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  #676  
Old Dec 22, 2016, 04:23 PM
Luce Luce is offline
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Originally Posted by TrailRunner14 View Post
No. I don't feel like I am finding enough support for this Christmas. My family is delighted that I stood up to my mom and told her that we were doing Christmas here, and not attending the traditional Christmas Trail Roast complete with an over abundance of negativity and bewilderment, of how I could possibly be a part of this family. They are happy for the fact that are not required to attend this year. I don't think they have any idea what the decision is doing to me internally.

I'm sure they can still roast me whether I'm present or not.

I hope that it will be a good Christmas here and I can let it go. I have a tendency to focus on the guilt, and let it take me away. I want to stay around and enjoy my family here.

Do you ever wonder how in the world you could be part of the family you were born to?

ETA. I wanted to add that I'm very thankful for the support I find here. Sorry for my rambling last night. I let myself get pulled into one of those places. ((( hug )))
Hugs hugs hugs.

You got this, Trail!

May the gift of a new and inifintely more peaceful and loving Christmas tradition you are giving to your family help assauge any guilt you may be feeling about standing up for your own fundamental human rights.

Here's to Trailblazing a new kind of Christmas tradition - one that embraces and celebrates all that is good in your life!
Thanks for this!
kecanoe, TrailRunner14

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  #677  
Old Dec 22, 2016, 04:25 PM
Luce Luce is offline
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My Christmas miracle would be that my course work would all be done and I would no longer be in this position of imminent and career destroying failure.

What is your most effective grounding strategy?
Hugs from:
kecanoe
  #678  
Old Dec 22, 2016, 05:46 PM
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TrailRunner14 TrailRunner14 is offline
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Thank you so much Lost and Luce!! Your words encourage me!

I'm going to try my best to look forward and not back. There are so many things wrapped into the decision I made.

Lost, the "roast beast" made me laugh. I'll be singing "Your a mean one - Mr Grinch"

Luce, your words feel like they have set me on a mission. Thank you for the blessing, it was received with a thankful heart. I will hold in to the fact that we ARE starting new traditions.

Good ones!!

I wish a knew a good grounding strategy. What works for me one time, doesn't work the next. Maybe someone else has one.

With that I'd like to pass the same question along.

What is your most effective grounding strategy?

ETA typo
__________________
"What is denied, cannot be healed." - Brennan Manning

"Hope knows that if great trials are avoided, great deeds remain undone and the possibility of growth into greatness of soul is aborted." - Brennan Manning

Last edited by TrailRunner14; Dec 22, 2016 at 06:52 PM.
Thanks for this!
Luce
  #679  
Old Dec 22, 2016, 08:15 PM
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TrailRunner14 TrailRunner14 is offline
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Originally Posted by Lost_in_the_woods View Post


And yes we wonder all the time how we ended up with our family! They have never understood us, protected us, or even liked us as far as I can tell It's hard especially when you see other people you know who's families would do anything for each other...makes me jealous


I

I didn't say in my earlier reply, that you could not have worded it any more accurate for me. I'm sorry that you were in the same environment as me growing up. The bewilderment overwhelms me sometimes when my mind questions "why?"

Thank you for your words! It makes a bad place feel less lonely. ((( hug )))
__________________
"What is denied, cannot be healed." - Brennan Manning

"Hope knows that if great trials are avoided, great deeds remain undone and the possibility of growth into greatness of soul is aborted." - Brennan Manning
  #680  
Old Dec 22, 2016, 10:43 PM
Luce Luce is offline
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This one

She teaches you how to do it and then you practice it. When you practice it think of calm things.

Keeping the question for the next person to add.
Thanks for this!
TrailRunner14
  #681  
Old Dec 23, 2016, 09:58 AM
Anonymous32451
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we love our crystal

it's a really special object to us and really helps us cope

looking at the various pictures on our walls, and if need be, tear 1 or 2 up

emailing toyah (our mental health manager)

hugging simba (our stuffed toy)

wiggling fingers/ toes

question: what is your biggist regret in life
  #682  
Old Dec 24, 2016, 12:12 AM
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TrailRunner14 TrailRunner14 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Luce View Post
This one

She teaches you how to do it and then you practice it. When you practice it think of calm things.

Keeping the question for the next person to add.


Thank you for the video. It explains why and how. My counselor has also shown this to me and it helps me. It's like I forget about things until someone reminds me.
__________________
"What is denied, cannot be healed." - Brennan Manning

"Hope knows that if great trials are avoided, great deeds remain undone and the possibility of growth into greatness of soul is aborted." - Brennan Manning
Thanks for this!
Luce
  #683  
Old Dec 24, 2016, 12:16 AM
Luce Luce is offline
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My biggest regret in life is leaving our long term T before we were ready.

