Daily Check In Thread for those with an eating disorder of any kind.

LucyD · Oct 16, 2018, 01:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by raging vortex

very bad day despite having off food yesterday and feeling frajile

10 times worse than yesterday

The good thing is we can always start over the next day.

Blue_Bird · Oct 16, 2018, 11:47 PM

Started a recovery journal

LucyD · Oct 17, 2018, 12:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

Started a recovery journal

Great idea; so far I just have a food journal. I should also start a recovery journal.

Blueberrybook · Oct 17, 2018, 03:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

Started a recovery journal

That is awesome!

Blueberrybook · Oct 17, 2018, 03:31 PM

Ran too much today...sigh.

I double took my morning meds today, I think. Or yesterday. But from the insomnia, not missing the lack of sleep, and zero appetite having nothing to do with the ED, I'd say today. Or maybe not. Maybe just bipolar hypomania. I have been mixed forever, I bounce back & forth like a ping pong ball. Don't remember double taking meds at all, noticed tomorrow morning was already empty straightening things up today. Double Adderall, double Wellbutrin...so yeah...

Didn't eat too much. Not very hungry. Partially the meds, I think. I also think I'm fixing to start my cycle, and I get queasy/nauseous around that time. I was so crampy this morning, I thought I had started (but didn't).

Saw dermatologist, got a mole cut off.

Need to do better. Weight going down again, ED happy, pdoc will not been happy next week if I don't get it together.

Blue_Bird · Oct 17, 2018, 05:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LucyD

Great idea; so far I just have a food journal. I should also start a recovery journal.

I write everything I eat everyday in that journal as well. After each meal or snack I write them down the write down my hunger level before eating it, my fullness level afterwards, and how I was feeling around the time I was hungry (moods, etc)

I write tons of stuff related to recovery too of course so it's a mixture of things.

Blue_Bird · Oct 17, 2018, 06:02 PM

Wow Blueberrybook! I have bipolar as well (schizoaffective) so I can't imagine taking double adderal and Wellbutrin while having manic symptoms as well. That would shoot me off like a rocket. lol I hope you're able to calm down and get some sleep, rest is so important.

Hope that things get better for your ED symptoms and that you can find balance again

By the way, I love your username

Blue_Bird · Oct 17, 2018, 06:21 PM

So I have tons of index cards and I want to something with some of them related to recovery but I'm not sure what. Maybe there are some ideas on Pinterest. Like pretty quote cards, coping skills, things to remember, etc.

Blueberrybook · Oct 17, 2018, 07:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

Wow Blueberrybook! I have bipolar as well (schizoaffective) so I can't imagine taking double adderal and Wellbutrin while having manic symptoms as well. That would shoot me off like a rocket. lol I hope you're able to calm down and get some sleep, rest is so important.

Hope that things get better for your ED symptoms and that you can find balance again

By the way, I love your username

Luckily, the Adderall wears off after 12 hours. The Wellbutrin is time-release though.

I cooked dinner tonight from scratch (rare for me), and yeah, I am probably am still flying in on some mania.

By the time I'd finished cooking dinner (new recipe even), I finally could actually eat again. Think I may have eaten as much as H, but I've been going, going most of the day on not much because I was queasy, just couldn't eat. Now I am stuffed.

Hope I can sleep. Pdoc did say I could take up to 50 mg Trazodone to help if I need. I know what you mean about rest. Without it, mania really gets bad for me.

Glad you like my username.

Blue_Bird · Oct 18, 2018, 09:58 AM

I started trying this new technique I learned. I've read that hunger that feels like it's coming from the mouth or chest generally indicates emotional hunger, whereas actual actual feelings of physical hunger originate in the stomach. I paid attention to that yesterday, and tried to do something else rather than eat when I was emotionally hungry. Something I enjoy, like art, reading, writing, and playing games. Of course sometimes it's okay to eat in moderation for emotional hunger such as eating a meal that reminds you of a loved on once in awhile, or allowing yourself a treat sometimes. I'm just working on not giving into to that all the time, while at the same time not giving in to the restricting urges. It's all a balancing act I guess

LucyD · Oct 18, 2018, 05:25 PM

I have felt like eating more than I need the past 2 days. Not sure why. I also am tempted to get fast food. I filled up some on V8 juice which is a nutritious drink but has too much sodium for my body. I guess I should look for the low sodium version. Took Benadryl for itching and it knocked me out. So I took it again last night to sleep and it knocked me out again. Finally got the sufficient hours of sleep I need. Also took a nap this afternoon for an hour. My blood sugar went up much higher than usual and the only thing I can think of that might have done that is that I felt nauseated and almost vomited this morning. Just gagging like that can raise the blood sugar I've heard. My glucose went back to normal later this afternoon which was a relief.

