[Patagonia]

I've had my first appearance of a little who came out to just say hello to an emotionally close friend during an emotional time. It was an amazing experience for me to see this. Many thoughts & memories. It was just.....can't describe

[Claritytoo]

had a bad few weeks. I want to go back to my t but I don't want to talk about the reason that i stopped going to my t because if we talk about it she will say something that I know for a fact, is not true, than I will be unable to trust her again. if we don't talk about we can just go on and not have to ........... **** this isn't going to work. it's not going to work, it just can't, I have no one to talk to, i just need someone to talk to that i trust......................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

[Claritytoo]

**** all of it

[kecanoe]

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

We've reached out to a whole array of T's, through a local listing website. You can privately email each, so we made a basic letter and now awaiting replies. This feels so....I hate this to tell the truth.

Hope you find a good match. I hate starting with a new t!

We are actually finally trying to work this life thing out, like what's best for us time management wise and whose job takes priority. I think that we might be smoothing into a multi-partisan approach to life I hope I hope?

We shall see.

[Patagonia]

Maybe I need to find a therapist again to sort thru all this crap! But the thought of starting alllll over again is heart breaking!
Can't I just stay a mess

After a few days of wrangling with it, we made an appointment with a T that works wth multiples.
Of course there are parts that feel like it's a waste of time, parts that really wants to, parts that are scared, parts that are unsure, parts that are embarrassed, parts that are excited about it, parts that are....

Believe me, we forced ourselves to make that call.

A save I think...an other tried to delete this account saying he's just psychotic and all this was unreal. He already messaged an admin, but I think I got a cancel out. A bunch of APs was on the menu for tonight.

The closer to talking to a real living person up front and face to face about our brand of normalness has gotten our system in an uproar. The Sui and SHs have been thinking.

I wouldn't be surprised if the appointment got canceled.

1:30 a.m. And I can't sleep. I've been missing my stabilizer dose (duh) and everyone has a rapid thought! Lol. The head is buzzing like a coffee high (could be), but the ideas keep flowing. Yaaaay .....a little yawn. The body burns out easy, at least. Ultra rapid cycles peaks real short, usually midday, then starts to fall away which keeps us from staying up for days.

Talking to family...(Sui)...

Possible trigger:

... Always triggers a suicidal part. I feel urges to die, see fantasies of it happening many ways, total despair. Hopeless, damned, mistooken, empty, tired of the bs. Sick of life Can't own a gun. I crave the bleeding wrists....

so alone...

Oh my God...thank God that's over. Everyone's settled down, the bad feelings have been laid to rest for now...

Talking about the past, even in retrospect creates feelings of unrest, despair, frustrations and whatever else because of the memory block and why.

They don't get it and I don't expect them to. In their eyes we are imagining all this, so they persist on their uneducated ramblings of their version of who and why I am. Ugggg!

I'm so glad that we can just bury everything in due time and walk away feeling all right.

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

Oh my God...thank God that's over. Everyone's settled down, the bad feelings have been laid to rest for now...

Talking about the past, even in retrospect creates feelings of unrest, despair, frustrations and whatever else because of the memory block and why.

They don't get it and I don't expect them to. In their eyes we are imagining all this, so they persist on their uneducated ramblings of their version of who and why I am. Ugggg!

I'm so glad that we can just bury everything in due time and walk away feeling all right.

I hope you're ok sweetie. Do you think this is happening because they're scared of your first T appointment?

Originally Posted by CassyO

I hope you're ok sweetie. Do you think this is happening because they're scared of your first T appointment?

Thank you for asking, my others are nervous, but my family relations are being impossible. You just have to know our disfunctional family dynamic to fully understand the crux of what's happened, let's just say we all 6 family members are nuts, take me for instance....

Just a day in my life....sigh.

Oh...I seriously doubt that we can even think about probing the past....hell no.

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

let's just say we all 6 family members are nuts, take me for instance.....

The best people always are

[kaliope]

hi everybody
i havent been around for quite awhile. i hope everybody is doing well. i think this should probably be in a post but i hate posting threads. but i need to write it. i have a journal type book i created that everybody can write in. everybody has their own section and then there is a section for group meetings. my t loves it and wants me to use it all the time. i hardly ever use it. i avoid working with my others as much as possible. we did emdr to discover why i am so ambivalent about it and i have been physically ill ever since, over two months now. the great fear is not being able to handle what i, we discover and losing my mind, ending up in the mental hospital which was a threat used against me. in our work i believed it was me that did not want to do this work, but in thinking about writng this morning, the resistance was so strong, that i am wondering if it isnt somebody else. i really dont know how to figure this out. i am feeling like i am wasting my t;s time by not working hard enough. i want to get better but there is so much avoidance. i can sense her frustration at times. i just dont know how to go there when i run away so much.

We feel despondent. Totally depressed. System is shot. We are what we can't be. Not allowed. Denied. We're living a lie with no choice in the matter.

Hi Kali...welcome back. It sounds like you are making progress, I'm glad for you. Keep up the good work.

If I know in my mind that it's not logically how I feel, then it's the other one.

[falcon09]

Hi guys.

Just got diagnosed with DID for the first time.

Dont know what to think

Originally Posted by falcon09

Hi guys.

Just got diagnosed with DID for the first time.

Dont know what to think

I hope you are ok falcon09? Did you see this diagnosis coming, or was it a surprise?

[falcon09]

Originally Posted by CassyO

I hope you are ok falcon09? Did you see this diagnosis coming, or was it a surprise?

It was a surprise.

Stuff has been going on but had no idea it was this.

Still kinda shocking.

Originally Posted by falcon09

It was a surprise.

Stuff has been going on but had no idea it was this.

Still kinda shocking.

I expect life will continue to get more surreal for a while - but hopefully this diagnosis will mean you are able to get the support you need?

Im undiagnosed - but I know since I first suspected DID, and then started reading loads about it, my life has just become incredibly surreal. But also, a lot of stuff has clicked in to place - even through the head spinny craziness.

Do you have a good relationship with your T? Does the diagnosis make sense to you?

[falcon09]

I guess it makes sense, and me and my T are cool.

Just hard to come to terms with, I guess.

I talked to my new T today, I'm all now dissociated and dazed trying to ground. I dropped my computer on to the freeway from the top of the truck that I forgot that I set there messing with something else....slammed on the brakes almost causing a pile up wreck, ran into traffic...and here I sit in a restaurant trying to get it together.
We've got a job to do....focus...focus....

Sad things is, I don't remember talking to her.

[falcon09]

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

I talked to my new T today, I'm all now dissociated and dazed trying to ground. I dropped my computer on to the freeway from the top of the truck that I forgot that I set there messing with something else....slammed on the brakes almost causing a pile up wreck, ran into traffic...and here I sit in a restaurant trying to get it together.
We've got a job to do....focus...focus....

Sad things is, I don't remember talking to her.

Deep breaths, focus on them.

That helps me

[falcon09]

Originally Posted by CassyO

I expect life will continue to get more surreal for a while - but hopefully this diagnosis will mean you are able to get the support you need?

Im undiagnosed - but I know since I first suspected DID, and then started reading loads about it, my life has just become incredibly surreal. But also, a lot of stuff has clicked in to place - even through the head spinny craziness.

Do you have a good relationship with your T? Does the diagnosis make sense to you?

Day after looking at it, it really does feel surreal.

Like this isn't real, or what.