[Rhombus]

I feel like I'm typing with hands that don't belong to me. I feel like the walls of my room keep getting closer than further away. I feel like my mind is floating just above my body and I feel dead. I know this isn't real, but I can't stop the feeling I'm an actor in a movie, like none of this is real. I slammed my body against the wall an hour ago to make sure I really do have a body I control. I feel like I'm in a glass box, like everyone is very far away from me - I'm mentally detached but they also feel physically far away from me. I get the sense people are made of cardboard - they walk past me and I hear them, but they feel "flat". The whole world feels flat and light, like I could just push away all the walls of my room. People talking sounds weird, I understand what they're saying but it has no value, no meaning. I want to scream, but I feel like if I did no one could hear me, though I'm aware they would. I feel like I want to get out of my skin, like it's not me.

Sorry, I needed to express this to someone

[jeNeTeConnaisPas]

Originally Posted by Rhombus

I feel like I'm typing with hands that don't belong to me. I feel like the walls of my room keep getting closer than further away. I feel like my mind is floating just above my body and I feel dead. I know this isn't real, but I can't stop the feeling I'm an actor in a movie, like none of this is real. I slammed my body against the wall an hour ago to make sure I really do have a body I control. I feel like I'm in a glass box, like everyone is very far away from me - I'm mentally detached but they also feel physically far away from me. I get the sense people are made of cardboard - they walk past me and I hear them, but they feel "flat". The whole world feels flat and light, like I could just push away all the walls of my room. People talking sounds weird, I understand what they're saying but it has no value, no meaning. I feel like I want to get out of my skin, like it's not me.

Sorry, I needed to express this to someone

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I was having a very hard time this morning myself, I was dissociated I think, but didn't switch alters. Just felt stuck inside my body and couldn't think. ((((Rhombus)))) Hope things get better, I did some relaxing excersizes, and it helped me calm down quite a bit and i felt better. Perhaps you could try that yourself.

Best of luck <3

[wanttoheal]

Hi (((((((((((((((Rhombus)))))))))))) Glad to have you here.

It sounds like Depersonalization Disorder. Here are the symptoms that I copied from the site here on the disorders section:

Depersonalization Disorder

SYMPTOMS

Persistent or recurrent experiences of feeling detached from, and as if one is an outside observer of, one's mental processes or body (e.g., feeling like one is in a dream).

During the depersonalization experience, reality testing remains intact.
The depersonalization causes clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.


The depersonalization experience does not occur exclusively during the course of another mental disorder, such as Schizophrenia, Panic Disorder, Acute Stress Disorder, or another Dissociative Disorder, and is not due to the direct physiological effects of a substance (e.g., a drug of abuse, a medication) or a general medical condition (e.g., temporal lobe epilepsy).


Do you have a therapist that you can talk to about this? We're here and want to support you. Please keep posting. We care.

[Rhombus]

Disssaociating again.

More derealization, less depersonalization. I can barely stand to type this, moving my body is so weird, because my body is just another prop in this unreal world. I did some researching on depersonalization but most of the people with my experiences had previous or current drug use which I don't have.

I touch my skin, but it doesn't feel like mine. I feel false. Imaginary. Everything feels false. I'm precoupied with me. I can't feel anything for anyone. There's nothing in me but a great emptiness. I'm a shell.

I dissassociated this morning too, though that was almost completely depersonalization. It felt like my mind was on a string bouncing away from my body.

This is a bit different. I feel light and airy, like I'm not really touching my bed even though I know I'm sitting on it. I have physical sensations, but they feel far away from me. I know my lips are dried and chapped and my mouth is dry, but i have no want to drink the water near my bed.

I don't have a therapist. I don't know if anyone would believe me. I don't know how to explain it to anyone. I don't like hearing things, they feel fake. I don't like talking with this mouth. I can't stand the thought of music, it's so...fake. I tried reading postss here on PC but I can't care for their pains when I'm like this even though usually I feel for everyone here with my whole heart.

