it is a quiet sunday.

a quiet rainy sunday

and not even natalie is shouting at me yet

bit of a bonus

not sure how we feel yet.

a little depressed, a little self-destructive, a little blah, a little angry.... many diffrent emotions

[Solnutty]

Made a cognitive break through in therapy. Basically I realized how a repetitive unwanted behavior of mine serves a dissociative function. Now sometimes I can see through it, so to speak, and get some feel for the material that behavior covers up. This means I'm having waves of loneliness and sadness here and there, and irritability. I'm thankful that those walls are up most of the time. I hope this can go slowly.

[toomanycats]

10 shared new memories yesterday
well
not new...in that...i knew they existed
i just didn't know what they were
til now
not ok
idk

[Solnutty]

Originally Posted by Amyjay

Found out today main abuser has terminal cancer.
Also my whole family expects me to be his carer.

(((((Amyjay)))))
I...

I'm here if you ever want to pm me.
That's a hard place to be in.

[Amyjay]

I have a really important work thing I need to, should have done already, will cost me personally a substantial amount of money if I can't get it done but I just can't contain myself or ground myself to do it. It feels like many parts are quite distraught. There is a lot of anger around which is rare for us and it is flying out in all the wrong places. Tomorrow is going to be a very stressful work day and we see T straight after work. We are trying not to think about family because it causes too much distress.
But I suppose all the distress is there anyway.
I don't know how to get this work thing done when I am struggling so much to even hold on to my self.

I like cake

cakecakecakecakecakecakecake

cake

cakecakecakecakecakecake

cake

licia

it is a difficult day today.

found out early this morning that a member of our family had passed away in hospital
why it's difficult is simple... we don't know how to react or take the news.

like, we want to act "normal", and sad, and all that stuff, but this woman's last words to us were... I hope you die in hell, so we don't exactly have the emotions that we perhaps should be displaying, but also feel bad for not feeling sad.. well we do feel sad and stuff...... a little.... hard to know how we feel

[TrailRunner14]

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

it is a difficult day today.


found out early this morning that a member of our family had passed away in hospital

why it's difficult is simple... we don't know how to react or take the news.


like, we want to act "normal", and sad, and all that stuff, but this woman's last words to us were... I hope you die in hell, so we don't exactly have the emotions that we perhaps should be displaying, but also feel bad for not feeling sad.. well we do feel sad and stuff...... a little.... hard to know how we feel

(((SS)))

I can totally understand the place you find yourself in. I think I can anyway and my heart hears you.

[Claritytoo]

In the last few months I have noticed how raw my feelings are. fear is sometimes overwhelming. It feels unfamiliar. I know I have felt fear before but now it's consuming. I am not sure what to make of it.

Didn’t think I’d come back cause other parts get their feelings hurt to easily, but able to voice ones self in a private group setting is better than throwing it out there in the Facebook groups. That just doesn’t seem so private even though we are a pill to take.

My shoulders hurt so bad that I can barely carry my chihuahua. Then to top that off, the others volunteered for another weeks of on call work. That’s 24/7. We work our 40 and whatever else after that.

In the middle of January there was a bunch of broken frozen pipes and we worked 30 hours in 2 days with 4 hours of sleep.

I wanted next Saturday off, but nope there goes that want.

[Claritytoo]

I called at therapist today and scheduled an appointment. I have spent the rest of the day trying to talk myself out of it. But we will go. If we don't like the therapist we will find another. I don't think I will tell the t about my diagnosis. Not until we trust her. This way if it don't work out our business isn't everywhere. We are doing ok at the moment we just need someone to talk to. We are on our own right now. Writing this makes me feel like I am letting too much be known. But it also helps to know I can say stuff

[TrailRunner14]

Originally Posted by Claritytoo

I called at therapist today and scheduled an appointment. I have spent the rest of the day trying to talk myself out of it. But we will go. If we don't like the therapist we will find another. I don't think I will tell the t about my diagnosis. Not until we trust her. This way if it don't work out our business isn't everywhere. We are doing ok at the moment we just need someone to talk to. We are on our own right now. Writing this makes me feel like I am letting too much be known. But it also helps to know I can say stuff

I hope that it works out for you and you feel comfort and safety.

It really helps to have someone who can give you guidance and validation when you are working through hard things.

I’ve felt like you about sharing things sometimes.

Just wanted you to know that I heard you and I’m hoping the best for you.

[Amyjay]

I hope it goes well Claritytoo.

[Amyjay]

AlwaysChanging, I hope you and your others will let you have a break sometime. It is important to look after the body.

[TrailRunner14]

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

Didn’t think I’d come back cause other parts get their feelings hurt to easily, but able to voice ones self in a private group setting is better than throwing it out there in the Facebook groups. That just doesn’t seem so private even though we are a pill to take.

(((Hug))). I’m glad to see you!

Totally understand about FB it aggregates me just thinking about it!

Too. Tooo much drama. Can’t do it for much longer.

I’d much rather hang here!

[Claritytoo]

I saw my new t today. She is a few years older than me. She seems ok and takes her time without pushing me to tell her my life story. This could be a good fit.

[Amyjay]

That's good news, Claritytoo.

[TrailRunner14]

Originally Posted by Claritytoo

I saw my new t today. She is a few years older than me. She seems ok and takes her time without pushing me to tell her my life story. This could be a good fit.

Just reading your post gave me a feeling of ease for you!

I hope that she’s a good fit for you.

we're all smiles

yesterday, our mental health worker got us a present to say good bye (she's leaving on tuesday), she got us a box of quality street chocolates- and yesterday night (after our takeout pizza), we enjoyed them all ourselves. bit of an overeating session going on their.. but it was worth it

we also watched fawlty towers

forgot how funny it was

when the guy asks for the waldorph salad and all hell breaks loose in the kitchen... hilarious.

not our fave episode, our fave episode is the one where bazil has the problem with the kid...

kid: these are the wrong shaped chips

bazil: and what shaped chips does your mom do at home?. mickey mouse?. smiley faces?. the moon?. cracks us up all the time.

one of the littles came out too and she watched justin's house

expected no sleep

now just on here posting

Ate at a Chinese buffet tonight. The fortune cookie said ‘You are what you think of all day”. Great.

My arms is covered in hair. My legs and chest are too. It looks so strange and out of place...I hate it. If I fix it they will get mad. Not happy. 😕

we've been switching a lot this week.

not sure why.... maybe it has something to do with the fact we just moved in to our new place (after we got evicted from the old one), and it's a big change for us.

hopefully it will calm down and one of us will just be out more often- it's a bit of a battle inside right now.

a battle for control

[Amyjay]

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

we've been switching a lot this week.

not sure why.... maybe it has something to do with the fact we just moved in to our new place (after we got evicted from the old one), and it's a big change for us.

hopefully it will calm down and one of us will just be out more often- it's a bit of a battle inside right now.

a battle for control

Wow, that is big news! It might take a while for everyone to get comfortable with the new home. Maybe it takes a while for everyone to get up to speed with the change in circumstances! Do you like it?