My conundrum

I am sorry you are suffering so. For me, I just went with what the psych assessment said, and most of my treatment providers go along with that. T3 lists 3 diagnoses, one of which is alcohol addiction. I've been sober 30 years, so I don't think that is very accurate. T2 lists something else, and I think T1 also. I do not put any weight on what they put on those forms. They have to put something down to bill insurance.

The psych assessment I did was very thorough. I agreed with almost everything in the report, and it was 5 or 6 pages. So that is what I have chosen to believe.

Do you think your diagnosis would make a difference in your treatment? From what I know, treatment for BPD and DID can be quite similar. And I guess that getting better is my goal.

A sudden stop of gabapentin could be causing you to feel so bad. I hope getting back on helps, and maybe the saphris too. When do you see t again?

well... diagnosis really is important for me to get disability currently... because the disability people are giving me the run around and listing some kind of bogus diagnosis that i dont know where they are getting from... they dont even have ptsd on the form and i know ptsd is the biggest thing for me...
yeah i think gabapentin withdrawals not helping...

but as for diagnosis for me personally.. its not as important.. just getting better is...
its just important to me right now because i NEED this disability or else im not gonna be able to survive much longer... im living off of my dad and he is giving me hell up one end in down the other day in and out all the time now and the negativity in this house is making all of my mental issues worse... so i just need to get the disability so i can have more options.. atleast the ability to get a tent and pay for my own water and food and live in the backyard away from the drama...

im feeling really depressed again... i miss my friend

Hmm. So you really need an accurate diagnosis. Forgive me, but I am unfamiliar with the disability process. Do they need a report from a medical doctor, a PhD psychologist or will a regular therapist do? Do they make you visit their doctor or can you see your own? Where did they get the diagnosis they are using from? Can you correct it?

they say they've been using records from my doctors but that cant be the case because either they are only using portions of the records from when i first started going to the doctor (as it still has GERD on it and i have never put GERD on the disability paper as that would be ludicrous) or they are just using what they want off the records..

Ive heard they sometimes request you see their doctors but they have never requested me see their docs... I'm going to talk to my therapist about it on the 3rd and really tell her i need this and i need her help to please please help me, and then talk with my case manager and tell her the same thing because somethings wrong with these disability people and the records they've been using as i know for a fact that i've been diagnosed with PTSD and bipolar atleast so i dunno why they keep saying that "I" say that I cant work due to the inaccurate diagnosis... im extremely frustrated... on so many levels...
and my dad is not helping matters at all... he's driving me ape *** crazy... and im already crazy... i wish there was somewhere else i could go, but there is no logical place that i know of that i could go... i have no friends... no family that i would rather live with... and i dont kno what resources my clinic can offer... but my brother said i have to be careful because they might would find a place for me surrounded by drug addicts and stuff...

i've gotta get to the bottom of it and i really hope my therapist and case manager can help me... i know you guys can only speculate... so im really trying to change gears... because im seeing how my life is being ruined by my mental illness and how this illness has me fooled into staying stuck...

the next step i have to take as to my knowledge is to go before an administrative law judge... and i absolutely hate that... i did it last time and i was horrible... even though i did great and they deemed that i couldnt work, they still denied me... imagine that...
im telling you... im in hell... i must be...

so now i'll have to build a whole new case... work diligently to fix this weird diagnosis problem i have going on... and then wait for god knows how long just to get an appointment with the judge... i dont know how much more my poor brain can handle...

here is what they have down...

Man, I hope your case worker/t can help get this straightened out.

Agree the re training of the mind, is what is needed and to ask, wonder, assess, decide why...in most times

I have never applied for disability myself but I'm assuming that if what you are putting on your application doesn't match your medical records you will keep being denied because you have to have proof.

You were just saying not too long ago that you aren't even sure what your diagnosis is and amandalouise and I both told you ways in which you could find out for sure.How did you fill out the application if you don't even know your diagnosis?I believe they won't go by what you say without documentation to back it up.And I don't think it's the disability people going by the wrong diagnosis and picking and choosing what they want,they go by the documentation they receive.

If you were diagnosed with PTSD and Bipolar then there should be documentation of it.Did you tell them that about an inaccurate diagnosis?Because that's what you keep saying here,that your diagnosis is wrong.

I suggest you put disability on the back burner for awhile until you do find out what your diagnosis is for sure,see it in writing for yourself and get all this straightened out before applying again.Otherwise it just makes you look like you're trying to find something that will get you approved for disability and is only going to lower your chances in the long run.

