[Luce]

Arrrrgh. I am going through an awful work situation. I am with a person who overreacts and catastrophizes pretty much everything, freaks out and does everything differently, then blames me for it going wrong. (she literally blames me - "this happened because YOU told me abc and so now I have to do xyz. I am only doing what YOU told me to do so this is YOUR fault.") Note - she's my boss. She is in charge of her own choices and behavior.
This freaks me out because... it triggers so much stuff. Her overreactions are waaaay over the top. When they happen (5,6,10 times a day) all I can do is freeze, unsure of what to do or say or how to react in a way that won't incur more wrath. When the attacks are personal and she is ranting at me I often now have full blown panic attacks. Today I only had 2 panic attacks which I managed to get under control. Tears I couldn't stop on several occasions.
We had a meeting with the big boss tonight. Everything I brought up she flat out denied. Lied directly in front of the boss, saying she has never said or done the things she has said and done. She cried and said she can't believe I am saying such awful things. She would never do that.
I am powerless. It mirrors an abuser's behavior in so many ways. I froze and was silent then. I freeze and am silent now. I have no power in the face of outright denial. Word against word.
I am struggling. I don't know how to proceed.

[darkpurplesecrets]

Feeling very alone. Hard to put words together. Maybe it is best this way. Seems we deserve nothing. We will hold onto our things, for our things won't leave or forget us.

[lucidity11]

Originally Posted by Luce

Arrrrgh. I am going through an awful work situation. I am with a person who overreacts and catastrophizes pretty much everything, freaks out and does everything differently, then blames me for it going wrong. (she literally blames me - "this happened because YOU told me abc and so now I have to do xyz. I am only doing what YOU told me to do so this is YOUR fault.") Note - she's my boss. She is in charge of her own choices and behavior.
This freaks me out because... it triggers so much stuff. Her overreactions are waaaay over the top. When they happen (5,6,10 times a day) all I can do is freeze, unsure of what to do or say or how to react in a way that won't incur more wrath. When the attacks are personal and she is ranting at me I often now have full blown panic attacks. Today I only had 2 panic attacks which I managed to get under control. Tears I couldn't stop on several occasions.
We had a meeting with the big boss tonight. Everything I brought up she flat out denied. Lied directly in front of the boss, saying she has never said or done the things she has said and done. She cried and said she can't believe I am saying such awful things. She would never do that.
I am powerless. It mirrors an abuser's behavior in so many ways. I froze and was silent then. I freeze and am silent now. I have no power in the face of outright denial. Word against word.
I am struggling. I don't know how to proceed.

Record her on your phone when she is acting abusive and play it for your boss. You should not have to be terrorized in your work place. I hope you make out ok.

[lucidity11]

bad day. had words with my son. he said some bad things to me about a month ago and it is just something I can't get past. I told him he needed meds, I told him he was delusional and I blocked his number. I told him he makes me feel bad, he has disdain for me and is condescending when he talks to me. Which isn't often. I can be in the house and he will text, leave the room if I start to talk or just make rude remarks about anything I think and say. I can't take the abuse anymore. He is a grown man. I hope he takes care of himself. I am going to try my best to not see or talk with him for a long time. He don't like me, or respect me. He has a very small piece of him that has love for me but not enough to actually love me. I just don't need people in my life who are mean and hurtful to me. I can get that from strangers why would I put up with it from my own son. Life is strange. I hope is stays well. But honestly at this moment I don't want to know anything about him.

Struggling a lot today at work. Nothing has gone wrong, I'm just having a bad head day and I can't seem to shake it off like I normally can at work. My head is filled with bad pictures, which makes normal conversation with normal colleagues such hard work. Two hours ten minutes before I can relax and act like the big ol' freak I am.

just hoping i get a little (just a little) rest tonight.

all the talking and stuff really getting to me- they just don't shut up

[Lost_in_the_woods]

(((HUGS))) to EVERYONE! I need sslep too n it just wont come. also bout to throw this mobile off a frickin bridge!!! This thing is useless i spend more time fixing the dumdum nonsense it types then actually posting!! SMARTPHONE MY ARSE!! Ihave also no appitite tofau n feelin dehydrated...so NOT winning! Eh?! Whatever. Idk what im even complaining about. Pollen sucks. Waiting dux. Talkng is like squriels in circles w benny hanna music soundtrack. Everyone is annoyed. Heck im annoying myself. think im gonna take a shower. Yeah shower sounds good. Soo sorry for this mucky idiotic post.

i was foolish to think i might get any rest yesterday...

