glad AC2 decided to stick around.

yay.. big plus

we are shocked we actually won a gold medal at the olympic games

us. great britain. who suck at all sports known to man

[lucidity11]

sometimes I hear screaming, fighting, and rage in the air. or sometimes I hear a symphony in the air. Just sound coming together. It's interesting how the mind can interpret the reverberation of air.

we have decided not to bother with a new sterrio.

playing our cds via the dvd player works just fine (and is actually louder too)

now, to write an essay on why you can't marry a can of fizzy pop... seriously

[Luce]

Bit of a #@&% day really. Earlier this week thought we had had a breakthrough with work bully - we had two days of hopefulness then yesterday and today declined into the same old same old. It is so confusing. As my immediate boss she changes the rules all the time... I try to follow the new ones then they get changed on me all over again. She says "don't do that, do this. I do this then get yelled at - "NO, you need to do THAT, I TOLD you that already! How come you don't get it - everyone else does!" So it was a great day of just being wrong with every single thing I did.
Then T canceled on me. I was bummed. We haven't seen her for a month - tried to get an earlier apptmt because not dealing with the work stress but couldn't, and now we can't see her til the end of September as I am going away.
We tried to set up a skype apt with ex t, but 3 weeks ago she told us she would contact us to set up a time, and she hasn't yet. We can't do that til the end of Sept now too.
Then abusive effing father calls to say the stupid mother woman is very ill (is looking pretty serious now) and he needs me. He effing needs me. I don't want that. It scares the crap out of me. I see months of her health declining and his needs increasing and I just. cant. deal.
Meanwhile my studies are falling further behind and I have to go away for a month for something study related that I am completely unprepared for given the year of work hell.
$%^#^*.

[lucidity11]

Originally Posted by Luce

Bit of a #@&% day really. Earlier this week thought we had had a breakthrough with work bully - we had two days of hopefulness then yesterday and today declined into the same old same old. It is so confusing. As my immediate boss she changes the rules all the time... I try to follow the new ones then they get changed on me all over again. She says "don't do that, do this. I do this then get yelled at - "NO, you need to do THAT, I TOLD you that already! How come you don't get it - everyone else does!" So it was a great day of just being wrong with every single thing I did.
Then T canceled on me. I was bummed. We haven't seen her for a month - tried to get an earlier apptmt because not dealing with the work stress but couldn't, and now we can't see her til the end of September as I am going away.
We tried to set up a skype apt with ex t, but 3 weeks ago she told us she would contact us to set up a time, and she hasn't yet. We can't do that til the end of Sept now too.
Then abusive effing father calls to say the stupid mother woman is very ill (is looking pretty serious now) and he needs me. He effing needs me. I don't want that. It scares the crap out of me. I see months of her health declining and his needs increasing and I just. cant. deal.
Meanwhile my studies are falling further behind and I have to go away for a month for something study related that I am completely unprepared for given the year of work hell.
$%^#^*.

I am sorry to hear you are under such pressure. Is it possible that you may switch at work and you don't know about the changes in the rules. Or do you think she is harassing you? And is it possible to not answer the phone when your father calls? I eliminated toxic people from my life by not talking to them unless it was for something I wanted to know. It took awhile but they stopped calling. And when I want to check up on something I'd call them. Ask my question. Have some small talk (very little) than find an excuse to hang up. Like I'm in traffic or my phone is dying. It's been one of the best things I did for my mental health. I didn't talk to my father for 10 years before he died and I have absolutely no regrets. He was a pervert, and toxic. People like this try to pull us back down into their insanity. But if they can't talk to you they have nothing. I hope you have a better month going forward. Take care.

I'm dealing with thinking depression with the work situation. I need a cave long and far from human kind. People triggers me bad and can't get a grip. I'm feeling foolish and embarrassed for my behavior doing things I'd never do or say. This total lost of control I have none. I need to be self employed again.