Have you bought yourself a present?
  #684  
Old Dec 24, 2016, 12:18 AM
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TrailRunner14 TrailRunner14 is offline
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I know this is a question answer thread but I really don't know where else to put this. I feel safe here.

I was out finishing up shopping today. Too many people and too much. I lost time twice. It's the first time I've noticed it in reality.

It has made me angry. The h is in one of his jeckle Hyde moods and I'm not good.

Sorry again for going off topic. I'm just not good.

Ok. Question.

What do you do when you realize you are not in a good place and there is no one to help you?
__________________
"What is denied, cannot be healed." - Brennan Manning

"Hope knows that if great trials are avoided, great deeds remain undone and the possibility of growth into greatness of soul is aborted." - Brennan Manning
Hugs from:
Luce
  #685  
Old Dec 24, 2016, 12:30 AM
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TrailRunner14 TrailRunner14 is offline
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I missed your question Luce.

I did buy my self a present. I bought some new jeans. That's what I live in basically.

What do you do when you realize you are not in a good place and there is no one to help you?
__________________
"What is denied, cannot be healed." - Brennan Manning

"Hope knows that if great trials are avoided, great deeds remain undone and the possibility of growth into greatness of soul is aborted." - Brennan Manning
Thanks for this!
Luce
  #686  
Old Dec 24, 2016, 12:41 AM
Luce Luce is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TrailRunner14 View Post
I know this is a question answer thread but I really don't know where else to put this. I feel safe here.

I was out finishing up shopping today. Too many people and too much. I lost time twice. It's the first time I've noticed it in reality.

It has made me angry. The h is in one of his jeckle Hyde moods and I'm not good.

Sorry again for going off topic. I'm just not good.

Ok. Question.

What do you do when you realize you are not in a good place and there is no one to help you?
I reckon it's okay to go off topic here if it feels like a safe place to do so.
Thanks for this!
kecanoe
  #687  
Old Dec 24, 2016, 12:46 AM
Luce Luce is offline
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Originally Posted by TrailRunner14 View Post
I missed your question Luce.

I did buy my self a present. I bought some new jeans. That's what I live in basically.

What do you do when you realize you are not in a good place and there is no one to help you?
I call on my inner ones to help me out.
I recognize that I am triggered and in need of support.
I give it to myself.
What do I/we need? Where is the hurt? How can I /we help it?

An hour or so ago I got really triggered by something innocuous that I saw, that triggered up fragments of a trauma.
I noticed it. I tried to observe me, to see what I needed.
My breathing was shallow and my heart was pounding. I felt flooded with adrenaline or something.
So my need was to calm my nervous system.
I did some deep breathing.
I did some butterfly tapping.
I used my safe place cue word and let myself feel like I was in that safe place.
I did a body scan. I was calmer and not feeling triggered.
I got on with my jobs, but carefully, gently.

I need to add though that it has taken me a lot of therapy (in the past, and a little bit now) to get to this point of being able to calm myself effectively. When we first entered therapy, and for the first many years of it, we could not do this very well.
And, even now it doesn't always work.
Thanks for this!
kecanoe
  #688  
Old Dec 24, 2016, 01:40 AM
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TrailRunner14 TrailRunner14 is offline
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Thank you! I've read it through several times. It gives me direction. It feels like I'm coming undone. It's scary.
__________________
"What is denied, cannot be healed." - Brennan Manning

"Hope knows that if great trials are avoided, great deeds remain undone and the possibility of growth into greatness of soul is aborted." - Brennan Manning
  #689  
Old Dec 24, 2016, 01:42 AM
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TrailRunner14 TrailRunner14 is offline
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Sorry. Question.

What does it feel like when you feel undone?
__________________
"What is denied, cannot be healed." - Brennan Manning

"Hope knows that if great trials are avoided, great deeds remain undone and the possibility of growth into greatness of soul is aborted." - Brennan Manning
  #690  
Old Dec 24, 2016, 02:07 AM
Luce Luce is offline
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When I come undone it feels way, way, way too loose.
It feels undone at the seams.
It feels out of control.
It feels too big and overwhelming.
It feels like I am lost at sea and cannot find myself.
It feels like I can't get a foothold on anything.
It feels like all the fragments of me are slipping through my fingers and I am left with nothing.
It feels like I am drowning.
It feels like I have drowned.

TR, the bigger question is, what does it feel like when you feel undone?
Thanks for this!
kecanoe
  #691  
Old Dec 24, 2016, 04:16 AM
Luce Luce is offline
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Guh, Christmas landed on top of me and I have come un

done.

