[-Astral-]

Eating some sort of normal going to groups today loads of cake better watch u don't eat the lot

[possum220]

I give up. I feel powerless in turning the tide.

[LucyD]

I often feel powerless over food. There is hope for us all. I'm trying to just get through one day at a time. Trying not to beat myself up so much. My weight is at an all time high. I still am trying to motivate myself for exercise. I have been taking some walks lately. I can't believe how out of shape I am. It will take time to get my body in better shape. Trying to be patient.

[eskielover]

Sliwly getting back into exercising is good for the weight....i have found those little rebounder trampolines are great. A few minutes buikd up each day. Great for the heart too & gets the metabolusm goung slowly.

Ugh, working several hiurs a day cutting brush & rading up dead leaves & grass on my farm..too tired to eat when I gwt in the house but have tons of housework cleaning & organizing to do too. Too exhausted to fix anything to eat sometimes

[possum220]

Went for a walk two days in a row.

[eskielover]

Ok, I guess all this exercise & working is the cold weather in my fields is MAKING ME HUNGRY.

I am so used to not being hungry & hardly eating much that this is driving me crazy & have to make sure I don't get into the gaining mode like I did once in tbe past after my first time with anorexia I dealt with & was hospitalized medically constantly during those years....promised myself after losing all that weight that I would NEVER allow that to happen again. I hate feeling hungry. With the anorexia, that hungry feeling went away completely.

[mina_xo]

I'm definitely losing my grip on this. I skipped breakfast and lunch today, and thinking of dinner is making me want to puke.

[eskielover]

Originally Posted by mina_xo

I'm definitely losing my grip on this. I skipped breakfast and lunch today, and thinking of dinner is making me want to puke.

It there anything major stressful going on in your life right now.

[Blueberrybook]

I didn't realize there was a check in thread here until now.

I'm 40, married with a 10 year old daughter in 4th grade and live in Texas (Houston area). I am a stay-at-home mom.

Briefly, I had bad anorexia with severe overexercising while in college, recovered around 2002, 2003 but was diagnosed with depression. Went 10 years on the depression meds and my diagnosis was changed to bipolar when I showed up manic at a pdoc appt. and only just barely escaped hospitalization. Had a brief relapse in 2012.

I had a perforated ulcer on Valentine's Day 2018. You can look at my other posts should you desire to hear the horror of that operation. It is getting harder and harder to eat. Yesterday, when I told this to the gastroenterologist, he said, "Well, it's to be expected. Part of your surgery was like getting a gastric sleeve."

OMG, ironic for someone with a past of EDs to get unintentional weight loss surgery! I was shocked, but he said it was either a drastic surgery or death. Gastro doc said I need to gain weight but didn't explain to me how I'm supposed to do this after a surgery that was practically weight loss surgery! Before I had this surgery, I weighed a low-normal weight for my height, healthy as far as I knew. I definitely did NOT need to lose weight though I did want to tone up my abs. Also, ironic...I doubt I will ever be showing off my abs again, I have a 6 inch scar (still healing) from my belly button up.

This evening, it's been very hard to eat. I'm not sure if it's from the surgery, starting to get sick, or the new meds the pdoc put me on for anxiety and depression.

The bad thing is the old ED thoughts get happy at seeing the lower numbers on the scale when logically, I know it is hurting my body. I somehow always thought the ED would magically go away with recovery and age, but it is always there lurking and ready to jump at any chance it gets.

I've had better days.

[mina_xo]

Originally Posted by eskielover

It there anything major stressful going on in your life right now.

Yes, definitely - I don't think I've ever been so stressed in my life. My husband and I have been having a hard time, and I'm feeling overwhelmed.

[Blueberrybook]

Ugh, weight down again this morning, and the ED thoughts are happy about it.

I saw my pdoc yesterday, and he was concerned about the weight loss but wanted to get the sleep & anxiety under control. I am also bipolar & have panic disorder and have been hypomanic for awhile, not sleeping much and also having lots of panic attacks. It is bad when the panic attacks come out of the blue, like when I'm driving and there is no easy off from the road.

Eating lately has been bad. I think yesterday I managed dinner and a couple snacks. I have the urge to exercise but am holding myself back from it...so far.

Anyone here stressed about Easter & family gatherings? I am. We are having an extended family Easter celebration March 31 with my parents, aunts & uncles, sister, nieces, grandmother...One of my aunts always, always remarks on my weight, whether I've gained or lost and seems to eye the food I put on my plate with an eagle's eye. I really hate it

[LucyD]

Originally Posted by cln1812

Ugh, weight down again this morning, and the ED thoughts are happy about it.