Please, make it stop

[silentandscared]

(((((((((((((((((((9rhombus)))))))))))))

we here you and we listening
please try to keep talking to us

safe and gentle hugs

silentxx

[Rhombus]

The Unreal Reality

I'm in my place
I don't want it to be mine
It just is

I'm shrinking inside me
Floating on the air
I can't care for you
in my place

I told you sorry
I wasn't
I said it..
Because I'm supposed to

Who understands
when the world goes false?
Who understands
being a shell?

I'm far away
No one can reach me here
in my place

Nothing is real
Stupid cardboard
Paper house,
I want to tear you down

Numb.

Will it ever stop?

[wanttoheal]

(((((((((((((Rhombus)))))))))))

[margthemermaid]

Originally Posted by Rhombus

I feel like I'm typing with hands that don't belong to me. I feel like the walls of my room keep getting closer than further away. I feel like my mind is floating just above my body and I feel dead. I know this isn't real, but I can't stop the feeling I'm an actor in a movie, like none of this is real. I slammed my body against the wall an hour ago to make sure I really do have a body I control. I feel like I'm in a glass box, like everyone is very far away from me - I'm mentally detached but they also feel physically far away from me. I get the sense people are made of cardboard - they walk past me and I hear them, but they feel "flat". The whole world feels flat and light, like I could just push away all the walls of my room. People talking sounds weird, I understand what they're saying but it has no value, no meaning. I want to scream, but I feel like if I did no one could hear me, though I'm aware they would. I feel like I want to get out of my skin, like it's not me.

Sorry, I needed to express this to someone

Well, I'm on the website trying to find somebody that understands me AND yep... I think you are doing the same thing... Our plights are a little different but I can relate to some of the stuff... It's hard to put yourself down on the page without something "is going to be missing" type of problem... Like I'll leave something out or they'll get it wrong.... This is a start of an attempt to talk with someone. Hopefully , not the end...But Briefly... Sometimes I do scream... I wish I never did it... Seems it gets worse after you do it...If people notice you they won't notice what you want... only that you are "strange."
Just aside... Could this particular multiple personality be someone who has recently died and might be in a box?
My mother died recently and she was the major cause of abuse in my life ...Never let up, NEVER and after her death I feel that I have turned into her... LAST THING I WANTED TO DO OR BE...I'm a little psychic and now she has mean things to say to me.... Some combination... psychic and DID....

[Rhombus]

I thought this was over. I thought because I went a day without that I was done. I thought it wouldn't come back. It sucks, to reach out to people but they can't help you because you're trapped in a box. Probably the only persson who caress about me is reaching out to me and I can't emotionally feel him at all. I hate this, this detachment.

[Rhombus]

The worst part is the depression that always follow. Half the time the after-effects are "I want to end my life" depression, and usually I don't have depression like that. It's scary.

[silentandscared]

(((((((((((((Rhombus)))))))))))))))))

hope things start to pick up soonxx

[bipolar_bear]

(((((((((((((((((((((((Rhombus))))))))))))))))))) I hope you consider finding someone to talk about what you are feeling that can support you. Such as a t. Please take care.

BB

[Rhombus]

Yeah, I might pop into the counseling services at school and see exactly what it is they offer, I don't really want to, but maybe I could at least figure out what's going on.

[silentandscared]

((((((((((((((Rhombus))))))))))))))))))))

Hope you can get the help that you need so that some understanding may come and ease your pain.
Good help is hard to find but once its found will ease your pain

sending safe and healinghugsif thats ok



silentxxx

[wanttoheal]

That's a great idea about checking out the school counseling services. Good luck and keep us posted

[margthemermaid]

Originally Posted by Rhombus

I thought this was over. I thought because I went a day without that I was done. I thought it wouldn't come back. It sucks, to reach out to people but they can't help you because you're trapped in a box. Probably the only persson who caress about me is reaching out to me and I can't emotionally feel him at all. I hate this, this detachment.

