Have I missed it on this forum? Does no one have the problem of not being able to eat any more because your system rejects food (like IBS and food intolerance). I'm discouraged.. I can't really eat too much - oatmeal, peanut butter with whole grain bread. You have not idea how long that has taken. I feel like I'm the only one out here.

How did the rest of you get your body to accept more and different foods? It isn't the fullness problem I can ignore that - but it's like my body forgot how to digest anything normally.
I want to feel better truely... I just don't know how.

[wanttoheal]

yes, totally understand. try juicing fresh vegetables every day (all the colors). also take a digestive enzyme (you can find them at any health food store) whenever you eat cooked foods. that's a good start in getting your body back to accepting real food again. good luck and keep going.

[Perna]

I have intestinal problems and the new Dannon Activia-type yogurt has really helped me/my system.

[razeljenny]

I know what you are talking about. I only drank juices(healthy ones with juicer) and used herbs and wholistic medicines to go down in weight one year. (gained it back now) Any who, I really can't tell you. It is agrivating to restart regular food in my diet such as eggs, and toast and roast beef, and a meal that ends with dessert. I am transitioning in spurts yet I am choosey about when and how I will eat (normally.) It was 7 months ago that I reached a medically normal size for the time being, (not a size I want) so I now try to eat real food maybe once a day and sometimes the whole day I surprise myself and ate 2 or three times the traditional food. (I DEFINATELY HAD TO PUT ON THAT STOMACH-LOWER BACK BRACE or I'd be over eating or doing the -Usual that E.D.'s are great at) So life on the food mill aint ever been my forte and aint never will be. I am never going to eat "right" I am not feeling sicker when I eat light weird, List ex. Vegetables, carrots, cottage cheese-nonfat, bird food type stuff for a day or two mingled in the diet. (My kids call me a bird) My spouse sometimes comments too when he pays big bucks to go to his favorite "Granny's Buffet" and I won't gorge myself-actually eat what everyone considers normal-cause I will over do it or whatever. So, I catch alot of crap from many sources including the pain of my own body and mind and soul.

Transitioning into mealtime is not easy. My stomach forgot how to digest milk products, pasta and bread-very much more than small amounts, without out FEELING - MIND YOU "FEELING IN MY BRAIN" like I ate the ape Godzilla.

I feel sad Freewill. I feel Almost defeated totally. I am so diminished. I am small and like a bug on my inside, I feel sometimes like I am a lowly sandcrab and he is better off for he can move in and out of different shells to suit the day.

I have had such Hell buying ready-wear. I couldn't afford the size I needed "26" and could only shop "at the Goodwill Store," I never had enough to wear. I woke up and wanted to go out but didn't have clothes to wear, because the few I had were dirty and I didn't have laundry change to do wash.

Than when I lost the weight and got to a medically ok size and didn't need to worry about dressing and leaving the housee in a hurry, GUYS started to act horney, all of a sudden they wanted to know who I was and get my name and stuff. These guys were in my school and groups for about 3 years and never saw me. They only "Saw" me after I was at the medical weight size.

My heart aches about E.D. I will never stop aching. Why did God give us this. Why? Why? Why?

You want to know what really burns me UP? Watching my man eat homefries with gravy, chickenfried steak, and eggs and "ME" I "Can't" (It will make me medically sick too) (I don't know what is wrong with me. I don't know what is wrong with me Freewill. I don't know what is really wrong with me Freewill and I am "BURNT UP" I am really really really burnt up. Love Robin

[razeljenny]

Checking in on :The Long Journey Back:

Me and Whitney had a talk when I was driving her across town. (we are both anerexic and bullimic's) We know that we starve too much. We cry together on it.

We discuss our hopeless feeling. She and I tend to be large girls. We are genetically from larger girls. We can't eat normally and "get away with it."

It makes us mourn together often. Both of us are very interesting women. We are into art, writing, and romance. We are young spirited as well.

