EMDR Question and Parts

***** THIS COULD BE TRIGGERING ****

I’m curious if something like this has ever happened with anyone.
If you have experienced it, could you share your story and help me understand?

The last time I did EMDR with my counselor, something really strange happened.

I believe that I know, kind of, what happened but I’m not sure what to do with it.

So.

I was working through a memory, using EMDR, and pieces were fitting together as things were coming to me. The EMDR was “bringing things to me”.

I can’t remember what really happened.

Something came to me –

I can’t remember what it was -

I spoke it –

Something stepped “in front” –

Everything felt different.

It’s like it completely shut me down.

I remember my mind just going blank and I couldn’t think.

It felt static/hazy

That happened several months ago and it’s coming back to me now. I feel something blocking me from moving forward where I am now, and it’s bringing back that session and that feeling.

Whatever this is now feels similar to what I felt then.

Has anyone else every experienced this?

I don't know what to do with this.

Any thoughts or opinions would be welcomed.

i have had this happen, not in relation to EMDR though. but yes. it is likely a protective mechanism and/or part that is blocking things in order to protect you. it could mean you are not ready for it and it was unsafe even if it was not related to a memory in your consciousness.

i have had this when things are too much whether it's too much trying to surface or saying too much in general to someone (even if i have said it before to them).

all you can really do is accept it right now and see how things go moving on. it might not want you to work on that particular thing right now. pushing it could do more harm than good too. that is partly why my therapist won't do EMDR with me because of not knowing the parts enough or having them all on board and the potential for flooding.

Thank you for validating my experience.

I do agree that it is probably something that would be too much. That resonated with me.

It's connecting so clearly with my attachment issues.

That would make sense too.

I guess it just feels so fragmented and that is the disturbing part of this.

I can't put the pieces together and make sense of it.

I guess it will come in it's time.

Thank you!

I get "blanked" a lot. There are so many things that I can't think about.. if I try I get blanked. If I try to think about things that are "not permitted" they just get taken right out of my head. It is usually stuff about abuse or me trying to figure out puzzles of self parts, I guess my system deems it unknowable for now. it is a safety thing for me.
I haven't done EMDR but my therapist is trained in it and we may do it at some point but I am not stable enough yet.

It really helped me with another issue that I was working through.

We were doing the same thing with this memory and it was different when the shut down happened.

Truthfully, I felt like I had done something wrong but I don't believe that.

I believe also that it was a protective part stepping in.

I'm so headstrong in wanting to sort things out and get peace, I seem to push myself into a bad place.

It's hard to hold yourself back when you want to feel whole and in one piece.

Don't know if that makes sense or not.

Thank you!

I'm also like that. There are things that I can't really think about or talk about or I go away.

I'm hoping that the intensity of what I'm feeling is a healing coming.

A visual of a storm coming through and I'm sitting there in the rubble. The clouds are heavy but the sun is cutting through them.

That is my hope.

For you too.

Friend

Yes it does! We have a part that drives our therapy and pushes us into places that we are not ready to go yet. This part of us understands "we are all one" and wants to get this thing done already! then she gets frustrated when the brakes are applied.

I call it hitting glass walls in my head. I don't now how accurate it is since I cannot see through to the other side to see what is making me take pause, go blank, stop. I'm also prone to wanting to do things to get myself where I want/need to be and can push myself to get there. Maybe that is what I am seeing through the glass walls. Yeah, I get shut down like that, and I am inclined to agree that is some internal protection.

Years ago we had a part who literally sounded like static. Whenever he came around that was all any of the ones who were active back then could hear. We had a protector type back then who did a lot of day to day living, it became her mission to 'pull his voice from the static'. She was a champ for co con work. Eventually she found a way to pull an actual voice from the static and that led to some communication with him. He isn't the only one who has put the brakes on for us, but you know, came to mind with the static talk is all, figured I'd mention it.

AV

I've had that happen in EMDR. My therapist saw it start and pulled me out. Can't remember how. Grounding of some kind. After that it was just looping around the same image. Later on I met that part, and I'm really glad I didn't jump into those memories, it was something I'm still not ready for.
I had another part introduce himself to me and tell me he was going to interrupt session if we did EMDR. He intended to come up front and talk to my therapist if I did, and with his character and my therapist's experience (this how I found out about my DID) that idea was a bit horrifying. He told me he was onboard with therapy but I couldn't handle the memories that would come up next. I listened to him

Yes, this! Me too.

this has happened to me many times, not in emdr though.

I hate to sound like my therapist here but have you tried asking internally who is doing it and why? I am kind of new to DID whatever time I'm questioning something like this my therapist always says have you asked inside. I always roll my eyes at him and say no but I have been starting to do that more lately.

I used to always get these stomach spasms and finally one day in the car I just yelled out who is doing this and I learned of a new alter that day they appeared show themselves with name and everything it was so freaky.

Anyway a lot of times our parts will do things based on their unrealistic understanding of the facts or present reality. It may be helpful to ask who is doing it and why. Sometimes they just need a surance that everything is going to be okay other times they may share memories with you and those are tough but at least you have the facts to deal with.

Many of our parts are still living in trauma time and they don't feel it safe to share their memories they just need reassurance sometimes. I know in the beginning a few of my parts did not want to cooperate in therapy because they fell if I got better it would make them go away my therapist is always jumping in and reassuring them that they will never go away that they can't go away even if he wants them to. They can consolidate if they want to but they can never actually disappear go away. Inter Corporation is huge when you trying to work on trauma memories with parts. I found it very helpful twerk a lot on intercommunication.

Sorry I just feel really weird saying this. If my therapist knew I was saying this he would be so proud of himself. I have been fighting doing the same thing for so long it just seems weird to be explaining it to somebody else.

