eating disorder's daily check in spot

It is frustrating, that when I try to solve one problem in my life and think I have it sussed and in control - that the whole ED obsession starts - my head is telling me to stop it - but there is that other part that can't keep away from pro sites - ahhh!

I'm not supposed to keep track of my weight, but I had a weak moment and weighed myself yesterday. I hadn't gained as much as I thought, but still more than what I'm comfortable with.

Restricted yesterday and then ended up over-eating because of it today, and now I'm feeling very guilty.

I went to a baby shower today. There was food EVERYWHERE. And I just couldn't bring myself to eat any of it. Especially because there were girls there who I don't get along with there, but we were cordial of course, it was just the whole idea of them seeing me eat was just. . . bothersome.
I had half a blueberry muffin which was basically shoved down my throat by a friend, who wanted the other half. I know I should eat something before I go to bed, but I feel like it will be impossible not to overboard after all the stress of the day.

Oh my gosh! I can't believe I did it again! Gave in at the grocery store to some chocolate chip muffins. Ate the top off of one and through te rest away. Okay there are three left. Ate a whole one the other day when very upset. My body doesn't do well with this. Decided not to throw the remaining two away. What if I needed it! Last night started torturing myself with the thought of it! Finally gave in as I thought it would be easier. The line of least resistance! Made me not feel well again. Hurt my body and soul and I threw the rest away. However, I am still suffering the after affects and trying not to be too hard on myself. Oh to have said no to myself in the first place and spare myself a lot of grief!

I figure a check in here would be more ideal than checking in in the bipolar or depression forums... Since what is currently bothering me is related to the eating disorder rather than either of the previously mentioned.

I woke up yesterday, with that familiar voice echoing around in my head. I don't know what is going on with me. I try so hard to believe A when she tells me I'm stronger than it, and can beat it. But lately, I'm finding that harder and harder to believe. I'm stressed out. I struggled to eat yesterday, and I'm struggling to do so today. I'm terrified of relapse, and yet I feel I'm inching dangerously close to it. I'm using every tool I can to attempt to prevent this...

I really could benefit from some good ol' fashioned therapy. Still haven't heard a word from them, though.

Had a great beginning to the day. Ate a good breakfast and lunch. There is just something wrong with me when it comes to eating dinner alone. I struggle so much. I had planned on having a pork chop and some raw veggies and a potato. I just couldn't bring myself to make it though. Instead I settled for a single slice of super supreme pizza, and now feel very sick to my stomach. I haven't felt like this in a long time. It really sucks. Does anyone else struggle with eating alone?

I think that is my main problem.....as there is no one else around complaining they are hungry or who decided to go ahead & make something to eat.....so way too often, I'm just too lazy to go down to the kitchen & make anything to eat. I am more than likely to make dinner......unless I have those frozen french toast's where I can put them in the toaster oven & cover them with fresh raspberries......

I buy food at the store....put it in the refrig......then never get back to the refrig let alone the freezer.....I think about what I can eat at the grocery, & buy some things....but then either get involved in working around the farm & like the other night, didn't even grill my lamb chop until midnight because that's when I got done with the work I was trying to do.

It's just hard to get into making food for one person & then I don't sit down to eat....sometimes I eat standing up at the stove (glass top stove) next to the oven & microwave.

It actually felt good the other night even though I ate at 1am....I had a nice glass of wonderful white German sweet wine while I was grilling my lamb chops & grilling the asperagus. I took it up to the computer room to eat. I really don't have a table to eat at & my kitchen bar is covered with junk. Living alone doesn't lend for a normal eating situation in the first place IMO. But when I was living in the bad marriage & isolating myself in my own room, that didn't lend to normal eating either....& that's been going on since my anorexia took over in the first place.....so it is definitely situationally inspired

Interestingly I would much rather eat by myself. I don't compare what I'm eating to what others are eating...I don't have to make excuses for my safe choices...don't compare my thighs to hers...don't feel compelled to eat or restrict just to please someone. I can eat what suits me. I do sit down at the table, but I read while I"m eating b/c it distracts me a bit (which I like)

