[TrailRunner14]

It's been a very straining weekend! I had a panic attack that I don't want to discuss. My family laughed it off and I felt stupid.

I don't want to be here. I'm used for people's benefit. No one really cares how I feel or how I hurt.

They all think it's funny. It's really not!

[Claritytoo]

am moving to another apartment because this one has bugs. i am feeling really unreal right now. its late and silent and i am in another state. I know i moved here but. sometimes i don't know i am not in NY until i look outside. I'm doing ok. just feeling like i don't know why i moved. it's odd bacaues others know. it had to do with my son. our son. i am going to go to bed

can't believe that another weekend has passed by with me not knowing what happened half the time

reflecting on it this morning and I realised how little of the weekend I actually can account for

uggg scary sstuff (I never get used to it)

boring depressing day today

so the average day in my life then

oh yeah, I did email my friend about her vacation.

she really enjoyed it and spent time with her boyfriend, and she was braught lots of presents

so made me feel extremely low and worthless and made me realise how rubbish my christmas actually was

[bornunderabadsign]

Possible trigger:

I am not empty inside. There is red stuff and blue stuff and cool stuff. I'm laughing like there is no tomorrow. I just want to sit back and watch everyone sleep and smirk at how easy it would be to do stuff to them. People are lambs. And lambs are slaughtered everyday, am I right. Of course I'm right. Someone cut the breaks and I'm coasting down hill. What A THRILL!

someone commented today that our low mood was extremely noticeable and that it concerned them.

well, we are low, and we're certainly unsure of what we want to do with ourselves- and we're certainly fed up of 2017 (even though it's still only january)

so yeah...

[Lost_in_the_woods]

Embarrassed and past the point of no return so it seems...
(FML)...I am so disjointed and disregulated..I actually hate myself right now!...and I never say that..cuz I'm pretty damn awesome usually. But I am losing my damn mind!! Aarrgh! Trying to maintain control when all bloody he'll is breaking loose inside and out?? I have been doing my job for ...well ever!...and all my experience is now useless...I protected us all...but I never needed to protect myself...my she'll was always too hard too thick..nobody could penetrate..I did not get emotionally involved or attached to anyone except my charge. I never saw him coming...hit me like a freight train when we met. I tried every possible way to avoid that boy....I knew that he would break me...Congrats, Rockstar!...you broke the unbreakable...Here's another thing I never have said before...I think I need to be hospitalized...or at least gagged. No its not funny..it's not possible. I'm not Holly. Only Holly gets us hospitalized. I don't get depressed!! I don't get emotional!!...but besides still remembering being me and hating having to answer to birth name because I am very attach to my name..probably the only one who really cares...other than that I'm not me really that much...I feel like a weird loopy drugged me at best :/.... at worst I am literally losing it...I'm just gonna have to keep trying to remember who I used to be..when I was Frikin awesome. And push all this weird icky emotional stuff down. He's gone. I will not allow him to get under my skin when he's not even around me or talking to me or anything...I will regain who I was. It's the only way to fix all this nonsense! I won't stand for this crap anymore!!
~S☆..no more♡..I'm carving it out and locking it up. DONE AND DONE.

I looked in the pocket mirror since awhile and I'm missing half a right eyebrow??? :/

[Luce]

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

I looked in the pocket mirror since awhile and I'm missing half a right eyebrow??? :/

Sounds interesting...

[Luce]

LITW person!! Take care of you! I hope you find a way to breathe and ground and find clarity and peace.

[Luce]

I am 'okay'. The stress of the impending exams is making me dissociate (switch) at times when I really need to not. We went over exam rules today and I went over what we are and aren't allowed to take in to the exams...

aromatherapy oil - check
grounding crystals - check
fidget putty - check

Ima gonna have to use every skill I know to keep the right brain in there! Didn't happen for todays mock ones... blah.

[TrailRunner14]

Luce. I will be sending good grounding thoughts your way.

You are going to be brilliant. You are going to be more amazing than you thought you could be.

You will walk up this hill with strength and confidence.

Go gettum!! You will be a victor!

[Luce]

TR! This made us giggle and grin!
You ooze such confidence! Such belief! Such conviction!!

[TrailRunner14]

Forgive me if I sounded too clencheish. I really meant it.

Good luck!!

[TrailRunner14]

Cliquish. That is the word I meant in my post. I have no idea where spell correct got that word.

[bornunderabadsign]

The good kid was out today. I'm still out.(Hey peeps!) I had to drive which bothers me a little but I did it and I did what I had to do. Got a burger and some clothes thinking about going back and getting that Suicide Squad T and some purple nail polish tomorrow if I can. Hope everything is okay with all of ya'll!

[Claritytoo]

I am finally getting settled in my new home. I miss my sister and my grand kids so much. I miss my niece my son and friends but it was a good move. I think it will help my son and I don't feel the disdain that my son has for me right now. He is still not talking to me. I hope that changes but only if he wants to be civil to me. Good day today. Going to be in the high 60's. I hope everyone here has a good day.

[bornunderabadsign]

I had a scare today. I had a moment of feeling like I didn't exist and the last time I felt like that I totally blanked out and woke up in a hotel in St. Louis in a bed with someone I didn't know. I hate alters who only care about themselves...

we don't honestly have too much to say

the last couple of days have just been your average blah

you know.. surviving with little support and lots of bad memories an stuff, not sleeping, then getting laughed at when you tell someone you feel triggered. that's our life.

seems we're invisible (as always), and the struggle is just ours

[Luce]

You didn't post yesterday and we were worried about you Atlantis. When wwe saw you had posted just now we had an inside 'happy happy'. Sorry, it was little and I don't know how else to describe it.

[Lost_in_the_woods]

I want to go home
S.

[Luce]

We get to go home on wensday and we even get to see t. That is good because we didn't have an appointment to see her until march but now we can see her next week. We have exams this week and then we get days off so we are going to go home. Its a long drive away.

more stuff to binge on ariving today.

well okay.. most of it is gummy candy and chocolate, and their are also some fizzy drinks

(I sometimes regret becoming an amazon prime member, so much food at my fingertips)

just another dull day yesterday with some time loss in the evening

[Lost_in_the_woods]

Hi group!
I haven't been around in a while I guess! Seems like a lot is different. It's all still fuzzy,all I know is I feel happy New feeling for me. I don't know what changed? Not gonna jinx it though!!
-Holly♡

[Luce]

Had first exam today. Kinda choked. Was made up of four questions, answered in essay form. We know the material really well, but suck at putting it all together. We didn't switch which was good in one way and bad in another. Maybe will pass, maybe won't, don't know. Kind of a big deal if we don't (long term effect on income) but oh well. I am very curious about how unstressed I am by it all.