[Blueberrybook]

Posted about this in the bipolar section, but OMG, H finally got a new job he's applied to. He will be a 1 yr. visiting professor in industrial engineering. He was told the visiting professorship is usually the door in to the tenure track at this university. Fingers crossed...it is a long commute, but there is a chance he may be able to work from home some days, especially as this university is really pushing online courses, and it doesn't matter where you if you teach online so long as you are getting the work done.

Big changes coming for us. He will start in the spring semester, so in January. Don't know any details about healthcare too much else. H will get a substantial pay raise. We will not be rich, but hopefully, if a car breaks down, we can fix it, same with the air conditioning or another major appliance, be able to eat out at more than McDonalds for birthdays and anniversaries, maybe actually go to a museum or a night hike at the local bayou nature preserve.

We have not had good news in a long, long time. I so hope tings will go well for us.

[Gr3tta_0]

Congratulations for your good news Blueberrybook! That's wonderful!

I'm having some health problems that are leaving me with no appetite, but it is truly physical and not mental. I haven't been on the scale except at the Dr and i didn't look. Looked firmly at the wall instead. Trying to focus on what really matters to me. Easier said than done, always.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by Gr3tta_0

Congratulations for your good news Blueberrybook! That's wonderful!

I'm having some health problems that are leaving me with no appetite, but it is truly physical and not mental. I haven't been on the scale except at the Dr and i didn't look. Looked firmly at the wall instead. Trying to focus on what really matters to me. Easier said than done, always.

Sorry about the health issues. I had that too in the late winter/early spring when I had that perforated ulcer. After surgery, everything except water tasted wrong. Thankfully, I can now eat most foods again except very greasy food and foods that are high protein using whey to up the protein (like protein bars and shakes). It's the whey that's the problem. It messed with me a little before I had the ulcer issue, but now, it's beyond awful. See the GI doc again the day after Christmas and then hopefully not again for a long while.

No exercise today which is already leaving me anxious. I have to mail off H's new professor contract when the post office opens then go to my daughter's school to help with the Christmas party. I wish I hadn't told the room mom I'd help, but then yesterday she texted me saying she was having a panic moment and hoped I could still help. I think a lot of parents who told her they could help backed out at the least minute. She has been room mom for my daughter's class since kindergarten, and now that our girls are in 5th grade, it's unusual for her to be worrying about the Christmas party. (Our daughters are in a dual language program, which only has 2 sections, so those 2 classes combine & mix a little but not with the rest of their grade. However, every year, both our daughters have been in the same section.) I think the room mom is also co-room mom for her son, who is younger, maybe first grade, something like that. At least, this year the school is doing early releases again; last year, they did not. So that means the party ends at noon when school is dismissed. I can make 9 to noon, probably closer to 9:30 to noon due to the post office stop.

H & I have not finished Christmas shopping for our daughter yet either. And I have an extended family Christmas on Saturday. We only give gifts to the kids, but my daughter has 5 cousins between my 2 sisters. It's expensive. H will have better pay once he is teaching at university level, but he is still on high school teacher pay, and money is tight, especially since my daughter had a birthday earlier this month.

I'm not sure how to feel about this, when I was talking about my christmas day dinner to someone and was saying I was going to have 8 sausages, they replied to me- well... wouldn't it be easier with 4?

I'm not sure if that was a comment about my weight (that's how it felt), or if it was something else

but it did anger me a little

I've been in quite a lot of pain today (back and leg), so honestly I've not wanted to eat much

at breakfast time I tried to eat my food but felt really sick and nautious and couldn't eat it all- through out the day I've eaten little bits, and a small dinner (just a little toad in the hole with nothing else on the plate), but I don't have any appetite- not when I'm in so much agony I can think about nothing else.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by raging vortex

I'm not sure how to feel about this, when I was talking about my christmas day dinner to someone and was saying I was going to have 8 sausages, they replied to me- well... wouldn't it be easier with 4?

I'm not sure if that was a comment about my weight (that's how it felt), or if it was something else

but it did anger me a little

I'd be upset too though you are right, it's hard to tell what exactly they mean.

I hate when I visit my parents and my father says things like you look like you've been eating good. Translation to me: You look fat. I know he means basically that I look healthy, but I always think fat.

[Blueberrybook]

This morning, I ran a lot. So much I felt sick afterward. Not sure if it's medication related or running so far on an empty stomach. I know I am not supposed to overexercise on Seroquel though I don't know if that's just because you are not supposed to let yourself get too hot while taking it or another issue entirely. I ate as soon as I got in and then had to lie down awhile. Luckily managed to get up in time to take my daughter to the dentist, but we had a rushed lunch (noon appointment). 2 cavities together on neighboring teeth so back in January to fill.