Morning all, i'm starting exercising today. A bit nervous that i won't stay committed, but i really want to. I know it's going to be tough and that scares me. Trying to control my eating habits, cutting out "chips" will be hard for me as i like to munch on them when i feel emotional or have nothing better to do or just sitting with a nice book. I started changing my breakfast this morning from bread to muesli and joghurt. Hoping i can keep up with that. Just feeling a bit down this morning because it feels like i'm getting a light flue and don't want it to stop me from exercising. Started taking some vitamins yesterday so hopefully all will be okay. Have a great day...

I ate again the other night. I grabbed a little So Delicious ice cream. I was going against my conscience. I really hurt myself banging myself inside my head. Then I felt even worse telling my husband about it. I believe it upsets and discourages him too. Then I feel guilty about that too! Much worse today. Really hurt all over!

I have suffered from binge eating all my life, I'm 41 now, it's been going on at , least since I was 12, possibly longer. I have enough daily triggers and have had success and failures dealing with it. I am trying to regroup and get past this latest cycle. Went to the Dr this week and he actually looked at me and goes have you just tried to stop the eating? He surely didn't understand, single I don't purge, and I don't starve myself, I must just over eat and have no self control. He, like most people I know, have no idea that if I could stop the binge eating, I would. Unsure how I really feel today.

I wonder if I'll ever get to the point where I can hear about a child or teenager who is really sick with an ED and not feel envious of them.

It's because it always seems to me that they're receiving all the love, respect, and admiration that I wish I had when I was younger.

I know that it's wrong to think that way. I know that they are suffering and that their lives aren't perfect. But I was suffering, too, and people didn't care or take me seriously. I keep thinking that if I had been as sick as those kids I hear about, then people would have cared.

I wonder if anything I'll ever do could ever make up for that -- people not caring when I needed them to the most.

I lived in a marriage with a husband incapable of showing caring & my parents weren't capable of showing care other than superficially. Then I LEFT & moved 2100 mile away where i didnt know anyone,....& in meeting people & getting involved in the new Small community, I am now sureounded by carring people...the thing was i had no idea what it felt like to have care about me & had sort of a wall build up around me that tried to keep the caring away. First gotta get rid of the uncaring people than be wiling & open & aware & thankful for those who do care. It was such a shocking feeling it was hard for me to believe they really care. I have found that moving from huge Los Angeles area to a small town in Ky where everyone is filled with the Love of God...overflows to everyone theis lives touch....& I have found that it is working that same way for my life also...where I had lived a much isolated life...now I'm really caring & loving others...it needs to be both ways but have found that God's love in me overflows to all around me also...even though I still struggle now in taking care of everything & not really having the time to do the caring things for others needs. Also have found that all i have to do is ASK for the help I need & they are right there...it's the ASKING that's the difficult part....

But it's possible for the change to happen but most times WE have to be the one that makes a change in our life first for the changes to start happening

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I am still eating and eating, ups and downs emotionally. I hate to admit I often told myself if I could just be anorexic, but it's not the point, the eating is a symptom..However there seems to be a much harsher light shown on over weight people or those with food issues, addictions and disorders. You are seen as weak, no self control, just need to diet and exercise, etc. People have a much harder time associating any sympathy with people who are over weight I have been both obese and very this, when my binge eating was under co Tyrol and in remission is what I called it. When I was thin if I had a headache, was sleepy etc it was because I didn't eat enough and everyone wanted to take care of me or thought something might be truly wrong. Fast forward several years and I've gained some weight back, now I hear "you would feel so much better if you just got some weight off, got moving around" well really I don't or I wouldn't have gained the weight back because I was very active and thin and then became super depressed, I didn't see myself as thin, I became increasingly upset and disappointed with myself my looks, how I did things, everything about myself.