Just thinking that it's not you that can't feel... It's probably that world out there. I think you CAN feel... Maybe a little too much... The world is such a hard place. People can be so mean... They find it easy to hurt a sensitive person. It'll come back, for that reason, but hopefully as time goes on we can learn how to deal with it... We keep learning... trying... and each effort we makes brings us closer to where we want to be...
I've felt this way allot myself... lots of times... just when you think you've won... back comes freddy
The one person that loves you may have his own fears that make it hard for him to do what he is trying to do also. Don't lose the whole picture for one isolated incident. If he really cares for you he will battle it out along with you...
Well, hope this helped.... Sometimes maybe you need to relax... Hope you are feeling better now... Sorry you are feeling so bad.

[veronicapll]

I feel like others have no value, and I am scared

[margthemermaid]

Originally Posted by veronicapll

I feel like others have no value, and I am scared

I'm going to take a chance and tell you how I feel...It's taking a chance to post your true feelings on the internet but here goes... for what it's worth...Sometime do I not only feel that others have no value but that the only value they have is negative...! In otherwords worse than no value... No value AND Less!
But that's just a feeling... These feelings come and go... People seem to me to be getting colder and nastier... And it seems that when you are needing people like we are, the ones that pick up on it are the nasty ones... Regular people are out there trying to run their lives...trying to take care of families... etc... They are not necessarily paying attention to you because they are busily taking care of their lives... BUT the nasty ones are out ther looking for trouble...
So problem may be that you are receiving feedback from the wrong people... And yes, they can have a strong impact... But maybe you can think of others like Dr. John or Zora... and maybe they have a little value... right?
Seems like you are just down on yourself. Worring too much because of it. You could be right...

[Rhombus]

This is now affecting my new relationship. I depersonalize, and he gets confused and worried because I stop talking, I often find moving my body to be...unpleasant. Not physsically really...it's just like "what is this thing attached to me"? He gets worried because I'm frighteningly disconnected from reality. The only way I can describe it is that normally I'm "plugged" into an outlet but every so often the plug falls out of the outlet and I'm like a vacuum cleaner without power - I might as well be dead, because that's how I feel.

I don't know how to plug myself back into the outlet. These episodes can be short - 20 minutes, or long - 2-6 hours. While I don't have an episode every day, they are pretty severe when I do.

I really haven't been eating much - not due to an eating disorder, but because food isn't an experience that has any benefit. I can taste food, but...flavours are less vivid, and there's no pleasure derived from the experience. In my head it's like this, "Oh, I taste banana, I taste pork, I taste sugar" but I no longer have a sense of "I LOVE bananas, I hate dried out pork, etc"

Other symtoms are a loss of relevance to time. I can stay in one position for hours and feel no need to move at all, though I am physically perfectly capable of moving. It can take me a long time to respond, again, I can talk, walk, function perfectly well on a physical level, but mentally...I feel distant from people, to the point of people not even seeming real to me even if logically I know they are.

It's hard to explain to someone why on occaison they tell you sweet things...and you say sweet things back but you seem to be on autopilot.

On one hand, I'm not like this most of the day, but when it hits, only time can remove the glass box surrounding me.

[margthemermaid]

Originally Posted by Rhombus

This is now affecting my new relationship. I depersonalize, and he gets confused and worried because I stop talking, I often find moving my body to be...unpleasant. Not physsically really...it's just like "what is this thing attached to me"? He gets worried because I'm frighteningly disconnected from reality. The only way I can describe it is that normally I'm "plugged" into an outlet but every so often the plug falls out of the outlet and I'm like a vacuum cleaner without power - I might as well be dead, because that's how I feel.

I don't know how to plug myself back into the outlet. These episodes can be short - 20 minutes, or long - 2-6 hours. While I don't have an episode every day, they are pretty severe when I do.

