[katmc1]

Originally Posted by SprinkL3

Are you a veteran? If so, you can possibly seek assistance and counseling with PTSD specialists at the Vet Center, which is housed outside of the VA Hospital (VAMC).

I'm so sorry you are struggling with all of that, on top of OCD. I have OCD-like tendencies (not enough for the diagnosis), and my T (who used to be at the Vet Center before transferring to private practice; and who used to also consult for the FBI; and who is a veteran officer) has stated that it is also common for some veterans to experience both PTSD and OCD from trauma that brought the OCD about. She knows how to work with that, and she helped me to see that it's about control, and also to help me find ways to feel safe. She also knows that with dissociative disorders, on top of all the above, that it takes a long time to process many of those traumas and triggers spanning from childhood to military traumas and beyond.

I merely moved and then asked the VA for a referral, and I was going to ask the Vet Center directly, but then they had already referred me to my T at the Vet Center. Sometimes the VA refers to the Vet Center, and sometimes they refer from within the VA Hospital (VAMC) system. For those with disorders beyond PTSD and dissociation, for instance, they might refer out to a specialist at the VA Hospital (such as veterans with psychosis, schizophrenia, bipolar, etc.). But for other disorders, the Vet Center is more than capable of working with them.

The VAMC's (i.e., VA Hospital) has walk-in behavioral health units (though it might be different during a pandemic and surge in cases), so you can always request a different T or specialized T's for different things. Unlike civilian healthcare, the VA will allow you to see a specialist for insomnia (to learn short-term CBT-i, for example), as well as a smoking cessation therapist (to quit smoking), and other providers (like psychiatrists) to help with things beyond talk therapy for PTSD, coping skills groups, and more.

Not all VA's will have a specialist for dissociation, but it's worth asking about. You can also request that the VA pay for community care for a disorder that you believe will best be treated by a dissociation specialist (though this is extremely hard to get in certain jurisdictions, because not all VA's will operate the same; I know this because I've tried out three different VA's - and they state themselves that not all VA's are the same). Take, for instance, vaccines for Covid-19; many VA's offer different vaccines, and many of them have different rules for dissemination than what the public health offers in terms of Covid-19 vaccines. It's weird; and, the numbers of those included in state counts of both Covid-19 vaccines, Covid-19 cases, and Covid-19 deaths do NOT include veterans who seek care at the VAMC; they primarily only include veterans if they seek care in the community or solely through civilian healthcare). So, I'm not counted in the vaccination counts for my state, LOL. I'm also not counted in many state statistics either, since the VA holds their own separate stats for our unique population.

Anyway, I thought I'd mention this to you since you seek care at a Veterans Hospital.

Hope some of these things help.

Private message me if you have any questions or would like to chat.

Thank you for your message. Yes I am a veteran😊. I will look into Vet centers cause I haven't heard of that. I think the therapist that I have told me that I can get referred to someone who specializes in OCD. At the VA that I go to, they do refer me to community care for some things. There is more chance of that happening if I need something that the VA can't do or if I have to wait longer than a month for an appointment or drive longer than an hour then they try to send me to a ace nearby. I will try that. I just finished CBT for insomnia and it has helped a lot. I have a psychiatrist but they just prescribe medicine and I'm scared of side effects of most medicine so I like psychologists better. My psychiatrist is more understanding than some have been. I gonna try to find out about the behavior health units. Yeah they told me that my OCD was made worse because of PTSD. I did notice when the pandemic first started that the VA in each state had its own covid 19 statistics. It would be nice to have one therapist that can handle issues at once so I can have one long term therapist. I was surprised when they plan for 12 sessions or before I was in the trauma center, they used to schedule my appointments a month apart.

[SprinkL3]

Originally Posted by katmc1

Thank you for your message. Yes I am a veteran😊. I will look into Vet centers cause I haven't heard of that. I think the therapist that I have told me that I can get referred to someone who specializes in OCD. At the VA that I go to, they do refer me to community care for some things. There is more chance of that happening if I need something that the VA can't do or if I have to wait longer than a month for an appointment or drive longer than an hour then they try to send me to a ace nearby. I will try that. I just finished CBT for insomnia and it has helped a lot. I have a psychiatrist but they just prescribe medicine and I'm scared of side effects of most medicine so I like psychologists better. My psychiatrist is more understanding than some have been. I gonna try to find out about the behavior health units. Yeah they told me that my OCD was made worse because of PTSD. I did notice when the pandemic first started that the VA in each state had its own covid 19 statistics. It would be nice to have one therapist that can handle issues at once so I can have one long term therapist. I was surprised when they plan for 12 sessions or before I was in the trauma center, they used to schedule my appointments a month apart.

