Wonder...

Eva

He taught me respect for others and honor. And he taught me to forgive. He taught me to love myself. And he taught me to enjoy the wonder of a single drop of rain on my brow.

((( wpowers~~StarBeing )))

I'm so glad you've been able to experience all these things.

Some of us never get there.

Welcome to PC!

[kimmydawn]

Hi wpowers and welcome! It's good to have you here.

I'm with Petunia in that I'm glad you had the caring and concern when you most needed/need it. I personally think that it's awesome that you made it in the life...no matter how you made it. It sounds like you have a good understanding and care for yourself and that's wonderful!

We all survived in different ways with different forms of help. We're so similar while being so different, but the common ground? We're beautiful, inventive, creative, brave survivors!

KD

[WePow]

Kim, Thank you again :-)

Thank you to all who have responded. I've been looking through the threads and this group is great with providing support for others!

Another thing the Star Being inside me taught me was that service to others was the highest calling. :-)

This is exactly the kind of feedback I was interested in. The Star Being told me that people might or might not believe the things that I told them, but that was not the issue. He told me that each person was to be respected for the belief they held. That included the people who thought I was either making him up or whatever else. None of that mattered. But I really wanted to know if other people who delt with this profession had even heard of this kind of thing. So reading your replies back and forth has really helped me out.

I totally accept within myself that the Star Being might just be me or might be a true Star Being either way. ( I called him Byrd because anytime I saw a Hawk, he said that was his name) and people who saw his energy come forward in my personality would nickname me Bird for some reason. Different people throughout my life! And even when I was first born, my grandmother wrote a poem for me and she called me her Wendi-Bird. Also, when she died, I was 5 and she came to me after she died and picked me up from my bed and rocked me and told me "Don't be afraid. I love you." and sang Rock-a-bye-baby to me. I was actually floating too! And the next morning when I woke up because the phone rang and my mom answered it, I could not hear her though, but she came down the hall and I told her that her mom had died. She asked how I knew and I told her that grandma came to see me.

(( Warned you that my life has been ODD !!! :-) lol ! ))

Anyway, some of my friends who have heard a lot about my life tell me to write a book. I might one day. But only if I thought it actually might help anyone else who might be out there that this stuff might help.

More info:
My dad did work with NASA for a while.

"Byrd" never acted in any way, shape, or form against my wishes. If he did want to talk with someone, he would ask my permission before comming to the front of us.

I spent many years being told Byrd was just another part of me and it caused me to hate him. I wanted to hate the world and to remove myself from it. When I would be mean to someone, he would get hurt in his heart and I would feel it at the same time. I would tell him "I HATE YOU!" and he would just say "And I love you."

My life was always mine to do with what I wanted. Byrd would give me good advice about things. Like he told me when I was in college about the US economy problems we would have 10 yrs before they happened. And as the years came closer to the 9/11 event, he even had me give advice to some friends about moving their money away from the stocks over to bonds. This advice saved the life savings of one lady I worked with who said she felt what I was sharing was right.

Byrd also showed me the collapse of a company where I worked 3 yrs before it happened. I warned all the people on the team I worked with and I found myself a new job. The company that had been around over 100 yrs did collapse.

So see, I know that this is so far fetched... and I wonder to myself how in the world could this even be possible? And I know my T said with trauma we find creative ways to survive. And logically, everything in the mind tells me that is what happened. But there is just something that feels wrong with that. It just feels like there is more.

Oh. And also, after Byrd left my body last year when he did what he came to do. Well, a few months later, he showed up in the "flesh" to me in a hotel room one night. He appeared like a shining blue being. He was so peaceful and radiated such complete compassion. He told me he did that for me as a gift so I would "KNOW" the truth for myself.

Anyway, thanks again for listening to me! :-)

The Star Being told me that people might or might not believe the things that I told them, but that was not the issue. He told me that each person was to be respected for the belief they held. That included the people who thought I was either making him up or whatever else. None of that mattered.

A wise and caring Star Being.

I wish I had such a beautiful heart.

Thanks for sharing your story and trusting us.

Petunia

[Mahali]

Each of us comes through life with our own stories of life and survival.

You asked if anybody had a similar experience...I am not familiar with another whose life is similar to yours in the way you describe but that does not mean they are not out there somewhere.