I saw my pdoc yesterday, and he was concerned about the weight loss but wanted to get the sleep & anxiety under control. I am also bipolar & have panic disorder and have been hypomanic for awhile, not sleeping much and also having lots of panic attacks. It is bad when the panic attacks come out of the blue, like when I'm driving and there is no easy off from the road.

Eating lately has been bad. I think yesterday I managed dinner and a couple snacks. I have the urge to exercise but am holding myself back from it...so far.

Anyone here stressed about Easter & family gatherings? I am. We are having an extended family Easter celebration March 31 with my parents, aunts & uncles, sister, nieces, grandmother...One of my aunts always, always remarks on my weight, whether I've gained or lost and seems to eye the food I put on my plate with an eagle's eye. I really hate it

Hi. I can relate to stress over the holiday gatherings. My family has mentioned my weight over the years and I know how that hurts.

[Blueberrybook]

Ugh...they were all my weight today although it was nice they did have plain foods fixed for me I could eat. I had surgery for a perforated ulcer and apparently, according to the gastroenterologist, some part of my surgery was akin to getting a gastric sleeve, which is just what someone with a past of an ED needs! I hate that my family remarks upon things like, "You've put on a little weight. You're looking good." Gee, thanks, now I feel fat. But today they were all over me for being thin, and I snapped, and told them, "Well, at least I'm still alive!" That was a brutal surgery, so painful I wouldn't wish it on anyone. The surgery I had was an emergency; without surgical intervention, I would have likely died.

On the positive side, the weather was beautiful, not too, and my daughter enjoyed the Easter egg hunt my mom set up for her & her cousins.

[malika138]

I am going to buy myself a sandwich for lunch today.
Feels like a huge accomplishment.

[Blueberrybook]

Anyone here have a problem with overexercise? I'm supposed to be gaining weight, and I exercised a LOT this morning, not to mention I vacuumed for awhile before that and did a lot of errands afterwards. The BP may be making me a bit hypomanic. I see the pdoc tomorrow.

[may24]

I haven't been doing well lately, and I think I might be relapsing this time.
I tried to open up to my therapist about it yesterday but he's not getting the point.
I'll probably message my Pdoc this weekend and ask for help.
I find it so hard to trust people, (even professionals, afer a few bad experiences...) but I realized I can't do this on my own.

[LucyD]

Haven't been here in quite awhile. I wish everyone a Happy Mother's Day!

[LucyD]

I need to get back on a reasonable eating plan. Found out I have cirrhosis of the liver so I need to keep that in consideration for how I eat. There are several reasons I got it-mostly I had HepC at one time for many many years and it damaged my liver a lot and the damage continued after I was cured of it. The liver is a sneaky organ in that way.

So now I need to make an eating plan for pre diabetic, liver disease, high cholesterol and overweight. I have to take it slow or this could overwhelm me. Any good vibes or prayers would be appreciated.

I have a dr. apptment today for physical health. Have to get blood tests and hopefully an ultrasound to see what stage cirrhosis I have.

Hope everyone is doing well and if not please hang in there.

[may24]

It just keeps getting worse. I'm so tired of fighting. I feel so hopeless and desperate sometimes...
I met a friend today who is 11 years older than me and has been struggling with an ED for most of her life.
I feel like no matter how hard, or how many times I try, I'll never be totally recovered from this. I'm so scared of the idea of having to live like this for the rest of my life.

feel really bad.

baught 3 massive bags of candy and ate them all within 3 hours

that's on top of my breakfast and my roast dinner too

and I have more candy ariving this week

today I don't plan to eat that much

just breakfast (done), and my pizza later on- which I'm buying (it isn't going to be takeout)

[Stuck1nhead]

Ever since I got out from a 2 month stent in the hospital. I don’t binge eat nearly as much.

mostly stuck to my plan today.

though I did eat a packet of chocolate buttons

MMM

I think I'm going to struggle to eat anything today- even what I plan to eat (which is sausages today)

I am feeling very nautious (nothing to do with my eating, I think it's something else)

really taken away my apetite

[LucyD]

I hope everyone gets to feeling better. I am going to eat a small pizza and some wine. I don't need either one really but feel like stuffing myself tonight. Upset about something my neighbor is doing.