[Luce]

we think we not gonna be anymore and those other ones can take over

[lucidity11]

Originally Posted by Luce

we think we not gonna be anymore and those other ones can take over

Try not to make any quick decisions. Talk with your t. It sounds like you had a very bad day. Feel better.

[Luce]

Originally Posted by lucidity11

I am sorry to hear you are under such pressure. Is it possible that you may switch at work and you don't know about the changes in the rules. Or do you think she is harassing you? And is it possible to not answer the phone when your father calls? I eliminated toxic people from my life by not talking to them unless it was for something I wanted to know. It took awhile but they stopped calling. And when I want to check up on something I'd call them. Ask my question. Have some small talk (very little) than find an excuse to hang up. Like I'm in traffic or my phone is dying. It's been one of the best things I did for my mental health. I didn't talk to my father for 10 years before he died and I have absolutely no regrets. He was a pervert, and toxic. People like this try to pull us back down into their insanity. But if they can't talk to you they have nothing. I hope you have a better month going forward. Take care.

Yeah I think I'm switching at work which makes it harder for me to do the things I need to do. Yes, she is bullying me. Management are aware, they have put strategies in place, but still it continues. Been going on for six months now. I don't have the option of leaving my current position. If I do I will have to reimburse work the 20 grand study costs.
The distress caused by the bullying is so great I have been able to complete none of my studies for months. Failure will also require me to pay back the money.

[Luce]

Gah. Seem to have a very distressed little one around at the moment. Keep coming to and finding self rocking, curled up, crying, sucking thumb. I am not able to stay out for long at all.

Hi yall, been gone awhile, but glad to be back.

[Septembersrain]

So I took a long test Thursday to find out more about my condition. I'm super nervous about this upcoming Wednesday.

The results will be in and I have no idea what my therapist will tell me.

Sent from my iPhone 6s using Tapatalk.

[Luce]

Originally Posted by Septembersrain

So I took a long test Thursday to find out more about my condition. I'm super nervous about this upcoming Wednesday.

The results will be in and I have no idea what my therapist will tell me.

Sent from my iPhone 6s using Tapatalk.

Did you take the SCID? We took the SCID a long while ago. The results were not surprising.

[Luce]

Feeling so very grateful for my ex T. We just finished a skype session with her - the first time we have 'seen' her in 8 years. We desperately needed it, and she was willing to be there for us, even though she is on vacation in Europe.
For the first time in months, we feel calm.

Thank you, T.

Originally Posted by Luce

Feeling so very grateful for my ex T. We just finished a skype session with her - the first time we have 'seen' her in 8 years. We desperately needed it, and she was willing to be there for us, even though she is on vacation in Europe.
For the first time in months, we feel calm.

Thank you, T.

ugg. skype

the work of the devil

but i'm glad she helped you out. we all need someone like that in our lives

we have been feeling ill.

over the weekend, we made the mistake of eating out of date hamburger- and ugg never again

we had no energy at all on friday, a little more saturday, by the afternoon we were feeling sort of normal.. but it's only now we thought about coming on here- just no strength

not really much else- just the usual peace of lost time here and their, the inside arguments, that sort of thing.. tomorrow we are having someone come to install a new chair in our shower, and we so need it- our old chair collapsed and couldn't be fixed.

just hope other insiders don't decide to make it difficult

we should probably go online shopping and get some groceries in

Trying to decide to get to an AA meeting. It's hard to get there when other parts want to drink.

Been very depressed lately....life seems so futile. Its like I have barriers in my mind, barriers in society, barriers at work, barriers at home, and barriers in my body.

It just gets so tiredsome fighting all of it all the time. What hope I did have got put out like a candle in the breeze. Waiting for a moment of instant inspiration to fuel our next drive, any second, minute, or day now.

I just want to add that this whole weekend has been a cryfest. Is it a depressed other? Because I'm never like this. I just want to go blank and stare at nothing which isn't me. I have to fight through this gray cloud to get things done. It's like an in and out thing, but very overwhelming. I had plans but it all just faded away.