Here's a thread another member started that might be helpful for you
https://forums.psychcentral.com/insu...know-ssdi.html

i can't put it on the back burner because i need this... my dad is on disability and he doesnt have enough money to support himself much less me too, i try to be as small as possible but his attitude and not being able to afford anything like shoes, clothes or anything i want or need and being cursed out all the time is driving me crazy...

i cant handle it anymore so i need the disability help to get him off my back...
to support myself ...

im trying to figure out what my diagnosis is, i have tried to see my diagnosis before but they just hid it from me, i dunno why but i didnt ask to see it at that time because i am very timid and have avoidant tendencies... im trying to fight it but personality issues are hard to change... but im trying very hard to change

im going in to talk to my therapist about this stuff and to try to get to the bottom of it like i said i already sent an email telling her i need to talk about it because im at the end of the rope and cant handle anymore... and that i need to know the diagnosis for the disability...
i told her in the email that i need help getting it straight and im going to talk to her and my case manager when i go in about getting the diagnosis straight so that i can have it printed and on paper to give to a lawyer so that hopefully i wont have to say anything to the lawyer when i see him and he/she can do all the paper work ..

i am too tired to do much more.. i feel like im at a breaking point and im scared

I miss my friend :'( so much...
why wont she come back... she hates me!

But didn't you just recently say you were diagnosed with Bipolar 2 but you think that's wrong? And are you sure they hid it from you when you have tried to see?Because that wouldn't really be legal,everyone has the right to see their records.

yeah... im going to find out for sure coming up...

i was just going to post about the bipolar II..
it would be nice if it was... but the medications for bipolar dont help.. thats the problem... i wish it was bipolar so it would be easily manageble...

just because they say its bipolar doesnt make it bipolar right... i mean that would be nice... but the meds dont work...

im sorry... im really depressed again.. missing my friend... crying..

I don't mean to offend anyone, I'm just trying to be Real and Look out for myself and do the right thing for my well being...
I don't want to be treated under a false diagnosis when I could be treated for the proper things and get well.. I've been treated for bipolar for ... 6 years? Tried many medications, followed the doctors orders, although I have had my doubts and researched on my own.. The meds just haven't worked.. From my understanding if you have bipolar, its manageable with medications, mood stabilizers and antipsychotics... but I have also read that Borderlines have a very awful trait with the medications.. Often being treated for bipolar with bipolar medications but not getting better... and thats what I'm experiencing, you know?

Argh!There you go again running in circles with what you say,changing what you say,coming up with different things, different stories and excuses and then trying to change the subject by throwing a mini crisis in the mix when you're questioned about anything.

It feels like I'm being played,so I give up.I do wish you well though.

I dont understand... What did I do...? I'm sorry!
This always happens, please tell me what I did...

I was trying to answer you...

Can someone please explain...
This is why I can't have any friends... I'm broken..
Something is wrong with me... I do things that are really ****ed up apparently...
I'm So Sorry...

I'm going through so much right now my mind is not ok...

i just want my friend to come back right now to be honest... thats all i can thing about...

im not trying to play anyone... if anyone is being played its me... my mind is playing tryicks on me...
help... wth is wrong with me....
i just dont understand what i did wrong...

i hate myself...

OK, I see what you said.. I missed it, The part you said "Sure they hid it from you"
No, I'm not sure they hid it from me, they were just looking at my diagnosis and when I tried to look they scrolled up at the same time it may have been coincidental...

I'm Sorry.. I didn't see that...

There is alot going on in my mind at the moment you know.. give me a little break please....
Im really sorry, im having a problem choosing my words ...

does it make sense now?
that im timid.. and was too shy to ask to scroll back down so i could see? (
sorry... im not playing anyoine... please dont think that... thats the last thing i need.. for everyone here to hate me too...

its just the way they scrolled up when i leaned forward... it felt like they was hiding it from me.... i cant say that im sure thats what they were doing though... maybe they werent.. there was nothing up above it besides appointment times and they had already looked at those... so i dont know...

ive given them hell about being diagnosed bipolar so i figure they trying to keep it from me you know...

i give up... everyone here thinks im a fraud too.. i dunno what to do now... it hurts in my chest so bad...

im afraid...
i can't go on like this... i know im having a mental breakdown...
i feel like everyone is turning on me... i have no one... i have no friends...
theres a voice in my head saying just kill yourself... your not worth living anyway.. all kinds of things... and im trying to tell it to stop...

then someone comes to me and starts talking and i dissociate it all, and i dissapear, the pain dissapears, everything goes away, but then it will come back when i am alone, i dont want to be alone... i dont want to feel it, i dont want to stop dissociating...

my head feels so strange... its so light and fuzzy... i feel so sepparete from it... i just want to leave the body all the way and go away for ever... this life is so hard...

this is the only place i can write my feelings you know :'( my feelings are confusing, i know, im sorry, im confused too...

edit:
now i feel different... i feel ok
i seem very unstable ... i dont know what i am, my moods keep switching, im ok.. but im embarrassed... im sorry about posting all of this, im going to leave for a while... i dont need to be here like this.. sorry.. im ok though

i did end up cutting earlier though, again, i dont know if that had something to do with it.. i dont know why i keep doing that...