so what do you do?

What do you do when you dont know who is who inside?
i am aware a few but i know there is more - i think they cannot talk..
i dont know these .. it is frustrating not being able to connect with any of them or control who is out and when .. so i isolate alot .. so as to not have to go through the embarrasement of not remembering things..or people .. or conversations.. so isolation is my only tool that works for me on bad days.
How can you journal when there are so many with so many different thoughts? . .

plus my new t - i think does not like us .. i dont think she believes the extent of this .. only seen her once though. we just get that impression..
cuz we do not have insurance anymore and are on a sliding scale..
being poor i suppose makes all the difference..

If you think your new T doesn't accept you then it wouldn't make a good basis for therapy. Maybe switch to another T before you are further down the road. I wasted 4 years of therapy with a person who I didn't connect with. Some T's do their job because they love it, regardless of the pay so I wouldnt worry about money being an issue. Sometimes people connect with us sometimes they don't.

I dont know who is who in my zoo yet either. I just do the best I can with what I have and whoever fronts up. One of mine grunts. Others dont/wont talk. But others have surfaced when they have felt safe.

When they feel safe to come out they will. Trying to prize others out of their shell only makes them retreat even more. Multipixie gave me some great advice about relaxing and letting things unfold. So try and just relax. Do the best you can each day.

Possum

Thank you for your reply.. i just met this T ..only once ...i will see her again and maybe i can make a better judgement if she can help or not ..
i dont think she likes us - she reminds me of a high school teacher i had once .. it was like she hated me from day 1.
but i will give her one more chance ..

all she told me was that dissociation was a coping mechanism .. as if i didnt know that aleady. but that was all .. she said my klonopin made the major depression worse than anxiety .. tapering off that now - with pdoc help.

i just would like to be in control and not have to isolate from ppl.
because everyone triggers us and i dont remember conversations at all or situations ..bits and pieces when i go out..
i want to be in full control and all these others gone !
i dont know how to do that.

any thoughts of how i can do this?

Dissociation is a coping mechanism. (((hug)))

Why not ask your T exactly what she thinks about DID and go from there? Even with some Ts who do not accept the "usual" definition, they will follow therapeutic paths to help you heal. (A rose by any other name...)

But I think it's good that you know your T is there for you and "believes" in all of you, and your coping.

Journaling is good for those with such dissociation. If you have some who cannot write, then provide space for drawing or other outlet for creating objects to share how they are feeling. Be sure to write notes TO yourselves, especially when it might be very important for you to be "in control" such as driving or taking tests (whatever.)

All of you is important. If you weren't so intelligent, your brain might not have been able to dissociate and wall off some of the events or memories you might normally find too much to bear. Unfortunately dissociation like this tends to work against a person as they age.

I'm glad you are going to a therapist. I trust you will find your healing path there.

Thank you for your reply.. but can i ever be in total control or is this going to haunt me for the rest of my life?
i want them gone..to just go away .. i cant stand this anymore.
i want control. will that ever be possible?

i will try what you suggested and see how that goes ..
what will that do though?
what kind of things can i write ? just anything that comes to mind?
Art is my passion in every form .. how can i use that to know who is who and what is going on?
Ssorry for so many questions i am just tired of all this .. hope you understand .. it makes me angry inside to not be in contol.

I'll try to answer your question....from my own experiance

Yes, it is possable to regain control
No, it does not have to haunt you for the rest of your life
Yes, it is possable
What that does,is start the process of communication.....inside
Write things that you can read later....anything...then ask inside "who wrote this"
Create first...just let it happen....then create more....
My question to you is, how many artists do you have? ask inside.....

Anger is not uncommon......or is it fustration?
Fustration is like teaching a pig to sing....it irritates the pig and wastes my time....hope this helps....

it is the frustration that makes me angry ..i have to be in control .. i have to be able to not check out everytime i am with ppl or hear all of their voices in silence. it has to stop.
why wont they go away?

i do not know how many are inside of me - i am aware of a few that seem to be the strongest.. the others i am not sure of ..have no idea.
i know that there are little artisits inside that do not speak ..they are very creative. and teenage artists that are not so nice pretty dark in their thinking and creativity .. they came when depression hit me around 10 became very dark when depression was serious around 14.

the flashbacks of the tiny one would always sign ech coloring page and would put clear tape over her name. that was one i know about. she was obsessed with tape lol.

i am too afraid to try to commuicate with the others even the little one because i am to scared to find out what happened - i just want it to go away and not haunt me anymore in my dreams or in everyday life.

shame,

I truly understand the fustration
The only thing I've ever wanted, are the exact same things you do.
To be in control takes practice.
Practice is talking and listening.
I listen to the voices in my head and say...please,one at a time(outloud,it sounds crazy, but it works)
When all the voices are talking at once,I cant hear anything except noise(not good)
When I am able to hear one voice,then I can ask whats wrong and talk with that voice(inside my head,listen,then reply outloud)and calm that voice down(or at least try)
This is what I call getting to know me, just like getting to know a new friend,except its me

The reason why they are not going away is because they have something to say and nobody wants to be there friend.

The first time I asked who am I, I got many answers and wrote them down because I did'nt want anybody to feel left out.

Some of my inside friends are mean too, but when I started listening to them and talking outloud to them, I was able to help calm them down. Eventhough they said not nice things, they were mad,angry and fustrated. I still talked to them because they were just looking for a friend.



ST...........

why do i have to know what happened to me?
it doesnt change anything.

i dont want to be different anymore ..i want to enjoy life for once.
i am afraid what they say.
it affects my dreams - everything.

my hope is that my T - can help.

sad. it may be i am triggered so i will stop here. thanks for your replies.

(((( Shame )))) Compassion

Whoever is out in this thread is quite eloquent.

Would you be able to make a bit of room for 'a little creative one' to do some art work again. I'm sure you would love a little one.
Sometimes when you take some graphite (or just a pencil) and start putting it on the paper some amazing things come onto the page that are much easier to manage than journaling, especially if there are no words anyway.

Maybe even take it with you when you go to T next.



IceStatue

Control is letting everyone have a turn probably and eventually maybe even liking each other, not the hurtie ones though. They don't get to come out easily.

Thanks for your reply Ice ~
she has not been out in a few years .. only very few times .. not lately or recent. i dont want her out. i want control of my mind -body.

i feel the same way believe me.

Sorry about the vent .. yesterday.
just dont want to be shattered anymore.
So isolated and depressed.
Got triggered last night and now we are weak..from using all the energy and air.
We are losing our home soon .. from lay off.
i have to ok .. no dr to turn to soon.
so it has to be ok inside .. have to be in contol i do not have a choice.