[-Astral-]

i dont like looking in the mirror i avoid it ...makes me want to hurt myself more
.

i eat salads all the time and other veggies ...

thanks for the song

in a funny mood at the moment ...self destructive mood

[LucyD]

Sorry you are feeling self destructive, feeling any better now?

[-Astral-]

back on the pro ed sites .... dont ****ing care anymore
eating a lot less now
Might be getting a gym membership but i need to get the right paperwork first
going to bed soon
got a family Event tomorrow going to leave after so i dont eat anything
Then i have Church in the evening ...

[-Astral-]

Am staying off the pro ed forums ...well trying to
Went to church this evening ...I know that Jesus wouldn't want me to starve myself
i should eat

[buttrfli42481]

Did the NEDA walk yesterday. It was fun, however took a lot out of me. Didn't do much today except sleep. Went to church this evening. This is 26 days straight with a headache.

[eskielover]

I ended up with a continuous headache (migraine like) back around 1996. I'm still being treated for it. It started for me after AD's with migraine side effects & anorexia struggles & more OD's than I can even remember on those AD meds that caused migraines. I'm healthy except for the migraine pain. I am on a med that helps & a monthly treatment with lidocaine gel on long q-tips in the nose that really helps....goes directly to the pain center of the brain (I love my old time pain specialist who remembered this migraine treatment from the old days). It usually works by the next morning if I go in with a migraine. The main treatment though is pain med in the form of a 3 day patch. They say pain meds aren't treatment for migrains but it's the only thing that ever helped mine....not the normal migraine I guess but it has the same light & smell sensitivity. No one has really figured out the cause & neck fusion I really needed didn't help like they thought it would. Oral surgery to get out all the bad teeth didn't help either.

I can so sympathize with your migraine problem

[-Astral-]

been eating like a ****ing pig my husband is at my mums looking after the pets but my sister is here and she bought junk food **** am going to be the size of a house

[LucyD]

Hi guys, I am feeling somewhat better. Trying to eat healthy but a friend came over and we had Chinese food and he brought an apple pie! Well, I tried to control my portion size on the Chinese food and did okay but there were lots of leftovers and he gave them to me. I wish he would have taken them with him but he said he had plenty of food at home, well so do I! I had 2 more meals of Chinese and threw out the rest of the fried rice. Then I got into the apple pie and ended up eating half of it. I threw the other half of it out the window for the birds and they ate it up this morning.

Now I have to deal with friend who wants to cook really fattening foods for me. Oy! He wants to come over and cook me a spaghetti dinner on Thursday. If he leaves the rest I hate to say it but it is going in the trash can. I never eat spaghetti because of all the calories. I will just have a small portion of it when he is here. He is very nice to make food for me and I don't want to hurt his feelings but sooner or later I'm going to tell him I need to eat more nutritious food.

I am into eating salads, fruits, steaks at times, roasted chicken breast, veggies, stir fry veggies and tofu or quinoa.

My friend is very big but he has lost a whole lot of weight. I don't mind that he is big. I am not small. He has congestive heart failure and COPD and is on Oxygen. I'm trying to see if he can get interested in more healthy foods but he doesn't like them. Oh well.

[LucyD]

Going to a cookout at where I live. The managers have cookouts here sometimes. I know they are going to put out the chips and dip. Ugh. I made potato salad in the wee hours of the morning. Took me 4 hours. I made 5 pounds of it! I hope people like it. Well, I kind of know I will not stay on track with my eating plan today. Tomorrow will be a new day to start again.

[joshuas-mommy]

I totally binged yesterday.

[joshuas-mommy]

I binged again today.

[LucyD]

Hi y'all! Of course I over ate yesterday, always do on the holiday. I'm not weighing myself today. Just having my coffee now.

[LucyD]

[LucyD]

The weather here is so hot it is making me sick! I'm trying not to weigh myself, it's too depressing.

[eskielover]

I know what you mean by the hot weather making you feel sick. I have been farm setting a sick alpaca, a horse with a serious hoof problem who just had surgery, 4 dogs & chickens. The barn aisle where I was cleaning the stall had no air flow. I sweat so bad it made my glasses impossible to see through. I was dehydrating so bad I brought a mug of water with crushed ice that I guzzled just to keep from passing out 90F with 95% humidity. I hate weighing myself after drinking so much because I always drink more than I sweat out. I couldn't find my sweat band but found my cool cloth I watered down & kept around my neck. It helped a little but it's difficult to be active in heat like that without overheating.

I came home & just crashed then woke up feeling horrible but pushed myself to shower & head to my intermediate ballroom dance class. The room was air conditioned but because my body had been so out of whack from the heat earlier, I was overheating 1/2 way through the class.

I bought one of those rebounder trampolines. They are supposed to be low impact for my knee that was reconstructed in my late 30's after blowing out my ACL in a racquetball injury. Lol, I was playing an A player on the challenge court & blew out my ACL on my winning point....couldn't even defend my victory. After working in the barn, I realized that the area in my back where I had a compression fracture a 4 years ago was bothering me. Think this rebounding will help me get in better shape & help with my ballroom dance stamina & form.

I'm trying to find healthy low impact exercise I can keep up through the winter. When my weight was really low, so was my blood pressure. Now I'm at a more healthy weight, my blood pressure is going up. Have read research that rebounding is also good for lowering blood pressure & keeping the lymphatic system healthy also.

