looking for an answer

i am becoming more aware of what triggers us inside ..i think..
but need help understanding this.
here is the deal ..
i can talk to ppl over the phone and do mostly ok ..
but when i am around ..anyone ..really doesnt matter who it is anymore .. i cannot handle it inside .. lots of upset from the inside and pretty sure i am dissociating in and out .. i can here the screaming and wailing ones inside while i am talking to ppl face to face ..when i am on the phone it happens but not as much .. wondering if anyone else experiences this too? how do you deal with it? as for myself i just really do want to hide and not ever go around ppl but i cant..in those moments ..any suggestions or answera as to why this happens?

(((((((((free1)))))))) That sounds tough. I'm so sorry you are struggling with it. I tend to do better in person than on the phone because I can read the body language and feel safer that way. I still dissociate to a big degree though.

As I became more aware that I was dissociating, it was kind of scary for me and upsetting. It does get better though. I still don't like that it happens and I don't like that I miss so much, but I keep hoping as I gain more awareness and acceptance, that will get better. T said awareness is the first step to change. She said that acceptance can bring some peace and so I'm working toward that as well.

One thing that T said that really helped me was that my brain was doing this well before I knew what was going on and knowing doesn't change that. She said the fact is that my brain has learned a way to deal with things and while it may not feel like it will be ok, it will. Dissociating interrupts my life now but there was a time that it saved my life.

The screaming and crying is upsetting for sure. I am finding the louder it gets, the more I dissociate- I guess because that part of my brain is triggered. When you hear that, can you do some self talk to let inside know everything is okay? Maybe you can carry something comforting in your hand or your pocket for comfort?

I hope things calm down for you. Please keep us posted.

It's difficult to manage. I so understand.

I was/am as you. I do well over the phone and on the computer, but in person things can get mixed up quickly.

I think it has to do with anxiety and commentary...fear of what others are viewing us as, and also commentary inside about the others we're around physically (including fear of looks, triggers about looks/actions, etc.). I think that's what it is for me, at least.

If I'm online or on the phone, those specific anxieties and fears are nil or at the least relieved.

Also, being online allows me the time to not get mixed and to know my words/actions in black and white. It takes alot of the unknown anxiety away as well.

I understand, and hope that it alleviates for you. I still have difficulty in the real time experiences for the reasons mentioned above, and basically not having confidence in my actions/reactions.

I think that co-con and healing has helped that immensely.

Good luck,

KD

All communication is hard for me. But computer interaction is easier, probably because I control the pace and it's less personal. I can start and finish at my pace. Now the Chat Rooms, that's another problem-very over whelming for me, the interaction is closer and things move way to fast.

I think as I work more with my T, hopefully I'll get past this.

Hugs and prayers,
Angel

Hi and Thanks for all your replies ~ i feel for all of you and hope things become better for you - into awareness and how to move thru that awareness ...from what i am getting from you all is that anxiety seems to be the major key in all this ... the triggering point ..
i am on klonopin for anxiety but doesnt seem to really take all that away ... there must be a connection somewhere in my past with anxiety and being around alot of people that makes me dissociate so quickly ..? i am sure not every person in my past was abusive ..some were safe... just not many... still wish i knew what happened to us..maybe one day i will reach that part i dont know.

Oooh yea, online is definitely easier than in real life. I even talk to people in my 3D life through chats and email. Like KD, I like having the words to refer to, especially when I think I've lost my brain somewhere.

T always says there are reasons for what goes on for us and while we might not always know why, they are there.

I never remember walking into a building. I'm outside and the next thing I know, I'm somewhere in the building. I don't have a clue why that happens, but it does. Also for me, I think the higher my anxiety is, the easier it is for me to be triggered and to dissociate.

There is a reason for it. I think it will be shown when the time is right.

Best of luck as you figure things out.

wow we sound so much alike ~ the things we experience.
thanks for all your understanding - helps so much!
(((((((wantoheal)))))))