Thank you for posting this!

I️ met with my counselor tonight and a part came forward that I️ am dreading hearing.

I️ shouldn’t say that out of respect for what that part did for me.

It just scares me.

Your post gives me courage to listen.

High five for you being brave!!

I️ wanted to add this and ask for advise.

My counselor and I️ talked about the EMDR session and what stepped in and shut me down.

We sorted it out and figured out what happened.

There is a switch flipper that comes in and “flips the switch” and I️ go away.

I’m trying to hear this part of me and journal what I️ hear.

I️ got 2 statements from it and then silence.

It feels immovable.

I️ was just curious if there was anyone who has encountered a protector part that was so strong.

I’m not trying to push but there is a part of me that wants to sort this out.

I️ will be brave and share the 2 statements.

“You do not understand.”

I️ asked, “Understand what?”

It’s reply, “My purpose.”

Then the silence.

I️ have been flooded with fragments that don’t seem to make sense. Things that came don’t seem connected in any way.

Just curious.

I have a part named Dragon who is stubborn, silent, and hella intimidating. Even now that I know him better he’s still that way. It sounds like you’re making amazing strides at opening communication and fast, too. It took Dragon a bit longer to respond. My opinion— give this one time. Check in once in a while.
I met a “new” part 2 months ago and inspite of attempts to communicate only really saw communication happen yesterday, mostly with pictures instead of words. It was good. I had some questions answered. I have others I met over a year ago that still want nothing to do with communication, but my t tells me “slow is fast.” I am betting that your mysterious one will help your system out with understanding as time goes by.

On another note, for me it’s the fear of knowing my parts and their content that pushes me hard towards figuring them out. It’s like trying not to look at a car accident, and there’s this terrible push-pull that actually makes me try to dig harder, and raises my anxiety about it too. This is especially true with parts that feel “heavy.” Is that something like what you’re feeling?

Yes!! I️ could not have described it any clearer than what you said!

See, the wreck is there and I️ do/don’t want to see it.

But.

There is that protector part standing between me and the wreck telling me,

“You don’t understand my purpose.”

I’m trying to understand and hear it, but it just keeps giving me pieces that don’t seem to have anything to do with the wreck.

I️ can’t make any sense of it and the pieces I’m getting are not comfortable to see.

I find it easier to relax my desire to push for knowledge since I succeeded in figuring something out once that hurt me bad. I wasn’t ready for it. That experience stung so bad that it is a reminder to allow things to develop in pace with my strength. I had to trust Sire (the part involved in this case) that if he was being secretive about something that it was in my best interest. He is, after all, a protector. My t has helped me with this too. She says when it’s time to dig into those things I will know, because neither I or the parts involved will be afraid of doing so. She also said we will all be able to help each other and work as a team in it. I’m glad she told me that.

Had that happen before, the last group of us doing the life thing pushed to try to get past things that were being withheld... came back to bite us and then some. This group of us now, we try to remember that when we get to wanting to 'poke things with sticks'. I happen to be more than guilty of trying to poke when I should be leaving things alone... wanting to know/understand/whatever now. Meh. Patience does not come easy for me.

But yeah, I certainly have at least one protector type I don't have a solid handle on... he just does what he does and covers what he covers. No clue what that is, maybe it is just shutting us down when we get to trying to move forward too fast. I dunno. He's been around for, gees, I dunno, a long time (since we were maybe two or three?) and none of us now ever had a handle on what all he's about or has talked to him or anything. We had one protector in the last group of us who was really good at starting up co con and she never did figure out how to reach him. He could shut her down as well.

Most I know of him is he's like an internal filter and he can 'pull' from whoever he wants... he can make me (and me as a whole) go from having some huge aha moment to not knowing what I was thinking about and then I'm off making a sandwich or something like nothing just happened. It's not just me he can do this to, I think he can do this to all of us who are here and doing life now. Yeah, he shuts down, redirects, removes, numbs out, whatever. He does a lot of 'taking'. It's really disorienting when stuff like that happens... to me anyhow. Frustrating to, but that prolly goes back to me and my lack of patience and need to know, you know?

a/v

Thank you for this.

This is such a hard place.

I️ can hear my counselor telling me what your therapist told you.

“She also said we will all be able to help each other and work as a team in it. I’m glad she told me that.”

It feels like a place of safety but also a place of brokenness.

That is scary to me too.

I️ was thinking earlier that this would be a good thread to start.

“What do you do when you find a protector part who is intimidating”

Thank you for hearing me!

I️ don’t feel like myself tonight.

Yes! This!

Most I know of him is he's like an internal filter and he can 'pull' from whoever he wants... he can make me (and me as a whole) go from having some huge aha moment to not knowing what I was thinking about and then I'm off making a sandwich or something like nothing just happened

and this...

Yeah, he shuts down, redirects, removes, numbs out, whatever. He does a lot of 'taking'. It's really disorienting when stuff like that happens... to me anyhow. Frustrating to, but that prolly goes back to me and my lack of patience and need to know, you know?

Thank you for posting this. It validates when my mind goes completely blank.

I'm there and I feel a revelation moment coming and my mind goes completely blank. I can't even talk.

I WANT to be patient. I want to respect my internal control system.

But.

There is "that part" that wants answers.

Not sure how to handle that part with patience and understanding.

I have been here before and I was shut down. The EMDR session is what I'm talking about.

I just don't know what to do with this if that is the only focus I have.

LP---"poke things with sticks" made me bust up laughing! Yes. Bad idea.

Trailrunner---Not knowing what to do because finding out what that thing is in the dark is the sole focus- I know that feeling. I'm not sure how to get out of that either. I think I've had other parts help distract me at times, but of course, I can't remember.