It will also keep any weight gain under control when I work up to the time that gives good aerobic exercise. Have to do something easy that takes just a little time during the day with max benefit.

[LucyD]

I need to exercise, too, that's what I'm missing. I've overeaten for a few days, ate really fattening food I don't usually have. Well, so what any how..I'll go back to eating better when I can.

I wish a nice weekend to all!

[whispers_inthedark]

I'm feeling off today, ate too much and too little at the same time (if that makes sense). struggling to sleep now because once again both hungry and not hungry enough to do so.
it's just been one of those days.

[_fleurette_]

Hey everyone,
I've returned to this place - it seems - after a few years and I'm stuck in the initial recovery stage again. Fighting with my structured eating aka meal plan in my f***ed up mind. I am also fighting with stupid thoughts to cancel my therapy meeting which is due tomorrow. Attending individual therapy since Feb this year. It is very hard to talk about myself trying to recover and feeling like a failure at the same time because I've had this Ed (something in between exercise-driven bulimia and binge eating disorder) in my head for so long. 20 years or so.
Also struggling with my perfectionist, codependent and people-pleasing nature. And feeling of being fat. However, I am determined to continue my therapy and to continue following my eating plan. So hard. Hope I'm not alone in this

[-Astral-]

ate too much well what we think is too much my husband says we arent eating enough ... dont want to eat too ****ing fat

[aloneinmusic]

Don't have much to say today. I feel fat.

[LucyD]

Hi y'all. I can relate to a lot of what all of you have said. So you are definitely not alone. Sometimes I too feel like these EDs are hopeless for me. I've had them for most of my life. I had bulimia for many years and stopped that and then now I have had binge eating disorder for a long time. But I keep going because I know there is hope in getting better. I did get better for some time and am not doing horrible right now. I just can't seem to take the weight off as fast as I would like. Maybe my weight loss will just be a very slow process that I should accept; I don't know. I haven't started to exercise yet and that would be real progress if I did. I am on a lot of meds for different disorders and they make me sluggish. I can't go without them, though as I have some symptoms that would come on and drive me up the wall. Guess I needed to get all that out.

[joshuas-mommy]

I am so fat and my psychiatrist wants me to write down everything I eat. I think I will just not do it. It sounds too confusing.

[LucyD]

I used to write down what I ate a long time ago when I counted calories but I'm not doing that now. Went out to dinner with a friend last night and ate a lot and had 4 glasses of wine, too. That was too much wine for me. I expected to eat too much and make up for it by eating less in the days to come. But later today a friend is coming over and we are getting a pizza but just a small one. Going to have diet coke and no wine. Then in the days to come I am going to try and cut down again. I am overweight by can't say by how much because it is a number. I am considered obese lets just say.

[eskielover]

Ugh, went to a swimming party with women all my age. Ugh, I bought my swim suit when I was just recovering from anorexia. It still fits but I sure don't look good in it.

A friend from college & his wife are doing weightwatchers & stated how much they lost (we keep in touch through Facebook now that I moved 2100 miles away)....I calculated that if I lost that much I would be back to being categorized as anorexic. It doesn't mean I couldn't afford to loose less than that though. I find that if I just cut out all junk food, the weight comes off easy being as active as I am. 2 hours of ballroom dancing a week is good & work outside on my farm even on my lawn tractor adds to my activity. I trail ride one or 2 times a week. Will see if my knee can tolerate the mini trampoline I just bought....mostly to control blood pressure naturally.

Have to admit, I've been lazy about cooking this week. I went out to lunch on Monday for my friends birthday & had a healthy salmon meal that was delicious. Then had the pot luck pool party after a morning of trail riding. That pot luck lunch was my meal for the day with a few bites of my left over pea salad later in the evening.

My friend is keeping me supplied with fresh over ripe cantaloupe (soft enough I can eat it). I cut it into bite size pieces & eat it with cottage cheese or vanilla ice cream

I am so picky about using natural foods without preservatives. Real butter, cream, which inspite of those calories, they are healthier for the metabolism so just cutting out my favorite BBQ potato chips, I can usually loose most of what I gain & since gaining some, my blood pressure has been inching up where it was always low when my weight was low & I refuse to take meds for it because of the bad side effects I always seem to get with any meds I take.....trying to control growing older more naturally than MD's would like us to.

[LucyD]

I don't want to be seen in a bathing suit on the beach but may join the y and wear a bathing suit there. I think the one I have may be too big now. Not sure. Haven't even tried it on since I bought it.

Sounds like you get a good amount of exercise and it's fun, too. I would like to find a fun activity but I am so out of shape I'm afraid I may injure myself, too.

I like natural foods, too. I get natural butter and other things and they just taste so good. I feel it's better to eat things that are natural and they are better for you than stuff with all the additives and preservatives.

My bp was 112/60 the other day!! I attribute it to eating better because mine can go up when I have food with too much salt in it. I have taken bp meds at one time but I don't want to be on them. Last time I was on them I was in the psyche hospital and really stressed out bad and I think the stress made my bp go up.

My friend did not come over today at my request. I had a real hard time sleeping last night and didn't feel up to company today. Tomorrow, though, I am invited to my other friend's apt. for a roast beef dinner. Going to try and eat sensible portions if I can. Sometimes lately seems I can't and other times I can. Don't know why.