Blueberrybook · Oct 18, 2018, 05:59 PM

Still not having much of an appetite. Don't think it is the morning meds; I have been on them since April, May, it hasn't affected me this much, even when the pdoc had me on 300 mg Wellbutrin daily (had to go down, it gave me scary & dangerous forgetfulness).

I've had to take Claritin most mornings lately. I have seasonal allergies. It's always bad here spring & fall, sometimes summer too. Maybe it's the Claritin or my sucky life in general.

Ran today. Shouldn't be running at all. I've got to stop it. And I went farther than I thought. I zoned out completely and suddenly my app was announcing 4 miles, and the last I remembered was half a mile. Especially having trouble with eating, it is not good to be doing this running.

I've had to have a banana & 2 slices of toast for breakfast all week now. Just can't face anything else. Finally managed a late lunch, soup, celery & carrot sticks, a cream cheese, to dip the veggies. Stuffed after that. Now, it's time to make dinner. Ugh. Why does life have to revolve around so much eating?

downandlonely · Oct 18, 2018, 06:02 PM

I thought Adderall was an appetite suppressant. I know some people like to take it just to lose weight.

eskielover · Oct 18, 2018, 06:18 PM

Prozac then Wellbutrin were the 2 meds my pdoc had put me on back in 1994 on top if my anxiety that caused my anorexia to become really bad. I found out that any med that has side effects of weight gain or loss, my body reaats in the weight loss direction. Put stress on top of that & it accelerates the loss.

No meds of any kind now & stress stabalizing with divorce final & now working on the division of property in the state I was married in.....weight is finally stabalizing.

I understand that comment about why is life about preparing food. I am the dietition for my dogs special diet to keep fat in them as they are both elderly & losing weight so I am always preparing food for them & feeding them. I actually hate being around food that much as I tend to nibble in their cottage cheese, cheese, organic chicken, & even their organic pumpkin puree tastes good.

Blue_Bird · Oct 18, 2018, 06:24 PM

I feel disgusting because of what I've eaten today...............

I don't even want to think about food for at least a week

LucyD · Oct 18, 2018, 09:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by eskielover

Prozac then Wellbutrin were the 2 meds my pdoc had put me on back in 1994 on top if my anxiety that caused my anorexia to become really bad. I found out that any med that has side effects of weight gain or loss, my body reaats in the weight loss direction. Put stress on top of that & it accelerates the loss.

No meds of any kind now & stress stabalizing with divorce final & now working on the division of property in the state I was married in.....weight is finally stabalizing.

I understand that comment about why is life about preparing food. I am the dietition for my dogs special diet to keep fat in them as they are both elderly & losing weight so I am always preparing food for them & feeding them. I actually hate being around food that much as I tend to nibble in their cottage cheese, cheese, organic chicken, & even their organic pumpkin puree tastes good.

I have tried Wellbutrin, too, and it made me a nervous wreck. Didn't feel like eating either. Sounds like despite all life has thrown you (and I am not minimizing all the pain you've had to endure) at this time you are maintaining in many ways. Good for you! My dog has become elderly, too. I am always nibbling on lowfat cottage cheese; I have to eat the lowfat for my liver's sake. I hope your dogs are doing well. I'm so glad you've been overcoming all the obstacles!

LucyD · Oct 18, 2018, 09:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

I feel disgusting because of what I've eaten today...............

