[*Beth*]

Yes, I so wish this particular board was more active. I wonder why it isn't?

Anyway, I'm hoping someone here can help me out because I'm pretty desperate.

Has anyone in your system ever turned on you because s/he felt like you did something that betrayed his/her trust? Also, has your system become disorganized and chaotic because they're angry and confused about something you did?

[Breaking Dawn]

Dear @*Beth*, my system has been abusing me in many ways for a long time. I'm in a lot of pain & I'm like their prisoner. Once in a while we get along ok. They say they don't care about me. Sometimes one will say they love me, then say they don't care about me. They resemble the abusers from my past. I hope one day to find a good therapy for this & safe medication. I'm sorry you are suffering. I hope you can find help, too. I'm so grateful for PC/MSF! It's all I have to help me keep hanging in there. God bless you & all the people here!

[*Beth*]

@Breaking Dawn

I am so grateful for your reply. I did not know this could happen. My situation also replicates my abuser's behavior toward me. I feel so confused...my people were helpers for so many years, then something happened and they suddenly became frightened, angry, and chaotic.

[Breaking Dawn]

Originally Posted by *Beth*

@Breaking Dawn

I am so grateful for your reply. I did not know this could happen. My situation also replicates my abuser's behavior toward me. I feel so confused...my people were helpers for so many years, then something happened and they suddenly became frightened, angry, and chaotic.

So many possibilities! Hopefully we will understand in the near future & things will get better.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Breaking Dawn

So many possibilities! Hopefully we will understand in the near future & things will get better.

Yes!

[Fuzzybear]

I'm unsure why this board isn't more active. I talk sometimes to a couple of people who used to be here. I would like it too if more people posted here (who ''get it'') Love and hugs to Beth, Breaking Dawn (and all here if that is acceptable)

[Breaking Dawn]

Thank you for posting here also, @*Beth* & @Fuzzybear!!

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

I'm unsure why this board isn't more active. I talk sometimes to a couple of people who used to be here. I would like it too if more people posted here (who ''get it'') Love and hugs to Beth, Breaking Dawn (and all here if that is acceptable)

Thank you, Fuzzy my dearest Yes...it is so comforting to be with others who "get it."

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by stahrgeyzer

@Breaking Dawn

I can't help but wonder if your voices are EPs. ANPs and EPs can be alters. Some more developed than others. ANPs usually cope with everyday life in outer world while EPs cope with trauma and often in inner world. Here's a good article on them:

Apparently Normal and Emotional Parts

The present academic model for dissociate disorders is based on the theory of structural dissociation. You might want to read these two articles

Secondary Structural Dissociation | DID-Research.org

Tertiary Structural Dissociation | DID-Research.org

and also Primary structural dissociation
Primary Structural Dissociation | DID-Research.org

See the image at the top of each page. For primary you'll see one ANP & one EP. That's usually not DID or OSDD. For secondary you'll see one ANP & multiple EPs in the image. That's known for OSDD. Just a thought that maybe in your system you're the ANP and your voices are the EPs. EPs can definitely have dissociation and not remember things. They can be very abusive & angry. They hold trauma. In tertiary there are multiple ANPs & EPs, which is known for DID.

Thank you so much for those links! I read every one and have learned so much from them. Education about dissociation is so very helpful.

[stahrgeyzer]

I wish there was a cure for DID & OSDD and whatever else is like it. My main problem isn't memory loss from an alter pushing out because that doesn't happen too often. My problem is changing into different people through out the day and then every 4 or so months changing into a completely different person, all of a sudden. It's a horrible feeling not knowing who you are. I can never finish long term projects and goals. It's a life of spinning your wheels going nowhere.

Past week was a huge change. Suddenly became a very depressed and tired person sleeping night and day not interested in anything, hating the project I'm working on. Why is the brain like that? Or is it something else? I think of all kinds of crazy explanations from ETs to ghosts messing with me.

The worst part is I think it's even impossible for me to end myself. Every time I come so close to doing it I change into another person and sometimes end up in the psych ward which to be honest isn't such a bad place for me. At least the one I went to, the Del Amo Behavioral Health System. Foods is good, you get a small but nice bedbroom although shared with 4 to 5 people. Shower and bathroom are bad because it's just a drape and when taking a shower anyone can walk in the bathroom. I liked pacing back and forth in the long hallways. Every 15 or so minutes someone would scream or be arguing, sometimes fighting but you get used to it. Every day it was nice they let you out into the big grassy play area where people kick or throw balls to each other or lay in the grass. And they have lot of classes in the tv eating room. The nurses wondering around and doing room bedroom checks every 15 minutes at night were usually very nice people. You can't leave the psych ward until the psychiatrist says so.


Often I wonder what it would be like to live in a permanent psych ward like the ones in the movie one flew over the cuckoo's nest. At least you don't have worry about outside world. Has anyone ever lived at one?