We don't have a quick answer to good healthy eating. We know what we should do. Often the two of "Us" never do it. I told my steady at the resturant last nite, at 10 pm that it was my first meal. His face fell terribly. It hurts my family seeing me do this to myself.

I am not going or doing great at all. I have to start a class in spring and failed at it before cause of the furthered advance e.d. this year. I smoke too much, eat very little, and do impulsive things too darned much.

What a terrible thing. I have caught myself eating "very healthy natural foods when I do eat, and am very proud of myself."

I eat very very healthy food when I do eat. That is the long journey that I am getting back. I keep comming back to the journey, because I really want to live, and be extremely well. I "can" get well. Darn it is slow though. Love Razeljenny

[tooskinny]

You are on the right track though. One thing I will suggest don't tell anyone when you ate last if they ask tell them to back off. Who wants to hear another "you got to eat or I don't know what your problem is" lecture? Sometimes it is best to keep a secret, you and your friend have something that no one else around you can share. So change that some, make eating your secret. I am skinny, sad skinny, I wish i could wear a size A bra!! It seems none of are happy with our bodies are we?

God doesn't make junk, he just makes us unique.

[razeljenny]

Yes I agree with you Tooskinny, the pain, the pain in his face. The pain in my two son's faces. The harmful words from those that love me. I was forced to eat morning food, which I CAN'T EAT AND BE WELL WITH.

I just decided to not cook it for my spouse, since he forces me to "just , you must share the plate of food or you don't love me." So I never stay in the kitchen when I can't eat.

We are getting along really good. He has been told my schedule with food. He adores my cooking when we DO EAT Meals together. He loves me and respects my thoughts. He still has delicate problems, and yes, it is much kinder to NOT let him know, "when he asks: When is the last time you had a meal?" for it is actually a argument to be and can be averted with love and tact. After-All, the "JOURNEY BACK," is worth it, very much worth it. We function, we change SLOWLY, and we get better sometimes, and that is so so good. That's what matters!

Tooskinny: One day, I hope that your clothes fit better, one day at a time. Because you matter and you can improve alittle bit and that is all that matters, loving yourself and trying again tomorrow, no matter how bad it was today!

[tooskinny]

Thank you for your words of encouragement. I stopped cooking for my family and i would rather eat alone. Eating is not a plessure for me its to stay alive. I have been told that i should lean on people for support, i dont i think i should be able to handle everything and anything. I know you will get through this recovery on the upside. You have a great attitude and that is the most important part.
What is weird for me.. if someone brings me food i will eat it but if i have to get it myself, i dont. I havent always been this way just in the past 5 years atleast not to this extreem. When i lean on my husband too much he backs off, the boys think i am a nut sometimes. I lost my mom last year so i dont have an avenue to vent anymore, she suffered with eating too. i am really looking forward to hearing your progress i feel i will learn a lot from your experience.

[froggie2]

[tooskinny]

In what way does your system reject food? Diareha? If you do, I can tell you my system does the same thing every time. I stay away from dairy products and fruit in the beginning. I eat starchy stuff, bread, crackers, chips etc. If you have a matabolism like mine, you eat then an hour later you are in the bathroom. I take Megestrol if I have gone longer then a day without eating. Its a nasty tasting liquid, but it will make me hungry. Not starving hungry but enough to make me eat something.

Do you take an anti-depressant?

Thanks to all that keep this thread going... it is a journey...
My body doesn't even wait 15 minutes before diarrea sets in... I had one of those tests to see how fast food goes thru your system and the PA laughed and said this won't take long... (sorry.. sometimes blood is involved) I can't take any of the imodium type products. I get such severe cramping it's excrucaing... (sorry)...

I don't think my body is getting a great deal of nutrition.

[razeljenny]

The I.B.S. took a toll on me one time for 5 solid years. Anytime I ate the meal, I went right away.

