I Think I Learned Too Late:

So, you are saying, that in a healthy, more compatible relationship, flip flopping is not necessary???

You mentioned that you come from a home that was not a wealthy status type home. Did your mother do the finances and manage the money?

Yes, mom managed the finances and Pop ran the business.

Ok that explains why you are still comfortable having your wife manage the money. It was not unusual for that to take place in your parents generation. It also explains why you view your earnings as “our money”.

Yes, that makes sense. Im far too trusting. I was a very agreeable stepping stone.

So many things are just not adding up and I'm trying to shift my focus away from continuously dwelling on this and start thinking about something different and positive, because no answer is going to make any sense.

It’s understandable how you can feel emotionally confused. However, if a good portion of what you contributed was cash, it may look like your wife was the main bread winner. For her this can be bad legally because she may be at risk of paying you alimony.

Kinda like, you live by the sword, you die by the sword. That’s why she is worried about her pension.

Also when you give a partner control of the money you risk that person seeing it as their money. I have a feeling that part of her keeping you waiting and hoping was more due to her meeting her own needs then seeing the funds you contributed as you deserving a share of property etc.

This recent ploy to get you to move out may be her attempt to be able to legally claim the home/residence as all hers.

Before you move out you should run it by a lawyer so you are aware of any risks.
Don’t assume she isn’t checking out her legal rights per your state.

She has since stopped speaking to me beyond just the business aspect of things.

But this is the context of our last conversation and this is just something that i wanted to express for my own benefit.

I said,

"Hun, i love you with all my heart and i will love you until the end of time. No one will ever hold the place in my heart that you hold. I didn't want this divorce, but i am now at peace with it."

"But, i have something i want to say to you. Do you remember when you had your hysterectomy?"

She replied, "Yes, of course i do."

"Do you remember that i carried you to the toilet, cleaned your private areas, carried you back to the bed and cleaned your surgical drains?"

She said, "I remember."

I said, "Why do you think i did that?"

She looked down at the floor and said nothing.

I said, "I want you to think about this as we move forward separately. Who in your life has ever given you that kind of loyalty?"

Again, she broke eye contact with me.

"And what did you give to the person, who showed you this level of loyalty, in return? Remember this as you move forward along the path of life."

She remained silent.

I felt so good after expressing this!!!!

I feel free today

Women can struggle in n different ways after a hysterectomy. They can lose sexual desires and try to avoid intimacy. It’s even harder if the ovaries are also removed.

I agree.

She pretty much told me she lost her desire for me because im too soft/kind.

I've never felt good about myself, but, ive noticed when i walk into another law office, the women there suddenly fix their hair, or start looking in their hand mirrors, so i gotta think im at least decent looking based on those signals.

Now, starting over from $0.00 after a divorce, you certainly won't attract many decent, high-value women, but i don't think ill be down and out for very long.

That will certainly be a discussion topic going forward. If you don't love poetry and the entire process of a man exciting your mind and if you don't absolutely love receiving oral and snuggling, fireplace, blankets, candles, insence, wine, etc., I'm not interested in casual sex.

Ugh! Well, there are lots of nice women out there that would love to have a loving kind partner.

Live & Learn

Black Tie event tomorrow night at attorney's estate.

Gonna be staying temporarily at a guest residence on estate grounds.

Black tie event sounds fun. 😉

Interestingly, it was one of the things my wife disliked. She feels like the people who attend these events are not "genuine" people, but a social class that looks down on others.

We talked a little tonight. I changed the oil on her car for her. She said that she is just devastated because she had hoped we would stay together forever, but that our differences in both communication and comprehension made it impossible.

She is very blunt and hurtful with her words and she says i "sugar coat" things, which is lying, according to her, and she is morally opposed to that.

She also said that while she did encourage the job at the law firm, she now sees ot as a "vicious" job that she wants no part of. The fact that i am so good in this arena is more proof that we are not a good fit.

I told her i would help her restore her maiden name back, which she said she appreciated.

Looking back, i gave up everything to have her because i didn't have a very high opinion of myself. One concession lead to more concessions and even though she DEMANDED i make these concessions, she ended up hating me for giving in.

I know that i could never love anyone as much as her, but do i really need too?

I'd rather have a spark and mutual respect as opposed to just blind love for the sake of love alone. Id love to have a mutual physical attraction, a romantic connection, but within a deep sense of admiration and respect.

I love being in love and im not against it, but im not willing to base a future relationship on such an unstable emotion.

Here she is again attacking your ego. She is also using a broad brush of negatives when it comes to different Law Practices. These different law firms do have certain events as part of networking and doing business. In order to practice you have to have clients and you also need to have the ability to interact with other lawyers and law firms. Lawyers actually do have to negotiate with each other. Not everything goes to trial or is like what is shown or portrayed on TV series like “Suits”.

Depending on the practice and size firm there can be some fake type drama. Yet this is something that happens in many different businesses. Just because someone passes the bar and can practice law doesn’t mean they can successfully practice. Lawyers have to learn how to sell themselves and build a name for themselves. So part of that is social events.

There can be some materialistic fan fair in terms of cars and attire aka designer clothes. But that tends to be part of fake impress packaging. Again it depends on the firm and what kind of law is being practiced

I think your wife is very soured in that she thought she married a high powered man 👨 f wealth and he turned out to have a very dark side to him.

I think that there is a lot of Fake in certain parts and social circles in CA.

Its so strange to me that she feels this way, because everyone calls me the "gentle giant." My form doesn't even do criminal defense.

I had a gopher in the backyard that i would often talk too and he will come out of his hole and let me pet him. Birds will land on me when I'm putting seed in the feeders. I always seek out the good in people and i try to do good in the world, because i believe that it comes back to you.

Ironically, when i had lower paying jobs, she encouraged me to find something better.

Yes, there are firms that specialize in Corporate law and lawyers that only do realestate law and some that only help clients get disability and some that are only divorce attorneys just to name a few of the many different areas/specialties in law.

That being said there can still be power posturing and egotistical fakeness. Yet that can be in any group.

The longer this drags in, the less sense it makes.