Thank you for your service!

I'm a veteran, too. I am a survivor of MST, in addition to childhood trauma. Apparently, there are so many veterans I've met who have had both childhood trauma and some military trauma.

My OCD-like symptoms happened way after my discharge and PTSD and dissociation diagnoses. I NEVER had OCD before the military, nor have I ever had OCD for many years after the military. It was when I got a couple of incurable diseases that I started being extra cautious about everything. I think I'm afraid of contamination, but I'm not sure. I couldn't handle dropping a clean and dried clothing item on the ground (to me, it must be cleaned again), for instance. I tried to keep my shoes clean, but that could be an Asian thing, too, with not wearing shoes in the home and also spraying Lysol on a weekly basis on the bottoms of my shoes. I freaked when I couldn't purchase any cleaning supplies for home delivery during the pandemic. I now wash my hands and have to have a one-use washcloth for each dry. I would wash them, but I would never use a hand towel over and over again to dry my hands. I now only use the washcloths to dry. I have over 100 washcloths. I wash my hands about 40 times a day. This was all after the pandemic, not before. I also wash my towels after only one use after a shower, but I've always done that. Some people can reuse their towels, but I never could. I don't have energy to clean all the time, but I do the best I can on a weekly basis. I now use a washcloth designated to open cabinets and the fridge; I never use my bare hands to touch any handles anymore. This was only after the pandemic. So yeah, you could say that my need to be in control and avoid a traumatic Covid death is a bit excessive. I might have OCD now, but who knows. All I know is that I'm afraid of dying a traumatic death.

I have DID and PTSD.

I lucked out with my T because all I asked for was a T who could help me with dissociation and PTSD. The VA already had on record my DID diagnosis, in addition to PTSD. Only the PTSD is service-connected. But my dissociation got worse. I had no clue that I had dissociation until years after discharge. The first VA I went to didn't have anyone, but I had some nice T's help me here and there. When I moved out of state, I lucked out with being referred to a really good T. She might be retiring soon, but at least I have her for now. You might get lucky, too.

I met my T at the Vet Center. I'm hoping you meet a good T at the Vet Center, too. And even if you can't get a T at the Vet Center, you could still join in on their socialization events. They sometimes do camping events, movie events, concert events, potluck events, and more. But due to this pandemic, many events have stopped in many areas. One of the Vet Centers I went to did sky diving for their veterans. Oh, and horse therapy seems to be a common thing - at least in the two states I've lived in so far where I went to the Vet Center for treatment. I think you'd like it. They offer more group activities than the mainstream VAMC.

You can concurrently go to the VA and the Vet Center, so it's not just one or the other. They all work together, but the Vet Center keeps your counseling confidential, whereas the VAMC logs it in for almost anyone to see - including yourself on the Blue Button reports.

That's why I prefer the Vet Center or Community Care for my therapy sessions; I know it's not logged in for everyone to see like at the VA Hospital.

The Vet Center might have T's that are trained in multiple areas, including trauma, dissociation, and OCD. My T is trained to help all of those and eating disorders (though I don't have an ED).

I'll friend you so you can PM me if you need to.

[katmc1]

Originally Posted by SprinkL3

Thank you for your service!

I'm a veteran, too. I am a survivor of MST, in addition to childhood trauma. Apparently, there are so many veterans I've met who have had both childhood trauma and some military trauma.

My OCD-like symptoms happened way after my discharge and PTSD and dissociation diagnoses. I NEVER had OCD before the military, nor have I ever had OCD for many years after the military. It was when I got a couple of incurable diseases that I started being extra cautious about everything. I think I'm afraid of contamination, but I'm not sure. I couldn't handle dropping a clean and dried clothing item on the ground (to me, it must be cleaned again), for instance. I tried to keep my shoes clean, but that could be an Asian thing, too, with not wearing shoes in the home and also spraying Lysol on a weekly basis on the bottoms of my shoes. I freaked when I couldn't purchase any cleaning supplies for home delivery during the pandemic. I now wash my hands and have to have a one-use washcloth for each dry. I would wash them, but I would never use a hand towel over and over again to dry my hands. I now only use the washcloths to dry. I have over 100 washcloths. I wash my hands about 40 times a day. This was all after the pandemic, not before. I also wash my towels after only one use after a shower, but I've always done that. Some people can reuse their towels, but I never could. I don't have energy to clean all the time, but I do the best I can on a weekly basis. I now use a washcloth designated to open cabinets and the fridge; I never use my bare hands to touch any handles anymore. This was only after the pandemic. So yeah, you could say that my need to be in control and avoid a traumatic Covid death is a bit excessive. I might have OCD now, but who knows. All I know is that I'm afraid of dying a traumatic death.