You and Byrd both appear caring, intelligent, and understanding. That in my opinion are the things that matter.

Welcome.

Place

[Fuzzybear]

Thank you for sharing your wisdom here...

"each person was to be respected for the belief they held"

[wanttoheal]

Hello wpowers,
It's so nice to meet you. Each person brings a diversity to a group and each one adds to our growth and experience. I'm so glad you had someone to cling to during rough times. Welcome to Psych Central. I'm glad you're here!

[domino]

You will find that here it's like one big family!!

[Gemstone]

Welcome to PC!!

I understand what you are saying. I can relate to some of it....There are energies and things of this world we don't understand or even know with our finite minds. There are experiences that seem so not logical and far fetched.
There are mystics and psychics and those who can tell of experiences quite like yours.
I am so glad you have Byrd. I have Ajna. Without Ajna I would not have made it as far as I have.
welcome here.

[January]

Welcome to PC.

The world is full of love and mysteries that we can't explain. Just because we do not understand them does not lessen them.

Jan

[Cat_]

I agree with many that everyone's experiences are different and it's just nice to be able to talk about them here and elsewhere, knowing you are not alone in some areas.

We might not share the same exact experiences but I have many times where I knew things I shouldn't and I felt things ahead of time...not with vague details but exact things.

I have an alter that is my spirit guide of sorts. She helps me sort through this but as you said, you don't feel you've split any so it might be a little different.

Thanks for sharing though.

[WePow]

Everyone, first thank you ALL for your kindness and your responses. It has helped beyond words to at least share all this and that helps me be healthy. And then I can share with others too. So thank you!!!

Ajna - I like that name White Iris :-)

Here is an example of something Byrd just now wrote to someone. He comes back to talk with others sometimes now even though I don't share my body with him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~
8< .. (( This is what Byrd wrote in answer to me and I shared it on my group ))

A: Little Sister, sometimes it is not easy to walk the path of growth. You are never alone. Only when you see through the eyes of your ego do you feel the pain of being alone. It is an illusion. Nothing more.

--- Someone wrote me asking for Byrd to clarify his response to me and this is what Byrd just now sent the person:

(( Name of person he was talking with ))

Brother of Light, it is my hope this letter finds you in good spirits and full joy of being.
Wendi advised me of your request: "explain in simpler terms what I have highlighted below."

My statement to Wendi on this item was to remind her of the Zeta teaching on this. As I was taught and understand these things to be, the cause of all feelings of isolation stem from the inability to see what is truth. The truth of all has been shown to me that one is not separated from the whole. The illusion of separation is a tool of ego.

Ego is the first level of the Grand Dream. It is the word Humans use that best encapsulates the energy of that state. The Grand Dream started with Source falling asleep as it were. This is simplified for explanation for a comprehensive understanding that is personal to me.
At the point when Source who is All fell asleep, the Grand Dream was started. To experience the Grand Dream, where we are only what is being dreamt, the first level was formed in which Source believes the Dream to be. This is the same you can understand as a person who is asleep and believes the dream to be the truth of what is.

Upon this first level, all other levels are built. Those who are being dreamt have the same mirror of the dream within their own selves. This is the manner of the Dream.

Source being asleep saw an illusion that it was not a part of the WHOLE of which it is a part. Wendi is standard in Human response when I share this with her and worries that she can not understand a Source within a Source. In all truth, there is but one WHOLE which is the entirety of all Sources in all states of being asleep and awake.

Source is an awakened Dreamer. Source has full awareness of the items within Its own Grand Dream. Source has determined to learn and grow from observing the Grand Dream as a Watchful Dreamer. When a person experiences learning through the tool of Ego, it is Source who is also learning.

The next understanding should assist in your question. The pain of loneliness is an experience known to all who are within the Grand Dream. Some have awaken and know that this pain is the result of the tool of Ego and of the portion of Source which sleeps.

When one is aware that these emotions are tools of Source's own design, it becomes easy to see past the Dream. One awakens within their own being to the truth that Source is Whole and ALL is Source. There is no truth to the divisions formed. The Truth is the Unity and the single point. But the beauty is in the Grand Dream. And so the pain in lost and it is replaced with indescribable joy of the soul, spirit, and mind. It is a joy of appreciating the Grand Dreamer and fully respecting choices of the same. To be the one that Source has dreamt is the honor above all other honors. To BE. In that understanding, no pain can be known.

