not sleeping.

flashbacks from hell

in a hell of a lot of pain

struggling with self- care

Possible trigger:

it is pointless being alive

I've been using a new internet brouzer

navigates this site really good, and i'm probably going to stick to it

old one wouldn't work suddenly yesterday- so panicked a little until I heard about this new one.

pain is a lot better today, but I am still depressed and struggling with self care

I did the basics today, but I know it isn't good enough

Originally Posted by raging vortex

I've been using a new internet brouzer

navigates this site really good, and i'm probably going to stick to it

old one wouldn't work suddenly yesterday- so panicked a little until I heard about this new one.

pain is a lot better today, but I am still depressed and struggling with self care

I did the basics today, but I know it isn't good enough

Which? On laptop I use Chrome, and Safari on iDevices.

[Mountaindewed]

So I think I might be dissociating at work because I’m not remembering most of my shift. I’m being told that I’m working really fast and we are getting things done. So I guess I shouldn’t worry. It’s just that I will lose track of time and what feels like 45 minutes or an hour will actually be 3 hours. I must be getting a lot of work done, I just feel like I’m not getting any done.

Does this sound like dissociation or just routine? I do the same stuff everyday at work and I always work the same hours. Nothing is ever new.

It’s payday! Talk about losing track of time...I didn’t know till I argued with a co-employee about what day this is to be: we get paid bi-weekly. It’s a great surprise.

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

So I think I might be dissociating at work because I’m not remembering most of my shift. I’m being told that I’m working really fast and we are getting things done. So I guess I shouldn’t worry. It’s just that I will lose track of time and what feels like 45 minutes or an hour will actually be 3 hours. I must be getting a lot of work done, I just feel like I’m not getting any done.

Does this sound like dissociation or just routine? I do the same stuff everyday at work and I always work the same hours. Nothing is ever new.

This would be a good topic with it’s own thread and title, and you might get more answers based on your question whereas it might just get buried in this already purposed thread.

so a girl I talk to on email a lot, has suddenly vanished from the face of the planet

her address is dead, her website shut down, and I have no way of knowing what happened to her yet

I am trying to make enquiries though- and hopefully get somewhere

I should probably try to take my mind off it- sitting here waiting for a reply isn't really going to help the situation lol

I'll finish off the other threads I want to check here then go watch my soap operas

going through the motions.

don't really feel much... just why am I bothering

Just woke up without the alarm clock that wasn’t set.....quick coffee and a run to work we must. Lol

I am sitting here posting on the forum listening to some music

hardly the lifestyle of someone who is meant to live life

but oh well all I can manage to do

[Claritytoo]

I live in a different state, I have no one here from my past, I don't work, I have almost no contact with people unless I have to. I am holding on to my memories of my son, grandsons and my old life in NY. But barely. I feel if i let go of my few memories I would be adrift. I could go anywhere and be anyone. Part of me wants to do that but part of me wants to hold my grandsons again. This constant pull causes my brain to ache. Ache for the loss of my son and grandsons and ache with the emptiness of my present life. Unable to fully begin again without fearing the total loss of my past and who I have been.

It’s Sunday again, my how time flies.

big shock to the system today, as we all thought it was sunday and it's not

struggling a lot with flashbacks and depression

So tired of this knowledge. Upset that we have to co-host just to make it day to day.

We are imploding. Parts giving up. Nothing is funny. Everything irritating. We can’t relate to people and always shut down...judged, humiliated...life sucks.

another boring/ good for nothing day here

so we're actually aware today of what day it is (first time for everything), but very depressed

very

Kept waking up. A part keeps lamenting on how embarrassed he is of our condition, he hates it, he’s ashamed because of it. There is a living scream within. It’s an underlying feeling that is strong in our system that wants to explode, but is kept restrained and pushed back bulging at the seams. It’s an ever present, acute, nagging sore spot in our mind. To let it out would be to admit defeat, indignity, and a mental collapse and everything we have going now will disappear. Must stay strong to never let that happen.

it is Thursday today

Thursday

a whole week has almost gone (again), with me having absolutely nothing to show for it

embarrassing

[Fuzzybear]

Grrrrrrrrrrrr

[Fuzzybear]

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

despite emotionally coping well, self- care is minimal and I have no motivation

I think that is all I can really say

Phew...we worked over 13 hours yesterday and fixin to work today and tomorrow on call...then our normal Monday to Saturday and be off Sunday, finally.

As soon as this is all over, we are going to take a long soaking bath and pay attention to this neglected rag wearing body.

I just had someone bring a KFC for us (sort of nice actually). I love KFC.

just listening to music and posting tonight

[Fuzzybear]

Grrrrrr