I have DID and PTSD.

I lucked out with my T because all I asked for was a T who could help me with dissociation and PTSD. The VA already had on record my DID diagnosis, in addition to PTSD. Only the PTSD is service-connected. But my dissociation got worse. I had no clue that I had dissociation until years after discharge. The first VA I went to didn't have anyone, but I had some nice T's help me here and there. When I moved out of state, I lucked out with being referred to a really good T. She might be retiring soon, but at least I have her for now. You might get lucky, too.

I met my T at the Vet Center. I'm hoping you meet a good T at the Vet Center, too. And even if you can't get a T at the Vet Center, you could still join in on their socialization events. They sometimes do camping events, movie events, concert events, potluck events, and more. But due to this pandemic, many events have stopped in many areas. One of the Vet Centers I went to did sky diving for their veterans. Oh, and horse therapy seems to be a common thing - at least in the two states I've lived in so far where I went to the Vet Center for treatment. I think you'd like it. They offer more group activities than the mainstream VAMC.

You can concurrently go to the VA and the Vet Center, so it's not just one or the other. They all work together, but the Vet Center keeps your counseling confidential, whereas the VAMC logs it in for almost anyone to see - including yourself on the Blue Button reports.

That's why I prefer the Vet Center or Community Care for my therapy sessions; I know it's not logged in for everyone to see like at the VA Hospital.

The Vet Center might have T's that are trained in multiple areas, including trauma, dissociation, and OCD. My T is trained to help all of those and eating disorders (though I don't have an ED).

I'll friend you so you can PM me if you need to.

Thank you. I'm gonna try to figure out how to pm you to comment on your last answer a little later today. Thanks.😊

[SprinkL3]

Originally Posted by katmc1

Thank you. I'm gonna try to figure out how to pm you to comment on your last answer a little later today. Thanks.😊

I'll need to change my settings. I think I set the PM to only contacts or friends. I forgot where to find the settings to open it up to all registered members. I'll try to do that now. Another member was asking about that, too.

[stahrgeyzer]

Today's one of those bad days, but luckily I don't remember much. I have no idea how it became 5pm.

Everything feels fake, as if I'm dreaming. Nothing feels real. Does anyone ever feel that?

[Breaking Dawn]

Originally Posted by stahrgeyzer

Today's one of those bad days, but luckily I don't remember much. I have no idea how it became 5pm.

Everything feels fake, as if I'm dreaming. Nothing feels real. Does anyone ever feel that?

All the time. So sorry you have to go through this. I understand.

[SprinkL3]

Originally Posted by stahrgeyzer

Today's one of those bad days, but luckily I don't remember much. I have no idea how it became 5pm.

Everything feels fake, as if I'm dreaming. Nothing feels real. Does anyone ever feel that?

We feel that all the time, or at least a few times throughout the day.

So sorry you are going through that, too.

[SprinkL3]

Originally Posted by Breaking Dawn

All the time. So sorry you have to go through this. I understand.

So sorry you go through that, too.

We feel the same way all the time.

[Taylor27]

I see my t in less then and hour. I am super nervous and hoping for a good session. I will check back in later when I come home from the session

[Taylor27]

The session went well and I stayed present all the way through. Will post more later as im a bit tired right now.

[Claritytoo]

Originally Posted by Cheryl27

The session went well and I stayed present all the way through. Will post more later as im a bit tired right now.

Im glad your session went well. I should be seeing a new t soon and I worry about how it will go. I feel fragile and don't want to fall apart the first time I see her.

[SprinkL3]

The body hurts from too much walking yesterday since we never walk and are homebound a lot.

The little inside keeps moaning, but the helpers inside try to comfort her and me.

The OCD-like stuff if creating more anxiety for me, and my arm feels like a truck ran over it a few times.

The little inside feels the body more than I do.

[stahrgeyzer]

Most times I have to somehow block how much I can’t stand earth humans but every so often I slip and start thinking about things which gives overwhelming desire to leave this hideous world.

Earth humans make me cringe so much that it makes me feel my reality can’t possibly be real, as if it’s a lucid dream or simulation.

I’m in a earth human body but don’t feel like one. A stargazer is someone who’s in the stars. Probably a Starseed.

[stahrgeyzer]

And earth humans don’t have a clue what DID is!

[SprinkL3]

Stahrgeyzer, we like to think of ourselves as "Earthlings." We don't like all the human categories they put us in (gendered, race, nationality, religion, SES, etc.). And yes, indeed, most humans (i.e., singletons) don't understand DID.