Partially, that time in my life left me with still having delicate muscles in the admodem. Part of the pain that hurts so so very very very bad, that, I experience every time I have to eat a medium to large portion of food, makes me cautious about eating much at all, if I can prevent it. The trade in price goes up because of the pain pain pain pain and pain that it causes, especially in the upper admodem. Than I get bloating that I can't live with, so I resist all the impulses, urges, and hungers for the fine dining, since these kind of symptoms literally aren't WORTH-IT.

You know I get so so so so so so so jelous when other people sit and eat and enjoy every bite and than afterwards sit down relaxing and have little or no adverse effect from food.

I'm sorry that the Immodiam won't work. It is terrible for you. You have to basically FEAR meal time. I just try to find other fullfilling things in my life to make me happy. Eating meals is not one of them. I am jelous of others that can do that and that don't have to think about it!

We have eachother here at the board. I love each and every one of you ladies and YES, we are making progress, and we are on the journey back.

By the way, I ate toast with margerine and sliced hard boiled egg before 12 noon. I just ate a small amount. Thankyou all for encouraging sharing here. I "am becoming alittle more BRAVE, because I have you in my life, and started to want to try again."
Razeljenny

[razeljenny]

It's March and I want to see how Freewill is doing. I am really trying Freewill. Freewill, it hurts with this disease. Oh the week of Eating Disorders Week, I did give that presentation at the Community College and about six women and one man were there.

I spoke about my three conditions that occured at different times in my lifetime. I was a big eater from 12 to 16 years old and could eat for four hours straight and everyday, I usually did. At meals time I was stuffed.

Than I went into anerexica, from 17 to my mid-twenties. Later in my thirties I became very very bullimic. I am still bulimic but journying back, choosing to opt out and strive for tomorrow to improve. I still slip up, because I am revovering, not recovered.

I was medically written up for obesity a year ago weighing in over two-hundred easily and climbing.

So when I shared at the talk, it was great, and I gave information, personal, educational, and emotional. So how's your journey?

I know that both of us, from reading the posts are eating all of the foods because the doctors suggested it. We should not allow bloating to discourage the two of us, because having a healthy body ought to be our only reason for taking the extra time to eat, therefore taking care of ourselves.

[Juliana]

I had severe IBS for a few years a while back. I hated the thought of eating because I just associated it with feeling sick and bloated and having to run for the bathroom. Eating just wasn't worth the after-effects. I used to force myself to eat because I would be getting shaky and have a headache and I knew my body needed food, but I hated eating.

My doctor suggested a couple of different IBS diets for me to follow and they just made me feel worse. According to those diets, I was supposed to eat bran and raw vegetables and all the things that trigger bloating, pain and sudden, urgent dashes to the bathroom. I gave it a fair shot, but my body couldn't handle those diets. I got even sicker and hated the thought of eating more than ever.

I finally found something that worked for me and got my IBS under control. I just thought I would mention it in case it might be an option for someone else. I followed a plan called Eating for IBS. The premise of the plan is to keep a steady level of food in the system all the time because it's the starvation and then sudden influx of food that throws the GI tract out of whack. Since I didn't like eating, it was a struggle for me to eat small amount many times throughout the day, but it was worth it. The diet includes lots of soluble fibre -- cooked vegetables and soft fruit (like mango and banana) and applesauce. There are no whole grains. The bread recommended is a good quality homemade white bread or sourdough. Rice, chicken, fish, yogourt and hard cheeses are also recommended. There are some good recipes and the plan is easy to follow. Following that plan got my IBS under control. I am now able to eat things like salad (which I love but raw veggies used to make me sick) as long as I eat a piece of bread first -- no high fibre foods on an empty stomach. I supplement my diet with daily acidophilus capsules and add a small amount of powdered soluble fibre to my breakfast smoothie. I still have the occasional attack, but I'm SO much better. I can actually enjoy a meal now. I don't associate food with feeling nauseous and shaky and crampy, etc.

I hope everyone here finds something that works for them. When we have such negative associations with food (like gaining weight AND getting sick), it's really discouraging. IBS feels horrible and it's anxiety-inducing because you're always scared of when the next attack will hit. I wish you all the best of luck and hope you feel better soon.