Yours in service,
Asheoma te ka Meata

[WePow]

Well, if Byrd ( Asheoma) is really DID or my own self like my T told me for all those years, how can he know what my vision means when I did not? Also, he did this today and is still trying to share with others.

Still curious if others with DID get this kinda stuff from an alter.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Introduction:

Today I was shown a vision after asking for one from my teacher who is Drum Big Thunder Elk. This is shared with all because it was the introduction to the conversation I am now having with Asheoma. This was the vision:

O<~>(><)<~>O<~>(><)<~>O<~>(><)<~>O

Boy on first vision quest is outside, he is strong and plays his drum.
He says his prayers and his heart is sincere.
He asks for a vision and a sign he has been seen.

<~>(><)<~>O<~>(><)<~>

The 1st day in the morning after drumming all night,
Suddenly a White Eagle shows and circles over the boy,
The boy is so absorbed in his drumming he does not stop.
He does not notice the White Eagle.
The White Eagle leaves at sunset.

<~>(><)<~>O<~>(><)<~>

2nd day in the morning after drumming all night with no food,
Suddenly a large Black Bear shows up behind the boy next to his camp.
The boy is praying and still drumming and does not notice the bear.
The Black Bear leaves as the sun sets.

<~>(><)<~>O<~>(><)<~>

3nd day in the morning after drumming and praying with no food or sleep,
On the ground at his feet now sits a large Green Snake.
The boy is so absorbed in his prayers and quest that de does not see the snake at all.
The Green Snake vanishes as the Sun sets.

<~>(><)<~>O<~>(><)<~>

4th day as the Sun rises, the boy is completely exhausted,
He continues to drum slowly and sing in a whispered voice.
From the front of him, from the water edge, comes a large Brown Bull Elk.
The boy is so exhausted he falls to the ground in front of the Elk without knowing he is there.

O<~>(><)<~>O<~>(><)<~>O<~>(><)<~>O

W: Asheoma, in the shower just now you were saying I should share this to the group because it is about Star Seeds and you explained the vision to me. Will you share again please what you just told me about this?

A: It is my pleasure to explain this for others. You were shown what is truth in these times. Many who are born as closer relations to Star Nations have internal desires to reach beyond the world they understand and to find the truth of many questions. Yet they are lost in your world and do not understand what is being shown to them already.

In this vision, the boy is doing on his own what his heart knows to do. This is the way of the Star Seeds and those you call Star Kids. Yet it is clear from his reactions throughout the vision that he was not prepared by his parents to understand the answers when they came to him. It is the same even now. Many reach out and call to Star Nations for insight and assistance. Star Nations answers in many ways, but the answer is not understood.

In this vision, you were shown that the strongest answer came from Father Sky. It came in the form of the White Eagle who carries forward the messages of Source directly. The Star Child was praying to Source who is All, but he was looking in the places of Ego and focused on his drumming to be perfect. His focus on the correctness of his own ceremony caused him to miss the answer directly above him the entire day.

His second answer was given behind him in the form of the Black Bear. If the Star Child had been taught by his elders to know what he should have known, he would have been aware right away of this teacher who could have taken his life if the desire was there.

The third answer was given as the Green Snake who sat next to him. This was yet another direct answer of Source to the prayers of the Star Child. The answer to all need was shown in the Green color of this teacher. Even while very hungry, the Star Child was not trained enough to understand the wonderful gift of Source as shown right beside him.

The final answer was of the Brown Elk. In this answer, the Star Child falls before the Teacher and is still unaware. The Brown Elk stands and remained to show you these lessons. The Star Child fell believing he was never heard in this vision. Do not let it be so with your own People. Star Nations answers in many forms. We are with you now and walk among your kind on many levels. Some will call us teachers or angels. Some will call us demons if they are in Ego direction and happen upon a Guardian who serves with Star Nations to protect other levels or portal points along the energy grids. Some know us as we walk in more solid flesh hidden throughout the People of Earth. Others know us as you know us. In all of these things, we answer over and over with the same answer. You are not alone in your world. We are Here.

W: Thank you so much for putting this down like that. Bunches to think about!
A: With time, you will understand better these visions. For now, share with others and continue to inquire of their meaning.