I really haven't been eating much - not due to an eating disorder, but because food isn't an experience that has any benefit. I can taste food, but...flavours are less vivid, and there's no pleasure derived from the experience. In my head it's like this, "Oh, I taste banana, I taste pork, I taste sugar" but I no longer have a sense of "I LOVE bananas, I hate dried out pork, etc"

Other symtoms are a loss of relevance to time. I can stay in one position for hours and feel no need to move at all, though I am physically perfectly capable of moving. It can take me a long time to respond, again, I can talk, walk, function perfectly well on a physical level, but mentally...I feel distant from people, to the point of people not even seeming real to me even if logically I know they are.

It's hard to explain to someone why on occaison they tell you sweet things...and you say sweet things back but you seem to be on autopilot.

On one hand, I'm not like this most of the day, but when it hits, only time can remove the glass box surrounding me.

Can't say for sure what it is but sounds like it might be a physical problem... How long has this been happening? Is your boyfriend OK with it? Can he give you a massage of head... neck...shoulders when it comes on? Why did it start happening?

[Luce]

Originally Posted by Rhombus

On one hand, I'm not like this most of the day, but when it hits, only time can remove the glass box surrounding me.

Hi. Sorry this is all so strong for you right now. I can tell how much it scares you.

We used to call it 'living behind a glass cage'. The world was so far away. Guess the glass was pretty thick.

I wonder if you know, or can figure out, what triggers each epsiode off for you? Maybe next time you become aware of it you could try to remember what happened or what you were doing or feeling right before it started. Guess I'm going on the assumption that it's not happening just for the fun of it. I wonder what all that numbing out and self-protection could be protecting you from?

[Rhombus]

Stress definitely triggers me, but you can't always avoid that. I can't locate anything more specific than stress though - I can have two equally stressful situations and one will cause me to disassociate and the other won't. There's no common thread. It's pretty unpredictable.

It's definitely not a physical thing though - I'm aware 100% that the world hasn't actually changed. I'm aware 100% that everything is as it's always been, it's like having your emotions go numb I guess, and since emotional connections help us relate to our bodies, it makes me feel a physicaly odd sensation

[wanttoheal]

((((((((((((((Rhombus))))))))))))))
I'm sorry you are struggling. I had remembered someone else here feeling very numb and she posted about it but I couldn't remember what it was called. I was amazed at all the old posts here that I have no memory of reading or responding to as I was looking through old posts, lol.

Anyway, this member talked about something she called Anhedonia. I don't know if it's what you are feeling or not but thought I'd bring it forward in case you were interested in reading it. Maybe it will help.

Take care and I hope you feel better soon.

http://forums.psychcentral.com/showthread.php?t=22626

[Rhombus]

Disassociating again. The episodes have lately been shorter, same severity, but much more frequent. I'd say 30 minutes to 1 hour. It's almost impossible for me to care what others say when I'm like this. I have to tell myself the episode will end, and my body and mind will "pull together" and just because I feel the glass panel right now with this person, I have to watch my words so I don't hurt them.

It's all very tiring.

[margthemermaid]

Originally Posted by Rhombus

Disassociating again. The episodes have lately been shorter, same severity, but much more frequent. I'd say 30 minutes to 1 hour. It's almost impossible for me to care what others say when I'm like this. I have to tell myself the episode will end, and my body and mind will "pull together" and just because I feel the glass panel right now with this person, I have to watch my words so I don't hurt them.

It's all very tiring.

Rhombus! Sorry to hear about this frightening experience and so hard to be alone thru it. Are you living at home? What does it mean when you say you feel the "glass panel?" What is that? Does that mean you are relating to this alter thru the panel? Is this person you are referring to an alter or someone in you household, or other that you are afraid to hurt? Maybe you have to find some other friends to relate to that will help you instead of working to hit you with the negative all the time. Hope you feel better. Keep posting. We are listening.