Just another failed day!

Each day is such a struggle. Each day seems harder than the one before. I am so tired of giving in and not being able to make good choices. I'm trying not to hate myself but it's getting harder and harder not to. Despite my signature, I feel like such a failure!

Right, I need to take stock and stop making excuses. I need to understand that I am making the choices and no one else.

So these are my weight loss goals.

Some more long term than others but all boil down to reaching my goal weight! I'm mixing them all together.

1. Fitting into my wedding ring without it cutting into me
2. Reaching my toes without huffing and puffing to do a french pedicure
3. Having a bath! (Only showering at the moment as I can't stand bear to squeeze into my bath)
4. Being able to wear all my clothes and lingerie that are in storage.
5. And buy some new, of course!
6. Go for a jog without feeling that "the girls" are going to knock me unconscious!
7. To be thinner than my sister-in-law (family rivalry )
8. To fit into the ring hubby gave me for Christmas some years ago
9. Wear sleeveless shirts and vests.
10. Wear shorts
11. I'll never in my life again wear a costume, but I wouldn't mind going swimming.
12. Improving my self-esteem issues and valuing myself again.
13. Improving and re-igniting intimacy.
14. Looking good for my hubby!
15. Not running away when someone points a camera in my direction. (May as well be a gun!)
16. Donating all my "fat" clothes to a home for survivors of domestic violence (I can't wait to do this - already have one pair of pants on the pile!) Now this is an old term goal, and when I lost so much weight a year ago, I did donate all the clothes. Now I have had to buy new as I gained all the weight back.
17. Just realizing and knowing that this is MY OWN achievement and that I have strength to do it.
18. I don't know if I will be at goal, but I would like a substantial weight loss for my wedding anniversary in May.

I probably have even more but I think this is way more than enough for now!

The greatest rewards will be my own self-pride and without a doubt, that of my husband. Just to hear him call me beautiful, or sexy and be proud of me is a dream I am grasping with all I have!

Great to be able to record these goals and dreams.

Went to a kiddies birthday party. A few snacks were put out for the adults. Thoughts of that food consumed me! Ate some before they got finished. Stupid stupid stupid. Wasn't even hungry. Carried on eating when I got home. This exhausts me!

Hi Sabrina - it is really hard to lose weight - I gave up smoking before, that was easy because I just stopped - but food is more difficult, you can't just stop eating, so it comes down to self control and that is hard because food is everywhere.

Sounds like you have a great list to keep you motivated, think I may adopt number 7 for myself.

Sweetheart you have too big of a list! The mind can't focus on so many things at once. Pick a few that you can do right now... with allowances.

One of those is to wear shorts. Just because you may be overweight (I do not know for sure...doesn't matter) doesn't mean you can't wear clothes that are the right size and, in the situation of shorts, long enough with proper fit (you don't want any front pleats, you might want elastic back etc.) There isn't anything but your frame of mind that keeps from doing this one.

Looking good for hubby is another one you can begin right now. I know you are thinking about weight only (Well, I think you are) but taking care of oneself... even when it's a struggle... staying clean, wearing non-wrinkled clothes that match and you could answer the door in, putting on make up and fixing your hair... I bet he'd appreciate and think you're lookin' good.

But really, focus on just one or two at a time. Put them on 3x5 cards and rubber band them together. When you're pretty much done with one, cross it off, put the date finished on it and stuff it in the back of the stack.
(Or a similar visual accounting that suits you.)

You rook ma'valous!

((((((((((((( Sabrina )))))))))))))


(also struggling with similar issue...)

You have some great goals, but can't you divide them into several separate stages? All of them together seem a bit too much. Pick the ones that are more likely to be achieved first, so that the success encourages you. Anything is possible if you have enough perseverance. Good luck

I agree it's best to divide your goals into short-term and longer-term goals or some othr way of staging. These sound rather much and you will be beating yourself up if you don't meet them right away. I have to lose some weight, although not huge amounts, too, an dit's really hard. I wish you strength.

It was a good food day today. Best I've had in months. I controlled all that binging. But then again, I am extremely emotional right now and I think it has made my appetite go away. But for once, I didn't want to eat for comfort. I can do this.

Uuurrrggghh, aaaaaarrrgghhhh, and then I fluffed it!

((((((((((((( Sabrina ))))))))))))

One day at a time....like we were coaching one lady on our DBT group. There are some loosing weight thoughts where you have one day a week that is the cheat day & anything is ok........so when you blow it, you just declare that day to be the cheat day & go back to what you were doing the next day. That way you don't beat yourself up for "fluffing it" (what a cute term).

Think the level of stress you have been feeling is beyond the stress that makes you hungary. I know I have different levels of stress & the serious level is the one where I loose my appetite completely until the situation is resolved & usually by then, I have lost too much weight but that's because I don't have any extra to spare ATM.

You are doing a wonderful job of being conscientious about your weight loss. Just don't give up & don't beat yourself up. Look at the overall long term plan & not each little day & you will be surprised even with slip-ups, how well you will do in 6 months, then in a year.....you will be amazed at yourself.