Cheers.

Thank you once again for keeping this thread going RJ... you are wonderful - you gave your presentation. YaHoo - I do believe that it was for both of us... a part of the long journey back.

My journey continues (I have been in hiding) ... putting good food in my tummy. Also putting in very bad food in my tummy. I CHOOSE to dewel on the good food that I have gotten in.

IBS - truely one of the most humiliating conditions.

I went to lunch with a friend - usually we eat breakfast every few weeks - when I started 3-4 years ago I couldn't eat at all - I'm up to an egg and toast. Let's just say lunch is yet a new learning experience - a reuben sandwhich sooo goood yet sooo fast thru my system.

Another step forward for me - seeing my new T twice a week. Letting him help me instead of fighting therapy - YaHoo!!

Thanks to the suggestions on the board, I found a way to get good food in the house consistantly. YaHoo !!!!!!!!www.samsclub.com - - they have a click and pull - you shop on-line and they get it all boxed up ready for pick-up. I have a store about 10 minutes away. I also found in desparate situations that there is a man whose business it is to shop for you - about 40 dollars a time but he gets food and delivers it.. So in terms of my ED - another step forward on the journey. Not having any food in the house was very distrubing. I mean no food.

Another step in the journey, my 22 year old son - I have just since as recently as last night realized that no matter how much I love him, I cannot allow him to hurt me.... by constantly manipulating me and upsetting me so much I binge and binge every time I have contact. He wants money - my money - not that I have that much. I cannot look for him to love me - his girlfriend has convinced him of the "evils" of an ED - things like we are controlling people, that my OD disrupted their family life (all he did was come over to my house for 15 minutes). So I have made arrangements with a lawyer to have my remains cremated - no funeral - who would want to come to a funeral for me anyway. I have also done my will - spelling out dispursement of my estate to my son at increments so he doesn't get in trouble. Another step in my journey - being realistic.

So future step in the journey is to find some people that care about me - this will be a huge step for me. So far, I'm thinking this is impossible but mircles do happen.

My sleep apena so defeated me that my toes turn purple - so a future step will be for me to gain confidence that I won't regurgate into my mask so I won't be scared to use it.
The specialist put me on oxygen for next 4 months. The doctor was totally freaked out.

And Razeljenny, I hope that you and I and others will keep this thread - it helps me so much. I hope that helps others too.

Sincerely,
freewill

The journey continues...

With the support of my "new" T (since Dec), I gave up binging on sugar foods about 7 days ago - and gave up pretty much all food with sugar in it - with the exception of multi-grain bread..

I went thru the withdrawl... still going thru it...

I post this in the hopes that this might help someone else - we are all so different - in the why's and how's of our eating disorders -

anyway, a while back we discovered that I binge to numb terrible pain...

So, I decided to take on the pain.. and gave up binging.

The next step of my journey has always been to gradually - over about a month period of time - to give up eating all together - sometimes it lands me in my doctors - cause of the dehydration and such..

It was amazing,,,,, for me.... friday.. when the T and I discussed this "thing" that happens.

He hit the nail on the head for me (probably only me) - that I give up eating cause of extreme depression..

That was very interesting... and after thought, I realized it was true...

I was explaining to him that I can eat only a limited number of foods (my digestive system goes haywire) - anyway
even if I could eat anything - it wouldn't matter....I still wouldn't...

Not sure where I'm going with this realization in my life yet -

The journey... continues....

[razeljenny]

Brave. Keep it up Freewill, one day at a time for us. We can't forget to B R E A T H E that is so important.

I am now eating whole grains when I eat. I am not eating the trigger food this week.

I find myself feeling silly and bored when I make a choice "not to" than the emptiness in time is past and distraction comes my way. Feels weird.....thanking power. Long journey Long journey Long long long long long .... on a journey................. namaste path on path one foot on path sometimes two......razel