Originally Posted by -Asphyxia-

i dont want to eat too fat to
going to OA tomorrow unsure what they will do
my friend is going with me
my friend also has an eating disorder
its at night as well and we have to go into a creepy graveyard

good luck!

((((hugs)))))

yesterday what ended up letting me down was eating 5 bags of candy back to back.

sort of impressed with myself though for being able to eat my dinner and not just abandoning it to go for the junk

[-Astral-]

went to OA last night with a friend ...it brought up stuff about my mum the fact she's beat me for eating as she forced feed me

i now food very fast my husband says i need to slow down unsure if i can


want to binge on rice cakes we have a few packs
meant to be having dinner soon

[eskielover]

I noticed cloths that fit me even after the several years of anorexia started to not fit any more. I was so good at maintaining a good weight. I haven't gained that much BUT enough to make me want ti get back down to that more reasonable weight.

I have been working so hard & not having time to eat. I have actually lost 1/4 of the amount I wanted to loose & this is the time of year when it's cold that I want to eat for the energy to keep warm....good start....just have to keep the loss reasonable & not get caught up in it.

I ate a good amount today.

my sausages for breakfast, a couple of bags of smarties (only 2), and my dinner.

think that's quite good

[buttrfli42481]

Not wanting to eat today. Nothing sounds palatable. Not to mention what I did eat went straight through me. When that happens, I usually don't feel like eating again. At least I know my patterns.

[themostpointless]

now all those clothes i bought when i was heavier don't fit =___=

i hate being this average weight, i want to look like i'm self-destructing, no matter what extreme that is

not checked in for a couple of days, but I don't think it will come as a surprise to say that because it's almost christmas, and all the christmas food is out, that's what i'm eating

smarties, potato chips and love hearts mostly

I also got back in to eating the christmas chocolate, (another 2 KG tin)

been struggling with regular meals because the other stuff's been making me full

have been trying to eat them though

I've been eating a ton of stuff I shouldn't have in the last couple of days.. Just haven't cared

Now I'm feeling SO ashamed.. And at the same time annoyed that I'm ashamed of having made mistakes.. Everyone makes them, I just have to forgive myself and move on..

yesterday I ate a pretty decent sized roast dinner which I was proud of (beforehand i'd only eaten a few chocolate bars, so was still quite hungry)

about all I ate, so actually quite good

today is pizza day.

going to cook a pizza in sted of ordering dominos (which is someway better, I guess)

not eaten much so far- just breakfast

[eskielover]

I've been too busy to go shopping which is good. Too busy to shop & buy the junk foods normal this time of year. Too busy to cook though but eating good things. This time of year is usually weight gain time....luckily that's not happening & no family so no pressure to make all the delicious candy & cookies & no time to do it anyway...hopefully some loss or at least no gain

binging on chocolate (again)

can't seem to stop

the tin I currently have is huge!, so big that it's hard to lift

trying to sort out the christmas eve feast for tomorrow (tradition), and realise to my horror- no mini pizzas!, which is part of the whole thing.

I need to maybe find some big pizzas and cut them up... oh crisis crisis. I hate it

[Elio]

Going to family for christmas dinner..usual a binge worthy event for me. I hope this time I can manage my anxiety thereby avoiding my binging coping behaviors.

I binged a lot during christmas too

christmas eve I had sausages, a couple of peperoni pizzas, some chicken nuggets, some garlic bread, some chicken on sticks, some chocolate, few packets of love hearts, bacon flavour potato chips, my advent calendar and some cookies

yesterday I had chocolate, potato chips, a christmas turkey, a big tub of wine gums and some jelly babies

none of it's good. it's just stuff I don't need but eat anyway

[-Astral-]

dont want food ...already fat and ugly ...ate too much already piss off Christmas

[xRavenx]

I had been in recovery from Bulimia for years, but today, I relapsed. I think it's been a build up of things. For a while, I actually maintained low weight naturally, which is how I recovered. I did not think I'd ever have a problem with an Eating Disorder ever again, but I guess I was wrong.

It all started when someone recently looked at me and said, "You've gained weight." Although I'm not a heavy person, I took this to heart. I guess it triggered me. I look at myself in the mirror, and I study my imperfections as far as my weight.

I feel I had let myself go and feel guilty. The temptation of all the food around my house is also a trigger. On top of relapsing, I now find my thoughts going to that place of wanting to regularly lose weight in ways that I know are unhealthy. The temptation is too strong. I find myself researching pills online I can take, and the extreme thinking is back. Guilt is a hard emotion to get past too. Maybe I'll start to check-in on this thread here and there.

Originally Posted by -Asphyxia-

dont want food ...already fat and ugly ...ate too much already piss off Christmas

christmas is gone now.

(((((hugs))))

I am just helping myself to some of my chocolate

nothing big yet

just 1 or 2

[-Astral-]

Am calling myself names and putting myself down a lot because am fat
i said in our wedding pic i look like java the hut the dress is shaped like that as well
hate myself hate my body am always going to be fat
feel like i shouldnt eat but my husband is making me soup and rice cakes but i know its going to make me fat
THIS TIME OF YEAR EVERYONE GOES ON ABOUT DIETS AND I NEED TO DIET OR AM GOING TO BE FAT FOREVER - well it feels that way
my dr wants me to cut out snacks and she weights me everytime we go in
its triggers me so much ...it upsets me am not thin enough want to be the smalliest number on the scales ...

Originally Posted by -Asphyxia-

Am calling myself names and putting myself down a lot because am fat
i said in our wedding pic i look like java the hut the dress is shaped like that as well
hate myself hate my body am always going to be fat
feel like i shouldnt eat but my husband is making me soup and rice cakes but i know its going to make me fat
THIS TIME OF YEAR EVERYONE GOES ON ABOUT DIETS AND I NEED TO DIET OR AM GOING TO BE FAT FOREVER - well it feels that way
my dr wants me to cut out snacks and she weights me everytime we go in
its triggers me so much ...it upsets me am not thin enough want to be the smalliest number on the scales ...

((((((hugs))))))

it's not your fault.

it's the disorder.

so don't blame yourself for it
if it's any comfort, I often call myself shrek (I can't actually believe how horrible my body is)

[LucyD]

Sorry I don't post here any more. This is too toxic for me, sorry. I wish you all well. I wish you all recovery and good things. I need positivity and people on a healing journey and it is not here, sorry to say. Hate me if you want but I speak what I see as the truth. Some are doing better here than others and I applaud them but most are doing not so good. I pray you will feel better and do better in time.

((((-Asphyxia-)))

how are you today?

[-Astral-]

Am ok ate a lot again me and my husband went out for a meal we just about to have some soup really want to binge on nuttella and bread