1 of the little bastards (excuse my language) convinced me that they'd booked me tickets to jamaica on my behalf

and though i knew i wouldn't go to jamaica (i don't even leave the house!), i was standing by my front door at 3 in the morning with a small case packed ready to go to the airport... it's so stupid. i'm so gullible i'll fall for anything

anyway... emotionally drained today- just going through the motions

not really wanting to do anything (well, rest would be nice), but i know that's impossible

[1976kitchenfloor]

Originally Posted by Luce

Arrrrgh. I am going through an awful work situation. I am with a person who overreacts and catastrophizes pretty much everything, freaks out and does everything differently, then blames me for it going wrong. (she literally blames me - "this happened because YOU told me abc and so now I have to do xyz. I am only doing what YOU told me to do so this is YOUR fault.") Note - she's my boss. She is in charge of her own choices and behavior.
This freaks me out because... it triggers so much stuff. Her overreactions are waaaay over the top. When they happen (5,6,10 times a day) all I can do is freeze, unsure of what to do or say or how to react in a way that won't incur more wrath. When the attacks are personal and she is ranting at me I often now have full blown panic attacks. Today I only had 2 panic attacks which I managed to get under control. Tears I couldn't stop on several occasions.
We had a meeting with the big boss tonight. Everything I brought up she flat out denied. Lied directly in front of the boss, saying she has never said or done the things she has said and done. She cried and said she can't believe I am saying such awful things. She would never do that.
I am powerless. It mirrors an abuser's behavior in so many ways. I froze and was silent then. I freeze and am silent now. I have no power in the face of outright denial. Word against word.
I am struggling. I don't know how to proceed.

Hello. This happens in a lot of workplaces. I suggest you write down with time and date and what you were doing at the time -each incident. Documentation is a very good way to defend and protect yourself and your position here. Your boss sounds like a real fruit cake and sooner or later that will become obvious to others as well. In my own work expereince I found good managers/bosses to be far and few between. It was so common that I wondered how this could happen so often. I ahve heard the same thing from other hourly wage workers. It's almost as if those at the top put the worst most incompetent people in charge. Ironically getting more/higher education is what often gets these people in their jobs. They can read from a book but have no working sense with people and work issues on the floor.

Hang in there and know you are one of many workers who expereince this sort of work envrionment. I am hoepful that if you do begin to document what you do every day and what this other person says and does, you will have a tool to make things better.

wiggly worms are just awesome

wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle

(okay found the worm song on youtube, and now think worms are awesome)

you know.. their's a worm at the bottom of the garden, and his name is wiggly-woo?

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

wiggly worms are just awesome

(okay found the worm song on youtube, and now think worms are awesome)

Hahaha omg

I was going to auto-reply with how this

video made me love frogs. But out of courtesy I Googled 'The worm song' and I found wiggly woo and I am *so* a convert. Worms are awesome.

OMG I was just about to hit *send* when it hit me how my T is gonna read that. Now I've got that cringey 'do I or do I not hit *send* for the opinion I was thirty seconds ago' ......

*insert several minutes zoning out and staring into space time*

dilemma going on. Only I've zoned out so long that opinion is long gone and I'm just contemplating wether or not to *send* this train of thought.

Sod it.

Originally Posted by CassyO

Hahaha omg

I was going to auto-reply with how this

video made me love frogs. But out of courtesy I Googled 'The worm song' and I found wiggly woo and I am *so* a convert. Worms are awesome.

OMG I was just about to hit *send* when it hit me how my T is gonna read that. Now I've got that cringey 'do I or do I not hit *send* for the opinion I was thirty seconds ago' ......

*insert several minutes zoning out and staring into space time*

dilemma going on. Only I've zoned out so long that opinion is long gone and I'm just contemplating wether or not to *send* this train of thought.

Sod it.

i'm so glad i've converted someone else to the way of the worm!

your therapist is on here?

i didn't think therapists and stuff post

[cheshiregrins]

Crisis mode today. Taking a codeine migraine medication to knock myself out and spending the day in bed. I ran 5km this morning, which grounded me for a bit, but now back to crazy.

hope things get better for you.

(((((hugs)))))

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

i'm so glad i've converted someone else to the way of the worm!

Ya know, most normal people need trigger warnings for dark, nasty, sickening subjects. I can read pretty much anything. Me? I need trigger warnings for cartoons. *sigh* You would not believe whats been going on up there since I watched this

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

your therapist is on here?

i didn't think therapists and stuff post

I've seen lots of T's post (most are also clients)- I have no idea if my T is one of them. But I like the idea that he is, and I like the idea of using this board to communicate with him (Im not so great at the face to face stuff) - so I generally live in a world where my T is on here, even though I completely acknowledge I have no idea if he actually is or not. I do that a lot - create fantasy worlds that I live in as if were real until someone or something proves otherwise! I don't have a problem with reality checking - I just don't have a problem with knowingly living in a fantasy world either

FWIW the whole point is moot anyway, as it was one of those *special* moments. Where it says "is gonna" I was trying to write "would see" - the whole thing was me imagining what he would think if he read my comment. I didn't even pick up on the slip until you highlighted it! That to me says its less Freudian, and more Different Bit trying to get a look in. I guess I should probably try to work out who/what/why.