W: Will do :-) Ok. Ohh! Also in the shower you started to say something about how Elk was food and the boy didn't know it.
A: Yes. Brown Elk was there before the Star Child in full service as both food and as a Teacher. A teacher gives of self for the benefit of others.

W: Ah. Ok. Like my drum is Elk and gave his skin so I can learn through him?
A: Yes, in that manner, you can make the same comparison.

W: I know we were going to talk about this week when you were giving me downloads about the next level.
A: Yes. However, your energy is still not close in understanding this item.

W: I'm trying. But that next level is hard.
A: (( smiling )) It is as it is. Understanding these items can only be done with all levels of your Being. You have understood the first level with your entire Being, and so it is easy for you. The next level of the Grand Dream is not yet understood to you on all levels.

W: Is that what you meant by Mastery of the Levels?
A: Yes.

W: When did you get Mastery of all the levels?
A: (( laughing hard )) Little Sister, I am not close to that point in my development.

W: I thought you were!
A: (( still laughing ))

W: Well how many levels do you have Mastery of?
A: Your words are in number. When you understand a few levels more than those you can understand at this point, you will see that your question is the same as asking a person to make the sound of the color orange.

W: Ok. :-) Well, Let's try with the next level. Please explain to me what you were downloading earlier this week or as much of it as you can with my limited stuff.
A: You are referencing your limited energy expression of my communication?
W: Yeah - that. :-)

A: The second level gives division to the two items in the first level. It creates a level of 4 states of energy within the Grand Dream of Source.

W: Cool. Ok now you said the level after that adds another split to all?

A: You are not yet through with understanding this second level. Are you so eager to advance to the next?

W: Now you got me laughing Byrd. But you did say that!

A: What was shown to you was an understanding that came to you naturally as you began to learn of the second level. But yes. Each direction added on each level applies to all directions in the previous level.

W: What is the energy direction of that second level?
A: The direction of energy is what Humans call Order or Chaos.

W: Please explain how you understand this.
A: Order is a direction which allows the all future levels to draw from it systematic logical structure.

W: You showed me a picture of DNA and said this was an example of a higher level thing that was Ego / Order

A: That is correct. It is of Ego direction as DNA in energy is the direction of Ego. The direction is towards separation of the Whole into smaller units. It is of the energy direction Order because it applies the directional tool of Order to give it structure and logic.

W: What is an example of the Ego / Chaos?
A: The single flame of a candle without consideration of the fuel source or the logical structure of its occurrence can bee seen as an example of this direction. The flame exists in Ego as a direction away from Awareness of Source. The very concept of being is the direction of Ego. However, the flame as its own unit holds no motivation or logic.

W: Ok. Aware / Order
A: In this energy direction, one could find the written words of love to others. It is the goal of many Human religions to set items into this direction of energy. An example of this would be the energy contain in the words "Love one another." The direction is in the first level of Aware as it moves the reader away from the point of non aware self or Ego and points them to the direction of aware self by seeing others in the state of compassion. The portion that is Order in this is in that this is a logical directive stated in order to reach a desired outcome. This is the direction of Order.

W: What about Aware / Chaos ?
A: This state of Being is one of the most pure to be a tool of use within the Grand Dream. In this form, you might see not the body or the teachings, but only the very soul of the Great Teachers such as the Buddha and a few others. It is in this direction that complete surrender while being awake occurs. This is the energy which allows the full acceptance of death. There is not a need to control or stop the flow of the Grand Dream for any reason. Yet it is with full awareness the experience is taken inside the Grand Dream.

W: I had trouble when you said this because I thought it would be Aware / Order. But you said something to help me...
A: Order is a direction with holds the forces of logic. Logic is of a different direction from Chaos. The Human mind is evolved to use the tool of logic in all things. It is for this reason that there is complications of the Soul with the Mind in your species. Do not be harsh on your own kind though for this. It is a common item to find in many species. This is the nature of the Grand Dream. The path of Order fits well with the path of Ego to form the base level of what Zeta referred to as "Physical Reality."

W: Asheoma, thank you for trying to explain these things to us. People tell you they love you too so I wanted to share that with you too before we say goodbye for now.

A: My soul is fully aware of the energy gift of love sent to me by your fellow Humans. That love is welcomed and honored fully. I am humbled by the same. Asheoma te ka Meata


in service to light,
Wendi

[mlyn]

YOu are not alone is all I can say at this time.