I know the problem is that we can't see the little progress in ourselves as much as others can see the difference. I have a friend who decided that she needed to loose weight....she moved into her new farm & just watched what she was eating & just taking care of the farm was her exercise......she's really looking good over the last 6 months.

Keep your determination & don't let a day here or there discourage you because it's the overall work that you do that ends up making a difference that you don't even notice until you have lost a lot of weight......then you end up wondering "where it is go & when?"

Sigh. This self sabotage. I know I mustn't yet I do anyway! I know it's bad for me, but I do it anyway. I want more than anything to lose weight. But I eat that whole bag anyway. Not just a handful, the whole bag!!! I am disgusted with myself today.

It really should be very simple. Just eat healthy and exercise. I hate exercise and I can't afford half the healthy things on my eating plan.

Haven't been to the gym for many months and won't be able to afford the subscription after this month anyway. Can't really go for walks because it isn't safe in my area. But I will anyway. I just have to. Something has got to give. Something has to change. I simply cannot carry on this way or continue looking this way. I'm going to lose everything I hold dear. I just can't anymore. I just can't!!

I feel your pain big-time Sabrina.
I constantly self-sabotage, all I want to do is eat it seems like. Especially once I am home for the evening. I'm addicted to sugar- lately its cookies and ice cream.

I also have that gym membership rotting away- just can't get myself to go- too self conscious I guess. Part of me thinks not losing the weight is fear of success (for me anyway)
All this talk can't really help you, I just wanted you to know you are not alone.
There has to be a way to accomplish this goal of losing weight and getting healthy.

Oh gosh, I am going through so much the same, I lost some weight recently but now self-sabotaging uncontrollably and cannot stop eating/binging even though I tweaked my eating habits and started eating healthy. All that is gone now. I also recently joined a gym but I am not going there at all these days. I gained lots of weight back in such a short time

I don't know why I do this...

I wish you all the best Sabrina...

Well at least it wasnt the whole day. If I beat myself up for everytime I "failed"....I would be even more depressed. Instead I have to look at it as..Well(I know a little different) at least I did eat some of my exchanges and I am trying. You are only a failure if you fail to try. It might not be your idea of perfect but things take time. I am no where near where I want to be in my recovery(or my T), but I am getting better. For example: I just got out of the hospital (again) out on Tues and by Fri I was back down to where I was prior to going in(I didnt know I dont weigh myself) but at first I was going on and on what a waste of time, money and just beating myself up and all that did was get me more depressed and my eating worse. Also I agree cut back on your list. The shorts? I have lots of scars on my legs and my brother said to me You wear shorts with all of those scars? At first I wasnt going to wear them anymore but then I figure if you dont like it dont look at them! Hope you have a better day

Today I did something good. I went for a walk! And I uncovered my healthy eating plan and "Steps to Success" book and read it again. I caught a reflection of myself in a window and it was just shocking to me. So, I have a renewed sense of "I can do this". Its not the first time, but I'm determined to try!!

((Sabrina)) - I just saw this thread and I'm sorry you struggle with this eating disorder. I'm lucky because I have a good relationship with food so I don't have experience with the unhealthy side of eating. I do have knowledge of healthy eating ever since my mother had a series of strokes that eventually ended her life. I relate though to feeling the need to exercise and wanted to give you encouragement - good for you in going for a walk.

Hi Sabrina;

I have the same issues. Once when I had pneumonia I actually gained weight thinking that if I ate I would feel better..well I did ..just for an hour.I do the same thing now. I recently lost some weight before my surgery then the surgery got cancelled and I have gained some of it back. I have always ate to feel better emotionally. Its a struggle and I totally understand where you are. I do agree though its "one day at a time"...we just need to follow it!!!

Hugs;
Dee

Those window reflections can be shocking. Glad it was a positive reaction you have had to it in that it's spurring you into action to eat healthier & go back to the gym.

I know you can do this too. It's amazing how feeling better about yourself has an overall effect to our physical & MENTAL health.

Sending you tons of encouragement

Yesterday was a good day. I didn't binge or overeat once and stuck to my eating plan. I will try the same for today!

Yup, yesterday was another good day. Two days in a row. I feel a sense of achievement. The only thing is that I didn't eat my fruit and vegies that are on my plan because I can't afford any right now. I have some apples left but no vegies. I will try to get some soon.

I am really working hard on recognizing when I am really hungry and when I am just bored and want to eat for the sake of eating. I delayed my lunch by half and hour yesterday because I genuinely didn't feel hungry when I was supposed to eat. That is an accomplishment for me.

Sounds like you are doing really good. Glad to hear that..stick to your meal plan and you should be ok. I need to stick to mine, but mine is the opposite. Seems like I will have a couple of good days and then bad ones after that. I know what you are going through just one the other end. Listen to your body..good job

Good for you Sabrina

And then it all went downhill on the weekend. Ate very badly. Ended up being very ill yesterday which hardly surprised me. Caught many sideways reflections on the weekend and it really isn't good. Back to square one.