[lucidity11]

Last weekend I had an angry verbal exchange with my son. I told him he is not good for my mental health. I also told him he is delusional. This was regarding something he told me a few weeks ago. I left the key (to my house) to let him know I am not coming back. To let him know that I have had enough. I can't do it. I can't help him with his delusional disorder. I am trying to help myself. My t mentioned something about me feeling grief over this situation and that she would help me work through it. I was so angry at the time I was talking to her I didn't think it would happen. So now a week later, while listening to my dog snore, I feel sadness, confusion, but not quite grief. So far I have done everything to not let that happen. Part of me wants to talk to him but that is how it has always been. I love my son

Originally Posted by lucidity11

Last weekend I had an angry verbal exchange with my son. I told him he is not good for my mental health. I also told him he is delusional. This was regarding something he told me a few weeks ago. I left the key (to my house) to let him know I am not coming back. To let him know that I have had enough. I can't do it. I can't help him with his delusional disorder. I am trying to help myself. My t mentioned something about me feeling grief over this situation and that she would help me work through it. I was so angry at the time I was talking to her I didn't think it would happen. So now a week later, while listening to my dog snore, I feel sadness, confusion, but not quite grief. So far I have done everything to not let that happen. Part of me wants to talk to him but that is how it has always been. I love my son

You can always love your son, but you aren't obligated to be treated in such a way or so. Sometimes it's just best to let go- not on an angry note, but more like in a caring loving manner that's not misunderstood or taken the wrong way.

It sounds like he's old enough to take care of his self- let him.

Weve been totally immersed in the inner drama of work with the "inner drama" being inside our head.

There is so much distress, accusations, fear, embarrassment, anger feelings that this is exactly why working for ourselves has been a must. Unfortunately our m.i. has caused all that to crash and burn.

People plus the fear of being judged wrongly causes so much stress in the ranks, I would dare say that we will eventually stroke out or have a heart attack sooner if not later.

This is the fuel for our drinking. A few beers and all that numbs up a bit, but it can never fully go away unless we hit blackout stage...which isn't hardly often anymore.

[cheshiregrins]

Still in super hyperarousal, fear mode. The world has scared me sh*tless, as my Shrink would say, and I'm shutting down.... which means either dead depression or crawling out of my skin anxiety.

[lucidity11]

Originally Posted by cheshiregrins

Still in super hyperarousal, fear mode. The world has scared me sh*tless, as my Shrink would say, and I'm shutting down.... which means either dead depression or crawling out of my skin anxiety.

I have started riding my bike again, it seems to help with my anxiety and maybe even feelings of depression. Maybe some type of exercise can help.

((((((cheshiregrins))))

hhope you start feeling better soon

[lucidity11]

I have been trying to reconcile my decision to not have interaction with my son. This also means that I will not see my grandsons. That is the hardest part. I find my self talking myself into asking to see my grandsons but I know my son will use that as a way of punishing me He will tell me know and that if i don't leave him alone he will disappear, move, live in his car, etc. Last night it felt like my brain was a junga ball and pieces that have not fit together for ever were trying to fit together. I could see this happening in my minds eye. I didn't feel right or safe but it also didn't feel bad. Just scary. Today I have therapy and I will go. Last week I was toooooo angry to go so I asked for a phone interview. All I didn't was yell and curse. Part of me feels free of the responsibility of my son and his manipulations. And a great part of me thinks I may move out of state when my lease is up here. I just need to be sure that I am not trying to disappear That I am just trying to unload responsibility I have taken on for decades. I want to help me and enjoy life. I am not the keeper of my 33 year old son. Hopefully he see a therapist and takes meds and is able to find that life in the real world is good for him and his children

[Luce]

That sounds like an awful situation to be in, Lucidity. Sooo challenging, and a lose/ lose situation for you really.
Keep yourself safe.

[Patagonia]

I just can't keep up with all this constant commentary in my head. It's exhausting & ive lost my voice. I've jumped out of the driver seat & happy for it! I hope they all crash.
The endless arguments, bickering & taunts...things that haven't been on the surface for a decade are all crashing down. Can't even sleep with all this noise!

I'm so tempted to turn to alcohol to shut everyone up!
Then comes rage....