Question for next person - what is one triggering thing for you about this. Thing. (12.25)
  #692  
Old Dec 24, 2016, 04:40 AM
Anonymous32451
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Luce View Post
My biggest regret in life is leaving our long term T before we were ready.

Have you bought yourself a present?


loads as none of us will be getting anything from anyone

how is your mood going in to christmas?
Thanks for this!
Luce
  #693  
Old Dec 24, 2016, 09:24 PM
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BrazenApogee BrazenApogee is offline
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I am depressed. I felt ok, until I tried to go to the grocery store today. Someone flipped out on me in the parking lot. I never went in. I sat in my car shaking and crying for ever, and I spent the rest of the day driving around for no reason. I wish the holidays didn't make people so mean.

Same question for the next person.
Hugs from:
Luce
  #694  
Old Dec 24, 2016, 09:46 PM
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TrailRunner14 TrailRunner14 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Luce View Post

TR, the bigger question is, what does it feel like when you feel undone?


Yes. The sinking, drowning feeling. It feels like I am drowning and there is no hand to grab, to pull me up.

The absolute brokenness that I feel. Broken. Stupid. Dumb.

All the pieces come at me at once. I can't put them back together.

The anger, that there are no words to describe this to anyone who would understand.

The aloneness of really feeling that. Feeling the aloneness.

It hurts. It hurts too much.

The numbness. It mercifully comes. Comes to my rescue.

I'm standing there, the world is going on, and I'm in this place. Alone.

Undone.
__________________
"What is denied, cannot be healed." - Brennan Manning

"Hope knows that if great trials are avoided, great deeds remain undone and the possibility of growth into greatness of soul is aborted." - Brennan Manning
Hugs from:
BrazenApogee, Luce
Thanks for this!
Luce
  #695  
Old Dec 24, 2016, 09:48 PM
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TrailRunner14 TrailRunner14 is offline
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My mood for Christmas.

I got a stun gun from my mom as a gift.

She felt that the world was such a bad place the she thought everybody needed one.

I am thankful.

Will you look for the Christmas star tonight?
__________________
"What is denied, cannot be healed." - Brennan Manning

"Hope knows that if great trials are avoided, great deeds remain undone and the possibility of growth into greatness of soul is aborted." - Brennan Manning
  #696  
Old Dec 24, 2016, 10:00 PM
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TrailRunner14 TrailRunner14 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BrazenApogee View Post
I am depressed. I felt ok, until I tried to go to the grocery store today. Someone flipped out on me in the parking lot. I never went in. I sat in my car shaking and crying for ever, and I spent the rest of the day driving around for no reason. I wish the holidays didn't make people so mean.

Same question for the next person.


I'm so sorry that happened to you! My heart hurts for you. I've had similar experiences. I really do understand.

Sending you a soft understanding ((( hug ))) if that's ok.
__________________
"What is denied, cannot be healed." - Brennan Manning

"Hope knows that if great trials are avoided, great deeds remain undone and the possibility of growth into greatness of soul is aborted." - Brennan Manning
Hugs from:
BrazenApogee
Thanks for this!
BrazenApogee
  #697  
Old Dec 24, 2016, 10:21 PM
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TrailRunner14 TrailRunner14 is offline
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Question.

Will you look for the Christmas star tonight?
__________________
"What is denied, cannot be healed." - Brennan Manning

"Hope knows that if great trials are avoided, great deeds remain undone and the possibility of growth into greatness of soul is aborted." - Brennan Manning
  #698  
Old Dec 25, 2016, 02:47 AM
Luce Luce is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TrailRunner14 View Post
Question.

Will you look for the Christmas star tonight?
No, I won't (or didn't?).

Question for TR - was it an okay thing to get a stun gun for Christmas?

General question:
What are you going to do next? (after getting off the internet)
  #699  
Old Dec 25, 2016, 03:05 AM
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TrailRunner14 TrailRunner14 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Luce View Post
No, I won't (or didn't?).


Question for TR - was it an okay thing to get a stun gun for Christmas?


General question:

What are you going to do next? (after getting off the internet)


Not really. I don't think.

Next thing. Go to bed.

Merry Christmas. Good night.
__________________
"What is denied, cannot be healed." - Brennan Manning

"Hope knows that if great trials are avoided, great deeds remain undone and the possibility of growth into greatness of soul is aborted." - Brennan Manning
  #700  
Old Dec 25, 2016, 03:21 AM
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TrailRunner14 TrailRunner14 is offline
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questions: dissociative disorders version

Merry Christmas!!
__________________
"What is denied, cannot be healed." - Brennan Manning

"Hope knows that if great trials are avoided, great deeds remain undone and the possibility of growth into greatness of soul is aborted." - Brennan Manning
Thanks for this!
BrazenApogee, GeminiNZ, Luce
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