I don't even want to think about food for at least a week

It's hard not to let food affect how we feel isn't it? It's so tied into our emotions.

eskielover · Oct 19, 2018, 12:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LucyD

Sounds like despite all life has thrown you (and I am not minimizing all the pain you've had to endure) at this time you are maintaining in many ways. Good for you! My dog has become elderly, too. I am always nibbling on lowfat cottage cheese; I have to eat the lowfat for my liver's sake. I hope your dogs are doing well. I'm so glad you've been overcoming all the obstacles!

I had no idea when I moved 2100 miles away from where I had spent all 54 years of my life that I was closing the door on my past & getting a whole fresh start on life again. Good therapy, processing my past & integrating it with my present, learning new ways of seeing things & life. These past 11 years have been about me getting healthy again physically & emotionally....healthier that I ever have been in my life in spite of tje few ongoing aggrevations that my EX created from so far away

Oct 19, 2018, 07:40 AM

only managed to eat a bit of my main meal yesterday because I spent the majority of the day snacking on junkfood.

ditto today.

I planned to cook BBQ ribbs for dinner but since I've all ready messed up big time, I just called someone to bring me a mcdonalds

Blue_Bird · Oct 19, 2018, 10:32 AM

I'm doing better today, had an urge to binge in the middle of the night but went to to sleep instead since I was tired. Had oatmeal for breakfast, think I'm going to do some yoga tonight

Blueberrybook · Oct 19, 2018, 05:41 PM

So-so today. Exercised and still not much appetite. This keeps up, I'm going to need to see the PCP for bloodwork or the gastroenterologist.

Lack of appetite has never been a problem with my ED. I was always hungry and had to resist eating even at my lowest weight. Though because I purged a lot of my calories through exercising, I never did stop eating and definitely ate more than what people think a person with anorexia might eat. Just, I exercised more to make up for it, but I never got to a point where I just couldn't eat.

Not sure why I am not very hungry these days. Stress, maybe? I've been on the Wellbutrin in the past (both at normal and lower weights), never affected my appetite, and I've been on the Adderall at least 6 months without it seeming to change my appetite. So IDK. Only recent med change was pdoc told me to take 25 mg. Trazodone to help my sleep at night. Trazodone does zombify me in higher dosages, but it has never affected my appetite.

It could be issues with vitamin/mineral absorption post-ulcer surgery. I think they take awhile to manifest.

Or maybe it's entirely something else.

God knows I hope I do not weigh less when I see the pdoc next week, or he will not be happy. Though I swear, pdoc has a scale that weighs very light compared to my own, like a 5 lb. difference. PCP's scale is pretty much the same as my own. But I don't think pdoc will care if his scale is not showing the numbers going up, though if it showed my weight as 5 lb. more, he'd get off my case about it. Ugh.

LucyD · Oct 19, 2018, 06:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blueberrybook

So-so today. Exercised and still not much appetite. This keeps up, I'm going to need to see the PCP for bloodwork or the gastroenterologist.

Lack of appetite has never been a problem with my ED. I was always hungry and had to resist eating even at my lowest weight. Though because I purged a lot of my calories through exercising, I never did stop eating and definitely ate more than what people think a person with anorexia might eat. Just, I exercised more to make up for it, but I never got to a point where I just couldn't eat.

Not sure why I am not very hungry these days. Stress, maybe? I've been on the Wellbutrin in the past (both at normal and lower weights), never affected my appetite, and I've been on the Adderall at least 6 months without it seeming to change my appetite. So IDK. Only recent med change was pdoc told me to take 25 mg. Trazodone to help my sleep at night. Trazodone does zombify me in higher dosages, but it has never affected my appetite.

It could be issues with vitamin/mineral absorption post-ulcer surgery. I think they take awhile to manifest.

Or maybe it's entirely something else.

God knows I hope I do not weigh less when I see the pdoc next week, or he will not be happy. Though I swear, pdoc has a scale that weighs very light compared to my own, like a 5 lb. difference. PCP's scale is pretty much the same as my own. But I don't think pdoc will care if his scale is not showing the numbers going up, though if it showed my weight as 5 lb. more, he'd get off my case about it. Ugh.

I worry about not having lost enough weight when I go to my Internist. I know it's the opposite with you but I guess we both worry what they think. Sometimes I wish I had no body and was just a spirit..then I wouldn't worry about what I weigh, how I look and health concerns.