New here. I’ve been posting on a lot of boards but I have a lot of problems that are all related in some way. I have been over weight most of my life. Just now coming out of a binge eating period lasting 3-4 months I was sleeping 12-13 hours a day to avoid eating then depression set in, the more I slept the more sleep I needed. Brushing my teeth after snacking was an effort but it helped somewhat. Then I read someone’s comment here that binging is a form of self-medication which struck home with me. I am sleeping fewer hours now and eating less, but then again I have relatives visiting and don’t want to overeat around them. Do online OA groups work at all?

Struggling today. I haven't eaten anything since I accidentally binged yesterday afternoon, and I'm feeling too depressed to get out of bed.

I had a good dinner tonight only one meal but it's one meal more than I would usually have

I don't know if this is the right place for this but I didn't want to make a separate thread for it. Just got the following email from my therapists:

Excuse me while I cry and pass out.

Many Hugs!!! For your sake, I hope you can find a reason to make it your priority to work closely with your nutritionist and therapist before it is too late.

I was doing pretty well until a couple of weeks ago,when something challenging and stressful happened.since then,i've been overeating and purging and binging and when i'm at home,almost everything i do is eating.having this nasty pms these 3 days and feeling physically and mentally awful,i've been struggling even more.i've got necessary things to do but just escape and turn to eating.I'm waiting for some news that is putting some stress on me,but the bad thing is that i know even if i get good news,that would be only the start to difficult things.i'm afraid that i won't be capable of managing anything,and i'll fall back into this cycle.everything in life is just too much of bother

Since my in-laws left last week, I am only sleeping 8-9 hours a day instead of 12-13 hours so their visit jump started me into a new routine. My depression has lifted somewhat. However, since I am staying up later at nights I am eating more. I never feel that I have a full stomach. I can't drink a lot of water it makes me gag for some reason. Good news, only healthy food in the refrigerator.

I have had more than n calories daily for the past two days. Feel like restricting this morning but instead I'm making a bowl of cereal.

Been super depressed lately which means that I haven't been eating right. All I've had today is a bowl of soup, a pb&j, and a small handful of chips. Yesterday I had a pb&j. I know if I keep going like this, I will relapse and that is something I don't want to do.

Hello there dear GALAXYGAL. I'd like to offer you a big warm WELCOME to this helpful friendly site. I have ED's and I have just about been through every one over the last 33 years. I've been huge, and I've been anorexic and hospitalised. Please do stick with this place because I'm sure you will find friends and people who understand. HUGS. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It's the stupid things that sometimes start the cycle......my kitchen got so messy & I desperately need to get it cleaned up so that I can start cooking again. I ate all the microwave meals out of my freezer & now everything I have left are things I have to bake or BBQ....it wouldn't be so bad if my kitchen wasn't such a mess that I don't even have counter space to work on. It's time to get the mess cleaned up so I can start eating again.....I love eggplant Parmesan & had purchased several at Trader Joe's. Making one frozen meal a day just doesn't cut it to keep the weight in a safe place & I have lost more than I really want to loose. I will be having oral surgery soon to have all my teeth pulled & get dentures finally.....7 years of crumbling teeth that I had since I was a kid....can't blame the anorexia on that as my dad had bad teeth & the dentist said that the enamel didn't form because I was really sick & the antibiotics they gave me at the time messed up the formation of the enamel.....but the anorexia years probably didn't help that condition either.......but they said that takes 4 months for it to heal before they can do the lower inplants.....then that takes 4 months to heal before they do the permanent dentures....& they only provide upper temporary dentures until then......so I won't be eating that much.....need to eat the food I have in my freezer because most of it is meats....some of my favorite is lamb....but I seriously need to get my kitchen cleaned & organized before I can even get to my stove or my counter tops. I had it cleaned up awhile ago before I was focusing on getting my bedroom floor ready for the linoleum to be installed......when I focused on that I let everything else go.....grrr.....there isn't enough of me...& that stresses me & when I stress, my metabolism goes up & that also knocks off the weight. I have to stay at a healthy weight because I'm sure after having all my teeth pulled & living on a liquid diet for awhile.....I will also have quite a bit of weight loss & honestly, I don't have any extra weight to loose without it becoming a problem