[LucyD]

Originally Posted by Blueberrybook

Do what you need to do to help yourself. Once I tried an ED support group, and I completely became so competitive, I set myself by a ton. Hope you drop by with an update now and again.

Thank you for your comment. You are very insightful about so many things. I wish you and everyone a Merry Christmas.

[LucyD]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

How is everyone today?

I'm doing pretty well. I've been eating healthier. Sauteed vegetables yesterday and they were really good! Yellow squash, green bell pepper, and onions.

I'm doing okay but realized I have a bad problem I need to resolve. Maybe it will be a New Year's resolution. Veggies sound great! I have a ton of them in my frig. I ordered a small pizza tonight and had 2 pieces and feel stuffed. Used to be able to down the whole thing. I guess my stomach has shrunk since I've been eating less. That's a good thing for me though. I need to lose more weight. I am obese.

[LucyD]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

I'm doing well. Today was the last day of classes for the fall semester. I just have to go in next week to take a final exam in my Intro to Social Work class, should be no problem.

Saw my therapist, she's going to update my doctor on my voices and psychotic symptoms to see if there's a weight neutral AP I can take, or one I can take PRN. I hate the term "psychotic" It just has such a negative connotation. So does anything with Schiz in it. My dx is Schizoaffective bipolar. It's great how people are so much more open about depression and anxiety nowadays but there's still a looooong way to go.

Anyway, in regard to the eating disorder, I'm doing pretty good. I have been cooking more and am able to keep away from restricting or bingeing. I see the nutritionist my psychiatrist referred me to next week. That should be interesting.

I don't like the term psychotic either. Society has made it seem evil when it's not at all. I have had psychotic symptoms, too, and lately because the antidepressent I am taking isn't working and my depression symptoms are out of wack.

Doesn't help it's the anniversary of my sister's death either. I was thinking a lot about her and crying, missing her so...Here is a pic of her:

[Blue_Bird]

Originally Posted by LucyD

I don't like the term psychotic either. Society has made it seem evil when it's not at all. I have had psychotic symptoms, too, and lately because the antidepressent I am taking isn't working and my depression symptoms are out of wack.

Doesn't help it's the anniversary of my sister's death either. I was thinking a lot about her and crying, missing her so...Here is a pic of her:

She was beautiful, I'm sorry for your loss and that you're struggling

I was having a rough day yesterday and crying too because holidays aren't the same since my mom died. The 3rd anniversary of her death is coming up in January.

[LucyD]

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

She was beautiful, I'm sorry for your loss and that you're struggling

I was having a rough day yesterday and crying too because holidays aren't the same since my mom died. The 3rd anniversary of her death is coming up in January.

Losing one's mother is so very hard; I'm so sorry. Mine is gone, too. The holidays can suck sometimes. All of my family has left the state now and I'm getting a meal delivered from a church for shut ins for Christmas. Me and my baby dog will share it. Thankfully I have her. Much peace to you this season.

[Blueberrybook]

Originally Posted by LucyD

I don't like the term psychotic either. Society has made it seem evil when it's not at all. I have had psychotic symptoms, too, and lately because the antidepressent I am taking isn't working and my depression symptoms are out of wack.

Doesn't help it's the anniversary of my sister's death either. I was thinking a lot about her and crying, missing her so...Here is a pic of her:

I am so sorry you about your loss. How long has it been?

I'm so sorry about your depression. Will you be able to contact your pdoc or can't until January? As soon as you can call your pdoc, the better. You have sounded really depressed for a long time. Which antidepressant are you on? Possibly you could try another? I'm sorry about the psychotic symptoms. I have had it happen a couple times, and it is scary.

I hope you make it through this tough anniversary and time of year

[Blueberrybook]

Blue_Bird, I don't like the term "psychotic" either. I am on an anti-psychotic (AP) though and it has helped reel in my manic thoughts & actions. Usually they up it if I get more manic, but more than the dose I'm on, I am so sleepy. My AP (Seroquel) is known for weight gain, but did not affect me that way, probably because I run nearly every day. But I have to take the normal release version. I tried extended release and wanted to sleep & eat all day, though it was not as bad as Remeron for excessive eating.

[Blueberrybook]

I guess for myself, I'm coping. Lots of changes coming up with H's new job, and that will affect medical insurance, dental, vision insurance as of Jan. 1, I believe. I have a pdoc appt. Jan. 3, and I might have to ask for a meds extension and come in once the insurance gets sorted.

I'm eating OK, though I did skip breakfast again, not on purpose, ran out of time. I make my daughter's breakfast a morning priority but not my own breakfast. For me, I tend to make running the priority. Doing it a lot, and I know I need to eat more, but I like to fit into smaller clothes, see a lower weight on the scale, and God, you cannot buy a women's magazine without something about weight loss in it, and then that will make me feel like I need to be on a diet too.

[LucyD]

Originally Posted by Blueberrybook

I am so sorry you about your loss. How long has it been?