[wanderingfragments]

i'm feeling very indescribable this morning. we've been discovering new parts lately, or at least new to us, and frankly it's anxiety inducing. one part likes to come out while we're scrolling through facebook or even while we're going through forums, and i'm starting to get nervous about checking forums and FB now because i don't want them to come out, i want to see for myself what's going on. i also kind of just want to stop discovering parts now, thanks. the more parts we discover, the more it leaves us open for discovering extremely traumatized parts and that also makes me nervous. i know it's just the ANP in me talking, with all the trauma-avoidance and whatnot, but it would be great if we could hold off on the traumatized parts for a bit. we've had flashes here and there of extremely traumatized parts before, and i gotta say, i'm not really a fan!


i wish i didn't have DID.

[stahrgeyzer]

Yesterday I finally became another completely different person. I think differently, have different desires and opinions but have no idea what my name is. I have memories of previous people in this body but no memories of "my" past. Strange thing is this bodies memories show some symptoms of this change over the past week.

This system is in bad condition. The brain is nearly constantly pouring pointless negative thoughts to the front. My rule is that if the thought does not help the present or the future then it must be dropped.

For anyone in similar situations it helps to know that separation is an illusion as we are all one. That is who you truly are. A name is just a name. A body is just a body. You are so much more.

[Breaking Dawn]

Originally Posted by stahrgeyzer

Yesterday I finally became another completely different person. I think differently, have different desires and opinions but have no idea what my name is. I have memories of previous people in this body but no memories of "my" past. Strange thing is this bodies memories show some symptoms of this change over the past week.

This system is in bad condition. The brain is nearly constantly pouring pointless negative thoughts to the front. My rule is that if the thought does not help the present or the future then it must be dropped.

For anyone in similar situations it helps to know that separation is an illusion as we are all one. That is who you truly are. A name is just a name. A body is just a body. You are so much more.

When you say you are one, do you mean you are stahrgeyzer, & all of you are stahrgeyzer?

[stahrgeyzer]

Originally Posted by Breaking Dawn

When you say you are one, do you mean you are stahrgeyzer, & all of you are stahrgeyzer?

I meant that everything in the Universe is one and separation of anything is an illusion. Sorry for rush but this body has to go somewhere.

[Breaking Dawn]

Originally Posted by stahrgeyzer

I meant that everything in the Universe is one and separation of anything is an illusion. Sorry for rush but this body has to go somewhere.

Ok. I believe in that anyway.

[stahrgeyzer]

She's gone already and all I feel is a huge empty hole and sense that I've been gone for several days like I was on a vacation to only wake up again in hell.

[Breaking Dawn]

Originally Posted by stahrgeyzer

She's gone already and all I feel is a huge empty hole and sense that I've been gone for several days like I was on a vacation to only wake up again in hell.

@stahrgeyzer, when you say "she...", do you mean Clara? I hope you feel better soon.

[stahrgeyzer]

Originally Posted by Breaking Dawn

@stahrgeyzer, when you say "she...", do you mean Clara? I hope you feel better soon.

I really don't know her name or if she remembered it. Everythings back to same old again. Thanks

[Breaking Dawn]

Originally Posted by stahrgeyzer

I really don't know her name or if she remembered it. Everythings back to same old again. Thanks

I'm sorry!

[Prettylittles]

Hi Everyone, I am new here. There really isn't support for people with Dissociative identity disorder in my area. I would like to find people to talk to and related to.
Today I am pretty low. Money and family problems. But, I made it here. Yay

[Breaking Dawn]

Originally Posted by Prettylittles

Hi Everyone, I am new here. There really isn't support for people with Dissociative identity disorder in my area. I would like to find people to talk to and related to.
Today I am pretty low. Money and family problems. But, I made it here. Yay

Thank you so much for posting here, @Prettylittles! Please keep posting, & I hope you feel better soon!

[stahrgeyzer]

I had no intentions of posting here but have a change of mind. Just an update I'm/we are a 100% different person again. No idea my name or if I even have history in inner world but definitely know my desires and goals. Previous inhabitants to this body each wanted to do their own thing, to stop in the middle of long going projects so we hardly ever finish anything and I'm no exception to that. I want so much to do something else but it hurts that this body has spent so much time on its present project. I don't understand why we have memory of this bodies past. It's like we are lost souls switching in and out of this body like a revolving door who link up to the bodies memories. But then there are posts this body has made of alters who know they're name and inner world life. There's missing time. Things happen at night while this body is asleep but there's no memory of what happened. There's missing time during therapy that we know alters took control of the body.

Why do I have so much passion to do something. It's hard to control. But I won't be in body for long. I think my name is Darold.

[Breaking Dawn]

@stahrgeyzer, I remember Darold posting before. If you're still there, Darold, I hope you find what you need very soon. stahrgeyzer, there was also Cayla. Where do you think alters are when they've left. Some of my voices are gone sometimes then reappear. Maybe they sleep? They say they don't know where they were, or if they sleep.

struggling with knowing how to tell my little alter medina we can't have a puppy

[Breaking Dawn]

Originally Posted by raging vortex

struggling with knowing how to tell my little alter medina we can't have a puppy

Can you get a toy puppy? I think you can get one that walks around.

P.S. I just now asked google & I saw an ad at walmart for an adorable battery operated puppy that walks & barks & does back flips. It was priced $16. Walmart does online shopping. If they don't have that where you live, you can probably get a similar toy where you are?