We remember watching "The Last Starfighter" back in the 1980s, I think. It was one of our favorite movies! We used to wish to be rescued by extraterrestrials and beamed to safety. We had such an imagination back then.

[Breaking Dawn]

I dissociate too much these days & have the 'nothing seems real' feeling, & often have the 'wish I could disappear' feeling. But at other times I can see a brighter future ahead of me. So I think to myself, maybe I'm just not there yet & later I'll be so glad I hung in there. So I'm trying really hard these days. I cry a lot. Then moments arrive with sunshine & I'm fine. I really look forward to those moments.

[SprinkL3]

I still dissociate, but I'm more co-conscious with my alters. The good part is that I'm more in control. The bad part is that my traumas and triggers are more apparent, real, and painful. It's as though healing from dissociation means increased PTSD, so then we work on PTSD treatment, which is painful and causes some relapses in dissociation along the way, but then we keep working forward to being co-conscious.

We also try to be co-conscious with fun stuff, so that's not too bad. But sometimes even the fun stuff is triggering for some. For example, the older alters, including the teens and myself will see the littles play and then feel sad because our childhood was lost, robbed from us via parentification, stolen from childhood emotional neglect, and lonely because we often played alone - just with our system. We realize then that multiple traumas in childhood probably caused our dissociation, and that we needed it to protect ourselves from deep pain and threats to our overall lives. It's more than a coping mechanism; it's a *survival mechanism.* We needed it so much in order to stay alive that we get confused whenever we feel suicidal. But lately, we've been doing well with coping with suicidal thoughts, and we do very much want to remain alive and get better. We struggle each day with this though.

We're doing better this week, but we still have tons of triggers that can make or break us. So we are trying to take it easy.

[stahrgeyzer]

@Breaking Dawn you're not alone. What do you think is the cause and solution for you? For me the cause is I don't fit in society because I'm too different, think different, have different priorities, etc. A solution is to be financially free enough to live my desirable lifestyle, enough money to work on projects to help others. But I don't do well in capitalism.

[SprinkL3]

@Breaking Dawn & @stahrgeyzer - I'm so sorry you two are struggling I don't do well in capitalism either, and I'm also neurodivergent (I'm too different and think differently). I'm interested to see what you suggest about moving forward, finding purpose in life, etc.

[stahrgeyzer]

I struggle all the time with feelings that none of this world is real. It's horrible lonely feeling that your mom was never real and nobody is real. Most of the time that's what I believe. And the inner people laugh at me sometimes but they refuse to be host. They say fronting and outer world feels scary except for a few like Cayla but she hasn't been out for awhile as far as I know. It's just me and little Paul. I keep waiting for this nightmare to end!

[Breaking Dawn]

Happy Thanksgiving, to all who like this holiday! My favorite holiday! And thank you for communicating your feelings here, a good thread for us.

[SprinkL3]

Originally Posted by Breaking Dawn

Happy Thanksgiving, to all who like this holiday! My favorite holiday! And thank you for communicating your feelings here, a good thread for us.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Thank you, @Breaking Dawn

My T has really helped me/us with Thanksgiving this year. She made sure to schedule two appointments this week before Thanksgiving. We are really lucky to have her!

But we are still alone, and so we got to process that stuff with our T.

We hope that you are having a good Thanksgiving Holiday, Breaking Dawn!

We hope everyone here on MSF has a safe and happy Holiday!

[stahrgeyzer]

Happy Thanksgiving to all.

I'm having a breakdown but doing a little better now. This morning I tried to cancel my mobile phone and get a new carrier company but I ordered the wrong thing but the new mobile company said they can't cancel it now. So I have two mobile services. And my mouse went dead in the middle. Then my internet or pc stopped. Some alters are being cruel saying horrible things to me and saying we're cursed. I felt like screaming and breaking down in tears at the same time. Why would anyone want to live in this cruel world???

[Breaking Dawn]

Originally Posted by stahrgeyzer

Happy Thanksgiving to all.

I'm having a breakdown but doing a little better now. This morning I tried to cancel my mobile phone and get a new carrier company but I ordered the wrong thing but the new mobile company said they can't cancel it now. So I have two mobile services. And my mouse went dead in the middle. Then my internet or pc stopped. Some alters are being cruel saying horrible things to me and saying we're cursed. I felt like screaming and breaking down in tears at the same time. Why would anyone want to live in this cruel world???

I totally get this!! I feel this so much of the time! But I'm determined to stick it out! Something tells me that there is a better experience ahead, & I don't want to miss out! I believe we're going to be ok. Please hang in there, dear friend!

[stahrgeyzer]

Thanks Breaking Dawn! We’re having a good long walk this morning on a sunny day here in Los Angeles. Have a good weekend everyone!