I'm so sorry about your depression. Will you be able to contact your pdoc or can't until January? As soon as you can call your pdoc, the better. You have sounded really depressed for a long time. Which antidepressant are you on? Possibly you could try another? I'm sorry about the psychotic symptoms. I have had it happen a couple times, and it is scary.

I hope you make it through this tough anniversary and time of year

Thank you. I will see my psychiatric nurse practitioner in mid Jan. I had to cut my paxil in half because it was making my ocd/ptsd act up badly--lots of anxiety. I can only see the pnp every 6 wks. because of his schedule and the fact they have a shortage of pdocs where I go now. I'm getting by by calling a support line when things get really bad. It helps. My sister passed 32 years ago...we never forget them and as time goes on sometimes it hurts just as much as it did back then. Such a short life she had. Wish I could have seen her grow old like me. I cried a lot yesterday and the day before. It helped to cry--it's a way of releasing the pain and helps the body, too. I'm not feeling as bad today. The low doseage of risperdal I take is helping some, too. Thanks again.

[LucyD]

[88Butterfly88]

Happy Christmas Eve Lucy and everyone!

Ate too much today but am going easy on myself since it's the holiday season.

[LucyD]

Originally Posted by 88Butterfly88

Happy Christmas Eve Lucy and everyone!

Ate too much today but am going easy on myself since it's the holiday season.

There is no one harder on ourselves than us. One of my new year's resolutions is to be kind to myself because I have not been and need to. I hope your holidays are good to you!

[LucyD]

I've had no appitite over christmas (I think because I'm so depressed)

yesterday I had my traditional christmas eve party food plate, but only got through half of it (granted, it was a big plate of food, but I usually eat it all)

today I felt a bit nautious (so had a smaller breakfast than I usually do on christmas day)

and later I'm going to eat turkey- I don't feel hungry at all though and I don't see myself getting through too much of it.

I've also been eating my christmas chocolates (which I have every year), and yesterday I did eat a few packets of potato chips

[Blueberrybook]

Merry Christmas everyone!

My daughter was up before 3 AM to open gifts and shortly after so was I (from the noise of her using the bathroom, small house). I'm tired now. Managed a shortened run and am beating myself up over not doing more since the rain chances tomorrow and Friday are high, like 90-100%. ED thinks I should have done more.

I'm warming up the ham and will glaze it later, which I have a bit of an iffy track record with.

Wouldn't it be nice to have gotten no more ED ever for Christmas? I hate this stupid thing; it never goes away all the way, just hibernates during my recovery periods.

[LucyD]

[Blueberrybook]

OMG, I woke up feeling fine this morning, ran a good distance after my daughter opened her gifts. I started feeling bad cleaning up lunch, took a bath to try to warm up. Went to bed. May have slept or just laid here. Stupid forehead scan thermometer had temperature readings over a degree off. I don’t have a digital thermometer so went back to the glass one under the tongue 3 min, 100.2F. My temperature is usually in the 98s, I don’t run hot. I ache behind the eyes a ton, have a sore throat, fatigue, body aches, just generally miserable, feel like I have fever. Took 2 Tylenol around 4 PM. I did get the flu shot but heard the effectiveness was around 50% this season. Not sure whether to go to urgent care or wait on the regular doctor tomorrow. Both are bound to be busy and germ-ridden. I think Tamiflu only shaves a couple days off recovery at most. I will monitor my temperature and judge based on that. About half the people at my extended family Christmas Saturday ended up with sinus infections (pleasant temp outside but super windy, and I was outdoors a lot). But all 3 of my nieces there got the flu.

[LucyD]

Originally Posted by Blueberrybook

OMG, I woke up feeling fine this morning, ran a good distance after my daughter opened her gifts. I started feeling bad cleaning up lunch, took a bath to try to warm up. Went to bed. May have slept or just laid here. Stupid forehead scan thermometer had temperature readings over a degree off. I don’t have a digital thermometer so went back to the glass one under the tongue 3 min, 100.2F. My temperature is usually in the 98s, I don’t run hot. I ache behind the eyes a ton, have a sore throat, fatigue, body aches, just generally miserable, feel like I have fever. Took 2 Tylenol around 4 PM. I did get the flu shot but heard the effectiveness was around 50% this season. Not sure whether to go to urgent care or wait on the regular doctor tomorrow. Both are bound to be busy and germ-ridden. I think Tamiflu only shaves a couple days off recovery at most. I will monitor my temperature and judge based on that. About half the people at my extended family Christmas Saturday ended up with sinus infections (pleasant temp outside but super windy, and I was outdoors a lot). But all 3 of my nieces there got the flu.

I know it sucks to feel bad. I hope you'll feel better. Do whatever you think you should for yourself. When I feel ill I curl up under my heavy comforter.